How To Save An Aspiring Bar Girl?

[keepwalking]

well, I expect there will be plenty of flippant, facetious, sanctimonious replies to this but here we go.

I know a young lady who is NOT a bar girl. She is from a slum in Lad Prao, her stepfather is a drunk, her mother has a two year old baby as well as this daughter who is 21. Her name is "J".

J's mother wants her to go work in a go go bar to support the family. The mother does not work and has J wrapped around her little finger. The stepfather is violent and abusive.

The go go bar is attractive for J because....

1. She thinks she can help her mother/baby sister.

2. She can live by herself away from the abusive (physically, he has threatened sexually before too) stepfather.

3. She is from a slum and likes the idea of having money and the power and perceived worth that that brings.

4. She thinks she can find a farang "boyfriend" at the bars (she hates Thai guys)

J is uneducated and left school at 14. It is true she will make money and help her family. However, she has no other idea of what to do and seems to me to be unduly controlled by her mother and, understandably, greedy for money beyong the poverty she has grown up with.

Please help me.....does she have any options bearing in mind she needs to get away from the stepfather and help her (blo#dy selfish) mother and she has no education so will only be able to get a crappy 6000 bhat a month job. She speaks good English, is pretty but other than that has no other "qualifications".

Thanks for any caring and positive ideas. I am not expecting much. I want to talk her out of the go go bar but.......I cannot find anything better.

[Lickey]

quote, she thinks she can find a farang boyfriend,

Please tell us what is your relationship with this girl?

[barrybike]

if she has good english ..there is plenty of work in shops,restaurants ,hotels ....she will have to start here , she just cant start at the top ,so as you say it crappy 6000 baht ....would be better than nothing for now...

[valentinob29]

well, I expect there will be plenty of flippant, facetious, sanctimonious replies to this but here we go.

I know a young lady who is NOT a bar girl. She is from a slum in Lad Prao, her stepfather is a drunk, her mother has a two year old baby as well as this daughter who is 21. Her name is "J".

J's mother wants her to go work in a go go bar to support the family. The mother does not work and has J wrapped around her little finger. The stepfather is violent and abusive.

The go go bar is attractive for J because....

1. She thinks she can help her mother/baby sister.

2. She can live by herself away from the abusive (physically, he has threatened sexually before too) stepfather.

3. She is from a slum and likes the idea of having money and the power and perceived worth that that brings.

4. She thinks she can find a farang "boyfriend" at the bars (she hates Thai guys)

J is uneducated and left school at 14. It is true she will make money and help her family. However, she has no other idea of what to do and seems to me to be unduly controlled by her mother and, understandably, greedy for money beyong the poverty she has grown up with.

Please help me.....does she have any options bearing in mind she needs to get away from the stepfather and help her (blo#dy selfish) mother and she has no education so will only be able to get a crappy 6000 bhat a month job. She speaks good English, is pretty but other than that has no other "qualifications".

Thanks for any caring and positive ideas. I am not expecting much. I want to talk her out of the go go bar but.......I cannot find anything better.

what a sad world we still be live in.

How little we have progressed.

My heart goes out to this young lady and her situation, which sadly is all too common in the land of smiles.

I wish I had an instant answer, she is lucky to have found someone like you who seems to geninely care for her.

There are several charity's set up to help educate the poor, but they must attend the classes and will not pay whilst doing the study.

Network with these sorts and see what comes up.

Persuade her that money and a farang boyfriend are not the lasting key to happiness, although I do see how they would fall for this

good luck and thanks for being a caring person

[Carib]

Take her on a tour, and show her the kind of environment she will end up in, and point out some nice fat bald ugly drooling guys she will have to sleep with to make the money, because that is where she will end, underneath these guys... If that doesn't help nothing will.

[rolypie]

Hmmm How many times have i heard this story. Crappy salaries of 6000 bht are not much less than bar girls and small gogo bar salaries. The family will not give a monkey about there daughters well fare as long as the cash rolls in to pay for them to drink and sleep all day.

well, I expect there will be plenty of flippant, facetious, sanctimonious replies to this but here we go.

I know a young lady who is NOT a bar girl. She is from a slum in Lad Prao, her stepfather is a drunk, her mother has a two year old baby as well as this daughter who is 21. Her name is "J".

J's mother wants her to go work in a go go bar to support the family. The mother does not work and has J wrapped around her little finger. The stepfather is violent and abusive.

The go go bar is attractive for J because....

