Financial Support Or No Support?

[t.s]

i tried to reply to this over the weekend, but it didn't take.

only offer support if you dont feel you will renege the first time you fight with the mother.

sending a child to school and pulling out hurts the child not the mother. if you make the commitment, you better be in a position to follow through with it, otherwise don't upset the staus quo.

[deprogrammed]

i have a few friends who financialy support there other halfs children, i see nothing wrong in it at all

One thinks you are the few friends!

[Neeranam]

Yeah a "wm" is????

It rhymes with "hunger".

[torrenova]

Yeah a "wm" is????

I had a girlfriend for approx 2 years whilst in the UK. She never asked me to support her or her daughter, although on visits to the family home, it would be 20 baht here and there for school or whatever she fancied. When I moved to Thailand I sent the daughter 3k a month for school and outside school activities. This is what my gf at the time stated was appropriate. Skip forward to having a child with aforementioned gf... now ex gf..... I give a reasonable amount for my son each month and extra for the daughter even though she isn't mine so to speak, but she is a sweet little thing, very polite and clever so I am more than happy to

Sorry, I don't get this at all.

You have a GF when you are in the UK. She is Thai, in Thailand and has a daughter. Presumably she got money from somewhere for food ?

When you moved to Thailand you sent the daughter (where was this child ?) Bt3000 a month because your GF said that was what was "appropriate". Just how did it suddenly become appropriate for you to pay for her daughter ?

I am not questioning whether right or wrong or the amount but just why she and presumably you thought it appropriate ? Not appropriate before you moved to Thailand though ? Does she consider it appropriate now, even though you are separated ?

I think it is admirable in one way and more so now you are no longer together but I don't see why it was any responsibility of yours, save for a few circumstances that your reply may shed light on.

[G54]

Yeah a "wm" is????

It rhymes with "hunger".

Can I slap Neerman about a lot with a wet fish for being so cryptic?? - PLEASE!!!!

[G54]

i tried to reply to this over the weekend, but it didn't take.

only offer support if you dont feel you will renege the first time you fight with the mother.

sending a child to school and pulling out hurts the child not the mother. if you make the commitment, you better be in a position to follow through with it, otherwise don't upset the staus quo.

Have to admit that to renege on a deal because you fight with the mother is a bit low. If you split up, that is a different matter.

[loong]

Yeah a "wm" is????

It rhymes with "hunger".

Can I slap Neerman about a lot with a wet fish for being so cryptic?? - PLEASE!!!!

War Munger?

[PeaceBlondie]

And if you marry a childless 45-year old, you are expected to support...her aged parents! A friend pays his sammi noi about 8K a month, and half of it goes home to support the boy's aged father.

[G54]

And if you marry a childless 45-year old, you are expected to support...her aged parents! A friend pays his sammi noi about 8K a month, and half of it goes home to support the boy's aged father.

Sounds cheap to me PB. But that is a bit old and most likely wrinkly and worn out

Take 10 years off and I'd be happy.

[BigSnake]

It's your call, my friend, but I will tell you this there is no and I do mean NO seperation of mother and child you either support both or you walk away. Speaking from experience two sons in this family 25 and 27 mom still help/and support these sorry Beep beep, you know what, or should I say we. If you love her, you got to learn to do like wise with the kid or hit the road now, it's your call.

[Mossfinn]

Yeah a "wm" is????

It rhymes with "hunger".

Can I slap Neerman about a lot with a wet fish for being so cryptic?? - PLEASE!!!!

He is asking if you are a Whore-Monger, pretty inappropriate, but there you go!!

Moss

[Mossfinn]

I wouldn't get into a relationship with a woman with

a child from a former 'marriage'

.

Why on earth some guys do beats me when there are so many nice single women available.

I cannot understand why you wouldn't, if she is the right woman for you.

Moss

[F1fanatic]

^^^ Last one of mine did not get a penny for first 3 months. Tight git that I am

Yes, I agree they like to down tools at the first opportunity.

I would not dream of a b/g. They have their uses. We do have a few establishments here but they are tucked away out of sight and little chance of getting hooked up to one - pun intended.

