Money, Money, Money

[Pie Boy]

I dont understand why anyone would go for a bar girl, these girls have

more miles than the space shuttle

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You sound like an expert in BG's, I'm married to an ex BG for 12 years now, sorry I didn't check her "milage" but I could never have found a better wife, BG's are human beings and many of them not in the trade out of choicen it's a need to help support the family, they are lovely and warm people.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Respect to you good man.My life is richer for the love I share with my thai wife and family - money talk bg talk it all misses the point.I believe in a thing called love, surely the last few days is testament to that.If you know you know - if you doubt get out.

Sounds cheesey I know but the new year wine has kicked in adios and happy new year.

[Crushdepth]

The guy is married already guys so give him a break...

It's just a different situation to 'the west' (this coming from a 'southerner'). She's got obligations to look after her family, as do you. If your parents were totally shit poor you'd be worried about them and llook after them as well. You just gotta deal with that. As a point of reference, my ex now lives in the US and earns quite a respectable living by Thai standards ($1500 per month). She sends a fair bit of that back to her parents in Thailand. They don't need it, and she's completely independant of me. It's Thai culture to do that sort of thing.

You are now part of the system, just pay what you can afford without complaint. In return you'll find they'll look after you, should the need arise. So: Take a chill pill. You don't need impoverish yourself per se, just get used to sharing. It's a communal society in many ways.

Plenty of new year's beer here as well, so take my comments (and everybody else's) with a grain of salt.

Chock dee and half your luck

Edited December 31, 2004 by Crushdepth

[RamdomChances]

OK, I know this is deja vu all over again to many members of this forum, but I have to ask. I am a "participant" in a Thai traditional marriage since September of 2004. The subject of money and how much keeps raising its ugly head every month or feew weeks. I currently give "Mama" 7000 bht for "room and board", since my lovely and I stay in the a residance where she (Mama) is located. My "lovely" started out with 4000 bht as OK, then raised it to 5000, then to 7000, where I drew the line. That is roughly 25% of my monthly income ($500 US). The lovely says she makes 9500 bht as a dept store employee (working 10-12 hr days). She says she has no option (ability) to cut back her hours. Lovely and I had a money talk recently and she got quite irate that I was not willing to turn over more, like maybe 50%, and very disappointed that my total income was not higher. My comment was that she maybe needs to find a man who has more money. We are living in NE Thailand, in case anyone is wondering, and it is not expensive to live here. Sounds like she would not quit the job without guarentees of 17,000, which would equal her salary loss + my "contributions". She is not bar girl. Any comments??

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

It sound more like a business transaction than a marriage, do neither of you have any concept of "our money" or "working together" its sounds very like you and them. Mabye I'm naive but for me a marriage is about sharing and working together and not about one party taking advantage of the other.

I would say that they are taking advantage of you. The ave wage in rural thailand (you said you live in the NE) is probably about 4-5000 bht a month. Your wife's income of 9500 is very good money for working in a dept store and between the two of you (if you get 28,000 you said 7000 was abot 25% of your income) you should have a combined income of near 40,000 bht a month. With that sort of income you should you should be able to live a very comfertable life here. My advice would be either get out of the relationship or first get out of the mums place, get a place of you own and try and salvage something, but going from this post and some of your privious ones you have some serious issues in the relationship, either stand up and try and resolve them (as it sound like they are walking all over you) or get out and start again.

Flummoxed a long distance relationship wether its with a bar girl or not is a serious headache, personaly I would not get involved in one as the doute and suspicions would drive me crazy. Good luck to you and anyone else in a simular situation I hope it works out well for you, but unfortunatly the odds are agains it.

Chok Dee and a happy new year to you all

Cheers RC

[RamdomChances]

It sound more like a business transaction than a marriage, do neither of you have any concept of "our money" or "working together" its sounds very like you and them.  Mabye I'm naive but  for me a marriage is about sharing and working together and not about one party taking advantage of the other.

Cheers RC

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not sure how many times you are married RC, but after my first three, on a 'our money' 50/50 basis, with me being the main or only breadwinner... it cost me three houses in the UK. Now worth about 500,000 Quid. So I made sure the 4th one was HIS and HER money and lost nothing other than the usual heartache. My 5th is also His and Her money.

Unfortunately the male is almost always the higher earner... or only earner. Nice for the lady and nice for the man (if all goes well) but when it goes tits-up... the man gets burried and the lady laughs all the way to the Bank.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I've known a lot of people back home do the "his and hers" thing whatever works for you is fine, personely I've never had any problems with my way apart from convincing the wife that it's her money as well(she spends less that way ). What ever system you use though it sounds like the Op is being taken advantage of and for me that is definatly not the way a relationship is supposed to work.

