Someone Please Explain The Dating/boyfriend/girlfriend For Thailand

[misspalin]

If you dont bang them on your first date they automatically think you are a homo.

It would seem that this is where you are going wrong

Wrong

we do not expect "banging" on the first date not even kissing or holding hand unless those you date with are bgs

It's not gonna make you a homo.

Well, if you are young and handsome you can in many cases get jumped, even by very good girls...even on the first date.

But you might also meet one of them with hyper-conservative parents and a scared daughter that wouldn't dare to touch you before being married.

Doesn't mean that you are gay, only means you didn't do the research before asking them out.

Im a good girl. Good girls dont jump hansum boys on first date.

[cat5]

Well based on the assumption that we are not talking about BG's or anyone even remotely connected to a bar beer in Pattaya, and the girl has a normal job - basically a normal Thai woman. The majority of Thai women are very reserved when it comes to dating and if you are dating a traditional nice Thai woman then I wouldn't expect to get past holding hands for quite some time the official line is no sex before your wedding night.

I would say its not unusual with a nice girl at all to have a chapperone with you for quite a while, I had a gay guy who works for my girlfreind come on our dates with us for about a month, all three of us took it in turns to pay the bill. It was a bit unusual at first but she was very shy and I'm sure her family felt more at ease and he's now become a good freind of mine.

Some Thai girls may be shy when in public, but back at your place they are just like any other girl. As for "no sex before marriage" well that may be the official line (spread by which government department?) but as most of us here will know it's just not true. I'm not talking about bar girls, either.

As for your gay chaperone, well I'd advise anyone in this situation to "ditch the bitch" (both of them). Thai girls often have a gay friend, and this one just saw you as a sucker and a free lunch ticket.

[yogi]

take care lady means........

pay her bills,pay mama,papa,sister,cousins,neighbour,dogs,etc

[Shotime]

It's an excellent question. I'm not talking about working girls, and, for Sabum's sake, age differentials are considered not that large. He is correct in that the rules are different if the age differential is 40 years. Given that, dating is more or less the same as anywhere. However, I would advise caution in dating a Thai woman more or less your own age who is not a working girl. In my experience, they will make assumptions that can only lead to problems. If you innocently flirt, or say anything leading, they will take you seriously. The only advise I can offer is to make your intentions as clear as possible from the outset. If you're looking to start a serious relationship, proceed slowly and with caution. Do not play with them unless you're serious.

[misspalin]

If you want them to cut your nuts off, playing with them when you serious is a good way to get it done.

[TAWP]

If you dont bang them on your first date they automatically think you are a homo.

It would seem that this is where you are going wrong

Wrong

we do not expect "banging" on the first date not even kissing or holding hand unless those you date with are bgs

It's not gonna make you a homo.

Well, if you are young and handsome you can in many cases get jumped, even by very good girls...even on the first date.

But you might also meet one of them with hyper-conservative parents and a scared daughter that wouldn't dare to touch you before being married.

Doesn't mean that you are gay, only means you didn't do the research before asking them out.

Im a good girl. Good girls dont jump hansum boys on first date.

And I know for a fact that your statement is wrong. Nothing more to add.

[teacup]

Im a good girl. Good girls dont jump hansum boys on first date.

And I know for a fact that your statement is wrong. Nothing more to add.

So what U r saying is that......you had seen 'misspalin' jumped hansum boys?

[Claude06france]

I am not sure if this is the right post and I am sure there is no specific answer, but it is worth a try!

I am assuming in most cultures other than Thailand, the dating is about the same? Boy meets girl, ask's girl on a date, they go have fun, split the bill or the guy pays, and they do it again and again until they see if they are compatible right?

Which leads me to trying to figure out Thai girls/women. I am out and about and have no trouble meeting 2-5 girls a day, get their phone numbers, try to meet out at a restaurant, since I don't go pick them up with my car like "WE" do. This is where it goes about a thousand different directions with the Thai girls! The main problem is, whatever their agenda is, they just assume since I have lived in Thailand for awhile, I am able to "guess" their specific agenda out of a thousand different directions, but, they are all under the belief that "All" other girls have the same exact agenda! If you can understand what I am saying.

