Wait Or Take The Risk

[Dave the Dude]

All good advice given, especially by Henry IMHO.

Just a thought......

If you love her so much why would you risk packing her off to some cold European country (with probably big unemployment/financial issues) when all you have is a job offer!

Go back, sort you life out,get a career that can afford your dreams,mate.

Then bring her over for an extended holiday out of her term time.

(& good luck)

Dave

[GuestHouse]

Decide in haste regret at leisure.

[LooseCannon]

You talk about the risks for yourself. But if you really love the girl you should consider the risks for her.

She have to leave her job.

What will happens with her when things don't work out between the 2 of you. She will probably lost her job, and than?

She can say that she is willing to adopt a new environment, but this is meaningless because she have no clue about life in Europe. Did you tell her the truth about life in Europe, or did you only tell about the good things. And make its seems like Europe is some kind of paradise.

Because European lifestyle is completely different. Thai people don't realize, that over here its each men or women for itself. Working in Thailand have an 'jay yen yen' attitude, this is not so over here with that attitude they throw you out after 1 hour.

Does she knows that it will be almost impossible to find a good job for her. Certainly in the beginning. Does she realize that her university degree has no value what so ever in Europe. I Know a single Thai girl from a well off family with an Master degree in economics who works as an shop assistant in a Thai supermarket. When her parents came to visit her, the mother cried for 2 day's when she saw the life of her daughter.

The best job she can have over here is room maid in some hotel, with an working schedule that is almost inhuman for Thai people, or work in some Thai restaurant as kitchen help or as a cleaning lady somewhere.

In Thailand she was respected because she was Ajan, in Europe, people will look at her as an foreigner from some poor backward country who was a bar girl in Pattaya, and she lured someone to take care of her and her family. Maybe many of your family, friends and co-workers will not believe she was an teacher in Thailand, maybe not in your face but on your back. And believe me women have a 6th sense to it. Certainly when they come in an alien surrounding and already very sensitive.

Did you told her that.

Are you prepared and able to take care of her, meaning Financially and emotionally. And don't underestimate the emotional part, because she will be homesick the first years this is a 100% certain. Does she have some financial responsibilities in Thailand, if she can not find a job are you willing to take them over from her. Did she told you what kind of life she expect to have in Europe. You should dig deeper to find out what are her real expectations when she will live in Europe, and correct them if the are unrealistic. it will avoid a lot of problems and dissapointments for the 2 of you

Most of us oldies know that communication skills of Thai are not that great, the oldies in this topic will confirm that most of the time we speak on 2 total different levels, Its take years to master to understand the real meaning of what has been said.

You wrote that you will return back home. So is it not better that you organize your life first before you take her with you. IMHO you should invite her next year during Thai school holiday so she loose nothing and have a time to look around an touch the real life in Europe, because you will have to work that moment.

And after all what is 1 year in a humans life, in the modern world of communication you can chat, this is the best way to talk some more, and find out if your mutual feeling don't change. And if you relation can't survive it, its meaning it was not genuine.

Maybe I make it too grim, but its the only way to make a clear statement and let you to understand the reality.

I promised myself not to comment this kind of topics anymore, because nobody listen to the advise given, but you seems somebody who seek some genuine advice.

To the OP - have you read this?

This is probably what you don't want to hear. But will you take any notice?

Tell us what you think.

Excellent advice, Henry, but I suspect will be sadly wasted.

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

You talk about the risks for yourself. But if you really love the girl you should consider the risks for her.

She have to leave her job She is willing to do that as I am going to support her

What will happens with her when things don't work out between the 2 of you. She will probably lost her job, and than? Agree we both taking the risk

She can say that she is willing to adopt a new environment, but this is meaningless because she have no clue about life in Europe. Did you tell her the truth about life in Europe, or did you only tell about the good things. And make its seems like Europe is some kind of paradise.

I have explained to her Life is tough in europe But I admit perhaps I have painted for her an optmistic picture on the other hand she is also from a hardworking family same myself.

And also she does not support her family as she has 1 sister and mom and both well finanicially

Because European lifestyle is completely different. Thai people don't realize, that over here its each men or women for itself. Working in Thailand have an 'jay yen yen' attitude, this is not so over here with that attitude they throw you out after 1 hour.

Does she knows that it will be almost impossible to find a good job for her. Certainly in the beginning. Does she realize that her university degree has no value what so ever in Europe. I Know a single Thai girl from a well off family with an Master degree in economics who works as an shop assistant in a Thai supermarket. When her parents came to visit her, the mother cried for 2 day's when she saw the life of her daughter. ( I will be teaching and I am 100% can support her]

The best job she can have over here is room maid in some hotel, with an working schedule that is almost inhuman for Thai people, or work in some Thai restaurant as kitchen help or as a cleaning lady somewhere.

