Financial Support Or No Support?

[G54]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

[Travel2003]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom?

Lets ask our good friends from England, as they are about to have the world record in single moms.

The last is NOT bashing.

[LooseCannon]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

A few times in 3 months? 4 or 5 times? More? Why are you giving her anything?

Something for the kid like a bar of chocolate or a bag of donuts would be sufficient. Take them out for a meal. Take them to a movie.

What "sort of pressure to help support the child" ? demands for money?

How can you possibly love someone that you have visited 'a few times' in 3 months?

How old is the women? how old are you? And are you shagging her?

As travel2003 asks "What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom" that you have visited a few times in the last 3 months?

[Geekfreaklover]

Seems like she was getting by financially ok before you turned up on the scene.

What kind of support are we talking about?

20 BT here and there fair enough - But if she is talking regular large payments then I woul tell her no way.

[Boater]

i have a few friends who financialy support there other halfs children, i see nothing wrong in it at all

[473geo]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom?

Lets ask our good friends from England, as they are about to have the world record in single moms.

The last is NOT bashing.

England has state support for single mothers

England persues the father for maintenance payments if he is known (can be a third of your salary)

How does this relate in any way to an absent father, no state support - in Thailand?

Or perhaps you are advocating a change in Thai government policy - to support a single Thai mother?

Edited April 5, 2009 by 473geo

[dave111223]

I guess it all depends on your plans. If this is a bit of a fling then why would be supporting here kid?

If you see her as your future wife, and the kid as your future step-child then you probably wouldn't need to be asking the question.

[noahvail]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

I was never pressured by my wife before I married her, nor am I pressured now. She takes care of the day to day things, I take care of the bigger things, school fees, uniforms, tutors...and if there's an emergency, I'm there for both of them. And because she's really a good kid and asks for nothing, I give her some stuff from time to time...a new bike when she outgrew her old one, f'rinstance. Pretty much the same as I did with my kids from a prior marriage.

That being said, it's 'up to you.' So, if you're a cheap bustard, you'll feel ok not contributing anything. If you're well-heeled and generous, the kid'll have 5 baht of gold around her neck. Somewhere in-between...I reckon, your money, you set the ground rules; if you get to the point of marriage, and you want to pool money, or pool a portion of money, that seems respectful to me - but I'm just a farange.

But I wouldn't go overboard early in a relationship. You have to develop *trust* first, imho, and pressuring is not a form of trust.

[G54]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

A few times in 3 months? 4 or 5 times? More? Why are you giving her anything?

Something for the kid like a bar of chocolate or a bag of donuts would be sufficient. Take them out for a meal. Take them to a movie.

What "sort of pressure to help support the child" ? demands for money?

How can you possibly love someone that you have visited 'a few times' in 3 months?

How old is the women? how old are you? And are you shagging her?

As travel2003 asks "What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom" that you have visited a few times in the last 3 months?

Either I wrote it badly or whatever.

I meant I have been in that scenario a few times and with different women - all single mothers.

Also it was more an open question and not a personal one with regards to how other people handle these situations.

I have always been happy to help out - after being with the ladies in question for several months. Seems to me to be the natural thing to do.

Would I do so back home? Yes, have done. But, within limits, same as here.

'Back home' a single mother is already in receipt of financial help from the government and also the father is usually made to pay a contribution., so the same does not rigidly apply here in Thailand where the father deserts the wife and child in many cases and offers no support whatsoever.

Hope that clears that bit up

[G54]

OK. In general I have had single mothers wanting me to help support the child in a variety of ways. This could be from buying milk for a child under 3 years. Clothes. A new bed. Help with medical bills. Medicine. Pampers.

Maybe if they are of school age, help in other ways, like with books, school fees, whatever.

[loong]

If you are seeing a girl occasionally, you have no obligation to help her support her family.

If you decide to live together or marry, then you aquire a package and new responsibilities and that includes making sure that the children are well provided for.

[Ulysses G.]

If you are giving it to her with no condom, shouldn't you have to help support your own child?

[Gary A]

It all depends on the circumstances. As for myself, I'm getting old and crotchety and have no patience with children. In fact I'm not particularly fond of children. I have friends who love children, love them as their own and who enjoy their ready made families. I had a great girlfriend who had two children. I soon realized that I am far too selfish to raise children who are not my own. I raised mine long ago and want the rest of my life for myself and my wife to travel or do as we wish when we wish. I know my wife regrets never having had children but if she would have had children, I would not have married her.

[473geo]

It all depends on the circumstances. As for myself, I'm getting old and crotchety and have no patience with children. In fact I'm not particularly fond of children. I have friends who love children, love them as their own and who enjoy their ready made families. I had a great girlfriend who had two children. I soon realized that I am far too selfish to raise children who are not my own. I raised mine long ago and want the rest of my life for myself and my wife to travel or do as we wish when we wish. I know my wife regrets never having had children but if she would have had children, I would not have married her.

