Devastated By That Brit Boy

[eek]

Yes, he was honest with Candyflip, but still, not considerate. A man has to be pretty blind-sighted if he cant see that his gf would feel insecure about him traveling around for a length of time with an unknown female.

I really dont think you need to justify yourself so much Candyflip. Its obvious you are not jealous because you say you dont usually cause any fuss on other times (in group situations). He should have taken your concerns on-board and at least given you some reassurance.

He may just be being pig-headed. Maybe he got annoyed with you for being upset about it, as it suggested to him that you dont trust him. Maybe his lack of validation that all is ok is to punish you in some way for not having faith in him. Not healthy, but possible. No point in jumping to conclusions about the other woman. In any case, I think its more about his lack of support for you that is the main issue you are having. You gave him no hassles, free-reign and trust, and the one time something was a problem for you, he didnt relent in any way, even if to talk it out with you to ease your upset. I think all woman at times need to feel they are being heard by the person they love on the occasion that something has gone a step too far for them to handle.

Anyway, as I said before, and as others have suggested, its good to just do some nice things for yourself at this time. Good to hear you have friends and family around you.

As for some posters, this is a problem between a women, who happens to be Thai, with her bf, who happens to be British, no need to use either of their nationalities as an excuse to voice bigoted viewpoints and prejudices. Quite despicable really.

[Fun2Fun]

If he is being unfaithful or not is actually besides the point.

The main issue is that he has not show any consideration for her feelings and definitely have no respect for her or her opinions.

[britmaveric]

BTW - food for thought he could be using the guise that if I tell her I am on a week long holiday with a female mate of mine then she obviously won't think I am cheating, then cheats anyways. (certain logic to it)

[galowgala]

Ditch his sorry ass.

I agree its been abused

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

Hi Candyflip,

I am sorry to have read that you have taken this situation so hard, i.e. not going out the house, lack of sleep etc.

Personally, I would reserve judgment on the future of your relationship until his return and then let him know just how much this entire situation has hurt you. It might be that he his only 'crime' has been that of being a (typically) insensitive male and he may genuinely not have appreciated just how badly hurt you were by his actions. Until that point, I would urge you, in both your mind and heart, to give him the benefit of the doubt.

However, if after your 'clearing the air' chat, if he is not genuinely apologetic for having hurt your feelings by what you will have explained to him as his lack of concern for your feelings, then take the advice from the majority of posters and end the relationship.

If you believe him to be genuinely sorry (and in fairness, you are the only one who will be able to answer this - it could be a whole new thread in itself) you can then let him make it up to you in some fun ways and both get on with your lives together...

Anyway, whatever happens, all the Georgie...

(sorry, couldn't resist winding up the septics)

James

[mrtoad]

STOP THE POLITICS EVERYONE RIGHT NOW AND DEAL WITH THE ISSUE!!!

______________________________________________________________

Hi Candy,

I have been reading this thread from the beginning and I would like to add the following:

Feelings & emotions are universal. It does not matter if you are Thai, British, USA, Indian... etc... we all bleed when we are stabbed and we all cry the same tears, so, can we first of all stop talking politics throughout this lovely girls cry for help - Please!

Candy sweetheart - Have you started to make a decision about this boy?

My personal view has already been given in this thread, but I wondered where you was now up to with your thoughts. I hope writing it out of your system is helping.

Can I ask you a question please? Assuming you knew he was being unfaithful or disloyal - would you walk away?

Most people would argue that it should always be a simple 'yes', but not all women walk away, some have such a low self esteem they just do not know how to live without the man they love... can you?

If you can find it in your heart to walk, then, I would say do that. And it does not matter if he is being unfaithful or not - and this is the reason I say you should walk:

He disrespected your wishes.

He did not tell you the truth about what he was doing and who with. He is a liar.

He did not create a situation that allowed you to meet this girl. And yes, he could have done.

He took a female - not a male... why would that female not be you as first choice?

You told him how you felt and he cared more about going with this girl than caring for you.

- To pardon the pun - he is indeed "Riding his bike"

At this very moment how much do you really think he is thinking about you? Probably just enough to ensure that you are still there the next time he comes home or pops into town? Hmmm? Not enough - is it?

My advice?

1. Tell him to get lost - turn your phone off - tell him you have been to the salon, had your hair and face done as a treat, and that you are off out looking for a better boyfriend... finish with a 'bye-bye' and switch off your phone - deliver the message slowly and clearly so he gets it - NOT in tears.

