Omg! My Daughter Works In A Bar

[typhoon]

I only found out when I turned up unanounced, she lives with my ex. she is 18 years old and I was led to to think for the last 3 years I had been paying for her private education it seems not.

It came as shock to me, the fact that she has lied for the last three years hurt.

I'am in the UK the moment not back till feb, what should I do????

1. let her get on with her life?

2,Take her to live with me?

3.Talk her out of it?

4.Accept things as they are?

Her mother is no help what soever.

Has this happend to any other members daughters?

Just not sure the right way to proceed at the moment.

comments????

Regards, typoon.

[Sabum]

oh man.... oh man..... the fact that she treated you like a stupid "boyfriend" sending money overseas. How did it take you this long to figure out? You dont visit your daughter in the last 3 years?

[Goshawk]

exactly what position does she assume in said bar ?

(no pun intended)

[typhoon]

oh man.... oh man..... the fact that she treated you like a stupid "boyfriend" sending money overseas. How did it take you this long to figure out? You dont visit your daughter in the last 3 years?

She came to visit me many times, and yes it seems she has treated her own father like you say as a stupid boyfriend.

[typhoon]

exactly what position does she assume in said bar ?

(no pun intended)

As far as I could tell waitress,cashier type thing.

[PaulUSA302]

If it were me and I found my daughter working in a bar, I would bring her home with me and put her in school. If she refuses, leave that door open to her.

[Chaimai]

I only found out when I turned up unanounced, she lives with my ex. she is 18 years old and I was led to to think for the last 3 years I had been paying for her private education it seems not.

It came as shock to me, the fact that she has lied for the last three years hurt.

I'am in the UK the moment not back till feb, what should I do????

1. let her get on with her life?

2,Take her to live with me?

3.Talk her out of it?

4.Accept things as they are?

Her mother is no help what soever.

Has this happend to any other members daughters?

Just not sure the right way to proceed at the moment.

comments????

Regards, typoon.

Go with option 1 (which is the same as option 4 anyway). Bythe way, which bar

[typhoon]

I only found out when I turned up unanounced, she lives with my ex. she is 18 years old and I was led to to think for the last 3 years I had been paying for her private education it seems not.

It came as shock to me, the fact that she has lied for the last three years hurt.

I'am in the UK the moment not back till feb, what should I do????

1. let her get on with her life?

2,Take her to live with me?

3.Talk her out of it?

4.Accept things as they are?

Her mother is no help what soever.

Has this happend to any other members daughters?

Just not sure the right way to proceed at the moment.

comments????

Regards, typoon.

Go with option 1 (which is the same as option 4 anyway). Bythe way, which bar

No comment.

[snuggzzz]

Are you sure she is working in a bar...?? The only reason I ask is that this appears to have been 'sprung on you', where did she live with her Mother, in a village or Town...?? Does her Mum see her regularly or live nearby.......??

[typhoon]

Are you sure she is working in a bar...?? The only reason I ask is that this appears to have been 'sprung on you', where did she live with her Mother, in a village or Town...?? Does her Mum see her regularly or live nearby.......??

Yes she is, I should have made it clear she lives with her mother above the bar her mother owns in a large town not to far from Bangkok.

This is why her mother seems not to care.

[Mighty Mouse]

She's 18, she'll do whatever she wants until a better opportunity presents itself.

Working in a bar doesn't necessarily mean that she is renting out her body. You need to trust your daughter, your suspicions may be unfounded.

[snuggzzz]

I can understand your concerns, I do feel however, if Mum is above the 'Bar' and owns it, I'd be very suprised if she'd allow her daughter to 'entertain' the punters.

Plus, as mentioned before, your daughter is over 18 years old and would be considered as being an adult, able to make up her own mind.

Try and speak to your daughter or visit her regularly in order to satisfy yourself of the true situation and whether she wants a different direction in life......................