I was also looking to see what others coughed up, but it seems many are keeping quiet on that, or none of their g/f have children.

You waited a whole 3 months before giving money??

You're obviously very astute.

As somebody else said earlier, what would you do if you were back home? Unless they were trailer trash (and sometimes even then), they would have been very insulted at payment of money!

[coventry]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

A few times in 3 months? 4 or 5 times? More? Why are you giving her anything?

Something for the kid like a bar of chocolate or a bag of donuts would be sufficient. Take them out for a meal. Take them to a movie.

What "sort of pressure to help support the child" ? demands for money?

How can you possibly love someone that you have visited 'a few times' in 3 months?

How old is the women? how old are you? And are you shagging her?

As travel2003 asks "What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom" that you have visited a few times in the last 3 months?

LooseCannon just try going back to any country and find a woman, over a certain age, that hasn't got baggage ? The older the woman the more chance of baggage. It's the norm these days.

[G54]

^^^ Last one of mine did not get a penny for first 3 months. Tight git that I am

Yes, I agree they like to down tools at the first opportunity.

I would not dream of a b/g. They have their uses. We do have a few establishments here but they are tucked away out of sight and little chance of getting hooked up to one - pun intended.

I was also looking to see what others coughed up, but it seems many are keeping quiet on that, or none of their g/f have children.

You waited a whole 3 months before giving money??

You're obviously very astute.

As somebody else said earlier, what would you do if you were back home? Unless they were trailer trash (and sometimes even then), they would have been very insulted at payment of money!

To be exact, it was not money. Not hard cash.

I was asked for cash so she could go to the shops but I was not comfortable with that. Instead I bought the boxes of baby milk, the pampers and other baby related items (this is now a 2 year old BTW). That way I was sure the money was being used for the baby directly.

In previous relationships I was asked directly for money.

As I have said, for me, I am happy to help out if in a longer term relationship, but not many others seem willing to reply to, if they are willing to do so also, maybe they are shy on this

[F1fanatic]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

A few times in 3 months? 4 or 5 times? More? Why are you giving her anything?

Something for the kid like a bar of chocolate or a bag of donuts would be sufficient. Take them out for a meal. Take them to a movie.

What "sort of pressure to help support the child" ? demands for money?

How can you possibly love someone that you have visited 'a few times' in 3 months?

How old is the women? how old are you? And are you shagging her?

As travel2003 asks "What would you do back home, if you hooked up with a single mom" that you have visited a few times in the last 3 months?

LooseCannon just try going back to any country and find a woman, over a certain age, that hasn't got baggage ? The older the woman the more chance of baggage. It's the norm these days.

I'm missing the point of this (sorry!).

Are you suggesting that men (or Thai women) "over a certain age" have less 'baggage' than Western women?

I've no idea of the statistics, but suspect that young, unmarried women with children are far more common in Thailand than in the West.

And I've no doubt that Western men have just as much 'baggage'!

[G54]

Yeah a "wm" is????

It rhymes with "hunger".

Can I slap Neerman about a lot with a wet fish for being so cryptic?? - PLEASE!!!!

He is asking if you are a Whore-Monger, pretty inappropriate, but there you go!!

Moss

Yeah. They whore about for a day, a week or a couple of hours even.

Now I want to slap Neerman with something akin to a baseball bat with nails in the end

[F1fanatic]

^^^ Last one of mine did not get a penny for first 3 months. Tight git that I am

Yes, I agree they like to down tools at the first opportunity.

I would not dream of a b/g. They have their uses. We do have a few establishments here but they are tucked away out of sight and little chance of getting hooked up to one - pun intended.

I was also looking to see what others coughed up, but it seems many are keeping quiet on that, or none of their g/f have children.

You waited a whole 3 months before giving money??

You're obviously very astute.

As somebody else said earlier, what would you do if you were back home? Unless they were trailer trash (and sometimes even then), they would have been very insulted at payment of money!

To be exact, it was not money. Not hard cash.