- This will worry the life out of him and he won't be able to totally enjoy himself - haha... you will be in the back of his mind all the time, it will drive him mad that he thinks you are looking for better. And hey - you just may find someone you know

2. Get yourself all ready and done up...

- go out and forget this boy exists ...

- have twice as much fun when every now and then you turn your phone on and realise that you have a missed call.

So Candy - what do you think you are going to do???

- No-one will blame you if you say you cannot leave him, but I hope your self esteem is not so low as you cannot walk.

Even if one day you reconsider the relationship - I do think you should walk right now - and whilst he is away too.

Good luck hun,

Faye xx

Are you Claire Rainer in disguise?

More like Dear Deardrie.

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

Anyway, whatever happens, all the Georgie...

(sorry, couldn't resist winding up the septics)

James

Wasn't actually cockney rhyming slang... to smart for my own good

[dbrenn]

Hello All, It has been long time since I posted something here 

I am Thai, early 30s, well educated.

I have been going out with Mr. Brit boy for 1.5 year. He is very sporty. He runs marathon and stuff. Most of weekend, if he is not with me , he is out biking around Thailand with his gang. I met some of them occasionally. I never had any problem when he goes away with them, coz I trust him and I know those girls who he always go with.

2 month ago, he went back to England for xmas, he was kinda saying that he would be going to Vietnam for a bike trip. I thought he would go with the normal gang like always. But it turned out that he was going alone with this farang girl who I know nothing about.

He said he was arranging the trip when he was in England. It was spontaneous thing. They had been emailing back and forth for this trip. The special thing about this trip is they would just go biking from town to town, very intimated experience I must say.

I was very sad when I found out all about this.

Then I tried to compromise about this by asking him to set up dinner / lunch with this woman so I know who my bf is going with. He came back and said to me that she did not want to meet me. She thought it was a bizarre idea that I wanted to meet her.

I asked him to cancel the trip coz I could not take it. I was crying and being miserable about it for a week and he knows about that.

He said he could not cancel it because this thing has been planned for month and the girl took the work days off for this. Besides, he really wanted to go. He said it was just another trip, nothing else and I was just overreacted about it.

He left last Friday and will be back on next Sunday.

I am completely devastated.

Advices, comments, comforts … anyone?

He has absolutely no respect for your feelings, and neither does his lady friend. Change your phone number and cut off all contact with him. There's nothing to talk to him about that hasn't already been said. Move on.

[callum06]

Has your BF contacted you since he has been in Vietnam?? if he has been in daily contact?? does he miss you?? I know i always call my wife and she always calls me when ever we are apart...

Edited January 27, 2009 by callum06

[geeky]

ask yourself if he has any reason to cheat or to be faithful

is it a serious relationshoip? do you and him fight a lot? all that kind of stuff

give us guys a break, we're not idiots

if we have a good relationship we want to keep it, if we're stuck in it ... we try to get out ...

so, you can just ask yourself whether or not you're worth it or not ...

[shochu]

my perspective is

if he cared and was serious - he would be concerned and never let this get to where it is now - essentially he would care about your feelings.

it is a move of a guy who is in a comfort relationship and most probably on the lookout for something better.

this is coming from a guy who is not interested in getting married and been in enough relationships to know this situation.

[LadyHeather]

ask yourself if he has any reason to cheat or to be faithful

is it a serious relationshoip? do you and him fight a lot? all that kind of stuff

give us guys a break, we're not idiots

if we have a good relationship we want to keep it, if we're stuck in it ... we try to get out ...

so, you can just ask yourself whether or not you're worth it or not ...

Perhaps the better question is whether or not he is worth it

[Soulwy]

I read the whole story, and it is always difficult to say anything about a situation you know very little about it.

I hope you are getting wiser of the posts. I wished all men were so considered as these male forum-members!!!!

I do find it strange that he didn't talk about this with you befóre he organised this trip. And it should have been him who should have arranged a meeting with her and you. But maybe this is who he is, a self centered person, not only with you. And the question is: can you live with this? But you are this far. Wishing you a lot of strength and wisdom.

[submaniac]

I wished all men were so considered as these male forum-members!!!!

About time we got our recognition! We are a considerate (and sexy) lot!

[Boo]

modest too

[Mossfinn]

give us guys a break, we're not idiots

No, but heck, we do an 'arf try our best whilst in General!

Moss

[jayjayjayjay]

I wished all men were so considered as these male forum-members!!!!

About time we got our recognition! We are a considerate (and sexy) lot!

