Are Aussies Really So Bad?

[chuchok]

Aussie interview of some septics....

couldn't load the interview...

Edited October 13, 2005 by chuchok

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Did the Seppo's hijack the interview ?

[chuchok]

Did the Seppo's hijack the interview ?   

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They changed some wording on a maps etc and showed these to some yanks at the mall and asked them some questions. eg:One map read Aussie was North korea & Tassie was South Korea and asked them where wouuld the best place the invasion come from..hehehe

[Jai Dee]

How Aussies open their beer...

[udon]

Yeah, Tooheys NEW & OLD.

New was made yesterday and Old was made the day before

[udon]

Mise a nu .... A GALLERY .....Slow loading, but worth the wait!

[elsie]

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water. . .

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and HerveyBay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not ...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .... oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.

12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?

14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia?(France)

A: Only at Christmas.

16. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

17. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

18. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

19. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

20. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

We are a weird bunch aren't we Cutie

[elsie]

Pretty good weird, I have to admit.

Although still nowhere near the English.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

We can just continue to pray for a break Cute

[Jai Dee]

[Jai Dee]

The Australian newspaper, over a period of weeks, sought entries for the Great Australian Yarn.

This was the winner:

Two drovers standing in a bar.

One asked, "What are you up to?"

"Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."

"Oh yeah . . . and what route are you takin'?"

"Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

[chuchok]

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Of course this never happens like this! The "riding" Australian normally lifts the tail and sits a wee bit further down the animal.

[Jai Dee]

Of course this never happens like this! The "riding" Australian  normally lifts the tail and sits a wee bit further down the animal.  

You mean like the Kiwis do?

[dr_Pat_Pong]

The Australian newspaper, over a period of weeks, sought entries for the Great Australian Yarn.

This was the winner:                   

Two drovers standing in a bar.

One asked, "What are you up to?"

"Ahh. I'm takin' a mob of 6000 from Goondiwindi to Gympie."

"Oh yeah . . . and what route are you takin'?"

"Ah, prob'ly the Missus; after all, she stuck by me durin' the drought."

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[chuchok]

Of course this never happens like this! The "riding" Australian  normally lifts the tail and sits a wee bit further down the animal.  

You mean like the Kiwis do?

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looks like this pic was taken in Australia JD.

Great root joke BTW.

[Jai Dee]

How about this one?

[dr_Pat_Pong]

These two piccies are obviously from Whitecloudland

[Axel]

500 replies (Dr. you>>> )

12742 views.

Did not expect Aussies to be more popular than Tits

(at the moment on 589 replies, 10500 views)

[Jai Dee]

I'm really trying to do my bit for both threads mate...

[tuky]

If you were to have a pick between these two pictures as to which one is most closely associated with NZ, what would your choice be?

A?

or

B?

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Baaaaaaaaabara

[Jai Dee]

The Australian Illegal Immigrants Poem

I cross ocean, poor and broke,

Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,

Say I need to see welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,

We send cash right to your door."

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,

Medicare it keep you healthy!

By and by, I got plenty money,

Thanks to you, Australian dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,

Tell them 'come fast as you can.'

They come in turbans and pickup trucks,

I buy big house with welfare bucks

They come here, we live together,

More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,

But neighbour's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away,

Now I buy his house, and then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."

And in the yard I put a tent.

Send for family they just trash,

But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

Everything is very good,

And soon we own the neighbourhood.

We have hobby it's called breeding,

Welfare re pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist?

Wife need pills?

We get free!

We got no bills!

Australian crazy! He pay all year,

To keep welfare running here.

We think Australia darn good place!

Too darn good for the white man race.

If they no like us, they can scram,

Got lots of room in Pakistan.

[chuchok]

How about this one? 

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These guys managed to wip the wallaby molesters 2-0 this year.Dosn't say much for your guys really.

[Jai Dee]

AUSTRALIAN DEFINITION OF A "TRUE FRIEND"

Are you tired of all those namby, pamby, girly, sissy, "friendship" poems, that never come close to reality?

Well, here is a series of promises that really speaks to true friendship:

1 . When you are sad - I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you that way.

2. When you are blue - I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile - I will know you've finally got laid.

4. When you are scared - I will tease the crap out of you about it every chance I get.

5. When you are worried - I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to stop your bloody whining.

6 . When you are confused - I will use little words.

7. When you are sick - Stay the hel_l away from me until you are well again, don't want whatever you have.

8. When you fall - I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of two, and one of them isn't speaking to you right now anyway.

Remember: A good friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. Let me know if I ever need to bring a shovel.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

The Australian Illegal Immigrants Poem

I cross ocean, poor and broke,

Take bus, see employment folk.

Nice man treat me good in there,

Say I need to see welfare.

Welfare say, "You come no more,

We send cash right to your door."

Welfare checks, they make you wealthy,

Medicare it keep you healthy!

By and by, I got plenty money,

Thanks to you, Australian dummy.

Write to friends in motherland,

Tell them 'come fast as you can.'

They come in turbans and pickup trucks,

I buy big house with welfare bucks

They come here, we live together,

More welfare checks, it gets better!

Fourteen families, they moving in,

But neighbour's patience wearing thin.

Finally, white guy moves away,

Now I buy his house, and then I say,

"Find more aliens for house to rent."

And in the yard I put a tent.

Send for family they just trash,

But they, too, draw the welfare cash!

Everything is very good,

And soon we own the neighbourhood.

We have hobby it's called breeding,

Welfare re pay for baby feeding.

Kids need dentist?

Wife need pills?

We get free!

We got no bills!

Australian crazy! He pay all year,

To keep welfare running here.

We think Australia darn good place!

Too darn good for the white man race.

If they no like us, they can scram,

Got lots of room in Pakistan.

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[Welshman]

Err. why has this topic generated over 13,000 replies? Is it that the Aussies are so objectionable or univesally loved?

[Jai Dee]

Err. why has this topic generated over 13,000 replies?  Is it that the Aussies are so objectionable or univesally loved?

Check your statistics Welshman... your reply was post number 510...

Over 13,000 views? Well, you looked didn't you?

Are we Aussies all that bad?

[chuchok]

Err. why has this topic generated over 13,000 replies?  Is it that the Aussies are so objectionable or univesally loved?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Check your statistics Welshman... your reply was post number 510...

Over 13,000 views? Well, you looked didn't you?

Are we Aussies all that bad?

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Really want me to answer this JD?

[Boon Mee]