In Thailand she was respected because she was Ajan, in Europe, people will look at her as an foreigner from some poor backward country who was a bar girl in Pattaya, and she lured someone to take care of her and her family. Maybe many of your family, friends and co-workers will not believe she was an teacher in Thailand, maybe not in your face but on your back. And believe me women have a 6th sense to it. Certainly when they come in an alien surrounding and already very sensitive. I am aware of this

Did you told her that.

Are you prepared and able to take care of her, meaning Financially and emotionally. And don't underestimate the emotional part, because she will be homesick the first years this is a 100% certain. Does she have some financial responsibilities in Thailand, if she can not find a job are you willing to take them over from her. Did she told you what kind of life she expect to have in Europe. You should dig deeper to find out what are her real expectations when she will live in Europe, and correct them if the are unrealistic. it will avoid a lot of problems and dissapointments for the 2 of you

Have tried to give her an accurate picture of the life here but optimistic one

Most of us oldies know that communication skills of Thai are not that great, the oldies in this topic will confirm that most of the time we speak on 2 total different levels, Its take years to master to understand the real meaning of what has been said.

You wrote that you will return back home. So is it not better that you organize your life first before you take her with you. IMHO you should invite her next year during Thai school holiday so she loose nothing and have a time to look around an touch the real life in Europe, because you will have to work that moment. I will discuss this with her

And after all what is 1 year in a humans life, in the modern world of communication you can chat, this is the best way to talk some more, and find out if your mutual feeling don't change. And if you relation can't survive it, its meaning it was not genuine.

Maybe I make it too grim, but its the only way to make a clear statement and let you to understand the reality.

I promised myself not to comment this kind of topics anymore, because nobody listen to the advise given, but you seems somebody who seek some genuine advice.

To the OP - have you read this?

This is probably what you don't want to hear. But will you take any notice?

Tell us what you think.

Excellent advice, Henry, but I suspect will be sadly wasted.

Thanks to your advice Henry and all those who kindly put forward thier views and I am looking forward for any other views

Edited March 16, 2009 by incrediblebutnotinterested

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

All good advice given, especially by Henry IMHO.

Just a thought......

If you love her so much why would you risk packing her off to some cold European country (with probably big unemployment/financial issues) when all you have is a job offer!

Go back, sort you life out,get a career that can afford your dreams,mate.

Then bring her over for an extended holiday out of her term time.

(& good luck)

Dave

i will work as a teacher and I certainly able to make a decent living for both of us

Edited March 16, 2009 by incrediblebutnotinterested

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

There are a few things to consider.

First maybe wait for a few more month of shared life could be good idea.

Then as a few posters already said, there is the "expatriation" factor, and it goes both ways. Are you sure your gf will like to live in your country? But also people with experience of long terme expatriation can talk about it, you are a different person here than you are in your home country. Are you sure your gf will like the person you are back home ?

I am aware of the fact that she will miss Home and isloated but i will do my best to take care of that part. With regard to I being different I accept that fact but not much different that would make her change heart

Thanks

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

Oh man here we go AGAIN. Look, why so delusionsal? Theres nothing you wont learn in another 2 months that you dont already know? Maybe the huge divorce rate in most countries points at a possibility you WILL discover more and youre feelings could possibly change. WAIT, just give it more time..... for the love of god WAIT. Living with someone for 40 tiny days is still the honeymoon phase, you don't know squat about this woman, the real her. You don't have to be me but I spend YEARS with a woman before even thinking of marriage. People that rush into things are being foolish, marriage isnt something you should take lightlty.

One good thing is that Mr. Incredible has mentioned that he didn't meet her in a bar.

I also did NOT meet my wife in the bar. Before we got married we spend effectively three weeks together!!! Seven years onwards we are still living happily together and have two kids.

It all depends on the right feelings and you need a teaspoon of good luck…

Go for it Mr. Incredible

Thank you I will talk with her today and I will come to a conclusion sure I try to persuade her to wait for visitor visa and marriage afterwards

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

... well there you have it: without exception the advise is wait.

Come back in 3 - 5 years time and tell us the relationship is going strong .........?? my guess is 3/4's of folk, all of whom feel now just as you do, will be divorced/seperated - and if there are kids involved, it can become real messy.

The fact that i never been single for long periods make me nervous about distant realtionship with her and I that might make me date others back home which i do not want as i have spend more than 1 years dating this lady

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

To the OP - have you read this?

This is probably what you don't want to hear. But will you take any notice?

Tell us what you think.

Excellent advice, Henry, but I suspect will be sadly wasted.

I have read his advice and after all the replies here and looking back at my relationship with her i can say Iam 90% leaning towards marrying her ( in case she insisted that she can not wait for a visitor visa and she is willing to take the risk as I will)

Edited March 16, 2009 by incrediblebutnotinterested

[t.s]

... well there you have it: without exception the advise is wait.