Let's take some credit while it's handed out! Pat,pat,pat,pat;-> Thx ladies. 55555

[SKORPiO]

I really hope they worked this out... no news so far...

[HorseDoctor]

Hello All, It has been long time since I posted something here 

I am Thai, early 30s, well educated.

I have been going out with Mr. Brit boy for 1.5 year. He is very sporty. He runs marathon and stuff. Most of weekend, if he is not with me , he is out biking around Thailand with his gang. I met some of them occasionally. I never had any problem when he goes away with them, coz I trust him and I know those girls who he always go with.

2 month ago, he went back to England for xmas, he was kinda saying that he would be going to Vietnam for a bike trip. I thought he would go with the normal gang like always. But it turned out that he was going alone with this farang girl who I know nothing about.

He said he was arranging the trip when he was in England. It was spontaneous thing. They had been emailing back and forth for this trip. The special thing about this trip is they would just go biking from town to town, very intimated experience I must say.

I was very sad when I found out all about this.

Then I tried to compromise about this by asking him to set up dinner / lunch with this woman so I know who my bf is going with. He came back and said to me that she did not want to meet me. She thought it was a bizarre idea that I wanted to meet her.

I asked him to cancel the trip coz I could not take it. I was crying and being miserable about it for a week and he knows about that.

He said he could not cancel it because this thing has been planned for month and the girl took the work days off for this. Besides, he really wanted to go. He said it was just another trip, nothing else and I was just overreacted about it.

He left last Friday and will be back on next Sunday.

I am completely devastated.

Advices, comments, comforts … anyone?

Dear "Beautiful Administrator",

Yes, your boyfriend is having a sexual relationship with this other woman and he doesn't give a dam_n what you think- he's probably hoping this will be the final straw and you'll get lost by the time he returns. If you don't, then you are a glutton for punishment.

Maybe she's not conceited like you are about her looks and they have more in common than you could ever hope to as she's western and you're not.

Sometimes, for a few select men , just being a Thai woman isn't enough !

Edited February 8, 2009 by HorseDoctor

[caulfield2]

Well, since it's human nature when the board is mostly farangs to turn on people from another culture and blanket stereotype or generalize....not sure what you do about that. Truth is subjective, there are two sides to every coin and perception substitutes for reality.

I think Candy has a lot of serious thinking to do. I'm not sure how old she or her b/f are...what their future plans were, if any. Live together/cohabitate? Marriage? Convenience/economics? If they are living together or in separate apartments.

After I got back together with my Filipina g/f (I was already in Thailand), I had to go on a trip I'd planned with one of my former students, a Japanese girl who ended up making a Filipino b/f at the University of Philippines. She was an ESL student, and we shared a common passion for travelling, so she had agreed with me a month or so b4 I got back with my g/f to go with me to Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia and back to Thailand over 11 days.

Sometimes we had to sleep in the same bed, other times not, but absolutely nothing happened. She is 20 years old and I am 39, and her former ESL teacher. She's very pretty, fun, super smart, we have lots in common, but never once on our trip did anything come close to happening...in fact, over the time of the trip, any thought I might have had romantically evaporated, lol. If anything, it made me want to see my g/f even more...and to apologize because I know the trip made her feel uneasy/uncomfortable.

If Candy isn't a natural cyclist, I don't think she should pretend to be something she's not. We all have our own passions and hobbies...I'm sure BritBoy doesn't go shopping for hours with Candy either. Maybe he watches football with the guys or goes cycling. The real question is whether they have enough things in common for them to be compatible, or whether their relationship has reached the point of boredom/ennui.

In that case, I think it's simply the guy taking the girl for granted, that no matter how he treats her, she will be there, ready and waiting for him. So maybe he needs a serious wake-up call to realize he's being a jerk. It's not whether he is cheating, covering it up....being so open as to make her feel "how could they be cheating?" if they're being upfront/honest about the trip, sort of.

If you love someone, you tend to make them a priority in your life. If they aren't your top priority, they will come to feel that and resent it, especially if their top priority is you/the guy. This might just be selfishness, immaturity, a farang thinking he can get away with treating a Thai girl with less dignity than another farang girl, I don't know exactly.

I don't get the sense she's ready to break up with him over this...and maybe she just wants him to be more considerate, as it seems she has made a number of allowances and concessions. I know many girls would be furious if their boyfriends went to coyote/bikini bars or massage places or feel insecure if he went to a disco every weekend with friends/visitors who were trying to pick up girls and bring them home. Even if he comes/came home at the end of the night, it leads to an uneasy feeling. Maybe she just wants a "simple" life and to stay at home and "snuggle" and still is at the stage where he's caught between partying/fun and having a steady relationship and wanting to live in both worlds.

