How To Get Approval From Family Of Thai Gf?

[teacup]

Just be yourself, a relationship isn't about your girlfreinds Mum, Dad or friends, it's about the two of you. If you have a strong enough bond then it doesn't matter.

Just need to get used to it. If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

You might want to study Thai culture a bit before making such statements.

seconded to that!!

[EvilDrSomkid]

I got mine well trained, Me her and our 2 kids, Taking or pleasing anyone else no not even if i was a millionaire. Lets do it farang style for once instead of busting your ass trying to be thai family member

My girl occasionally complains that I don't act like a Thai guy . . . I tell her if she wants a Thai guy then she should date one instead of me . . . that shuts her up pretty quick

Don't worry everyone I won't accept it if I am required to bend over, 50/50 compromise or I'm gone.

Elite or hi-so is just acting with money. Total <deleted>

agreed.

Although my thirak is not hi-so, she is not lo-so either. She has her own company, too.

Her family accepted me. What I did? Like you, be myself, be respectful to her and her family, and speak as much thai as possible. We are only 2years apart in age.

Her first BF was thai. He seriously dicked her over by being a 'typical' thai man. Gik on the side for the whole time. No baby involved.

The way to prove to her family that you are a good man for her is to stick by her.

Having my own parents flying over here to propose on my behalf did impress them. They were astounded...And approved, phew

Yes, I did propose to her first.

[bonobo]

Having my own parents flying over here to propose on my behalf did impress them. They were astounded...And approved, phew

Yes, I did propose to her first.

Pretty good move, and I can see how it impressed them. It is good your parents agreed.

While the tenor of this thread is how to get approval from a Thai family, I have found that many people I know who married Thais have not had the support of their families back in their home countries.

[stiggy]

Can you really be bothered with such stuck up behavior ?

My in laws hated me even went as far as calling the police when i used to visit.I wasn't good enough ,not rich enough ,etc etc.

Basically I thought <deleted> them and carried on as it was and is there daughter I love and not them.

I have now been married 12years and my in laws have accepted me, and surprisingly we are now close even go on the occasional holiday together.

They have stated since that they respect me standing my ground and being true to myself, I didn't have to change who I was and do not have to pretend I am something im not.

If you start your life with this family as pretense and buls**T your marriage will turn out the same. If your GF cant stand by you game over before it starts.

Just my humble opinion.

[mrtoad]

Can you really be bothered with such stuck up behavior ?

My in laws hated me even went as far as calling the police when i used to visit.I wasn't good enough ,not rich enough ,etc etc.

Basically I thought <deleted> them and carried on as it was and is there daughter I love and not them.

I have now been married 12years and my in laws have accepted me, and surprisingly we are now close even go on the occasional holiday together.

They have stated since that they respect me standing my ground and being true to myself, I didn't have to change who I was and do not have to pretend I am something im not.

If you start your life with this family as pretense and buls**T your marriage will turn out the same. If your GF cant stand by you game over before it starts.

Just my humble opinion.

I think you have hit the nail on the head.

The Thai apologists and botty benders seem to think that it's all about understanding Thai culture and for some reason going totally native, well in a mixed relationship there has to be a set of compromise between the two cultures, in the end you can't be something you are not, and one thing for sure is, that you'll never be Thai and they will never be Farang.

It's not about understanding, it's about respect for one another. I don't think I could respect anyone, who changed totally just so that I would accept them, I'd think they were a weak minded prat.

[colino]

I dont mean to be rude but it

Sounds like too much hard work, and even if you get married the family get togethers will be a nightmare ,

or you could just do the same as many folk and splash your cash until its all spent, just buy your return ticket first

colino

[Huey]

If your really liquid, the cash part is easy enough. Just be frank with the father, let him know what your about. Tell him what you do and what you make and be honest with him. I think its more of the mom's BS about your age and face issues. Not sure why you would go after a older woman here in Thailand but to each his own. If nothing works then I would simply stop caring what they think and make sure your lady is happy with you, after all thats the only person who really matters anyway.

[pab]

Can you really be bothered with such stuck up behavior ?

My in laws hated me even went as far as calling the police when i used to visit.I wasn't good enough ,not rich enough ,etc etc.

