What Do Thai Woman Think?

[bennylee]

OK... here is my story on my trip in Phetchabun. I was staying in Lom Sak, but my GF lives in Wangban, Lom Kao (5km from Lom Kao town). Lom Sak is about 10km from Lom Kao. So, that one day, I took a public transport (mini lorry type) from Lom Sak to Lom Kao and my GF was to pick me up at Lom Kao with her motorcycle when I arrive in Lom Kao bus station. When I arrived at the bus station, called my GF and asked her to come. While waiting for her to come, I sat at the bus stop.

Then, an old lady, who has a stall nearby walked to me and spoked to me in Thai (We, Singaporeans looked like Thai). I think she knows that I am not from around, with my sunglassed on and odd clothing (bermuda khakis and a polo T). She was asking me where I was going and I told her I am going home, in Thai. Then, she started to talk to me more and I could not understand what she was saying and I told her that I am not Thai and I can only speak and understand a little and I told here that I am from Singapore. Then her face suddenly changes and heard her talk about me looking like thai, and like what I am doing here to her daughter who is manning the stall... I think it's her daughter.... and she's average looking. She asked me more, but I told her I can't understand. The she began to speak to her daughter and I do not know what she said to her daughter. She kept on talking to her daughter as though she is asking here to do something and suddenly the daughter came by and sat next to me.

Her daughter start to speak to me in english like "where you come from", "where am I going", "Am I on holiday" with of course broken English. I replied but do not know whether she understands. Then she is trying really hard to ask me but I think she do now know how to say it in English. Her mother (I assumed it's here mother) keeps on talking to her in Thai which most parts I do not understand. Then my GF came with her bike. Told both the ladies goodbye and went off... And also, i get that "look" from both of them when my GF came. not only at me but at my GF also.

And of course I explained to my GF what the girl is doing right beside me..

So, what were the 2 ladies (mother and daughter) thinking? I do not know....maybe they are just curious... may be the mother thinks this is an opportunity for her daughter....maybe her daughter thinks I am handsome...maybe they both think that I am they way out to their normal lives.... maybe they are just concerned and wanted to help me out. I don't know. But What I know is that as a foreigner, I attracted attention. I would not have that kind of look or much attention, if I am a Thai...maybe..

[eek]

However, I have another big challenge. I already have a long term relationship with this girl in Singapore, and now I have a long-distant relationship with this girl from Thailand. My Thai girl already knew about this relationship i have in Singapore,

...and your long term gf in Singapore is cool with this set up also?

[bennylee]

Definitely NOT! She is not aware... It would not be a problem if she's cool about it...

[Boo]

I suggest you tell her then & see what her reaction is. After all she is the one being shit on isn't she? So why not let her decide what she wants to do with a bf who has such little regard for her

[eek]

Definitely NOT! She is not aware... It would not be a problem if she's cool about it...

As Boo said already.

You obviously are enjoying your own fantasy take of this, rather than the reality version, which is basically having no consideration or respect for your long term partner.

To be perfectly honest I have no sympathy for you if you end up getting stung.

[KatieCat]

Definitely NOT! She is not aware... It would not be a problem if she's cool about it...

As Boo said already.

You obviously are enjoying your own fantasy take of this, rather than the reality version, which is basically having no consideration or respect for your long term partner.

To be perfectly honest I have no sympathy for you if you end up getting stung.

I totally agree with Boo and eek about this. It's not fair at all for your gf, even though she knows nothing about it.

[bennylee]

Yes, yes, yes... I am perfectly aware of the shit I am into... I know having an intimate relationship with 2 partners will not work and it's just a matter of time before I get screwed... Call me shit if you want to, but I can't help falling in love with two lovely ladies...

What can I do?

[sbk]

Grow up and start thinking with the big head?

[bangon04]

It depends on what you look like as a couple to be honest. If you are fat, bald, have a comb-over, and are wearing 3/4 length pants and a brown t-shirt, and your girlfriend is wearing illuminous pink hello kitty clothes and a skirt which could be mistaken for a belt, then yes I can imagine you would look like a sad old man with a hooker.

However, if you are both dressed smartly and you are healthy, then you will probably look like a good couple and people will be thinking you both have got it sorted.

