Should I Live In Isaan? - Need Your Input

[fyrman]

Hi everyone,

I owe a big thanks, and definitely a night worth of beer and Mekong to Litebeer, Ron, Isee, Clayton, and everyone else who responded to help me out.

I have read and re-read the posts, and got a lot out of all of them. Obviously, most of you have been in my shoes before and have shown mercy to my soul! I really appreciate all the information.

I am driving up tp the Phetchbun area from my house in Malaysia around the first of May to have a look, and presumably to 'meet the parents', which was very casually suggested by my GF. I am, of course, wondering how much significance will be attached to this visit. I will have to discuss further with her before we go.

Anyway, my thanks to all again, especially about the gifts, which I will keep in mind.

I guess one of my biggest worries is if this family is just a normal Thai family, or if they will view me as sort of an ATM machine, to see how many withdrawals they can make. Again, the advice here on that subject has been very helpful.

Maybe our paths will cross when I am in Phetchabun coming up in May.

Thanks again

Bill

fyrman,

Litebeer has probably summed it up well....however I might add some comments - some of which will support litebeer's advice.

1. I don't think there is any one formula in having a successful visit, but there are norms to follow.

2. Arrive with small tokens of appreciation for being welcomed to the family home, usually entails food that isn't easily (or cheaply) accessible to the parents (dried squid is a favourite of my GF's mother - father doesn't drink so I bring him some quality coffee).

3. Be happy and try to smile a lot even if you don't understand - try to make an effort to communicate which will probably be through you GF.

4. When you are talking about "bad" parents, this usually relates to how often and how deep you are asked to put your hand in your pocket. This is good time to test your GF as to whether she stands up to her parents if they try it on or not. Avoid discussions about money if you can.

5. You will probably have to pay for the food if you go to the markets - wouldn't get too paranoid over that as most of the food will be for you as its doubtful you will eat whats normally prepared and in any event, the family will want to know what you want to eat so they can cook it for you. Try to keep it simple like penang pork, tom yum fish, etc. BTW - their rice will be the "BEST TASTING" rice you've ever eaten as they will probably pull out their "best" rice for you to eat - unless its obviously crap and wasn't dried properly before storing etc.

6. If you are staying at the family home - work out what you are sleeping on and whether your back can take it. Also probably a good idea to refrain from night time activities - if you know what I mean. Try not to be surprised about the standard of the home, if there is only a squat toilet, or you are having a shower with a hand bucket.

7. Your GF is showing you off to the family, so don't be surprised if they come out of the wood work and want to watch or know everything about you (depending on how much contact they've had with other farangs before).

8. If you are only going for 2 nights, I would refrain from having a drinking night with them and just tell them you will bring some whisky from your home next time you visit and stay longer.

9. Try to keep your GF nearby or within calling distance for when anyone wants to start up a conversation with you.

10. The biggest problem you are going to have is deciding if you are going to wai or not and to whom. Probably best to restrict that and learn up on the protocols - best answer is to wait for them to wai and make sure you note the height of their wai.

11. When you leave, its usually expected to give the parents some small money to cover cost for rice etc...probably 500 baht would be enough, don't ask your GF as she will say up to you. If she wants you to give them a few thousand baht or more, then its one of those moments that I like to think about being ..."Things that make you go hmmmmmm".

12. Don't worry about them calling you farang, but probably nice that the parents refer to you by your name and you use their name.

13. Golden rule - take it easy, be flexible and have fun. Get out and look around and show a little interest in the family life (and the extended family).

14. Don't forget to take your flip-flops/thongs.

Consider how you are going to get about, better to have access to a car whether that requires renting one or the family is prepared to let you use theirs if they have one.

Edit: I've assumed that you are visiting a moo baan which is surrounded by her extended family. Depending on where the family home is will be dependent on what your experience is with relatives etc. ClaytonSeymour makes a good point about staying in a hotel first to be on the safe side but you will need transport to travel to and from her home. if you do stay there you could always make your excuses after the first night that you have a bad back or something or tell the GF you will check the place out first and decide. Not all thai homes are corrugated iron and dirt floors but you should be able to get some idea of what the place is like and whether you have seperate sleeping room.

[coventry]

I think they will see you as an ATM, Batman and the Lone Ranger combined. They know that having a farang son in law, their future is in good hands. Good luck and don't show weakness or your in for the long haul. In my opinion.

[Dave the Dude]

I think they will see you as an ATM, Batman and the Lone Ranger combined. They know that having a farang son in law, their future is in good hands. Good luck and don't show weakness or your in for the long haul. In my opinion.

good advice

Dave

[Isee]

I think they will see you as an ATM, Batman and the Lone Ranger combined. They know that having a farang son in law, their future is in good hands. Good luck and don't show weakness or your in for the long haul. In my opinion.

good advice

Dave

I agree with the conclusion you come to, but someone newish to all things thai may not understand the reasons for those conclusions and may wrongly assume those reasons to be something else. For example, I disagree with the statement that the family "will" see him as an ATM, that may be the case but certainly harsh if they don't treat him as one. With the "ATM" part in the OP's head with the addition of "having a farang son in law, their future is in good hands" - wouldn't be hard to guess that the two statements could be taken as amounting to being the same thing. The fact that the daughter may be marrying up will be seen as a benefit is something common in most places/families. I can't even recall the number of times I've read or heard where a foreigner in Thailand gloated about having an influential thai relative-in-law (whether true or not).

Anyway, to the OP, good luck with it, you seem to have a level head on your shoulders let us know how it goes.

[torrenova]

The perception the family will have of you cannot be ascertained unless you get some information. Things like interaction with other westerners (an older sister married off for instance) will have a big influence. The sort of house they have (proper toilet, holes in the roof etc.), what transport, size of family, ages of family members. All of these help you to assess their likely impression of you.

Quite different if you get a moderately affluent (have a car perhaps) family where everyone works as opposed to a poor family with a couple of hooker daughters out providing for everyone with no-one working but just drinking whisky all day.