"only Failures Run Off To Be Expats"

[Spee]

To keep myself sane, I’d have to keep reminding myself, by reminding absolutely everyone within earshot, constantly, that I couldn’t possibly live in Britain because it’s full of bloody foreigners who hadn’t bothered to learn English. Then I’d summon Manuel and, in English, order another pint of gin.

I was in Majorca last weekend, which is jammed full of British expats all of whom would begin their explanation of how they got there with the same thing: “Well, after I sold the cab . . .”

There they were, in their chips and footie bars with their desperate eyes and their booze-ruined noses, regaling everyone with their stuck-record views on life back in Blighty.

“Don’t know how you can live in Britain. Bloody weather. Bloody Muslims. Bloody Brown,” and then, after a wistful pause, “. . . you don’t have a copy of today’s Telegraph do you?”

Come on guys, be honest... that's bl00dy funny.

One man's humor is another man's insult. We don't see too many humorous/insulting Sunday Times articles about in-bred silver-spooners and blue-bloods, do we?

In his attempt at humor diatribe, J.C. wrote:

"Not noses that looked like the bottom of a battleship."

... and ...

"Which is now worthless as well."

I may be one of those so-called expat failures, but at least I am able to construct complete sentences in the mother tongue.

[Ulysses G.]

I would not call a British expat a loser for becoming an expat in Thailand, but merely someone that is very smart in trying to escape from living their life in the drab. lousy climate in GB. Living in Hawaii and California as I do, is as close to paradise as I will probably ever get so I would definitely consider myself a loser if I ever traded it for the hot muggy weather in Thailand. For me, I love Thailand and it is a great place to visit a few months a year, but I will leave the 365 days a year thing to the expats that are smart enough to escape from the more miserable climates.

except that that Hawaii and California are completely devoid of culture and human interaction.

Huh? Plenty of culture in San Francisco, if nowhere else.

[Farma]

And then you have all those expats who’ve run off to live in the UK.

They gain a better lifestyle, better income, money to send back to their families and most of all a wide range of social security benefits all paid for by the likes of Mr Clarkson.

Could you call them losers?

[samuibeachcomber]

From what I read of the piece he seems to have formed this wonderful, all encompassing, opinion of expats based on stereotyical Brit expats in Spain.

Isn't that rather like writing an article on Thai culture based on Pattaya bar girls?

For sure there are expats who fit his mold, I have met a few myself, but I think if he were to travel further afield he'd meet the true expats living and working away from home and may come away with a different viewpoint. But that is not his style, he likes to wind people up because that's all he can do and not very cleverly at that.

Minor celebrities like him need to keep their name in the lights or they quickly get forgotten and the best way to stay in the public eye is be contraversial.

well for a high proportion of expats in Thailand interaction with bar girls and associated workers and areas is about the extent of their experience of Thai culture - but of course none of them are TV posters

Is there more

[Indo-Siam]

Here's an interesting counter-argument from someone who doesn't quite fit Clarkson's definition of a failure:

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player...tid=14510970001

[flying]

except that that Hawaii and California are completely devoid of culture and human interaction.

Compared to what? Have you spent much time in Hawaii? As a tourist or as a local?

If so you would have seen a culture that is quite old, rich & very similar to Thailand.

Human interaction? In Hawaii Ohana ( family ) is the biggest part of local residents life.

Perhaps you have only been a tourist in Waikiki which I will admit we gave to the tourists regretfully years ago. It is now a mini Hong Kong

But the true Hawaii is the opposite of what you have described.

Edited March 30, 2009 by flying

[patklang]

I know i am a real loser!!!!

retired at 49

living in paradise compared to Uk

Private healthcare,car,bike,house,etc etc,not mentioning the best lady in the world,well maybe second to BOO lol.

A perfect lifestyle

fit

healthy

stopped smoking 4 years ago

only drink a couple of nights a week,no need to get hammered.

Enough money to live to over 100

A REAL LOSER JEREMY,

[toybits]

They should have padlocked Jeremy inside that portaloo.

[mbkudu]

My ancestors came from Spain, France and Italy 800 years ago.

They settled in Holland, England, Australia, South Africa, New Zealand and America.

My 15th great grand father was Abraham Zacuto and a friend of Christopher Columbus, who was the inventor of the navigational instruments that were used to guide Columbus to the new world.