1. She thinks she can help her mother/baby sister.

2. She can live by herself away from the abusive (physically, he has threatened sexually before too) stepfather.

3. She is from a slum and likes the idea of having money and the power and perceived worth that that brings.

4. She thinks she can find a farang "boyfriend" at the bars (she hates Thai guys)

J is uneducated and left school at 14. It is true she will make money and help her family. However, she has no other idea of what to do and seems to me to be unduly controlled by her mother and, understandably, greedy for money beyong the poverty she has grown up with.

Please help me.....does she have any options bearing in mind she needs to get away from the stepfather and help her (blo#dy selfish) mother and she has no education so will only be able to get a crappy 6000 bhat a month job. She speaks good English, is pretty but other than that has no other "qualifications".

Thanks for any caring and positive ideas. I am not expecting much. I want to talk her out of the go go bar but.......I cannot find anything better.

what a sad world we still be live in.

How little we have progressed.

My heart goes out to this young lady and her situation, which sadly is all too common in the land of smiles.

I wish I had an instant answer, she is lucky to have found someone like you who seems to geninely care for her.

There are several charity's set up to help educate the poor, but they must attend the classes and will not pay whilst doing the study.

Network with these sorts and see what comes up.

Persuade her that money and a farang boyfriend are not the lasting key to happiness, although I do see how they would fall for this

good luck and thanks for being a caring person

[Sabum]

Uhm sorry she dropped out of school at 14 and has no education but speaks english well? Are you a sucker? She's BEEN FALANGED already, heavily or she wouldn't speak any english at all period. She is feeding you this bullshit story about wanting to work at a gogobar because stupid dummies are supposed to instantly want to "save" her and offer to pay her to NOT work in a bar. This scam has been done a million times... how can you seriously fall for it??

[Erap]

Uhm sorry she dropped out of school at 14 and has no education but speaks english well? Are you a sucker? She's BEEN FALANGED already, heavily or she wouldn't speak any english at all period

Not necesseraly, I've met Thai girls who dropped out of high school and were able to speak English even at a very young age. Many times they would study the language on their own, sometimes while working with foreigners (but not necesseraly sleeping with them)

OP, I wish you good luck with helping this girl. However the sad truth is that sometimes, even with all of our best intentions, there' nothing that we can do. Hope I'm wrong.

[Jimjim]

Get her a job for a tourism agency. Otherwise, I think you will have a hard time "saving" this girl if she doesn't want to be saved other than just given money for doing nothing.

[loong]

Uhm sorry she dropped out of school at 14 and has no education but speaks english well? Are you a sucker? She's BEEN FALANGED already, heavily or she wouldn't speak any english at all period. She is feeding you this bullshit story about wanting to work at a gogobar because stupid dummies are supposed to instantly want to "save" her and offer to pay her to NOT work in a bar. This scam has been done a million times... how can you seriously fall for it??

There's a very high chance that you are right Sabum. She would have had some English lessons at school, but as the majority of English teachers (that I've met) in Thai state schools cannot speak coherent English, the students learn nearly nothing.

She must have spent a lot of time in the company of English speakers to be able to speak well.

If she can get a job for 6000 Baht per month, then she will be okay. Millions of Thai families manage on less.

If a mother pushes her daughter into a life of prostitution, the she gives up the right to be a mother. It's a pity that so many girls feel that they have a duty to support their parents even when they are too lazy to work themselves.

[THAICUSTOM]

this is thailand TIT

[sassienie]

Forget the good intentions, you’re wasting your time.

The word out on the street is, don’t get involved with Thai women, especially during this worldwide economic crisis.

2 weeks ago all the Farangs in my area of Chiang Mai were called into the local police station and warned by the police of these scams. Scams, resentment and crime against Farangs is rampant at the moment

They are desperate and becoming more deceitful and cunning.

The girl and her family are probably colluding with each other to scam you. Seperating a Farang from his assets is becoming an industry here in Thailand.

Please read the threads on ThaiVisa and see how many innocent naive idiots have fallen for this crap and lost out big time.

Edited March 27, 2009 by Lite Beer
Anti Thai coments removed. Lite Beer

[WeeGB]

Never mind "keepwalking", you should start running!

Why do so many farangs come to Thailand and try to do the knight in shining armour thing?

If this was in your home country, would you be bothered to "help"? So why fall for an obvious scam here?

Good hearted farangs quickly become poor good hearted farangs in Thailand, learn from the lessons of others.

[mhatami]

Uhm sorry she dropped out of school at 14 and has no education but speaks english well? Are you a sucker? She's BEEN FALANGED already, heavily or she wouldn't speak any english at all period. She is feeding you this bullshit story about wanting to work at a gogobar because stupid dummies are supposed to instantly want to "save" her and offer to pay her to NOT work in a bar. This scam has been done a million times... how can you seriously fall for it??

