My Friend Just Found Out He's Hiv+. What Can I Do To Help?

[Sheryl]

None of our business how he got it. He needs to confirm that he has it, and how advanced it is.

So if he got it in nana and told everyone who she/he was,you say its non of our business,excuse me i think it is our business unless you want this disease to spread.If i got hiv from a bg i would be shouting it from the top story.

Why did you say its non of our business??????

It is highly doubtful that the patient knows exactly whom he got the infection from, for the obvious reason that people do not usually have unprotected sex with people they know are HIV positive. And they do not find out right away when infected, it may be years afterwards.

Even if a person knew (or thought they knew) whom they had contacted this or any other infectious disease from and wanted to post the details, we at TV would not be able to print such an accusation. Thailand has very strict libel and defamation laws and we have no way of verifying the truth of allegations made.

More to the point -- if you are seriously of the impression that HIV is not widespread among "working girls" throughout Thailand, you are very much mistaken. It is already well documented that a significant percentage of commercial sex workers in Thailand are HIV positive (and Nana and other expat haunts are not in any way an exception). Hence hearing that someone thinks the source of their infection was Ms or Mr X at such and such a bar or other location would be (or should be) no big news at all.

If there is any thing to be curious about it is not who the contact was, but why protection wasn't used -- but I would not dream of being so insensitive as to ask a person newly diagnosed with HIV that question.

[orchis]

None of our business how he got it. He needs to confirm that he has it, and how advanced it is.

So if he got it in nana and told everyone who she/he was,you say its non of our business,excuse me i think it is our business unless you want this disease to spread.If i got hiv from a bg i would be shouting it from the top story.

Why did you say its non of our business??????

Because it's your own business (responsibility) not to get hiv, not some bg or anybody else's.

I assume full responsibility for my own infection. I could have prevented it, weak moment, misjudgment, whaddayagot.

[mommysboy]

It's truly heart warming that people are no longer dying of AIDS seemingly thanks to good medical care, and long may they go on. I think being diagnosed is possibly one of the most frightening events in anyone's life, and of course therefore one must be sensible about what is said, asked and done.

Nevertheless, knowing there is great good hope and thus no real reason to be so coy, there is the danger that some salient questions are missed and we end up spinning albeit well intentioned mis-information, and in truth, health organisations seem to be doing just this. This alienates the general public, and perhaps is counter productive.

Cutting to the chase, and apologies to OP and friend, but it would be valid to ask how this may have been acquired regarding general preferences and recreational habits, as many think rightly or wrongly that hetero transmission is greatly overstated. An honest examination would help us establish the truth of this view, preventing this also prevents the truth being known.

I only wish more was known about this wretched syndrome, and sadly doubt many of the underlying perceptions. That could be my ignorance, or a reaction to the dogmatism of the various health officials, but I don't feel that way.

I think the key to this is reassurance. I for one do not want to see any ill person go without available medicine and if that means we all are that bit poorer so be it.

[Livinginexile]

A very distressing story indeed.

I have a question that is a little bit off topic. Perhaps someone on this forum could clear this up for me.

I was once told by a health professional that HIV was infact hard to contract from straight virginal sex (for a man).

But a lot easier for a woman to contract.

I was given some stats but I don't remember the exact details but it was something like: a man would need to have sex with a HIV positive woman everyday for 10 years before a man woul contract the HIV. This is assuming viginal sex only.

Is there any truth in this?

[orchis]

You would mean vaginal sex, not virginal. Indeed it s

the receprive partner that is most at risk. But that doesn't

mean a man won't catch it ever.

[theufo8mycow]

I thank all of you for the support and the discussion about this.

FYI, he's a local Thai in BKK, and most likely got it through unprotected sex about 2 years ago. He might lose his job as his job requires a yearly medical check-up unless they skip the HIV test this year. He's been trying to find another job just in case.

The thoughts like "Why me?", "Why not someone else?", "Why does God hate me?", etc. runs through his mind but the thing is... that someone else can be you. Everything happens for a reason, people don't live forever. Being HIV+ doesn't mean it's the end... I've managed to talk to him a lot and he's ok most of the time. I've been trying to get him to see a support group but he's still in denial somewhat, so the only support he has is me. I guess he needs some more time.

He should be due for his next CD4 test by end of this month and he has been trying to keep his spirits up.

It's my first time experiencing a close friend who's HIV+ so I really appreciate all your inputs and comments, and very grateful for it. I would gladly update the situation in here as time goes by.

Thanks again everyone.

[t.s]

deleted double post. my internet is acting up tonight

Edited May 7, 2009 by t.s

[t.s]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

I'd just like to update everyone on what has happened so far in case you're curious and perhaps my info can help anyone there too.

My friend went to re-test his HIV status. He's confirmed HIV+.

He also did some examination. He has some symptoms - swollen glands.

His CD4 cell count is 331, CD4 % 20.3%. His viral load is 13,800.00.

With these results, the doctor advised to do a:

A) Hepatitis Ag and Ab test. He's clear but not immunized.

Repeat his CD4 test in a months' time.

C) Do a HIV Genotype test.

D) Urine exam for syphillis.