[DaraRai]

Working in a bar isn't exactly a negative thing. If she is just waitressing or being a cashier, then there isn't anything wrong with that -- it's decent work. However, I sense that you're worried that she isn't just waitressing, and/or her work may be unstable/slightly dangerous. You should really discuss this with her and get your concerns across to her. Ultimately, however, it is still her decision (afterall, she is 18), but you could broaden her view on the situation by alerting her of your concerns for her safety, and you could get her to perhaps reanalyze and reconsider her work.

[typhoon]

She's 18, she'll do whatever she wants until a better opportunity presents itself.

Working in a bar doesn't necessarily mean that she is renting out her body. You need to trust your daughter, your suspicions may be unfounded.

I agree with your post, maybe I just worry to much, being Thailand.

[typhoon]

I can understand your concerns, I do feel however, if Mum is above the 'Bar' and owns it, I'd be very suprised if she'd allow her daughter to 'entertain' the punters.

Plus, as mentioned before, your daughter is over 18 years old and would be considered as being an adult, able to make up her own mind.

Try and speak to your daughter or visit her regularly in order to satisfy yourself of the true situation and whether she wants a different direction in life......................

As you point out she is 18 and she can do what she wants. I will go and see her when I return to Thailand.

[Mosha]

My wifes youngest daughter has a good head on her shoulders, and would have gone on to uni funds allowing. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. She is working as a waitress in a large bar, and when the tips are shared out sge can more than double her wage. We know she has plenty of money in the bank. Her mum has asked her to finish her education now she can afford. Her response was "What's the point? If II pass all my exams, and can get a job in a bank.(That was what she wanted at one point). I will not earn as much as I get in the bar in tips.

Her choice her life.

[PhilM]

It's a little bit different if you say "My daughter's working in her mother's business". It's probably worth having a serious talk with her about what she wants to do with her life, show her some of the possibilities etc. If she doesn't go for it, then maybe not much you can do but as Paul says, let her know that the door is still open.

[skiman1]

Your ex sounds like a classy person - does she go with punters from the Bar? Is it a good Bar or a dodgy sleaze pit? I have met a Mother and Daughter before here who both work punters in the same bar sometimes together - real family business!

[mancon]

If it were me and I found my daughter working in a bar, I would bring her home with me and put her in school. If she refuses, leave that door open to her.

Well said, Paul, I agree 100%. You can only try to make her understand that she have a lifetime chance of getting an education and with it a better life in the future, if you can not convince her, so be it. If she decides to walk out the door you have to accept that this is her choice.

At the same time you have to put a lot of time and effort on trying to convince her that you love and care about her and that her lying to you have hurt you very much and try to make her understand that being fortunate to have people around you in your life that sincerely care about you is a commodity that is disappearing more and more, in Thailand as well as every were else in the world, and she has to understand that when you have people like that around you, you have to take care and cherise them.

[Ulysses G.]

I have seen this happen with a number of farang's daughters over the years. Their mothers think that sellling their bodies is a fun way to earn lots of money and convince the girls to give it a try. One mother bought her 17 year old daughter a small bar and taught her to smoke cigarettes as she felt that that is part of the bar image. The girl ws making about 12,000 baht a month working in a restaurant - because her English was so good - but she much preferred the bar.

The truth is that many girls think this kind of work is fun in the beginning, but get bored after a few years.

All you can do is give her time and she will get over it eventually.

[mistresserika]

Tough one, go with your heart.

[Shah Jahan]

falang punters dont appreciate white skin half breed beauty - i wouldn't worry too much if it is a falang bar

on the other hand if it is frequented by thais, japs or chins then you should worry

I have met before the daughter of bars from upstairs before and they were quick to talk and take drinks, but not so quick to go home. hope that makes you feel better.

[MJP]

I only found out when I turned up unanounced, she lives with my ex. she is 18 years old and I was led to to think for the last 3 years I had been paying for her private education it seems not.

It came as shock to me, the fact that she has lied for the last three years hurt.

I'am in the UK the moment not back till feb, what should I do????

1. let her get on with her life?