Come back in 3 - 5 years time and tell us the relationship is going strong .........?? my guess is 3/4's of folk, all of whom feel now just as you do, will be divorced/seperated - and if there are kids involved, it can become real messy.

The fact that i never been single for long periods make me nervous about distant realtionship with her and I that might make me date others back home which i do not want as i have spend more than 1 years dating this lady

then you are buggered. if you cant keep it in your pants what is the point?

you sound like you have dependeancy issues and you need "someone, anyone" more than you need this particular woman.

sounds more to me like you are afraid to be alone, and if you cant live with yourself, then she is in for a hel_l of a ride. you also sound like you are 14 yrs old. good luck to her!!!

oh, how much money does she owe the govt for her education? many thai teachers i have known are in thrall for their higher education, especially the masters and doc students.

ts

Edited March 16, 2009 by t.s

[rick75]

... well there you have it: without exception the advise is wait.

Come back in 3 - 5 years time and tell us the relationship is going strong .........?? my guess is 3/4's of folk, all of whom feel now just as you do, will be divorced/seperated - and if there are kids involved, it can become real messy.

The fact that i never been single for long periods make me nervous about distant realtionship with her and I that might make me date others back home which i do not want as i have spend more than 1 years dating this lady

Well there you have it

Go back Home, move on, if you can't keep it in your pants a long distance relationship is not for you.

^ you beat me dude

Edited March 16, 2009 by rick75

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

... well there you have it: without exception the advise is wait.

Come back in 3 - 5 years time and tell us the relationship is going strong .........?? my guess is 3/4's of folk, all of whom feel now just as you do, will be divorced/seperated - and if there are kids involved, it can become real messy.

The fact that i never been single for long periods make me nervous about distant realtionship with her and I that might make me date others back home which i do not want as i have spend more than 1 years dating this lady

then you are buggered. if you cant keep it in your pants what is the point?

you sound like you have dependeancy issues and you need "someone, anyone" more than you need this particular woman.

sounds more to me like you are afraid to be alone, and if you cant live with yourself, then she is in for a hel_l of a ride. you also sound like you are 14 yrs old. good luck to her!!!

oh, how much money does she owe the govt for her education? many thai teachers i have known are in thrall for their higher education, especially the masters and doc students.

ts

She does not owe to the govt and yes true not like being alone

thanks

[Jimjim]

You won't find your answers here. Just figure it out yourself.

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

... well there you have it: without exception the advise is wait.

Come back in 3 - 5 years time and tell us the relationship is going strong .........?? my guess is 3/4's of folk, all of whom feel now just as you do, will be divorced/seperated - and if there are kids involved, it can become real messy.

The fact that i never been single for long periods make me nervous about distant realtionship with her and I that might make me date others back home which i do not want as i have spend more than 1 years dating this lady

Well there you have it

Go back Home, move on, if you can't keep it in your pants a long distance relationship is not for you.

^ you beat me dude

I will be open and honest with her but I know long distant relationship for long period is not something that I can bear

[henryalleman]

... well there you have it: without exception the advise is wait.

Come back in 3 - 5 years time and tell us the relationship is going strong .........?? my guess is 3/4's of folk, all of whom feel now just as you do, will be divorced/seperated - and if there are kids involved, it can become real messy.

The fact that i never been single for long periods make me nervous about distant realtionship with her and I that might make me date others back home which i do not want as i have spend more than 1 years dating this lady

Sorry but you've lost all your credibility by this statement. You are like the thousand of other immature Boy's, writing BOY and not MAN said it all.

I would ask the moderators to close this topic, because its a waste of time

Edited March 16, 2009 by henryalleman

[Travel2003]

Hi to All,

Have delimma intrested to know your views:

I have known my Thai Girl Friend for over a year, lived together for more than 40 days

and I am very happy with her habbits and heart and I know if i lived with her for a couple more months It would not change my views nor make us more closer as we are very very close and in love.

I am from Europe and i would like to marry her and take her to live with me as I have been offered a job back in my country and I am not a fan of distant relationship.

she always tell me that she will love the same in Europe too and will adopt to the new enviroment and basically there is no way I can be sure of that that until she is with me in Europe.

Is it too fast or should I take the risk of marrying her ?

your views appreciated and would definitly be very helpful for me

and we have not met in a bar we worked as teachers in a same school.

Kind regards

Hi there.

Have you had your first fights (quarrels) yet? And then made up again?

Do you know how she is when you have a serious fight, which I believe most relationships have.

Remember, if you are from a small place back home, then there is a possibility for her being isolated and bored.

What is she going to do there?

Finally, would you after 1 years relationship, and after only 40 days under the same roof, marry and bring someone back home abroad?

[incrediblebutnotinterested]

hi all ,

Iam back home and have agreed with gf not to go ahead with marriage.

instead going to get her a visitor visa and take it from there

thanks to all really have been a very useful forum