So that is where the fun begins. Some show up with another family member, girlfriend etc, that seem to nose their way into the date, and want to order everything on the menu and only eat 1/4 of it. So what should have been a $500baht date, is now $2500baht, plus the, "no more bus, need pay for taxi" from the uninvited party! Right, she just went to the bottom of my list, but it is not her fault, or is it? Or, the girl comes alone, we have an OK, time, no talk about exclusivity, future plans, dating etc, no response good or bad, and then I don't see them because I get the SMS, "I busy now, take care" Huh? What the heck is that all about! So I leave them alone, then a week later get the "Why you dont call me, why you dont take care me" and 100 other responses that are similar.

But, I am finding a bit of a pattern, in that many of them just assume since you went on a date, that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are willing to "Take care lady", which is not specific to anyone but "That" particular girl!

I guess what I am looking for, what is really the norm for Thailand, because I have heard, seen and had a hundred different outcomes and request, from "must meet family" to "see you next time"

What I am trying to figure out is, maybe how many dates? What does "Take care lady" mean to them, because I have no clue and they are too shy to tell me which of the 1000 different directions it should go? Are some actually expecting me to support them, marry them, meet the family after 1-3 dates??

Like I say, I am kind of looking for a solution to know what I am getting into, and what is the reasonable norm? Or should I just become a monk now and get it over with???

[misspalin]

Farang boy dating thai girl is different. No same same like where you came from. Thai girls mind is wired to "take care of family " from young age. I couldnt imagine the pressure they are under. So they cannot waste their 20s just going on fun dates with farangs . The farang better be generous or be celibate.

Now how many young thai girl young farang boy couples you see out in public, i personally see very few. I see many 50 year old men with young thai girls, they understand the no money no honey concept.

If farang only offer good heart thai girl better off with thai boy who has good heart.

Edited April 23, 2009 by misspalin

[mauGR1]

Farang boy dating thai girl is different. No same same like where you came from. Thai girls mind is wired to "take care of family " from young age. I couldnt imagine the pressure they are under. So they cannot waste their 20s just going on fun dates with farangs . The farang better be generous or be celibate.

Now how many young thai girl young farang boy couples you see out in public, i personally see very few. I see many 50 year old men with young thai girls, they understand the no money no honey concept.

If farang only offer good heart thai girl better off with thai boy who has good heart.

Very true,misspalin,but things are slowly changing..We farang boys help sometimes to wash the dishes and cuddle the babies,and usually don't blow all the salary on gambling and drinking..Thai girls are not blind.A big change is going on in Thai society.

[1960apache]

A lot of worthless comments here in my opinion. Let me try to help. You are getting pointed in a lot of directions because at the end of the day, it depends on the girl. Same as back home. Back home you are probably used to dating from your same social class level so the rules tend to be the same. If you are going to date poor girls in Thailand or girls much younger than yourself, then anything goes. It will depend on the girl.

Unfortunately there are too many idiots (in my opinion), that just throw money at these "poor helpless" girls and feel sorry for them and eagerly hand over money. But if you talk to the "real" Thai girls that have never had any exposure to foreigners, they behave by rules very much the same as back home. They share the cost of the dates, they don't order more than they can eat, they take the bus home, etc, etc. Basically if a girls is expecting more, you are being scammed. Thais just don't date outside their social class for this very reason.

I think the behavior of foreigners and reckless spending has tainted the girls image of us and some of them are very good at taking advantage of that. Yesterday I went on a date with a beauty salon girl. She makes very little money and I expected to pay for the date. But... I didn't expect that she would show up with 2 of her friends. Immediately they picked the bar they wanted to go, and when the cover charge bill came, I asked them all to fork out the money. The were angry and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. Personally I don't care and never want to see them again because their behavior was disrespectful and out of line, even to Thai culture standards.