[samuibeachcomber]

Hello All, It has been long time since I posted something here 

I am Thai, early 30s, well educated.

I have been going out with Mr. Brit boy for 1.5 year. He is very sporty. He runs marathon and stuff. Most of weekend, if he is not with me , he is out biking around Thailand with his gang. I met some of them occasionally. I never had any problem when he goes away with them, coz I trust him and I know those girls who he always go with.

2 month ago, he went back to England for xmas, he was kinda saying that he would be going to Vietnam for a bike trip. I thought he would go with the normal gang like always. But it turned out that he was going alone with this farang girl who I know nothing about.

He said he was arranging the trip when he was in England. It was spontaneous thing. They had been emailing back and forth for this trip. The special thing about this trip is they would just go biking from town to town, very intimated experience I must say.

I was very sad when I found out all about this.

Then I tried to compromise about this by asking him to set up dinner / lunch with this woman so I know who my bf is going with. He came back and said to me that she did not want to meet me. She thought it was a bizarre idea that I wanted to meet her.

I asked him to cancel the trip coz I could not take it. I was crying and being miserable about it for a week and he knows about that.

He said he could not cancel it because this thing has been planned for month and the girl took the work days off for this. Besides, he really wanted to go. He said it was just another trip, nothing else and I was just overreacted about it.

He left last Friday and will be back on next Sunday.

I am completely devastated.

Advices, comments, comforts … anyone?

Dear "Beautiful Administrator",

Yes, your boyfriend is having a sexual relationship with this other woman and he doesn't give a dam_n what you think- he's probably hoping this will be the final straw and you'll get lost by the time he returns. If you don't, then you are a glutton for punishment.

Maybe she's not conceited like you are about her looks and they have more in common than you could ever hope to as she's western and you're not.

Sometimes, for a few select men , just being a Thai woman isn't enough !

sharp reply HD,very sharp indeed.

[HorseDoctor]

sharp reply HD,very sharp indeed.

Yes you're right, it was a sharp response. I should have added that I think the op is totally BS and is just posting for amusement, thus I took the opportunity to post some more of my usual, beloved Thai bashing

No Thai woman would embarrass herself by writing publicly about being back doored in such a manner. In fact few people of either sex or nationality , anywhere would.

Let me add that any woman who expects fidelity from men is setting herself up for disappointment - it ain't the nature of of the beast, it is an unnatural state, for men AND women pushed upon society by repressive religions .

Edited February 8, 2009 by HorseDoctor

[sassienie]

Hello All, It has been long time since I posted something here 

I am Thai, early 30s, well educated.

I have been going out with Mr. Brit boy for 1.5 year. He is very sporty. He runs marathon and stuff. Most of weekend, if he is not with me , he is out biking around Thailand with his gang. I met some of them occasionally. I never had any problem when he goes away with them, coz I trust him and I know those girls who he always go with.

2 month ago, he went back to England for xmas, he was kinda saying that he would be going to Vietnam for a bike trip. I thought he would go with the normal gang like always. But it turned out that he was going alone with this farang girl who I know nothing about.

He said he was arranging the trip when he was in England. It was spontaneous thing. They had been emailing back and forth for this trip. The special thing about this trip is they would just go biking from town to town, very intimated experience I must say.

I was very sad when I found out all about this.

Then I tried to compromise about this by asking him to set up dinner / lunch with this woman so I know who my bf is going with. He came back and said to me that she did not want to meet me. She thought it was a bizarre idea that I wanted to meet her.

I asked him to cancel the trip coz I could not take it. I was crying and being miserable about it for a week and he knows about that.

He said he could not cancel it because this thing has been planned for month and the girl took the work days off for this. Besides, he really wanted to go. He said it was just another trip, nothing else and I was just overreacted about it.

He left last Friday and will be back on next Sunday.

I am completely devastated.

Advices, comments, comforts … anyone?

You say, you are well educated, so just look at the facts.

This guy is immature. He enjoys adventure and you are only part of his adventure, he is not going to get serious with you.

If you wish to see this guy as becoming a steady boyfriend or husband, forget it, you are wasting you`re time and in your heart, you already know this.

So now it`s up to you.