[kreon]

In my case, I conclude that as she left the bar scene for me, I have some kind of obligation to support her... but I will not be taken advantage of.

I'm in England making a pile of money right now. Listening to her 30 minutes ago on the phone drunk as a skunk on new years eve 'tee ruk, why you never believe I not butterfly'... &lt;deleted&gt; i'm pissed off.

Its very early on NYE to already be drunk as a skunk. I also doubt that you would be her only sponsor if she was willing to leave the bar for only 10,000 baht per month.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I have been with my tgf 1 year now when i return to england i never send her any money,ok we have brought some land and i know i have not right of ownership to the land but when the house is finished at least i will own a % of that.I go to Thailand evey 2 months and when we are in bangkok i stay with her in her room i just pay the rent on that 3000 baht a month much cheaper then a hotel as i always stay for 1 month,do not let your tgf think you are a walking atm machine make her understand from the start money can't buy love its not worth over ok i will have invested around 600000 baht by the time the house is finished and if it al goes wrong no where near as much then if i had an English girlfriend 50% of a house in England i had to think how much that would cost if it all went wrong millons of baht no doubt.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My comments were regarding bringing a BG into retirement. You didn't say if your girl was an ex-BG, but if she is then I would bet my bottom dollar that she is still on the game when you are away, or else she also has one or more other "sponsor".

600,000 Baht if it all goes tits up. Thats probably about 8 years salary for a girl that works in a department store.

What would you do for 8 years salary?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

shag your ass off.......and swallow the lot!

[kreon]

It sound more like a business transaction than a marriage, do neither of you have any concept of "our money" or "working together" its sounds very like you and them.  Mabye I'm naive but  for me a marriage is about sharing and working together and not about one party taking advantage of the other.

Cheers RC

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not sure how many times you are married RC, but after my first three, on a 'our money' 50/50 basis, with me being the main or only breadwinner... it cost me three houses in the UK. Now worth about 500,000 Quid. So I made sure the 4th one was HIS and HER money and lost nothing other than the usual heartache. My 5th is also His and Her money.

Unfortunately the male is almost always the higher earner... or only earner. Nice for the lady and nice for the man (if all goes well) but when it goes tits-up... the man gets burried and the lady laughs all the way to the Bank.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

there you have it again....it's always the poor male that suffers in the end

wise up, you should know better by now, 4 times and you still are getting suckered

love if, i need it, i can find everyday and guess what i am over $750K better of today

[a2396]

Thank you gentlemen and ladies, if there are any in the replies. I think the comments have reinforced my thinking that my contribution level is more than reasonable, given my income, her income and the region of Thailand where we live. There has been no discussion of 50-50 sharing of monies, etc as one would find in western marriages. I asked her once what she does with the money I give her. The reply was that she puts it in the bank. My factual knowledge of her financial situation is almost none.

We are living in a split residence wher her mother lives in another unit on the same lot. My lovely is the primary care giver and closeset to her Mother. Her father has supposedly been dead for 15 years. Moving to another residence is not an option. Besides it is cheap to live there. The Mother is a nice lady, but may be "pot-stirer" regarding asking for more money. The lovely is NOT a bar girl and to my knowledge has never been one.

Lovely may also be comparing my income to that of her girlfriend's husband (both now living in USA), who may be making $60-80 US + in the D.C. area. This is comparing apples and oranges. Retired farangs in Thailand are not likely making that kind of money. The expenses of living in D.C. will eat up a considerable portion of such a salary, ie the disposable income is not what the "know-nothing" locals in LOS may assume.

She has till the end of this month to clean up her act or I am gone. I doubt it will happen. It is to bad because find her a very compatible personality to mine (good vibes). But, she may just be a skilled manipulator.

[Bkk_Bound]

After all this time I still don't know what to do about my girl.

I will go out tonight and get absolutely bladdered... there's my answer.

I think I've gone quite insane... wibble... wibble... someone help me.

Is all this mental self torture worth it? I don't think so.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

She is a bar girl manager and cashier of the bar i know she sees customers when im in England i do not sponsor her if every think worksout in april we will move into our new home start a business and she will not have to work job in bar no more if it goe's wrong you lose your money.All relationships are a gamble i hope mine works out to many people seem to think all Thai girls just want to rip you off that could be said for women all over the world just maybe this one is telling the truth i trust my girlfriend if she rips me off you can all have a good laugh and say i told you so.if it works out i will have a happy life in Thailand and it wiil have cost 600000 baht about £8000 a risk i am happy to take.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Put the 8 grand on a horse called 'Som nam na' in the 2:30 at newmarket... a safer bet by far buddy.