The one thing that does bug me is all the fat white chicks who look at you like you just took a dump on thier couch - maybe if they lost some of that fat we would date them but I doubt it haha

I / we do our best to look respectable in public. The motorcycle taxi drivers are the ones who occasionally feel the need to say something coarse while we are passing. The Thai ladies / foodsellers, bank clerks, are usually friendly and supportive, as far as i can understand in Thai, and my lady translates. She probably wouldn't translate anything really insulting anyway.

But for some reason it seems to be the Falang ladies who find it necessary to pass judgement in a loud mutter designed to be heard. Even worse if i am walking with my stepdaughter. Why is it so? And at the risk of generalising, it is often Australian ladies - the ones with the sunburn and the badly fitting bra straps - who seem to do most of the muttering.... (dives for cover)

[sbk]

Most likely tourists who have read the multitude of news stories covering pedophiles who make their home in Thailand and SE Asia and in their ignorant way, assume that it applies to everyone. Kind of like the men who assume that all western women are giving them dirty looks.

[bennylee]

Thanks sbk.... but the big head's as confused as the small one...

[chiangmaikelly]

I have read a lot of opinions of bar girls here and good girls. I don't think much of it is uninformed because of prejudice of one kind or another. There are no well done studies that I know of on the species that are accurate and current.

Three years ago I lived with six dancers (age range 18 to 35) in Pattaya for a year. Three years later, two got married to Thai guys and are living happily or as happily as a woman lives with a Thai guy. One went back to her husband and two children. One is a successful professional singer. One bought a bar and is a momma san. One slipped into heavy drug use.

I got engaged to a Bangkok DJ who never worked in Pattaya. You would all recognize the name of the club so I won't mention it.

How many prostitutes walk the streets of the US or UK to find a husband?

How many ladies work bars in Thailand to find a husband? Remember 90% of the bars (bars for drinking and bars for girls) in Thailand cater to Thai's only.

How many Thai guys marry women who have worked in a bar? My limited study above suggests that 50% of Thai women who work in bars eventually marry Thai men.

Look around and you will find a lot of old Thai guys with young Thai women. Do you really think they are taking them to Lotus to buy a Barbie Doll?

I became acquainted with a real estate magnate in Chiang Mai. He was 60 years old. He had a different young woman for every day but Sunday. On Sunday he rested. He drove two new Mercedes one of them the little sports car one.

I saw him almost every day because of a business relationship. He stopped working early every afternoon because of his busy social schedule. Everyone I know stared at him. He got mixed reviews from most of the women who knew him. But in his defense he did help a lot of young women drive new motorcycles and have expensive cell phones while they were struggling students in college.

Was his behavior entirely his fault? Many factors contribute to these winter spring relationships that are so common in Thailand. Thai women lose interest in sex in their 50's. A blue pill was developed for males not so many years ago that allows men to continue to be sexually active well past 50.

When I lived in the US I dated women in their 50's and found them to be ideal companions both intellectually and sexually. They were slim and took care of their appearance. They were active, fun and always ready for adventure and travel. I came to Thailand because of the ready availability of inexpensive and good haircuts. $2.00 buys a great men's haircut almost anywhere in Thailand. The barber also trims eyebrows, ears and nose hair. I have found the Thai barbershop experience much like the American barbershop experience when I was a young man with congenial talk of sports and politics while getting a hair cut. It is a male bonding experience that is the same in Thailand as the US.

However, when I began dating 50 year old Thai women although they were physically well kept most had lost their desire of sex and sexually related entertainment. Sadly I was forced to seek younger women to fulfill this basic male requirement.

One of the nice things that can be said for young Thai women in general is that they respect the elderly be it Thai or Farang. I do think this respect is at least 30% more than the average young western woman. I also think the respect shown by Thai women increases by at least 30% if the elderly person has a lot of money.

What do I think when I see a Farang woman with a Thai man? I hope she is not abused. My daughter was briefly engaged to a Korean man. I believe Koreans lead the rest of the males in the world in wife abuse. I have another daughter who graduated from college in Japan. She left Japan because all the guys smoked and were short (her words not mine).