Poor girl....unlucky twice over....

[loong]

It all depends on the circumstances. As for myself, I'm getting old and crotchety and have no patience with children. In fact I'm not particularly fond of children. I have friends who love children, love them as their own and who enjoy their ready made families. I had a great girlfriend who had two children. I soon realized that I am far too selfish to raise children who are not my own. I raised mine long ago and want the rest of my life for myself and my wife to travel or do as we wish when we wish. I know my wife regrets never having had children but if she would have had children, I would not have married her.

I can understand what you are saying. My gf has 2 children, the oldest is 14 year old boy and to be honest with you, he can be a right pain in the harris. Her daughter is 3 and half years old, as far as she is concerned, I am her real Father and she loves me. As far as I am concerned she IS MY daughter. When I have the time to take care of her, I love it, when I don't have the spare time, I feel bad. I think that there is a big difference between starting a relationship with a girl who has a baby who is still forming relationships and a girl with a teenager child.

Gary, I don't think that you are being selfish, I know where you are coming from. I didn't expect to accept another person's child as if she was my own, but I have and I'm really happy about that.

[Lopburi99]

It all depends on the circumstances. As for myself, I'm getting old and crotchety and have no patience with children. In fact I'm not particularly fond of children. I have friends who love children, love them as their own and who enjoy their ready made families. I had a great girlfriend who had two children. I soon realized that I am far too selfish to raise children who are not my own. I raised mine long ago and want the rest of my life for myself and my wife to travel or do as we wish when we wish. I know my wife regrets never having had children but if she would have had children, I would not have married her.

I feel much the same as Gary. My wife has two grown children (24 and 27) and, upon first meeting her, I told her I had enough income to support her only. She said that was fine because the kids could take care of themselves. BUT, there is always a kind of unspoken feeling of pressure to be doing something for them which I resent because I had made my position 100% clear (I thought). Unfortunately, I am a bit of a softie and everybody concerned knows that, thus they probably constantly hope to somehow be recipients of some sort of assistance/gifts/whatever from me. I don't like this situation. My advice is be sure to understand and respect your true inner feelings about helping the kids, whether you can afford to or not. If you feel ANY level or reluctance or discomfort, DON'T get yourself anywhere near such a situation.

[a2396]

My response is similar to others. How old are U & how old is she? Is she now or do you want her to be your GF? Are you intimate with her? Where's the Father of the child? Does he pay anything & why not? What's a reasonable level of support from your point of view?

[G54]

My response is similar to others. How old are U & how old is she? Is she now or do you want her to be your GF? Are you intimate with her? Where's the Father of the child? Does he pay anything & why not? What's a reasonable level of support from your point of view?

Ages vary from 22 - 38. All had children that had not left school. Youngest was 2 years.

Have a g/f and not be intimate?

I have not yet known one father to be around and supporting the child(ren) financially or emotionally. I sometimes get the impression that fathers here are just to happy to have a couple of offspring before they go walkabout and leave the mother & her family to raise them.

No set level of support for me. Too many variables. Last one was getting 7k month, mainly for milk and pampers & other items.

I do not want any more children of my own. Done that, raised and supported them - still do help & help with the g/daughter.

[torrenova]

Difficult call because it depends upon her position and even where you met her. Now if you met her in a bar and asked her to stop work then you would have to compensate her. However, if she worked in a factory and still works there then why ?

Too many are hookers in disguise for sure no matter what they do for work.

But, if you want her to be with you to the detriment of her work then you have to think about making up the difference. Just remember that most only work out of necessity so they will likely down tools at the first opportunity. You will then be expected to pay.

If you live together then it is different but to begin with, I wouldn't give her anything.

[G54]

^^^ Last one of mine did not get a penny for first 3 months. Tight git that I am

Yes, I agree they like to down tools at the first opportunity.

I would not dream of a b/g. They have their uses. We do have a few establishments here but they are tucked away out of sight and little chance of getting hooked up to one - pun intended.

I was also looking to see what others coughed up, but it seems many are keeping quiet on that, or none of their g/f have children.

[loong]

It all depends on the circumstances. As for myself, I'm getting old and crotchety and have no patience with children. In fact I'm not particularly fond of children. I have friends who love children, love them as their own and who enjoy their ready made families. I had a great girlfriend who had two children. I soon realized that I am far too selfish to raise children who are not my own. I raised mine long ago and want the rest of my life for myself and my wife to travel or do as we wish when we wish. I know my wife regrets never having had children but if she would have had children, I would not have married her.