The fact that your happy for your girl to see customers in your absence repulses me.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

[Bkk_Bound]

It sound more like a business transaction than a marriage, do neither of you have any concept of "our money" or "working together" its sounds very like you and them.  Mabye I'm naive but  for me a marriage is about sharing and working together and not about one party taking advantage of the other.

Cheers RC

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not sure how many times you are married RC, but after my first three, on a 'our money' 50/50 basis, with me being the main or only breadwinner... it cost me three houses in the UK. Now worth about 500,000 Quid. So I made sure the 4th one was HIS and HER money and lost nothing other than the usual heartache. My 5th is also His and Her money.

Unfortunately the male is almost always the higher earner... or only earner. Nice for the lady and nice for the man (if all goes well) but when it goes tits-up... the man gets burried and the lady laughs all the way to the Bank.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ravisher reminds me of Ever So Clever Trevor.When will e ever learn?

[Jockstar]

Thank you gentlemen and ladies, if there are any in the replies. I think the comments have reinforced my thinking that my contribution level is more than reasonable, given my income, her income and the region of Thailand where we live. There has been no discussion of 50-50 sharing of monies, etc as one would find in western marriages. I asked her once what she does with the money I give her. The reply was that she puts it in the bank. My factual knowledge of her financial situation is almost none.

We are living in a split residence wher her mother lives in another unit on the same lot. My lovely is the primary care giver and closeset to her Mother. Her father has supposedly been dead for 15 years. Moving to another residence is not an option. Besides it is cheap to live there. The Mother is a nice lady, but may be "pot-stirer" regarding asking for more money. The lovely is NOT a bar girl and to my knowledge has never been one.

Lovely may also be comparing my income to that of her girlfriend's husband (both now living in USA), who may be making $60-80 US + in the D.C. area. This is comparing apples and oranges. Retired farangs in Thailand are not likely making that kind of money. The expenses of living in D.C. will eat up a considerable portion of such a salary, ie the disposable income is not what the "know-nothing" locals in LOS may assume.

She has till the end of this month to clean up her act or I am gone. I doubt it will happen. It is to bad because find her a very compatible personality to mine (good vibes). But, she may just be a skilled manipulator.

You are being taken for a ride.

[theviking]

Dont you live together as a married couple?

And as said before, why the heck are you staying with her mother?

Why are you giving you're wife (gf) money when you living together?

Cant seem to understand situations like these.

WAKE UP! I guess you have to take a look around..

[ProfessorFart]

Sounds like Mr Flummoxed had a he11 of a night!!!!

At the end of the day if you have an iota of doubt then ditch out and if you had no doubts then you wouldn't be posting here.

As others have said there are plenty of fish in the Thai sea.

Go for it.

[Harmonica]

a2396,

Seems to me that you're paying Mama about 35% of your income (based on your stated $500/mo.=20,000 Baht/mo.)

That is a staggering % cost -- and let's not forget that it is a till-she-dies commitment.

Love notwithstanding, you're crippling yourself, man. Get out of there fast.

Flummoxed,

What's happening with you? Pass out? Bring us uptodate, will you? Regards

[Nam Kao]

a2396,

I'd try to work it out with her before you finish her. Be firm though

and lay down the law. Give it some more time/effort. Maybe a good

ole fashion shallacking would be in order here.

If you do dump her what Visa are you on now? Marriage? How will you

manage this?

Thanks

Nam

[Jockstar]

a2396,

  I'd try to work it out with her before you finish her.  Be firm though

and lay down the law. Give it some more time/effort. Maybe a good

ole fashion shallacking would be in order here.

If you do dump her what Visa are you on now? Marriage?  How will you

manage this?

Thanks

Nam

Whats a shallacking? Is that like shagging?

[mbkudu]

I am a "participant" in a Thai traditional marriage since September of 2004.

If this is indeed the case, then it means you are not legally married on paper, not registered. You could bail out fairly trouble free. However, if you have feelings for her, maybe just set things straight with money and say that's the way it's going to be or you're gone.

[Pablo H]

By the sounds of things the mother is putting pressure on your 'lovely'. My advice is get her away from the family for a few months at least. If she continues to hassle you for more money cut your losses and get out.

Flummoxed, many of us have been there, its not a nice place to be, but you have just got to get on with it and try not to think about where your woman was last night. You can cross that bridge when you come to it, there is no point in eating yourself up back in England right now. I did a few years ago and its one of the worst feelings you can have, you just have to trust her 90% but keep the 10% in reserve for when you return. Then you can get your interigation equipment out and find out the truth!