Edited February 8, 2009 by sassienie

[caulfield2]

sharp reply HD,very sharp indeed.

Yes you're right, it was a sharp response. I should have added that I think the op is totally BS and is just posting for amusement, thus I took the opportunity to post some more of my usual, beloved Thai bashing

No Thai woman would embarrass herself by writing publicly about being back doored in such a manner. In fact few people of either sex or nationality , anywhere would.

Let me add that any woman who expects fidelity from men is setting herself up for disappointment - it ain't the nature of of the beast, it is an unnatural state, for men AND women pushed upon society by repressive religions .

I'm just wondering if you have ever been married, lol...?

I understand it's very possible to find lots of women out there who also share your view/s, but does this ever cause a problem in relationships? Do you date "younger" girls who like to play around/party and aren't serious about marriage or do you tend to date older women who either don't want marriage/kids or have just reconciled to the fact that marriage isn't in the cards for them?

Would you EVER get married,under any circumstances? In other words, if you ever fell in love with a girl/woman and she at some point threatened/intimated she would leave you if you didn't come up with well-laid plans to get engaged or set a wedding date, you would just walk away every time? Or you just are clear from the beginning that you don't believe in marriage and/or monogamy, that it's impossible?

Edited February 8, 2009 by caulfield2

[britmaveric]

sharp reply HD,very sharp indeed.

Yes you're right, it was a sharp response. I should have added that I think the op is totally BS and is just posting for amusement, thus I took the opportunity to post some more of my usual, beloved Thai bashing

No Thai woman would embarrass herself by writing publicly about being back doored in such a manner. In fact few people of either sex or nationality , anywhere would.

Let me add that any woman who expects fidelity from men is setting herself up for disappointment - it ain't the nature of of the beast, it is an unnatural state, for men AND women pushed upon society by repressive religions .

You are a muppet mate, she is Thai and very good mate of mine. She is as genuine as they get and a real gem of a lady too.

Believe it or not there are lads out there that only are faithful to one woman, not weak <deleted> who have no self control.

Edited February 8, 2009 by britmaveric

[NanLaew]

No Thai woman would embarrass herself by writing publicly about being back doored in such a manner.

Whoops! I must have missed something here... time to re-read this thread.

[NanLaew]

Posts have been deleted. No bickering on the forum please

There's a no bickering rule?

Show me.

[skettios]

Advices, comments, comforts … anyone?

I would feel bad if my girlfriend did this to me. Wait till he gets back and then take things from there. Maybe it will all come out in the wash.

[NanLaew]

To the OP, there's no telling what he's up to but these sporty types are usually so up themselves that they fail to really see things from another persons perspective and that's not really a good omen for any meaningful relationship. You bawled your eyes out but he was more worried about this cycling companion losing some pay days... speaks volumes to me. The fact that she may be female is not really an issue but for the men out there who proclaim that their relationships are so well defined that they can go bar-hopping regularly with their buddies or chill non-sexually with a lady friend and claim that their partners are really happy with that arrangement; these guys probably don't respond to the female waterworks either and maybe they don't have the 100% understanding of their partners that they lay claim to.

I had an ex girlfriend in the US that was going through a trial separation (they eventually divorced and she got the works) but as a former boyfriend, she chose to confide in me and she was comforted by that; NO sex involved, just the odd lunch or afternoon chat at Starbucks. For his part, all through the marriage, the (soon to be ex) husband was always seeing his ex-girlfriend, a hairdresser with her own successful salon. His reason for still seeing his former flame regularly was, 'She's the only woman who knows how to cut my hair properly.' He could not see why this made his wife feel insecure but when he found out that she was seeing me for her 'stress relief', he went ballistic and to this day still reckons that I was the reason she finally divorced him. Numpty.

My opinion on your bloke; he hasn't matured enough for a relationship hence the frequent lads-night-out and not working on developing mutual interests. My opinion on you; you are not mature enough to handle this lack of attention so doubt that you are ready to embrace the real dramas that pop up in a deeply committed relationship. You both still appear to subscribe to the, 'It's all about me?" school of narcissism. He buggers off to do what he wants and you spill your guts on a public forum.

I doubt that biker boi is cheating; maybe has no intention of doing so but, being one of the lads, all it will need is the temptation, the distraction and the added distance. Yours however, is a natural response but I hope the recent paucity of your posts is testament to getting cleaned up, out of the house and enjoying your time apart. It's already been said, there's plenty other fish in the sea, even Maigo6.

Edited February 8, 2009 by NanLaew