Although I have many Thai and Asian male friends I do not approve of their cavalier treatment of women even though they claim it is a cultural prerogative.

Why don't I worry about a Thai woman when I see her with a Thai man? I think Thai women are tougher than Farang women and can take care of themselves. I think Thai surgical procedures frequency reports confirm this.

[chiangmai4121]

....when they see me holding my Thai wifes hand as we walk around?

I am 14 years older than her just a regular looking guy, but though she is 30 she looks 22, so some may think the age gap even bigger...

are they thinking bad thoughts/jealous thoughts?....or nothing at all?

I am concerned she has got dirty looks from some Thai woman....though am not sure why?[/

Edited May 23, 2009 by chiangmai4121

[eek]

Quote: ChiangMaiKelly: "I have read a lot of opinions of bar girls here and good girls. I don't think much of it is uninformed because of prejudice of one kind or another. There are no well done studies that I know of on the species that are accurate and current."

Three years later, two got married to Thai guys and are living happily or as happily as a woman lives with a Thai guy.

What do I think when I see a Farang woman with a Thai man? I hope she is not abused. My daughter was briefly engaged to a Korean man. I believe Koreans lead the rest of the males in the world in wife abuse. I have another daughter who graduated from college in Japan. She left Japan because all the guys smoked and were short (her words not mine).

Although I have many Thai and Asian male friends I do not approve of their cavalier treatment of women even though they claim it is a cultural prerogative.

Why don't I worry about a Thai woman when I see her with a Thai man? I think Thai women are tougher than Farang women and can take care of themselves. I think Thai surgical procedures frequency reports confirm this.

"I don't think much of it is uninformed because of prejudice of one kind or another. There are no well done studies that I know of on the species that are accurate and current"If you think the opinions you read were not balanced due to prejudice of one kind or another, or, that there are any well done studies, why do you make such sweeping negative generalisations regarding Thai men?

[Lancelot]

I dont' think that is entirely fair, she may like dressing that way. I personally don't like the way women are slated this way, ok it does create an impression if a couple looks/dresses a certain way but I find the actions & they way the couple conduct themselves speaks volumes.

Some of the nicest & most straightforward thai women I ever met were bg's.

You are alright Boo; we need more open minded people on Thaivisa

As long as the lady is an adult and consenting, who cares what arrangement she has with her guy? When I see a westerner holding a Thai girls hand, I sometimes wonder "Why don't more western couples hold hands when they are out?!?

[WaiWai]

What do I think when I see a Farang woman with a Thai man? I hope she is not abused.

This concern is by no means misplaced and there are certainly studies on the general topic. (though I am not sure if any cover foreign woman/thai man relationships in particular). Incidence of domestic violence/abuse does also relate to socio-cultural attitudes in Asia/Thailand (though the problem is not exclusive to this region, obviously).

Just google "studies thai domestic violence" or similiar for more information.

There are also some interesting studies on the prevalence of depictions of domestic violence in Thai combic books, by the way (e.g. intersections.anu.edu.au/issue8/costa.html).

P.S. Chiangmaikelly, you may also find this site of interest: newcenturyfilms.com/MHWB/page4/page4.html

A country that is promoted to western tourists as a fairytale land of beautiful beaches, pristine countryside, cheap vacations, and a thriving sex trade industry, Thailand is also one of the developing countries with the highest incidence of violence against women. According to Prof. Maytinee Bhongsvej, the Executive Director of the Association for the Promotion of the Status of Women (APSW) in Bangkok, approximately 44 percent of women in Thailand have indicated that they had suffered sexual, physical, and emotional abuse by a partner or a stranger.

(from the newcenturyfilms website) Edited May 23, 2009 by WaiWai

[pubba]

I have had two Thai gf's in my relatively short life.

The first was a 'massage therapist' (ie: sex worker) and had fair skin. When we walked around together she would often hold my hand etc. We never had any negative comments or attitude from Thai people.

My 2nd (and current) gf is from Khon Kaen. She has dark skin and works in a clothing store in Bangkok. We get stared at a lot, and a white woman clucked her tongue and said I should be 'ashamed of myself' on the BTS in front of a big crowd of people.