[a2396]

Finish (finished) Already: After last nights demands for more money, repeated by this morning's replay. I have left her residence and presumably her. The demands kept right on, after I explained that she was alredy given her January allocation back in December, before I left for a few days trip out of Thailand. I keep getting the intuition that the "boyfriend in the woodpile", wherever he is, needs more money. If I had forked over another 7000 bht as she demanded today, it woudl have totaled 35,000 bht for January. Disgusting already, particularly given her "cold fish" behavior in general.

[ProfessorFart]

Sounds like you did the right thing there a2396.

[wiseman]

Sounds like Mr Flummoxed had a he11 of a night!!!!

At the end of the day if you have an iota of doubt then ditch out and if you had no doubts then you wouldn't be posting here.

As others have said there are plenty of fish in the Thai sea.

Go for it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not quite correct, the majority like you post here because you have no life you sad old fart.

[Dickie]

Sounds like Mr Flummoxed had a he11 of a night!!!!

At the end of the day if you have an iota of doubt then ditch out and if you had no doubts then you wouldn't be posting here.

As others have said there are plenty of fish in the Thai sea.

Go for it.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Not quite correct, the majority like you post here because you have no life you sad old fart.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ahhh.... and there was I thinking that the species trollus masturbatus had vanished.

[ProfessorFart]

Flummoxed, many of us have been there, its not a nice place to be, but you have just got to get on with it and try not to think about where your woman was last night. You can cross that bridge when you come to it, there is no point in eating yourself up back in England right now. I did a few years ago and its one of the worst feelings you can have, you just have to trust her 90% but keep the 10% in reserve for when you return. Then you can get your interigation equipment out and find out the truth!

Wise words indeed from PabloH.

[Flummoxed]

a2396,

Seems to me that you're paying Mama about 35% of your income (based on your stated $500/mo.=20,000 Baht/mo.)

That is a staggering % cost -- and let's not forget that it is a till-she-dies commitment. 

Love notwithstanding, you're crippling yourself, man.  Get out of there fast.

Flummoxed,

What's happening with you?  Pass out?  Bring us uptodate, will you?  Regards

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

My head hurts,

[ProfessorFart]

Hope you got it all sorted out Flummoxed!!

Sounded like you had a rough NYE!!

[Nam Kao]

Finish (finished) Already: After last nights demands for more money, repeated by this morning's replay. I have left her residence and presumably her. The demands kept right on, after I explained that she was alredy given her January allocation back in December, before I left for a few days trip out of Thailand. I keep getting the intuition that the "boyfriend in the woodpile", wherever he is, needs more money. If I had forked over another 7000 bht as she demanded today, it woudl have totaled 35,000 bht for January. Disgusting already, particularly given her "cold fish" behavior in general.

a2396, So when you left she didnt try to stop you? She just let you walk out?

What did the mother have to say?

Not to be an alarmist here, but if you think there was another Thai guy in the

background you may want to get an HIV test. These guys butterfly ALOT

and rarely use condoms.

Also were you on a marriage visa?

I wish you the best

Nam

[johnnyk]

As the buffalo had died, I think you were being milked.

You have done the right thing, IMO, by leaving.

It's necessary to show them you are not a sucker.

If you really love her, stay in touch and let her absorb the lesson. Perhaps give her one more chance, but away from mama.

On the 2nd go-round make sure she knows the rules and if she screws up again then leave for good without negotiating, just pack your bags in front of her and walk.

Chok dee.

[ProfessorFart]

Sound advice from Johnny K but I'm afraid she's always going to have Mama's influence hanging over her if you give it a second go further down the line. If not for a few months, or even a year it will creep back in again at some point.

[Nam Kao]

I am really surprized the mother let the cash cow (Kwai in this case) walk away.

My mother in law would dump the rest of her kids for me in a heartbeat

Edited January 2, 2005 by Nam Kao

[udon]

As the buffalo had died, I think you were being milked.

You have done the right thing, IMO, by leaving.

It's necessary to show them you are not a sucker.

If you really love her, stay in touch and let her absorb the lesson. Perhaps give her one more chance, but away from mama.

On the 2nd go-round make sure she knows the rules and if she screws up again then leave for good without negotiating, just pack your bags in front of her and walk.

Chok dee.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Spot on!

Another good example for not living nr your in-laws.

I'm still looking for an orphan over 22.

[Nam Kao]

Udon, I reserved a 12 y/o at an orphanage and told i'd be back to pick her up in 4 years