I don't believe the lie's about "man always pays, Thai culture, etc". That is old school. I date many middle class girls (and poor uni students), that don't act like this. Choose your girls wisely, and don't be afraid to push back when you see a scam.

That is one of the examples I gave. Was the girls name "On" or "No" something like that from Khorat? laugh!

She cut my hair for months, and I would ask her to grab something to eat after her work, so one day she said "OK" so I go to meet them, she say's "Friend come with" actually 3 (1 was the most unattractive personality Thai girl I have met, attached herself to the date) the Friend was the one ordering everything on the menu while grilling me the whole time, "How long you stay Thailand, how much you make, you Butterfly, all Falong Butterfly, you have many lady, I know" needless to say I was ready to leave after 10 minutes, but I felt bad for my Salon friend, and tried not to hold it against her, but I never went back to see her shop again! What should have been 100 baht for noodle soup, which is what she said she wanted when I asked her out, turned into 2900baht. But, I did run into her on the BTS and told her how I felt about what happened, she obviously looked hurt, but, she gave me the "New shop address". Anyway, I tried, but just didn't seem to hit it off with her as cute as she is, just too quiet!

Thanks for the responses, I guess there is no concrete answer, but most of what I am getting just confirms what I already know, but don't want to accept, that a nice, attractive Thai girl is taught to extort as much money from the Falong as possible, I now call it the "Falong Tax" it applies to everything. And, whether it is legit or not, most families are going to try the Sin Sod thing. The hard part is, I could waste a year with a girl, only to find out that the girl, either hates sex, or her and her family just want to extort as much money out of me as possible. At this point, and with my past experiences, I guess I have 2 choices, just deal with it, or get the heck out of Thailand!

I actually do feel bad for the Thai girls and the pressure they are under and the brain washing they go through!

I have to say at this point, the 3rd option of becoming a Monk is not looking so bad after all!!

And thanks again for the intelligent responses! The never ending troll's looking for misery to join in on because they appearantly have such miserable existances, crack me up!

[Pierrot]

Farang boy dating thai girl is different. No same same like where you came from. Thai girls mind is wired to "take care of family " from young age. I couldnt imagine the pressure they are under. So they cannot waste their 20s just going on fun dates with farangs . The farang better be generous or be celibate.

Now how many young thai girl young farang boy couples you see out in public, i personally see very few. I see many 50 year old men with young thai girls, they understand the no money no honey concept.

If farang only offer good heart thai girl better off with thai boy who has good heart.

Very true,misspalin,but things are slowly changing..We farang boys help sometimes to wash the dishes and cuddle the babies,and usually don't blow all the salary on gambling and drinking..Thai girls are not blind.A big change is going on in Thai society.

Agree, and also people on both side are changing. You have more and more young falangs with good (local) job meeting well educated and open minded (local) girls.

Misspalin was right maybe 20 years ago but as mauGR1 says, a big change is going on in Thailand society.

On the other hand, expecting a "good girl" going out with a pennyless backpacker is maybe a bit too much to ask, especially if he is twice her age

[Pierrot]

I would ask her to grab something to eat after her work, so one day she said "OK" so I go to meet them, she say's "Friend come with" actually 3 (1 was the most unattractive personality Thai girl I have met, attached herself to the date) the Friend was the one ordering everything on the menu while grilling me the whole time, "How long you stay Thailand, how much you make, you Butterfly, all Falong Butterfly, you have many lady, I know" needless to say I was ready to leave after 10 minutes, but I felt bad for my Salon friend, and tried not to hold it against her, but I never went back to see her shop again! What should have been 100 baht for noodle soup, which is what she said she wanted when I asked her out, turned into 2900baht. But, I did run into her on the BTS and told her how I felt about what happened, she obviously looked hurt, but, she gave me the "New shop address". Anyway, I tried, but just didn't seem to hit it off with her as cute as she is, just too quiet!