Basically I thought <deleted> them and carried on as it was and is there daughter I love and not them.

I have now been married 12years and my in laws have accepted me, and surprisingly we are now close even go on the occasional holiday together.

They have stated since that they respect me standing my ground and being true to myself, I didn't have to change who I was and do not have to pretend I am something im not.

If you start your life with this family as pretense and buls**T your marriage will turn out the same. If your GF cant stand by you game over before it starts.

Just my humble opinion.

I think you have hit the nail on the head.

The Thai apologists and botty benders seem to think that it's all about understanding Thai culture and for some reason going totally native, well in a mixed relationship there has to be a set of compromise between the two cultures, in the end you can't be something you are not, and one thing for sure is, that you'll never be Thai and they will never be Farang.

It's not about understanding, it's about respect for one another. I don't think I could respect anyone, who changed totally just so that I would accept them, I'd think they were a weak minded prat.

Totally agree. The name of the game is RESPECT and no amount of bullshit and pretence will ever replace this essential element of any relationship. However, from reading all your comments I am now starting to wonder if you are still serious about this GF and your propensity to adopt/adapt to whatever is necessary or have you decided that its just not worth the bloody effort any more?

[mrtoad]

Can you really be bothered with such stuck up behavior ?

My in laws hated me even went as far as calling the police when i used to visit.I wasn't good enough ,not rich enough ,etc etc.

Basically I thought <deleted> them and carried on as it was and is there daughter I love and not them.

I have now been married 12years and my in laws have accepted me, and surprisingly we are now close even go on the occasional holiday together.

They have stated since that they respect me standing my ground and being true to myself, I didn't have to change who I was and do not have to pretend I am something im not.

If you start your life with this family as pretense and buls**T your marriage will turn out the same. If your GF cant stand by you game over before it starts.

Just my humble opinion.

I think you have hit the nail on the head.

The Thai apologists and botty benders seem to think that it's all about understanding Thai culture and for some reason going totally native, well in a mixed relationship there has to be a set of compromise between the two cultures, in the end you can't be something you are not, and one thing for sure is, that you'll never be Thai and they will never be Farang.

It's not about understanding, it's about respect for one another. I don't think I could respect anyone, who changed totally just so that I would accept them, I'd think they were a weak minded prat.

Totally agree. The name of the game is RESPECT and no amount of bullshit and pretence will ever replace this essential element of any relationship. However, from reading all your comments I am now starting to wonder if you are still serious about this GF and your propensity to adopt/adapt to whatever is necessary or have you decided that its just not worth the bloody effort any more?

I assume you are reffereing to the OP's comments about what he is doing?

[MidoriApple]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . .

they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again.

Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex.

The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

Hoooo... very hot topic here....you will get load of precious advisors here...I guess

just this time..I have really realized how difficult to be in-law to Thai family...is pretty tough lei...

but this never happened in my family at all... I have an American uncle-in-law....he is an attorney..

my granny needs nothing from him, the dowry, the wedding ceremony..none...

with my aunt, he gave her the wedding ring at the airport when my auntie got pregnant at 40!!!!

and uncle-in-law...he is our beloved...whilst he is gud man...

OP ka, I see you are too much concerned of all the saying you stated above...

is impossible to be loved by everyone in the fam...Thai-in-law can't either...

you don't really need to care of as if it was not in her mom's idea..

is just a bad mouth, Thai people really love to do the gossips for fun... (sorry to say na, especially Issan)

yeah, your 9years younger is a bit trouble..but how do you look like? Like Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore?

Hope not.... this seem she will take care of u more of such u will have to GF....

>>> prove it..ok? That you are mature in your mind and soul

your profession, umm... I don't see any wrong or poor in it... you have pretty good career, actually...

and if the GF's fam is genuinely wealthy, how come they will a lot concern of your financial status?

the saying that you look so poor shown they are not genuine... if so, u don't need to be frightened of her trying-to-have-powerful looked fam...

>>> do nothing for this, just work as u usually do.... well..have to say... being yourself with self-confidence is enough

it will take time, i can tell... don't be too rush, too much concerned...

fortunately that u don't have to live with all her fam....eiw ....is too annoying...

my humble opinion only na ka.... pls be strength, stay cool and really wish you the very best luck... Suu Suu!!! (Fight!!!)