When he wanted to do the geno test and the Hep immunization, the nurse & doctor told him that he is currently not in a good state of mind and body because he's in still a state of shock and being in this state of mind and body would affect the results of the tests that he was supposed to do. He had no motivation, no appetite, crying all day and night and thinking about death, avoiding all friends and being in a state of panic thinking about medication straightaway. What's worse, he may lose his job due to the current recession.

Also the doctor said that he needs to do a series of CD4 tests to check whether he really needs to take medication or not. There's no point to take medication too early or else it will not be effective if it's not required.

I told him that needs to try very hard to be strong and think positive, which I'm sure is very hard to do in his situation. After days of comforting him, when I thought he was ready, I told him straight-up and said that nobody lives forever, and you should live the life you want to live and don't let this stop from doing whatever you're doing. With medication nowadays, people with HIV+ can possibly live longer if they maintain a healthy lifestyle.

He has hope and moving on slowly. He has started to eat well again, going back to the gym like his normal schedule, and smoking less to nil.

I've been giving him moral support and slowly day by day he's facing this. Hopefully in a month's time, his mood and state of mind is ready for these tests.

i will not bother reading the thread, but want to throw in my few baht.

though i have never (knowingly) encountered this with a friend or acquaintance in thailand, i worked in a popular straight restaurant/nightclub fresh out of high school in '85 when HIV/AIDS started hitting the mainstream media. it had already become a reality to the gay community, but it was the first i heard about it. it certainly wasnt the last.

the staff was predominantly gay and within the circle of fellow staff and their friends the virus hit remarkably hard. at that time little info was available but we learnt one thing: get all the education on the disease you can, and maintain the friendly physical contact that was appropriate to the relationship in the first place. "friends" tend to pull back and that may be one of the things that hurts most.

the people i worked with back then helped me overcome prejudices i never knew i had as a straight boy out of high school, and some are still close friends. more are dead.

that said, 20 years ago, your friend would have received a death sentence. not so now.

i wish your friend well.

[t.s]

None of our business how he got it. He needs to confirm that he has it, and how advanced it is.

So if he got it in nana and told everyone who she/he was,you say its non of our business,excuse me i think it is our business unless you want this disease to spread.If i got hiv from a bg i would be shouting it from the top story.

Why did you say its non of our business??????

would you now? or would you be hiding under the covers in your room wondering: why me? which one one was it? and accepting the fact that you are too weak to track down all subsequent partners to recommend they too get tested?

i stumbled onto this topic, but it seems a pretty good reason to suspend my cynicism for while.

[Trollkiller]

btw, Dr. Asda Vibhagool is not at Rathibodi, but he is at Bumrungrad.

I recommend him above anyone else, I know him very well.

[Sheryl]

I have accompanied HIV patients to see Dr Asda and agree, he is very good.

As can be seen from the pinned notice there are also a number of other docs that come highly recommended. No shortage on that front here these days, at least not in major cities.

Unfortunately the social stigma attached to HIV in remains extremely strong in Thai society with the result that infected people often need to hide their status from friends, family, and neighbors, risk losing their jobs etc. Needless to say this greatly compounds their suffering.

I hope the OP's friend will at some point come around to contacting a support group. Meanwhile, he is indeed lucky to have at least one close friend he can honestly discuss his situation with.

[Bill97]

You folks are wonderful providing focused valuable information and advice. I sincerely wish you all the best.

[dbrenn]

Tell him to go home where he will get them for free, if he is British or Australian.

Once started the medications my counters became as they are now (above) 3 weeks after taking the medications! They work!

Tha's the best advice - try to get him to go home.

A friend of mine also caught HIV in Thailand and became so depressed that he crawled into a bottle and didn't come out for a couple of years, by which time he was starting to show symptoms. During this time, he watched his girlfriend die from the disease. Eventually, I persuaded him to let me tell his family, whom he had been out of contact with for a few years. They were fantastic, arranged for him to see a doctor on his return, sent him money for his airfare (he was penniless) and looked after him.

The treatment he received in the UK was free, and five years later he is living life to the full, is off the booze, and has an (also HIV+) girlfriend. I still see him whenever I go back to the UK, and he would certainly be dead by now had he stayed in Thailand.

Thailand is no place to be sick. Your friend will be much better off with the support of his family and medical care in his home country. AIDS is an awful disease if it is not very carefully managed, and you do need a very good doctor to manage it properly.

Edited May 10, 2009 by dbrenn

[theufo8mycow]

Thailand is no place to be sick. Your friend will be much better off with the support of his family and medical care in his home country. AIDS is an awful disease if it is not very carefully managed, and you do need a very good doctor to manage it properly.

My friend is Thai in Bangkok. Thailand is his home country. Not everyone is fortunate to be able to afford to travel to have access to better medication. So he cannot afford overseas medication. The nearest most reputable place to go to is Singapore which has excellent medical facilities but very expensive. Singapore has yet to determine the subsidy for HIV medication. Right now it costs a <deleted> "SGD$1500 per month not including consultations and other care situations and only one in four affected individuals can afford the medication." That's like 35,000 baht! Most HIV+ Singaporeans go to Thailand for affordable medication.

HIV medication now subsidised in Singapore (Sort Off)

www.groundreport.com/articles.php?articleID=2875558

My friend just have to make the best out of the current situation and the situation he's in right now, get the best help and support he can.

Thanks everyone.

Edited May 17, 2009 by theufo8mycow