I'm 37 and she is 24. I dress neatly (no flip flops + singlet here) and she also dresses very conservatively.

It was worse up in Khon Kaen. Some people looked openly hostile at us, and it was quite disconcerting.

On the other hand, a few people were very nice and asked if we were married 'yet' etc.. So I dunno.

Just my 2c experience on this topic.

[IanForbes]

Believe it or not I read all the replies on all 5 pages (missed the deleted ones though) and for the most part I think they were informative and with some interesting perspectives.

I'm 69 years old, but in good physical condition and often pass for someone much younger. But, I ain't fooling anyone (or myself) that I'm a young Lothario. I've also been married twice and divorced twice. I'm not making the same mistake again, and not because the first two marriages were mistakes. I take them both as learning exercises where there were far more good times than bad ones. I don't WANT another wife, but I certainly enjoy the company of beautiful or interesting women. I say "OR" because not all beautiful women are interesting, and not all interesting women are beautiful. I only get pleasure if the woman I'm with is enjoying herself with me. If she isn't then I move on to someone who does. I make it quite plain to any woman that I'm with that there is no chance of us ever becoming married. If she doesn't like that then I just wish her the best and let her move on to someone else.

What I've learned from a life of travel is there is no one size fits all. You can't take specific situations and make a generalized decision from them.

The original post asked what do Thai women think when they see an older farang with a younger Thai women. There have been many good answers and some are contradictory to other good answers. That doesn't mean any of the answers are wrong. However, It DOES mean that there are many differing opinions from a variety of different people.

All I can add is... WHO GIVES A HOOT WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS? Treat your partner (whoever it might be) with respect and a smile and leave the nay-sayers to think whatever evil thoughts they can dream up. It is THEIR problem, not yours.

I've met hundreds of bar girls and all I can say is they are no better and no worse than any other women I've met. They all have their own goals in life and are mostly a product of their surroundings. From the frank discussions I've had with many of them there seems to be one common thread... most have children from Thai boyfriends who dumped them when the guy found out the girl was pregnant. The gals who didn't have a child were often girls who had been giving it out for free and finally decided they might as well make a few dollars for doing what they enjoy. I don't see a lot of difference between that and the western culture plan of wining and dining a woman enough so that you can sleep with her, but have no intentions for a long term relationship.

I am well aware of what people think when they see an older farang man with a much younger Thai gal. It is only natural. But like I said, WHO CARES? I don't think there is anything is wrong with the situation. The gals are providing a valuable service and are getting well paid for what they do. It is far more honest than some western culture gal who marries a man strictly for status or material wealth. I've met many of those who are no better than drug addicted street hookers. I personally don't judge anyone until I see them on a regular basis and learn how they treat others. A one time situation could have a lot of different reasons for the people's behaviour.

[Boo]

hmm, your post started off good & agree with many of your points, esp abot not caring about others opinions & how not all bar girls are cookie cutter one type..... then you got to your little digs about western women & your own bigotry came through loud & clear.

[Boo]

oh & just to clear this up, paying a bar girl money to have sex with you is in no way the same as asking a women out & paying for the date.

The latter is a way for both of you to decide if you like each other enough to sleep with each other & is agreed on with free will & no strings, the former is a business agreement where the womens only purpose is to have sex with you in exchange for an agreed amount of money. If you do feel like that by paying for a dinner and/or a few drinks means the same then it is best to either 1) ask to split the bill 2) only pay prostitutes cause you have a warped view of women.

Thankfully this kind of warped view is rarely assumed in the west anymore & if the man does attempt to achieve sex at the end of a date without the women's specific consent, we rightly call it attempted rape or sexual assault.

Something to think about.

[IanForbes]

hmm, your post started off good & agree with many of your points, esp abot not caring about others opinions & how not all bar girls are cookie cutter one type..... then you got to your little digs about western women & your own bigotry came through loud & clear.

You are missing my point a bit, Boo. I'm not knocking western woman at all. I'm just saying they are no different than the Thai women that "some" people treat with scorn. There is no bigotry in me at all. I'm just stating facts that women who marry for status or material wealth are no different than women who set a price right at the start. There are nice ones and not so nice ones, and as long as both parties accept the "deal" then it's nobody's business but their own. Men who pay for sex are no better and no worse than the women they are paying. It is a mutually consented arrangement.