Americans can thank my lot for being Americans. What a great loss to the world it would have been if America was never discovered.

So I suppose in a way, we are all ex-pats, even in our home countries.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but Columbus did not discover America. First of all, there were hundreds of thousands of people living there before he and his crew arrived. There isn't even a good argument for Columbus being the first foreigner to discover America. Chinese naval fleets landed in the Americas about 70 years before Columbus (Read 1421 by Gavin Menzies). Columbus used maps to find the Americas. Gee, he used maps to 'discover' America? How does that work? The maps were Portuguese charts copied from Chinese charts. Sorry, off topic.

[LooseCannon]

My ancestors came from Spain, France and Italy 800 years ago.

They settled in Holland, England, Australia, South Africa, New Zealand and America.

My 15th great grand father was Abraham Zacuto and a friend of Christopher Columbus, who was the inventor of the navigational instruments that were used to guide Columbus to the new world.

Americans can thank my lot for being Americans. What a great loss to the world it would have been if America was never discovered.

So I suppose in a way, we are all ex-pats, even in our home countries.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but Columbus did not discover America. First of all, there were hundreds of thousands of people living there before he and his crew arrived. There isn't even a good argument for Columbus being the first foreigner to discover America. Chinese naval fleets landed in the Americas about 70 years before Columbus (Read 1421 by Gavin Menzies). Columbus used maps to find the Americas. Gee, he used maps to 'discover' America? How does that work? The maps were Portuguese charts copied from Chinese charts. Sorry, off topic.

Also very credible evidence that the Vikings were the first "Europeans" to 'find' the americas.

[QED]

I can't believe so many people taking offense at this, it is obviously written with tongue firmly in cheek which is Jezza's style, and very funny at that, which is why he has won an army of fans who are now campaigning to have him elected as prime minister.

I have met him a few times on corporate events and he really is a great down to earth guy, spontaneously hilarious, and the sort that most of us would enjoy having a pint with.

On the flip side although I firmly believe this is written in jest, it does reflect an attitude which I all too often encounter on trips back to the UK which is mainly driven by jealousy. Many of the real losers in life without the wherewithall or funds to leave that godforsaken isle convince themselves that it is the best place on earth as a coping mechanism to deal with their bitter envy. They then turn on the attack of your country of choice, Thailand being an easy target, to further instill their delusion that they are better off where they are.

We all know who's right here, so just take this as the light hearted piece it is intended to be.

[toybits]

We're not British. We don't have a sense of humour. So what do we do - let him get away with it? Even a Royal was not spared by referring to a fellow soldier as a Paki.

I can't believe so many people taking offense at this, it is obviously written with tongue firmly in cheek which is Jezza's style, and very funny at that, which is why he has won an army of fans who are now campaigning to have him elected as prime minister.

I have met him a few times on corporate events and he really is a great down to earth guy, spontaneously hilarious, and the sort that most of us would enjoy having a pint with.

On the flip side although I firmly believe this is written in jest, it does reflect an attitude which I all too often encounter on trips back to the UK which is mainly driven by jealousy. Many of the real losers in life without the wherewithall or funds to leave that godforsaken isle convince themselves that it is the best place on earth as a coping mechanism to deal with their bitter envy. They then turn on the attack of your country of choice, Thailand being an easy target, to further instill their delusion that they are better off where they are.

We all know who's right here, so just take this as the light hearted piece it is intended to be.

[Gary A]

What does it matter who discovered America? It was the Brits who contributed greatly to wiping out the "savages". The Brits were on the leading edge of warfare. Who else would have thought of biological warfare in those days. Definitely a stroke of genius to have given the Indians smallpox infected blankets not to mention other white man diseases.

[samuibeachcomber]

We're not British. We don't have a sense of humour. So what do we do - let him get away with it? Even a Royal was not spared by referring to a fellow soldier as a Paki.

I can't believe so many people taking offense at this, it is obviously written with tongue firmly in cheek which is Jezza's style, and very funny at that, which is why he has won an army of fans who are now campaigning to have him elected as prime minister.

I have met him a few times on corporate events and he really is a great down to earth guy, spontaneously hilarious, and the sort that most of us would enjoy having a pint with.