I completely understand what you're talking about. It seems that there are a lot of unmarried ladies in Thailand whose only purpose in life seem to ruin the life of their dating or married friends. They are always very critical of everything, with completely unrealistic expectation. I can understand the "chaperon" stuff, for the first date some ladies may feel safer with a third, usually more mature person. But the old single lady "friend" who is always here to ruin the best moments ...

Does anybody has experience on how to deal and get rid ot them ? It may avoid me going to jail for murder

[Sabum]

Im a good girl. Good girls dont jump hansum boys on first date.

The hel_l you are. lol

If you're even a girl I'm the King of Mars.

[a2396]

I am not sure if this is the right post and I am sure there is no specific answer, but it is worth a try!

I am assuming in most cultures other than Thailand, the dating is about the same? Boy meets girl, ask's girl on a date, they go have fun, split the bill or the guy pays, and they do it again and again until they see if they are compatible right?

Which leads me to trying to figure out Thai girls/women. I am out and about and have no trouble meeting 2-5 girls a day, get their phone numbers, try to meet out at a restaurant, since I don't go pick them up with my car like "WE" do. This is where it goes about a thousand different directions with the Thai girls! The main problem is, whatever their agenda is, they just assume since I have lived in Thailand for awhile, I am able to "guess" their specific agenda out of a thousand different directions, but, they are all under the belief that "All" other girls have the same exact agenda! If you can understand what I am saying.

So that is where the fun begins. Some show up with another family member, girlfriend etc, that seem to nose their way into the date, and want to order everything on the menu and only eat 1/4 of it. So what should have been a $500baht date, is now $2500baht, plus the, "no more bus, need pay for taxi" from the uninvited party! Right, she just went to the bottom of my list, but it is not her fault, or is it? Or, the girl comes alone, we have an OK, time, no talk about exclusivity, future plans, dating etc, no response good or bad, and then I don't see them because I get the SMS, "I busy now, take care" Huh? What the heck is that all about! So I leave them alone, then a week later get the "Why you dont call me, why you dont take care me" and 100 other responses that are similar.

But, I am finding a bit of a pattern, in that many of them just assume since you went on a date, that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are willing to "Take care lady", which is not specific to anyone but "That" particular girl!

I guess what I am looking for, what is really the norm for Thailand, because I have heard, seen and had a hundred different outcomes and request, from "must meet family" to "see you next time"

What I am trying to figure out is, maybe how many dates? What does "Take care lady" mean to them, because I have no clue and they are too shy to tell me which of the 1000 different directions it should go? Are some actually expecting me to support them, marry them, meet the family after 1-3 dates??

Like I say, I am kind of looking for a solution to know what I am getting into, and what is the reasonable norm? Or should I just become a monk now and get it over with???

take care of lady means MONEY!!! FROM YOU

Exactly, precisely!!! The farang is generlly expected, if not required to pay up, preferably on a monthly basis. Age difference MAY play a factor in the amounts required, but generally no money no relationship, as foreigners are expected to all be rich.

[a2396]

It's an excellent question. I'm not talking about working girls, and, for Sabum's sake, age differentials are considered not that large. He is correct in that the rules are different if the age differential is 40 years. Given that, dating is more or less the same as anywhere. However, I would advise caution in dating a Thai woman more or less your own age who is not a working girl. In my experience, they will make assumptions that can only lead to problems. If you innocently flirt, or say anything leading, they will take you seriously. The only advise I can offer is to make your intentions as clear as possible from the outset. If you're looking to start a serious relationship, proceed slowly and with caution. Do not play with them unless you're serious.

Nobody shouly be "playing". Talk straight as to what you ant & make sure they understand from the beginning. Stay away from the marriage "runaway freight train" and getting entangled with family affairs. A foreigner does not enjoy the same liberties as a Thai man would in these relationships. The operating rules are definately different.

[animatic]

If you dont bang them on your first date they automatically think you are a homo.