Good one. Dont forget to have her tested too for hiv, before getting too close

[Jimjim]

Forget the good intentions, you’re wasting your time.

The word out on the street is, don’t get involved with Thai women, especially during this worldwide economic crisis.

Aren't you married to a Thai woman?

[khundon]

If she means that much to you, why don't you pay her a salary each month and be the sweaty farang on top.

She is a scammer and a loser pal and if you stick around, you will be a loser too.

Sorry but TIT.

[thaiwanderer]

OP (assuming she isn't lying) -

on the basis of what you say her realistic options are 'normal' job or........ bar work

assuming she is soliciting your opinion tell her what you think (you say 'save' so can guess what the advice is going to be)

she is unlikely to value your opinion too highly (against family expectations - repaying mother which she absolutely belives in, and against many other things) so all you are really doing is making yourself feel better - by all means do so

its her life (however constrained by circumstances it may be), she has the 'qualifications' for bar work - a normal job is not going to give her the possibility of repaying her debt to her family in the way that bar work might - if you want to fill her head with your standards fill her pockets with your money too

[imaneggspurt]

Unfortunatly this is the way of thailand and your advice i fear will fall on deaf ears,.....greed is much more prevalant than scruples ,....money number one,

[imaneggspurt]

Forget the good intentions, you're wasting your time.

The word out on the street is, don't get involved with Thai women, especially during this worldwide economic crisis.

Aren't you married to a Thai woman?

Hardly see the releveance ,so am i, however she dosent want to ,and never did work "the bar " .i think he probably means bar girl types,( the circles he mixes in ? ) and i dont think the economy has anything to do with it ! ..a lot of men have learnt from their mistakes, op sounds like another one in the making,.

[track61]

Uhm sorry she dropped out of school at 14 and has no education but speaks english well? Are you a sucker? She's BEEN FALANGED already, heavily or she wouldn't speak any english at all period. She is feeding you this bullshit story about wanting to work at a gogobar because stupid dummies are supposed to instantly want to "save" her and offer to pay her to NOT work in a bar. This scam has been done a million times... how can you seriously fall for it??

Not sure where you get your info but I have a neighbor that is only 9 years old, speaks excellent englsh, and has never been out of the village.

As far as a "crappy 6000 baht a month job" goes, my sister-in-law could really use the raise. As mentioned already there are things she can do, but whatever you do you best hurry. Once they grab that pole (pun intended) it's a matter of days before it all goes up in smoke (ditto).

[Jimjim]

Forget the good intentions, you're wasting your time.

The word out on the street is, don't get involved with Thai women, especially during this worldwide economic crisis.

Aren't you married to a Thai woman?

Hardly see the releveance ,so am i, however she dosent want to ,and never did work "the bar " .i think he probably means bar girl types,( the circles he mixes in ? ) and i dont think the economy has anything to do with it ! ..a lot of men have learnt from their mistakes, op sounds like another one in the making,.

Extremely relevant considering he's seriously dumping on Thai women. If he means bargirls, he would or should say "bargirls." As you well know, not all Thai women are scheming scammers so he's basically promoting racism against Thai women with his post, and thought I remembered him saying he was married to a Thai woman.

[Heng]

"I thought, I thought if I could save just one, but… she was so heavy. So heavy."

[GuestHouse]

Look around you - The help you wish to offer (and that is not a bad thing) is being counteracted by the certainty that there are pleny of others eager to buy her 'services'.

[Crushdepth]

Why not encourage her to get a 'normal' job? It's not hard to get work in Thailand.

[trashy]

Keep on walking and don't look back. Thailand is full of these women.

[hlfourie]

How long has OP known this girl before she opened her heart to you with her sad life story, I would say if you have not known this girl and her situation (as she explains it) for at least a year I would say it is a scam. The only way you are going to stop her or "save" from being a bargirl is by giving her your money and all other assets you own.

Sooo I would recommend you first validate every word that comes / came from her mouth before committing yourself to being her knight in shining armour.

Edited March 27, 2009 by hlfourie

[tartempion]

There is that uneducated woman I know who worked 17 years as a maid, starting salary 500B at age 15, ending salary 7k at age 30.

Will it surprise you if I told you that she and 2 other sisters worked 10 years to pay for the house they built for their parents sending all the money they made? Don't forget maids live in for free at their bosses houses

Get real: many unschooled working people earn around 5K Baht/month.

Lots of jobs she could do isn't?

[costalot]

I'm sure learning a lot from this forum. I guess I have to remember to keep one step ahead.

[taxexile]

The mother does not work and has J wrapped around her little finger.

J does not work and is working on getting you wrapped around her little finger. like mother like daughter.

[clausewitz]

this has got to be a wind-up post, no one is that gullible.