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Label Instructions On Consumer Goods


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In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed because of

stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Myer hairdryer:

'Do not use while sleeping'.

(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Chips:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:

'Directions: Use like regular soap'.

(And that would be how???)

On some frozen dinners:

'Serving suggestion: Defrost'.

(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert

(printed on bottom):

'Do not turn upside down'.

(Well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

'Product will be hot after heating'.

(And you thought????...)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:

'Do not iron clothes on body'.

(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:

'Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication'.

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could

just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

'Warning: May cause drowsiness'.

(And...I'm taking this because???)

On most brands of Christmas lights:

'For indoor or outdoor use only'.

(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:

'Not to be used for the other use'.

(Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Nobby's peanuts:

'Warning: contains nuts'.

(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

'Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts'.

(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company, I blame the parents for this one:

On a child's superman costume:

'Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly'.

On a Swedish chainsaw:

'Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals'.

(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

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A few more from various internet sites :o

Liquid Plummer

Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Toilet Plunger

Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool

This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter

Safe to use around pets.

Bowl Fresh

Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster

This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby Oil

Keep out of reach of children

Little Ones Baby Lotion

Keep away from children

Hair Coloring

Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash

May contain foam.

Zantac 75

Do not take if allergic to zantac.

Komatsu Floodlight

This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Earplugs

These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe

Mattress

Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Matches

Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Pepper Spray

Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

Fix-a-Flat

WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Rain Gauge

Suitable for outdoor use.

RCA Television Remote Control

Not Dishwasher Safe

Pine Mountain Fire Logs

Caution: Risk of fire

Triops Fish Food

Warning: Not for human consumption

Home Depot Treated Lumber

Do not consume

Camera

This camera will only work when film is inside.

Air Conditioner

Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Slush Puppy Cup

This ice may be cold

Nabisco Easy Cheese

For best results, remove cap.

Hershey's Almond Bar

Warning: May contain traces of nuts

500-piece puzzle:

Some assembly required.

Chainsaw

Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

Hotel provided shower cap in a box:

Fits one head.

Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

Korean kitchen knife:

Warning keep out of children

Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists:

Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

New Zealand insect spray:

This product not tested on animals.

Blanket from Taiwan:

not to be used as protection from a tornado

Infant's bathtub:

Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:

Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Disposable razor:

Do not use this product during an earthquake.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs

Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Hand-held Massaging Device

Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.

Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.

A toilet at a public sports facility

Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.

Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists

Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow

Not intended for highway use.

Can of self-defense pepper spray.

May irritate eyes.

A frisbee

Warning: May contain small parts.

A toilet bowl cleaning brush.

Do not use orally.

A birthday card for a 1 year old.

Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.

Can of air freshener.

For use by trained personnel only.

Silly Putty

Do not use as ear plugs.

Rat Poison

Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Portable stroller

Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.

Package of dice.

Not for human consumption.

Manual for an SGI computer.

Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.

Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle

Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack

Remove plastic before eating.

Instructions for a cordless phone:

Do not put lit candles on phone.

Sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building

Take care: new non-slip surface.

Can of black pepper.

Instructions: usage known.

Espresso Kettle

The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position.

Label on a hammer

Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object

VCR box

Instructional video on hooking up VCR included.

Black rubber fishing worm

Not for human consumption.

Orange Juice Can:

100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate.

Furniture Wipes

Do not use for a baby wipe.

Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet

This is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision.

Bottle of bathtub cleaner

For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.

Box of household nails

CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Woolite carpet cleaner

Safe for carpets, too!

Container of salt

Warning: High in sodium

Edited by Crossy
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Nice to have the occasional reminder of stupid world I left behind...

I found a box of toothpicks with instructions in Australia:

"Hold Toothpick near the centre of it's length, moisten with saliva and insert pointed between teeth using a gentle in-out motion"

Necessary? apparently... I'm outta here!

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