It would seem that this is where you are going wrong

Wrong

we do not expect "banging" on the first date not even kissing or holding hand unless those you date with are bgs

It's not gonna make you a homo.

Well, if you are young and handsome you can in many cases get jumped, even by very good girls...even on the first date.

But you might also meet one of them with hyper-conservative parents and a scared daughter that wouldn't dare to touch you before being married.

Doesn't mean that you are gay, only means you didn't do the research before asking them out.

TAWP makes certain points. And ThiThi too.

Young handsome and cash in pocket makes you a serious good catch for most girls.

That said it's the same world wide. Some will bend their rules to reel in a good catch.

Others will be VERY strict in their approach, no PDA's no excessive demonstrativeness,

until you pass muster with mom or big sister etc.

Older, but handsome and comfortably set works fine for many ladies,

because they are drawn to success in a man, and less in many case about purely looks.

No doubt the tag along friend is purposely being a pain, so they BOTH can read YOU;

how you handle it, and can you afford it, without asking directly.

But here in LOS the 'negociation' of a couple's little signals and building of an mutual affinity

is not NEAR as convoluted or difficult a terrain as with American or even European women.

I have a friend who never needs to get a room in most cities, he has the ability to go and find

a non-bar girl and make her want to take him home. Rarely seen it fail to my shock.

And he treats them very nicely, never leads them on, and speaks decent Thai

and that is always the clincher. Sweet, sexy, sober and honest seems to go a long way.

As in any marriage, support or the ability to support the woman is of great importance,

and so they want to find out before they go too deep are you capable or just air.

This becomes a stronger incentive in a poor economy.

This gets down right mercenary with many bar girls, but not all.

Some would gladdly trade the whole thing for one guy

who can get the job done for her and family.

Since Asians think of ALL family as an extended enterprise to some extent,

it is not illogical that a woman gauges a prospective mate vis a vis his potential

integration with the family business or lack of one.

One new field filled with cows and a few pigs and a roof on grandma's house

and daughters duty is done.

But mating with a Thai lady is also mating the clan, so look beyond her

and see the whole shooting match. I have lots of in-laws and it's fine,

when I can help I do, and when I can't I don't, but because I do help

and want to, I am loved by them all. So easily get forgiven those times I can't.

All of this comes into play on a first date to varying degrees.

Some planned and some on instincts.

[featography]

If you dont bang them on your first date they automatically think you are a homo.

It would seem that this is where you are going wrong

Wrong

we do not expect "banging" on the first date not even kissing or holding hand unless those you date with are bgs

It's not gonna make you a homo.

Well, if you are young and handsome you can in many cases get jumped, even by very good girls...even on the first date.

But you might also meet one of them with hyper-conservative parents and a scared daughter that wouldn't dare to touch you before being married.

Doesn't mean that you are gay, only means you didn't do the research before asking them out.

TAWP makes certain points. And ThiThi too.

Young handsome and cash in pocket makes you a serious good catch for most girls.

That said it's the same world wide. Some will bend their rules to reel in a good catch.

Others will be VERY strict in their approach, no PDA's no excessive demonstrativeness,

until you pass muster with mom or big sister etc.

Older, but handsome and comfortably set works fine for many ladies,

because they are drawn to success in a man, and less in many case about purely looks.

No doubt the tag along friend is purposely being a pain, so they BOTH can read YOU;

how you handle it, and can you afford it, without asking directly.

But here in LOS the 'negociation' of a couple's little signals and building of an mutual affinity

is not NEAR as convoluted or difficult a terrain as with American or even European women.

I have a friend who never needs to get a room in most cities, he has the ability to go and find

a non-bar girl and make her want to take him home. Rarely seen it fail to my shock.

And he treats them very nicely, never leads them on, and speaks decent Thai

and that is always the clincher. Sweet, sexy, sober and honest seems to go a long way.

As in any marriage, support or the ability to support the woman is of great importance,

and so they want to find out before they go too deep are you capable or just air.