Cheers!!!!

[RakJungTorlae]

Break up- then they will like you.!

[kangeroo]

if you have stayed with her for a long time before seeing her mum and family and they know about it i think you will be ok . but if you just met and go see family you might end up going back yourself . But dont do what i did on the first night i got drunk with her sister near the temple behind there house on thai whisky .

[DC1066]

I think you have to be true to yourself. There comes a point when you have to say, enough is enough, for your own self respect.

I was in the same position with my in-laws. Her mum is ok with me but her father doesn't even acknowledge me.

Her sisters wouldn't even be in the wedding photo's and the sight of my wife crying on our wedding day because of this is something I will remember for a long time.

I've never showed them anything other than total respect and still nothing changes.

So now, they still get the respect appropriate in Thai culture when I see them, but I don't worry about them when they're not directly in my line of sight and get on with my own thing. I don't slag them off or complain to my wife, I just don't involve myself with them more than I have to.

My wife understands this so we are ok with it. If things improve in the future, great, if not I won't lose any sleep over it.

[digitele]

I dont mean to be rude but it

Sounds like too much hard work, and even if you get married the family get togethers will be a nightmare ,

or you could just do the same as many folk and splash your cash until its all spent, just buy your return ticket first

colino

Another thought....Perhaps they are all in concert to get more Sin Sot?

Sneaky....Yet plausable. They sound like such a hassle now, wait till you're Family

Pass

[kangeroo]

When i did see family for the first time i did go to the trouble of bringing some nice things with me from Australia they really loved that . Nothing to expensive eg a nice bag for her mum ,some caps for the kids , a couple of bottles of whisky . and i gave her aunt a kangaroo rug to put on the floor or wall she loved it .

[mango888]

I smell troll.

Two successful business people in 2 different countries.

One pursuing PhD in nursing.

Where do they find time for all this nonsense?

[HamSabai]

I smell troll.

Two successful business people in 2 different countries.

One pursuing PhD in nursing.

Where do they find time for all this nonsense?

No, No, no

You dont understand. He is a member of Thaivisa, therefore he has a successful thai/chinese wife with a company and minimum 1 PhD.

What's wrong, are you a new poster mango888?

[mango888]

Just reincarnated. My computer keeps locking me out

I think my latest was for calling out a mod for his reference to houses of ill repute

[Kf6vci]

The dress code is really important. I grabbed a shirt off the used clothes basket, upsetting my wife.

The image you project does depend in part on what you wear.

Heads up, you are young, successful, have a degree so don't worry too much. IMHO, it all depends on your gf. It will be her life...

And the ex is just - passe.

[mrtoad]

Just reincarnated. My computer keeps locking me out

I think my latest was for calling out a mod for his reference to houses of ill repute

Well, I'm sure with the statement that you have just made, you'll be having to reincarnate again.

[mango888]

You have as much fun as i do here? Uppity and snobbish are the most fun! So are the hippoos. And i dont mean oversized thai girls.

Edited December 10, 2008 by mango888

[dave9988]

If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

REALLY ?? I don't think so, this is Thailand and the family will always come ahead of the Falang.

You are speaking for yourself.

Do you think Thai wives put their family before their Thai husbands? Of course not. So why should they put their family before their farang husband?

Don't make excuses for the conditions of your own relationship - 'Oh its the culture here'.

[TAWP]

Just reincarnated. My computer keeps locking me out

I think my latest was for calling out a mod for his reference to houses of ill repute

So a banned troll re-emerges...?

Ontopic: I would never whore myself to 'win over' my wife's parents. Gotta have some self-respect. And take this for the truth: any issue you have now with the girl not supporting you, taking the parents side or so, while be ten-folded worse after 5 years of relationship. When she knows she can stop pretending to be your darling and be her true self. We have seen it too much here in the forum.

[dave9988]

i read this whole thread and it mostly just feels like the OP's main point is to quietly (and comically) brag about his older gf's social status.

thai visa is so much fun!

[jtp]

If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

REALLY ?? I don't think so, this is Thailand and the family will always come ahead of the Falang.