I was asked for cash so she could go to the shops but I was not comfortable with that. Instead I bought the boxes of baby milk, the pampers and other baby related items (this is now a 2 year old BTW). That way I was sure the money was being used for the baby directly.

In previous relationships I was asked directly for money.

As I have said, for me, I am happy to help out if in a longer term relationship, but not many others seem willing to reply to, if they are willing to do so also, maybe they are shy on this

Absolutely no difference. After 3 months "I was asked for cash so she could go to the shops".

My response:- at home - "Unless they were trailer trash (and sometimes even then), they would have been very insulted at payment of money"

[sassienie]

The scenario.

You meet a nice Thai lady who works in a shop or office. She has a child from a former 'marriage'. The husband has gone.

I have been there a few times and given limited support after the first three months. I would have raised the level of support in time, but there always seems to be a lot of pressure to help support the child to show you really do love and care for the woman.

I am interested to know how others see this problem. It must be a fairly common scenario here considering how many single mothers are out there.

Would you help her financially support the child?

If not, why not.

If yes, how long into the relationship before you start to support the child?

Also if yes, what level of financial support?

Depends if you getting your leg over or not.

If so, than you will be expected to pay, one way or another.

[snuggzzz]

G54, Do what you think is best, there have been many advisers, take note of those which you find interesting, it's a difficult topic as each person approaches the subject of finances and women, especially Thai ladies differently.

I financially helped and supported my g/f's, all depended on whether I was living with her or vice-versa. plus meals came into it, I asked could I contribute, so as they say, 'up to you'.......which they well know is that you'll probably pay more than expected.

You know what your disposable income is, never let her know anything of your dealings, or, everyone will know..!!! They have to talk all the time, it's a female Thai tradition, if they are with you a 'farang', then they will discuss everything about you with there friends and family....!!

Good luck......................

[F1fanatic]

G54, Do what you think is best, there have been many advisers, take note of those which you find interesting, it's a difficult topic as each person approaches the subject of finances and women, especially Thai ladies differently.

I financially helped and supported my g/f's, all depended on whether I was living with her or vice-versa. plus meals came into it, I asked could I contribute, so as they say, 'up to you'.......which they well know is that you'll probably pay more than expected.

You know what your disposable income is, never let her know anything of your dealings, or, everyone will know..!!! They have to talk all the time, it's a female Thai tradition, if they are with you a 'farang', then they will discuss everything about you with there friends and family....!!

Good luck......................

G54 (like the rest of us) will take the advice he wants to hear and ignore the rest.

Couldn't agree more with the 'up to you' line. I had a regular taxi driver who started off telling me how much it would cost and then came up with 'up to you'. I got rid of them at that point, it was obvious they were out to bleed me for as much as they could get.

[G54]

G54, Do what you think is best, there have been many advisers, take note of those which you find interesting, it's a difficult topic as each person approaches the subject of finances and women, especially Thai ladies differently.

I financially helped and supported my g/f's, all depended on whether I was living with her or vice-versa. plus meals came into it, I asked could I contribute, so as they say, 'up to you'.......which they well know is that you'll probably pay more than expected.

You know what your disposable income is, never let her know anything of your dealings, or, everyone will know..!!! They have to talk all the time, it's a female Thai tradition, if they are with you a 'farang', then they will discuss everything about you with there friends and family....!!

Good luck......................

G54 (like the rest of us) will take the advice he wants to hear and ignore the rest.

Couldn't agree more with the 'up to you' line. I had a regular taxi driver who started off telling me how much it would cost and then came up with 'up to you'. I got rid of them at that point, it was obvious they were out to bleed me for as much as they could get.

As I see it, without input on some aspects of life in Thailand you either go with your gut instincts or try to discover the balance and usually make mistakes doing so. The mistakes tend to get me into trouble and I then wonder if I am/was doing the right thing.

Not so much a case of ignoring any relevant info - for me. Getting information from others who have been there does help to see things from a different perspective. And all the information helps to find a balance. Then 'Up to me/you/we'

We hopefully do learn and snuggzzz input along with some others has been interesting to read especially as life here is not the same as 'back home'.