This becomes a stronger incentive in a poor economy.

This gets down right mercenary with many bar girls, but not all.

Some would gladdly trade the whole thing for one guy

who can get the job done for her and family.

Since Asians think of ALL family as an extended enterprise to some extent,

it is not illogical that a woman gauges a prospective mate vis a vis his potential

integration with the family business or lack of one.

One new field filled with cows and a few pigs and a roof on grandma's house

and daughters duty is done.

But mating with a Thai lady is also mating the clan, so look beyond her

and see the whole shooting match. I have lots of in-laws and it's fine,

when I can help I do, and when I can't I don't, but because I do help

and want to, I am loved by them all. So easily get forgiven those times I can't.

All of this comes into play on a first date to varying degrees.

Some planned and some on instincts.

As they say in the states, Animatic, YOU ROCK. I read the previous comments wondering when the door on this thread would get slammed shut. Pak Mah mak, pak dee nitnoi, then you cover it all. I have found this to be right on, in my own life in Thailand and in my marriage. My inlaws adore me for being me, not so much for my money. Sure, you marry family, and in my case,when they have real emergencies, I and the wife are there for emotional and monetary support. Those are few and far between, and they always pay us back. We make every effort to go "back home" to see them all at least once a month. What they adore me so much for, is the fact that I adore,and put a high value on my wife in their presence and 60 kl away from them at home in our village. Believe me, when they do come to visit us, our village gives full reports on my behavior, and they are proud and happy with what they hear. They put a higher value on my being monogomous and supportive, giving her smiles, laughter and no misery, than my personal Baht worth. Please dont read into this my own horn tooting. I write this to honor my wife, her family, and the majority of Thai folks. Hope it helps, and am sure I will get pak mah mak from some. Mai pen rai, Im not married to them LOL.

[Shotime]

If you want them to cut your nuts off, playing with them when you serious is a good way to get it done.

From a previous post of yours concerning my off-topic, incomprehensible posts, I can't believe you agree with me, but did you mean:

If you want them to cut your nuts off, playing with them when you (or you're) NOT serious is a good way to get it done.

Is that from your personal experience? Maybe that's why someone said you're not a female. Just a pre-op.

[Shotime]

It's an excellent question. I'm not talking about working girls, and, for Sabum's sake, age differentials are considered not that large. He is correct in that the rules are different if the age differential is 40 years. Given that, dating is more or less the same as anywhere. However, I would advise caution in dating a Thai woman more or less your own age who is not a working girl. In my experience, they will make assumptions that can only lead to problems. If you innocently flirt, or say anything leading, they will take you seriously. The only advise I can offer is to make your intentions as clear as possible from the outset. If you're looking to start a serious relationship, proceed slowly and with caution. Do not play with them unless you're serious.

Nobody shouly be "playing". Talk straight as to what you ant & make sure they understand from the beginning. Stay away from the marriage "runaway freight train" and getting entangled with family affairs. A foreigner does not enjoy the same liberties as a Thai man would in these relationships. The operating rules are definately different.

I can't tell anymore. Is he saying the same thing i did?

[shawndoc]

First off, yes its normal for someone else to tag along on the early dates. She's a tiny 20 something Thai girl going out with some giant 40 something Farang. She's nervous and wants a friend there to make sure if things go south someone's there to help her out. She may also feel her English isn't good enough, so she brings a friend along for her to talk to or who speaks "better" English than her. Even if you're both the same age, its perfectly normal for one or two of her girlfriends to tag along for the first few dates.

Also, lets be honest, its not normal in any culture for a 20 something young pretty girl to date a 40 something man unless she's looking for financial support. Does it happen? Yes, but its not that common. In traditional Thai society, any young girl being seen out with an older farang is going to be assumed to be a working girl by most other Thai's, regardless of whether she really is. So there's even more negative stigma for a young girl dating an older man than there is in your home country. So don't be surprised if a high number of the girls who are willing to go on a date are looking for financial support of some sort.