And, my example of the man who wines and dines a woman with the "plan" of getting her into bed is a knock at the man, not the woman. She "might" be hoping for something more permanent, while he is only thinking of sex. And, sex is a good thing. It makes the world a better place. It's only people who make it out to be something dirty that have the problem.

Me, I'm the old fashioned kind of guy. When I ask a woman on a date it is for her company and nothing more. And, if I ask a woman on a date I always pay the bill. I enjoy the company of women who are smart enough to discuss all sorts of topics with an open mind. People with closed minds bore me, and people who pre-judge others bother me.

Because I don't WANT a permanent relationship anymore I never have sex with the so called "nice" women. I don't want to lead them on thinking there might be something more, and sex is too personal not to be taken that way.

[eek]

Men who pay for sex are no better and no worse than the women they are paying. It is a mutually consented arrangement.

Mutually consented yes, but hugely different reasons for doing it. For a man, usually, its free will and his choice to buy sex, for the woman its usually out of necessity. If she really had a choice, (at least for the majority) she would not wish to do it.

[madcatlady]

People will always stare at what they perceive to be outside the realms of a 'normal' relationship. As to what they're thinking... who knows/cares?

I've been with my Thai husband for 5 years. We are about the same age but from completely different social backgrounds. And he's quite dark and I'm blonde and fair-skinned! We attract looks here because we don't fit into this perceived notion of a relationship. But then we were in London, as multi-racial/cultural a city as you can find, and people stared at us there too!

MCL

[IanForbes]

Men who pay for sex are no better and no worse than the women they are paying. It is a mutually consented arrangement.

Mutually consented yes, but hugely different reasons for doing it. For a man, usually, its free will and his choice to buy sex, for the woman its usually out of necessity. If she really had a choice, (at least for the majority) she would not wish to do it.

I sort of agree with you, eek, as I usually do, but I've known a few gals that CHOSE the profession because they enjoy it. Most of the bars I go to the women DO have a choice to go with a customer or not. Many choose not to go with certain men for a variety of reasons. Most of the time it's because the women talk amongst each other and know the guy is a jerk. Which brings us back to the subject that it's often the men who are the creeps and they treat the women they pay for play, like dirt. I've heard the girls crying afterwards and I've tried to consol them.

But, I'll keep repeating that humans tend to group together with others in their same category of social status, religion, ethnic race, etc. And, they will always stare at people who are willing or daring enough to connect with someone much different. I've seen it happen in a small town Scottish pub where a stranger will walk in and the locals all stop talking and stare. I've had it happen to me in tiny USA towns when my wife and I walked into small cafes for breakfast. And, it wasn't that my wife and I LOOKED different. It was because we weren't local and we were off the beaten path. If the locals are rude then that is their problem and not yours.

[unforgiven]

Some may be thinking "hooker", while others are just bitchy jealous

dont flatter yourself that people even notice.

most , i suspect , couldnt give a flying fukc about you(44) or your wife (30) as you walk around.

Ya ignore them and get you wife one if those great big lol y pops to lick while your walking

[gwynt]

I'd also noticed that once she moves in, he persuades the woman to change her attire to something less obvious than the 'belt' and plunging top! Sometimes it works and she still looks attractive, but less like a hooker. However, most of the time they can't quite get it right and it still shines through!

You can take a lady out from the bar but never take out the bar from the lady.

Something of a sweeping statement

[Datsun240Z]

Give and take....

