Advice Needed

[trigger38]

i feel quite a fool even writing this i married my g/f about 3 weeks ago a thai wedding ceremony we havent gone to bangkok yet to make it legal .now im having 2nd thoughts about it all we havent been getting on and have had a lot of bad times since then ,she is always telling me to leave if i want and well she has all the money now i paid for the wedding and gave 200000 baht dowry to her parents who are not poor

my questions are 1.can i get my dowry back?

2.does she lose face if she leaves me this soon ?

3.can i get my money back from her bank account ?

4.as her husband can i demand or get anything from this marrige

i love her still a lot but i feel she just doesnt want me and married me just for money

[bojo]

i feel quite a fool even writing this i married my g/f about 3 weeks ago a thai wedding ceremony we havent gone to bangkok yet to make it legal .now im having 2nd thoughts about it all we havent been getting on and have had a lot of bad times since then ,she is always telling me to leave if i want and well she has all the money now i paid for the wedding and gave 200000 baht dowry to her parents who are not poor

my questions are 1.can i get my dowry back?

2.does she lose face if she leaves me this soon ?

3.can i get my money back from her bank account ?

4.as her husband can i demand or get anything from this marrige

i love her still a lot but i feel she just doesnt want me and married me just for money

Answers 1-4 are 'no'

go with you're feelings and you won't be far wrong

Regards

Bojo

[Mario2008]

As to no. 4: you are not married. A wedding takes place at the amphur, by registering it. The ceremony is not a legal marriage.

As to 3: what can you proof? Was it a loan or a gift?

As to 1: maybe, ask a good lawyer, like forum sponsor isaanlaywer.

[trigger38]

thanks guys dont look good does it

[Sheryl]

Insofar as getting your money back, no, it doesn't.

But it could have been much worse. At least you have found out now before getting in any deeper, i.e. buying property in her name and so forth or having children with her.

Consider it an expensive but worthwhile lesson, cut your lossses and leave.

And next time be a whole lot more cautious and really take your time. Remember that it is harder to jusdeg the character and motivation of someone from another culture than someone from your own. Not impossible, but harder. Add to that the pretty sizable "cottage industry"that exists around Thai women marrying foreign men, and much time and caution is called for before even thinking of marriage.

[coventry]

i feel quite a fool even writing this

You're far from a fool 'trigger38'. A fool would have carried on and been in denial. At least you've had the guts to face up to your mistake. I see farangs that get married, get turned over, but rather than go home they put up with the wife's antics. The biggest challenge you face is confronting those back home that will say "we told you so". Good luck.

[paulfr]

Some may say this is unethical, but .....

Keep the "marriage" alive but do NOT go to the Ampur.

If the parents are not poor they often will give all or part of the "dowry"

back to the marriage. Then you can make an agreement with her

giving her half or some other percentage to call it quits.

She will net 50 to 100Kbaht in a mere few weeks and you

will save a bundle. Worth a try at least.

Unless of course 200Kb is small change to you.

Then just walk. Trouble at this stage spells doom.

And the statistics for successful marriages are not in your favor.

JMHO

[HakimKlunker]

A big thank you for this contribution.

So you have jumped off the bridge and not checked before if there is at least a little river below to dive in?

The nature of gravity makes the result clear!

Not saying this to offend you, but analysing the situation.

From the legal side I have little to contribute and others may have good advise.

From life experience I think you married your wife because you love her. Why not check out how big your love actually is?

In my own Euro/Thai relation I am facing similar situations. Especially when it comes to financials I have all alarm bells ringing. Most of the time because of no actual reason. Try and talk to her about it and find out how much of your bad feelings is reality. I understand that you are married for three weeks only. Even if you knew each other for long before, this is a brand new situation and probably both of you are only confused to find your new roles. Paulfr's suggestion sounds convincing to me: stay on the guard, but give it a chance.

I heard plenty of horror stories about relations with Thais. Unfortunately always from people who know people who have a friend, who...

Obviously, most Farangs are too hormon-controlled to consider practical issues when they are confronted with a Thai lady.

Who ever from this big forum world can contribute details, PLEASE drop your information here so that finally MAN-kind (subspecies 'Farlang') is better prepared. Maybe then I will even marry my girlfriend if I knew what surprises are waiting

All the best for you, Trigger

[nikster]

thanks guys dont look good does it

200k baht for the learning experience of your lifetime - seems like a good deal to me!

Forget about the money, there are more important things in your life. Do you want to go to a lawyer, most likely have absolutely no right whatsoever in getting that cash back, get a big headache in the process, and make everyone miserable? No, you don't. Forget it, let bygones be bygones, and concentrate on your new life as a bachelor.

I guess the thing I'd be most worried about is that it drags on and on, and there's lots of drama. Get over it as quickly as possible, even if it costs you money.

Edit: Move on.

Edited May 27, 2009 by nikster

[coconutmonkey]

Stay with her!

You haven't even taken the time to find your bearings. It's only shock. You need to sit down with her, plan out what you're going to do and how it's going to work, and prioritize what's important for both of you to make it work.... what does she want? What do you want?

You think she loves you for money????????? And you haven't even tried asking her??? Surely, it's taken you a while to figure this out? Is it money she wants, or financial security?????? You better think of that one, bro. It's NOT the same thing. Have you even tried to understand life from her point of view?

Cheers

[Livinginexile]

A big thank you for this contribution.

So you have jumped off the bridge and not checked before if there is at least a little river below to dive in?

The nature of gravity makes the result clear!

Not saying this to offend you, but analysing the situation.

From the legal side I have little to contribute and others may have good advise.

From life experience I think you married your wife because you love her. Why not check out how big your love actually is?

In my own Euro/Thai relation I am facing similar situations. Especially when it comes to financials I have all alarm bells ringing. Most of the time because of no actual reason. Try and talk to her about it and find out how much of your bad feelings is reality. I understand that you are married for three weeks only. Even if you knew each other for long before, this is a brand new situation and probably both of you are only confused to find your new roles. Paulfr's suggestion sounds convincing to me: stay on the guard, but give it a chance.

I heard plenty of horror stories about relations with Thais. Unfortunately always from people who know people who have a friend, who...

Obviously, most Farangs are too hormon-controlled to consider practical issues when they are confronted with a Thai lady.

Who ever from this big forum world can contribute details, PLEASE drop your information here so that finally MAN-kind (subspecies 'Farlang') is better prepared. Maybe then I will even marry my girlfriend if I knew what surprises are waiting

All the best for you, Trigger

Great reply!

OP, I suggest you heed this advice.

[aussiebebe]

1.can i get my dowry back?

2.does she lose face if she leaves me this soon ?

3.can i get my money back from her bank account ?

4.as her husband can i demand or get anything from this marrige

i love her still a lot but i feel she just doesnt want me and married me just for money

No to all the above; especially 2; your wife's Thai friends and neighbours will sympathise not condone. My advice is not to worry about the BK marriage formalities - it's just a piece of paper. If you love your wife and she needs financial assistance, why not discuss with her how you could help; you can still have the relationship you both want once you reach areas of common understanding. Specifically, let you wife know that she is your top priority. Good luck