Another problem you are going to run into, is if her English isn't good or she hasn't dated a farang before she's going to seek advice from other TGs who have experience dating farangs. And chances are these friends are either BGs or girls that troll for "boyfriends" at the clubs on the weekend. So you'll often have her friend pushing her to ask for money or suggesting she behave in a BG like fashion or giving her really crummy "translations" as to what to say or constantly telling her you're a cheap charlie.

And to top it all off, if you've really found a woman who truly wants to date a foreigner nearly twice her age without any financial incentive, you're going to have to deal with her jealous friends. You'll have some of her friends telling both of you lies to try and break you up. Hopefully you're relationship is strong enough to withstand this and both of you are smart enough to see through the lies (and smart enough to recognize when they aren't lies).

[smallprawn]

I am not sure if this is the right post and I am sure there is no specific answer, but it is worth a try!

I am assuming in most cultures other than Thailand, the dating is about the same? Boy meets girl, ask's girl on a date, they go have fun, split the bill or the guy pays, and they do it again and again until they see if they are compatible right?

Which leads me to trying to figure out Thai girls/women. I am out and about and have no trouble meeting 2-5 girls a day, get their phone numbers, try to meet out at a restaurant, since I don't go pick them up with my car like "WE" do. This is where it goes about a thousand different directions with the Thai girls! The main problem is, whatever their agenda is, they just assume since I have lived in Thailand for awhile, I am able to "guess" their specific agenda out of a thousand different directions, but, they are all under the belief that "All" other girls have the same exact agenda! If you can understand what I am saying.

So that is where the fun begins. Some show up with another family member, girlfriend etc, that seem to nose their way into the date, and want to order everything on the menu and only eat 1/4 of it. So what should have been a $500baht date, is now $2500baht, plus the, "no more bus, need pay for taxi" from the uninvited party! Right, she just went to the bottom of my list, but it is not her fault, or is it? Or, the girl comes alone, we have an OK, time, no talk about exclusivity, future plans, dating etc, no response good or bad, and then I don't see them because I get the SMS, "I busy now, take care" Huh? What the heck is that all about! So I leave them alone, then a week later get the "Why you dont call me, why you dont take care me" and 100 other responses that are similar.

But, I am finding a bit of a pattern, in that many of them just assume since you went on a date, that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are willing to "Take care lady", which is not specific to anyone but "That" particular girl!

I guess what I am looking for, what is really the norm for Thailand, because I have heard, seen and had a hundred different outcomes and request, from "must meet family" to "see you next time"

What I am trying to figure out is, maybe how many dates? What does "Take care lady" mean to them, because I have no clue and they are too shy to tell me which of the 1000 different directions it should go? Are some actually expecting me to support them, marry them, meet the family after 1-3 dates??

Like I say, I am kind of looking for a solution to know what I am getting into, and what is the reasonable norm? Or should I just become a monk now and get it over with???

A good question, very interesting post and the replies I have read are as interesting as they are vairied.

Might I ask if you are well versed in Thai history , culture and more importanty.... are you fluent in the thai language and able to hold and understand full conversations with your dates as you would in English?

Please dont think Im being cheeky but in your opinion why do you think, if not for reasons financial, genuine Thai ladies want to date you as opposed to a Thai gent?

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

[smallprawn]

I am not sure if this is the right post and I am sure there is no specific answer, but it is worth a try!

I am assuming in most cultures other than Thailand, the dating is about the same? Boy meets girl, ask's girl on a date, they go have fun, split the bill or the guy pays, and they do it again and again until they see if they are compatible right?

Which leads me to trying to figure out Thai girls/women. I am out and about and have no trouble meeting 2-5 girls a day, get their phone numbers, try to meet out at a restaurant, since I don't go pick them up with my car like "WE" do. This is where it goes about a thousand different directions with the Thai girls! The main problem is, whatever their agenda is, they just assume since I have lived in Thailand for awhile, I am able to "guess" their specific agenda out of a thousand different directions, but, they are all under the belief that "All" other girls have the same exact agenda! If you can understand what I am saying.