I feel much the same as Gary. My wife has two grown children (24 and 27) and, upon first meeting her, I told her I had enough income to support her only. She said that was fine because the kids could take care of themselves. BUT, there is always a kind of unspoken feeling of pressure to be doing something for them which I resent because I had made my position 100% clear (I thought). Unfortunately, I am a bit of a softie and everybody concerned knows that, thus they probably constantly hope to somehow be recipients of some sort of assistance/gifts/whatever from me. I don't like this situation. My advice is be sure to understand and respect your true inner feelings about helping the kids, whether you can afford to or not. If you feel ANY level or reluctance or discomfort, DON'T get yourself anywhere near such a situation.

It's funny that farang are often expected to adapt to Thai culture, yet are still expected to give hand outs to grown children. This doesn't happen in most families, it's usually the other way round. The grown children help support their parents. The children should be happy that you are not asking THEM for money. If your wife had married a Thai, it's most likely that the children would help support them.

[Travel2003]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom?

Lets ask our good friends from England, as they are about to have the world record in single moms.

The last is NOT bashing.

England has state support for single mothers

England persues the father for maintenance payments if he is known (can be a third of your salary)

How does this relate in any way to an absent father, no state support - in Thailand?

Or perhaps you are advocating a change in Thai government policy - to support a single Thai mother?

Sorry, maybe it came out wrong.

Lets try again.

Not trying to advocate anything, as Im a visitor here, so it would not matter how hard I tried.

Back home, we have the same system as England.

So,

when someone hooks up with a single mom.

The single mom already has funds to take care of herself and the baby, so money from the new boyfriend is not that important as it would be in a country where she had no state support.

I believe funds will not be handed out before they are more or less living together (sharing the household expences).

This, in my opinion, should be the same in this scenario.

[G54]

The overall responses do give a better indication to me how they (TV people) feel and also how they would handle this sort of situation. Sometimes when in a foreign land people advocate a policy of accepting the rules of that land and saying we should do as the indigenous population do. Other people say, 'What would you do if you were back home?'

Surely the rules cannot be rigid. There needs to be some flexibility. Therefore to understand how others view it, is a help.

Here we are, in the main looked upon as rich and therefore expected to pay pay pay.

On the other hand, trying to educate people that we are not all rich because we have houses, family and other expenses 'back home' that we need to maintain, is not always easy.

I try to have a policy whereby if I am sleeping with a lady and intending to be with her for a while, I am happy to help out. Not give total support, but to help.

Obviously not everyone feels the same

[G54]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom?

Lets ask our good friends from England, as they are about to have the world record in single moms.

The last is NOT bashing.

England has state support for single mothers

England persues the father for maintenance payments if he is known (can be a third of your salary)

How does this relate in any way to an absent father, no state support - in Thailand?

Or perhaps you are advocating a change in Thai government policy - to support a single Thai mother?

Sorry, maybe it came out wrong.

Lets try again.

Not trying to advocate anything, as Im a visitor here, so it would not matter how hard I tried.

Back home, we have the same system as England.

So,

when someone hooks up with a single mom.

The single mom already has funds to take care of herself and the baby, so money from the new boyfriend is not that important as it would be in a country where she had no state support.

I believe funds will not be handed out before they are more or less living together (sharing the household expences).

This, in my opinion, should be the same in this scenario.

I agree with that. Sometimes we are under pressure to abide by 'their' rules in their country and when you refuse to submit to the demands made upon you the friction begins. When that happens I have found it is easier to walk away and leave them to it. A great pity some balance cannot be acheived, but so far I have found that there seems to be no compromise.

Yes, sharing and living together should be a joint enterprise.

A clear, concise and helpful post. Thanks

[Neeranam]

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman with

a child from a former 'marriage'

.

Why on earth some guys do beats me when there are so many nice single women available.

Regarding financial support - these women seek "whiteys" JUST for their money.

[Neeranam]

I try to have a policy whereby if I am sleeping with a lady and intending to be with her for a while, I am happy to help out.

Don't you feel like a "wm"?

[loong]

Ooh yes, I feel like a "wm" , I haven't had a "wm" in ages.

What the hel_l is a "wm"?

[G54]

Yeah, <deleted> IS a wm ???

[G54]

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman with

a child from a former 'marriage'

.

Why on earth some guys do beats me when there are so many nice single women available.

Regarding financial support - these women seek "whiteys" JUST for their money.

But I am English

English = 50 Baht - £

English = poor b*stard

And where are all these single women. The ones that do not want babies that is??? Sounds like heaven to me

[SgtAngel]

Yeah a "wm" is????

I had a girlfriend for approx 2 years whilst in the UK. She never asked me to support her or her daughter, although on visits to the family home, it would be 20 baht here and there for school or whatever she fancied. When I moved to Thailand I sent the daughter 3k a month for school and outside school activities. This is what my gf at the time stated was appropriate. Skip forward to having a child with aforementioned gf... now ex gf..... I give a reasonable amount for my son each month and extra for the daughter even though she isn't mine so to speak, but she is a sweet little thing, very polite and clever so I am more than happy to