On the flip side although I firmly believe this is written in jest, it does reflect an attitude which I all too often encounter on trips back to the UK which is mainly driven by jealousy. Many of the real losers in life without the wherewithall or funds to leave that godforsaken isle convince themselves that it is the best place on earth as a coping mechanism to deal with their bitter envy. They then turn on the attack of your country of choice, Thailand being an easy target, to further instill their delusion that they are better off where they are.

We all know who's right here, so just take this as the light hearted piece it is intended to be.

for sure its a windup article,and i'll take your word "that he's a great guy to have a pint with"as i've never met the guy.but i have watched his "car" programme once(and i'm not much into wheels) but thought he came across as an egocentric tosser,but each to their own.

[chiang mai]

He obviously hit a nerve or two.

And I cant' help having a chuckle at the Brits here attacking him for his crime of having had wealthy parents and an 'Upper Class Twit' name... That class thing, they can never get rid of it regardless of having emmigrated.

Much tosh Guesthouse, his crime is that he was born a prat, plus in real life he's one of the least interesting people on the planet. His mother was a magistrate and the inventor of Paddington Bear and those two talents came together to same Jeremy from the pits when he was expelled from private school. A failed reporter at the Rotherham rag the man is a massive bore in real life.

[WinnieTheKhwai]

LOL.. funniest frankly are some of the replies here.. Other than that, I'm a big fan of Clarkson and try to find every last scrap of Top Gear vids on the Internet. In fairness though, the has written funnier columns than this one. And what a huge opportunity missed to make fun of expats in SE Asia..

[Lancelot]

I've met quite a few Brits here and come to think of it, only one was happy back in the UK (as well as in Thailand.) Brits have been fleeing the UK for centuries, so I suppose it's nothing new

[JimmyConway]

I can't believe so many people taking offense at this, it is obviously written with tongue firmly in cheek which is Jezza's style, and very funny at that, which is why he has won an army of fans who are now campaigning to have him elected as prime minister.

I have met him a few times on corporate events and he really is a great down to earth guy, spontaneously hilarious, and the sort that most of us would enjoy having a pint with.

On the flip side although I firmly believe this is written in jest, it does reflect an attitude which I all too often encounter on trips back to the UK which is mainly driven by jealousy. Many of the real losers in life without the wherewithall or funds to leave that godforsaken isle convince themselves that it is the best place on earth as a coping mechanism to deal with their bitter envy. They then turn on the attack of your country of choice, Thailand being an easy target, to further instill their delusion that they are better off where they are.

We all know who's right here, so just take this as the light hearted piece it is intended to be.

Good reply QED I completely agree.

I also think the hilarious comedy quiz show 'Have I Got News for You' highlights the tongue in cheek, witty remarks of Jeremy Clarkson.

[t.s]

all this article does is demonstrate how many expats lack a sense of humour.

[Jingthing]

It is probably true that most expats are losers, but losers who stay home and are totaly miserable are a lot lower on the loser scale!

Indeed, us expats are self-actualized losers. Now excuse me, gotta go get a Chang.

[samuibeachcomber]

all this article does is demonstrate how many expats lack a sense of humour.

I think everyone appreciates the article is just a wind up,but some of us just enjoy "a good slag off" in reply to a complete bozo

[GuestHouse]

You know I do believe TV is having a sense of humour failure on this one.

[Cuban]

Isn't he the bloke that does "Top Gear" on the BBC?

His mum made Paddington bears.

[Jingthing]

You know I do believe TV is having a sense of humour failure on this one.

My first words: FUNNY THAT.

[wamberal]

F.I.L.T.H. = Failed in London, try Hong Kong.

What is the equivalent for Thailand?

[orchis]

FILTT

[pampal]

Jeremy should stick to his television show

[phutoie2]

Oh dear Jeremy has done it again, perhaps the more sensitive TV members should read his 'Sun' newspaper column.I remember before the days of internet an article he did in the Sunday Times - 'Reasons not to emigrate to Australia' now that did stir up a response in the following weeks letters pages- hilarious!!!

[Samuian]

It is probably true that most expats are losers, but losers who stay home and are totaly miserable are a lot lower on the loser scale!

Agreed, they are the genuine "born losers".... no, no's, vegetating shrapnel of evolution...

[quiksilva]

I think Clarkson has managed to offend just about every sector of global society at some point during his career, those who have escaped so far, are merely forming a queue.