Wifes family wanted one million baht dowry,and i walked out.Wife followed me out,crying and begging me not to leave her....They were never going to like me without a large amout of money..Happily married 2 years now;The wife knows i am good for anything she ever needs,parents would not come to wedding if there was no money for them!Parents have never visited,not once.Oh,my wife was not a young Issan girl,but a divorced 38 year old with teen daughter. All you can do is be yourself,nothing more,nothing less.Don't try to buy them,God know's it could send you crazy!! Many a mere male has gone broke,going down that road.

[OxfordWill]

Ive been in this situation 100%. Tell us more about the parents.

[Maizefarmer]

I'm looking for *specific* suggestions to woo/impress her family, and to get their blessing.

Most of my gf's family and friends are against me for the below reasons . . . her family is wealthy upper class conservative . . . they all act kind and cordial around me, but my girl tells me what they say on the side . . .

examples:

"he looks poor, he won't be able to take care of you"

"he isn't a doctor or lawyer, so you'd end up living a life of poverty"

"he is 9 years younger, you're dating a child!"

Then it gets more complicated . . . she has an ex-husband . . . so her mom is freaking out that she'll lose face to her friends that her daughter could get married again. Her mom refuses to even meet me on the grounds of my age, that Im not a doctor, and she has an ex. The rest of her family was friends with her ex, so it makes everyone uncomfortable around me.

On the bright side, they said nothing negative about me being a farang, nor does it seem to bother them

I'm an engineer and run a successful company, definitely not poor . . . but I don't think Thais hold engineers in high regard - everyone, including the engineers here, tell me all Thai engineers are heavy drinkers.

I've already played the 'speak thai' card, so other than wearing a suit and tie everyday around her family, what else can I do to ease their worries?

ps - I've already done the 'just be myself' thing for the last 4 months, but to no prevail

Simple: treat them exactly as you would treat the parents of a girlfriend you had in the West - they may be Thai and they may have cultural customs/attitudes that are different to Westerners, but at the end of the day their concepts of honesty/integrity/respect ect ect ... are little different to those we have in the West. I think ex-pats often get caught up in a whole bunch of irrelivant considerations when it comes to dealing with Thai's - on any level. Just treat them with the courtesy and respect you would treat possible Western parents-in-law. On a practical side - when staying over, you may consider staying in the local guest house and she sleeps at home - at least thats what I done 20years ago when dealing with what were to become my future (and still are) parents-in-law - only to find out a few years later that "mom" was mighty impressed (been the conservative that shes always been), but "dad" thought it a huge laugh!

Don't hand out gifts left right & centre, stay away from the bottle, don;t get involved in their financial affairs - all common sense things. Oh they'll like you alright, but you'll loose any respect they have for you if you head off down those paths.

Qualifications and financial status: they may have a bit to say at first but at the end of the day I've often wondered how important that all is.

Just be yourself and relax

[thesunset75]

If your wife really loves you, you will be more important to her than the opinion of her family

REALLY ?? I don't think so, this is Thailand and the family will always come ahead of the Falang.

rReally in my case, and I left my family behind ( my bad i guess).

[dumball]

are there any undamaged thai girls around?

A bit off-topic, but what's wrong with Alaska? Why the people there all sound like brain dead?

You have to excuse this 'Person' , it is due to the extreme cold temperatures , it friezes their grey matter down to the size of a walnut .

[dumball]

You really run a successful business? You never had anyone say they dont want something yet its the thing they covet most of all. No offense sir but its been said hi-so thai girls are not much of a catch for a decent man. They dont know what hard work is, everything has been given to them, etc. They worry too much about the frosting not the cake itself.

Yeap I really do run a successful business. I even have a Thai employee (in the US, cause its illegal for me to have one here). Yeap she had a lot handed to her, but she now runs her own investment/insurance business that brings in a lot, plus she is about to finish up a PhD in nursing 'just for fun'. No ordinary Thai girl for sure! She used to snub 'lo-so' people a lot, but I've gotten her stop. The rest of her family still does it though. They are a work in progress

I think I just need to convince them that I'm 'elite' and 'hi-so' . . . I hate those terms, but hey, join them if you can't beat them.

You make it sound like a war , why would you 'Join' any people who have priciples counter productive to yours ? You are an educated man , show your strength now or for ever be in servitude for other peopls FACE .