Are Aussies Really So Bad?

[devildog683]

Australia - Part 3 of 12

to keep the left and right sides of their brains separate.

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[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 4 of 12

Tasmania

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception.

Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces.

It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

[chuchok]

Australia - Part 4 of 12

Tasmania

Down south we have Tasmania, a State based on the notion that the family that bonks together stays together. In Tassie, everyone gets an extra chromosome at conception.

Maps of the State bring smiles to the sternest faces.

It holds the world record for a single mass shooting, which the Yanks can't seem to beat no matter how often they try.

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 5 of 12

South Australia

South Australia is the province of half-decent red wines, a festival of foreigners and bizarre axe murders.

SA is the state of innovation. Where else can you so effectively reuse country bank vaults and barrels as in Snowtown, just out of Adelaide (also named after a queen).

They had the Grand Prix, but lost it when the views of Adelaide sent the Formula One drivers to sleep at the wheel.

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 6 of 12

Western Australia

Western Australia is too far from anywhere to be relevant.

It's main claim to fame is that it doesn't have daylight saving because if it did, all the men would get erections on the bus on the way to work.

WA was the last state to stop importing convicts and many of them still work there in the government and business.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Duck lad. The gropers'll get you for perceived heresy

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 7 of 12

Northern Territory

The Northern Territory is the red heart of our land. Outback plains, sheep stations the size of Europe, kangaroos, Jackaroos, emus, Uluru, and dusty kids with big smiles.

It also has the highest beer consumption of anywhere on the planet and its creek beds have the highest aluminium content of anywhere too.

Although the Territory is the centrepiece of our national culture, few of us live there and the rest prefer to fly over it on our way to Bali.

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 8 of 12

Queensland

And there's Queensland.

While any mention of God seems silly in a document defining a nation of half arsed sceptics, it is worth noting that God probably made Queensland, as its beautiful one day and perfect the next.

Why he filled it with dickheads remains a mystery.

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 9 of 12

Australian Capital Territory

Oh yes and there's Canberra.

The less said the better.

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 10 of 12

We want to make “no worries mate” our national phrase, “she'll be right mate” our national attitude and “Waltzing Matilda” our national anthem (so what if it's about a sheep-stealing crim who commits suicide).

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 11 of 12

We love sport so much our newsreaders can read the death toll from a sailing race and still tell us who's winning.

And we're the best in the world at all the sports that count, like cricket, netball, rugby league and union, AFL, roo shooting, two up and horse racing.

[Jai Dee]

Australia - Part 12 of 12

Stand proud Aussies - we shoot, we root, we vote.

We are girt by sea and pissed by lunchtime.

I am, you are, we are Australian!

PS. We also shoot and eat the two animals that are on our National Crest!!!!

No other country on Earth has this distinction!

[Tornado]

Brilliant!

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Brilliant!

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Seconded

[The Philosopher]

May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub

[Jai Dee]

May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub

[chuchok]

May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub

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Ithink he means that there are so many aussies in pomgolia now..trying to drink the place dry!

[Jai Dee]

May the nationhood of OZ remain the pillar of the London Pub

Ithink he means that there are so many aussies in pomgolia now..trying to drink the place dry!

Aussies usually try to drink every place dry!

And with varying degrees of success...

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Most master the art of suckin' the sauce

[tuky]

football, meat pies, kangaroos and skimpy barmaids at the local on a thursdee night during the pool comp.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

Now they all know for certain about the Aussie habits

[Jai Dee]

football, meat pies, kangaroos and skimpy barmaids at the local on a thursdee night during the pool comp.

Ahhh.... skimpy nights... especially the ones in Kalgoorlie or Leinster WA... nearly as good as Pattaya's Walking Street on a Saturday night!

[Axel]

Last time I went to King's Cross I got homesick for LOS.

OK, I know it's a tourist place.

[alex100]

Maybe he means thers are load of Antipodean friends working in London Pubs

[Axel]

Talking about London-pubs:

An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night,

having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws

his glass in the air, pulls out a gun, shoots the glass to pieces and

says, "In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to

drink from the same one twice."

The Aussie, obviously impressed by

this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun,

shoots the glass to pieces and says, "Well mate, in Australia we have

so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the

same glass twice either."

The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up

his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his

gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says,

"In London we have so many bloody South Africans and Australians that we

don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

[gburns57au]

Talking about London-pubs:

An Englishman, an Aussie and a South African are in a bar one night,

having a beer. All of a sudden the South African downs his beer, throws

his glass in the air, pulls out a gun, shoots the glass to pieces and

says, "In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to

drink from the same one twice."

The Aussie, obviously impressed by

this, drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun,

shoots the glass to pieces and says, "Well mate, in Australia we have

so much sand to make the glasses that we don't need to drink out of the

same glass twice either."

The Englishman, cool as a cucumber, picks up

his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his

gun, shoots the South African and the Australian and then says,

"In London we have so many bloody South Africans and Australians that we

don't need to drink with the same ones twice."

Sounds like it was the pommies shout.......

[Pink Mist]

not only soapdodgers but shoutdodgers

[Pink Mist]

For a bet 3 guys go into a pig stye to see who can last the longest

a pom

a paddie

and an Ozzie

after one day thje Ozzie comes out "Gees mate she's bad in there" he says

after three days the Irishman comes out "be Jesus it's bad in there" he says dry reaching as he said it.

and after one week the pig came out

[udon]

not only soapdodgers but shoutdodgers

   

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I defy anyone to get a drink out of a well known Kiwi teacher, it's not a Dodger trait

That guy harbors death adders in his back pocket!

[ozzydom]

Brilliant!

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Seconded

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Awork of art,and all true.. would an Aussie bull***t to ya.