2,Take her to live with me?

3.Talk her out of it?

4.Accept things as they are?

Her mother is no help what soever.

Has this happend to any other members daughters?

Just not sure the right way to proceed at the moment.

comments????

Regards, typoon.

This my friend is my greatest fear in life. I cannot possible conceive of how worried you must be.

Go there, find out what is really going on, use a PI if necessary, just get her out of there. Do anything you have to. Hopefully she simply has an administrative roll.

I've put a lot of assets and cash by to try and make sure this never happens. Thankfully her mum is of the same mind and a good education will be enforced.

My thoughts are genuinely with you. Good luck.

[JimmyTheMook]

Please name the bar - so I can check up on her for you.

[Groongthep]

falang punters dont appreciate white skin half breed beauty - i wouldn't worry too much if it is a falang bar

on the other hand if it is frequented by thais, japs or chins then you should worry

This statement has left me absolutely speechless.

Edited December 30, 2008 by Groongthep

[JimsKnight]

I can understand your concerns, I do feel however, if Mum is above the 'Bar' and owns it, I'd be very suprised if she'd allow her daughter to 'entertain' the punters.

You'd be surprised mate! I know I was back in 2001 when this very thing happened

[imaneggspurt]

Are you sure she is working in a bar...?? The only reason I ask is that this appears to have been 'sprung on you', where did she live with her Mother, in a village or Town...?? Does her Mum see her regularly or live nearby.......??

Yes she is, I should have made it clear she lives with her mother above the bar her mother owns in a large town not to far from Bangkok.

This is why her mother seems not to care.

Do you mind me asking are you her birth father, ?

[Kf6vci]

Relax, things are never like they seem. Not every bar is into bar fines (hearsay - I am not into bars or pick up games) and not every girl working even in a bar which does play such games is easy. You might very well be worrying over the wrong things alltogether.

You being lied to for 3 years, with her pretending to get an education is truly shocking.

Seems like you two have no relationship -

maybe she needs to hit rock bottom?

maybe it is time to stop supporting her wasting her precious life time on making a bit more than what you provide. All this so she can have the lastest Nokia N96 phone or a 40 GB I-Pod or the like? Sad, very sad.

Money won't help - and she won't even listen to anything you say. I recall being her age, how self centered and bloody arrogant I was! Likely, she thinks she knows it all...

Her mother has been an insider all those years?

I would shun them both!!!

[imaneggspurt]

I can understand your concerns, I do feel however, if Mum is above the 'Bar' and owns it, I'd be very suprised if she'd allow her daughter to 'entertain' the punters.

You'd be surprised mate! I know I was back in 2001 when this very thing happened

Me too, phuket 2001, rock hard,. met a very nice girl ( i was a greenhorn then ) her mother came to my hotel to negotiate monthly payments, i walked, didnt feel right at all,.

[faranggl]

I only found out when I turned up unanounced, she lives with my ex. she is 18 years old and I was led to to think for the last 3 years I had been paying for her private education it seems not.

It came as shock to me, the fact that she has lied for the last three years hurt.

I'am in the UK the moment not back till feb, what should I do????

1. let her get on with her life?

2,Take her to live with me?

3.Talk her out of it?

4.Accept things as they are?

Her mother is no help what soever.

Has this happend to any other members daughters?

Just not sure the right way to proceed at the moment.

comments????

Regards, typoon.

typoon, you sound like a nice guy. I would be pretty upset about paying for college for three years and then finding out the money was just added income.

Why didn't your ex let you know or was she getting the money and considering it support?

Seems like your good-guy-ness got stepped on big time.

Your daughter squandered her opportunity. If she wants to attend school at a later date, you can make tuition payments directly to the school.

Your daughter may love you but she didn't respect you. Being a concerned parent leads to rewards but not always. Sometimes you let go and hope for the best. Don't enable further bad behavior. You're to far away to monitor anything and even if you lived next door, reasoning with an 18 yo young women is an art with few masters. Best wishes...........