[cognos]

First of all I'd like to apologize for posting on this topic as a male but I think a lot of guys out there need to hear this. I am 30 years old and I'm a "Falang" living in Bangkok (not quite sure why anymore but that's another story). I don't consider myself to be particularly good looking but it seems plenty of the local ladies here think I am (so they tell me) and I'm comfortable with that. I don't go to bars or clubs anymore (READ GUYS: your wasting your time and money there if you're looking for a nice girl in Thailand - not to say that every girl who goes to a bar or club is no good but this has been my general experience after living here over a year or so and dating quite a few girls. And I'm not talking about Nana, Cowboy, Patpong or any other of those shit holes - though I will admit I've been there a few times out of frustration and enjoyed the experience for what it is! ). What you want is an educated (but not hi-so - boring, snobby spoilt little drama queens), attractive girl (dresses nicely but not too revealing) who holds down a day job, doesn't rely on you for money, doesn't smoke and doesn't drink that much ( a bit is acceptable but if she drinks as much as you I'd be worried). If you don't have that, I would walk away from while you still can and get back in the real game! If you do have a girl like this her quality, charm and traditional values will show through and everybody will see it and the only looks you will be getting will be looks of jealousy - from Thais and Falangs - (assuming you're a decent bloke with a bit of class who looks respectable and not 3 times her age! - but then again you must be or you'd never pull a girl like this!). There are millions of these girls in Thailand but you have to look in the right places and put in a lot of effort (start by learning the language) if your going to stand any chance at all. The fact of the matter is - and no guys like to admit it - the vast majority of attractive, well-educated, without kids or ex-husbands who've abandoned them, Thai girls (the type you would proudly take home to meet your folks) are simply not interested in Falangs at all - and why would they be? most of the Falangs living over here (genuine expats excluded) are trash or at best have serious issues and absolutely nothing to offer!. If you think that just being a foreigner and having money makes you desirable to a respectable Thai girl you are seriously deluded! There are plenty of Thai guys with more money than you and plenty of Thai guys that are better looking than you. At best you're a bit of a novelty and this will only get you so far. If you want to be taken seriously you have to respect the customs and cultural norms ( the do's and dont's) and it's no good saying who gives a dam_n what anybody else thinks (in Thailand everybody gives a dam_n about what everybody else thinks - Asia is all about face!). It's so obvious when it's not the real deal!

Having said all that, I think the cultural differences are so great that even if you find a "keeper" it's going to be hard work.

I hope I haven't offended anyone here, that is certainly not my intention. Just a reality check!

brilliant and accurate,good work

[Shotime]

While you may think its a Western trait, she is not western but Thai. And her opinion is that no younger woman would find an old man attractive when offered a younger choice.

As for me, well I can see why an older man would want a younger woman, but find it interesting that when the roles are reversed and the woman is older than the man, western men tend to come up with all sorts of demeaning and derogatory comments about the woman.

Not me

The problem with younger women is they like younger men.

Edit: Are we now discussing prostitution which has been around for over 5,000 documented years? and what that has to do with being married to a Thai woman?

Reedit: As far as what anyone thinks, I wouldn't go out with my Thai GF, and if I did, I'd walk 15 paces behind her.

Edited June 2, 2009 by Shotime

[cognos]

It depends on what you look like as a couple to be honest. If you are fat, bald, have a comb-over, and are wearing 3/4 length pants and a brown t-shirt, and your girlfriend is wearing illuminous pink hello kitty clothes and a skirt which could be mistaken for a belt, then yes I can imagine you would look like a sad old man with a hooker.

However, if you are both dressed smartly and you are healthy, then you will probably look like a good couple and people will be thinking you both have got it sorted.

Also note: you can usually spot a happy couple a mile off because they are few and far between, next time you are out, look for yourself, look at the Thai ladies with the older men, they look uninterested, bored as fuc_k and have a face like a slapped arse.

haha that was so well put. I am 42 in really good shape my wife is 23 but we rock man - I am sure a few people hate me when I walk around with her but who cares. The funniest thing was up in Chiang Mai at a coffee shop I was with my wife and two of her friends (who have Thai bf but weren't with us at the time), her friends are also really hot and every foreign guy thought I was a god and all the foreign chicks thought I was an asshol_e I am sure. what ever...... other thai girls usually look jealous but if you are a cool couple people in general are jealous - most people I think know you are a cool couple by the way you interact - I have seen so many fat bald losers with thai gf or wife who just sit there never say anything - its pathetic. The one thing that does bug me is all the fat white chicks who look at you like you just took a dump on thier couch - maybe if they lost some of that fat we would date them but I doubt it haha

How long have you been in LOS? I know what you mean,but please don't be so arrogant and egotistical.. it's quite disgusting, especially if you have been in LOS for more than a year.