So that is where the fun begins. Some show up with another family member, girlfriend etc, that seem to nose their way into the date, and want to order everything on the menu and only eat 1/4 of it. So what should have been a $500baht date, is now $2500baht, plus the, "no more bus, need pay for taxi" from the uninvited party! Right, she just went to the bottom of my list, but it is not her fault, or is it? Or, the girl comes alone, we have an OK, time, no talk about exclusivity, future plans, dating etc, no response good or bad, and then I don't see them because I get the SMS, "I busy now, take care" Huh? What the heck is that all about! So I leave them alone, then a week later get the "Why you dont call me, why you dont take care me" and 100 other responses that are similar.

But, I am finding a bit of a pattern, in that many of them just assume since you went on a date, that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are willing to "Take care lady", which is not specific to anyone but "That" particular girl!

I guess what I am looking for, what is really the norm for Thailand, because I have heard, seen and had a hundred different outcomes and request, from "must meet family" to "see you next time"

What I am trying to figure out is, maybe how many dates? What does "Take care lady" mean to them, because I have no clue and they are too shy to tell me which of the 1000 different directions it should go? Are some actually expecting me to support them, marry them, meet the family after 1-3 dates??

Like I say, I am kind of looking for a solution to know what I am getting into, and what is the reasonable norm? Or should I just become a monk now and get it over with???

A good question, very interesting post and the replies I have read are as interesting as they are vairied.

Might I ask if you are well versed in Thai history , culture and more importanty.... are you fluent in the thai language and able to hold and understand full conversations with your dates as you would in English?

Please dont think Im being cheeky but in your opinion why do you think, if not for reasons financial, genuine Thai ladies want to date you as opposed to a Thai gent?

Might I also add previous posts suggesting Thai men are gambling, alchoholic wife beaters maybe somewhat of a sweeping generalisation.

After reading all posts further, you come across as a very considerate dude and I only hope your future dates give you and this matter as much consideration as you have.

Good luck my friend

[TAWP]

Farang boy dating thai girl is different. No same same like where you came from. Thai girls mind is wired to "take care of family " from young age. I couldnt imagine the pressure they are under. So they cannot waste their 20s just going on fun dates with farangs . The farang better be generous or be celibate.

Now how many young thai girl young farang boy couples you see out in public, i personally see very few. I see many 50 year old men with young thai girls, they understand the no money no honey concept.

If farang only offer good heart thai girl better off with thai boy who has good heart.

You are talking about girls of specific social classes when you say they cannot waste their youth dating.

Looking around the extended circle of friends many of them are very happy to date farangs as they are often classmates since they go to international school or the more expensive universities here. But they are of course not the norm.

It's very hard to speak on a general basis without having sampled 1040 random girls...and who has the time?

To your second point, I would say that you are incorrect, I see a lot of young mixed couples, but it all depends on what clubs you go to. Or where you live. (I live in BKK.)

To your third point, I would disagree. Nationality shouldn't matter and saying they would be better off with one or the other, if everything else is the same, well...it just not right. (And everything would never be the same between the two options.)

[TAWP]

I have a friend who never needs to get a room in most cities, he has the ability to go and find

a non-bar girl and make her want to take him home. Rarely seen it fail to my shock.

And he treats them very nicely, never leads them on, and speaks decent Thai

and that is always the clincher. Sweet, sexy, sober and honest seems to go a long way.

I have a friend too...that is very 'successful' in being liked by women. First of, he never takes any girl out that he doesn't like or just wanna trick or something like that, so there is genuine emotions there. He is always complemented as handsome (but so are most decent men here), dress nice and have a local job with decent pay. But the clincher is to not be too forward (often let one initiate the first contact to signal interest) and to a genuin nice guy. Even to the chaperon, if any. (Unless they are truly rude of course, never be a push-over.)

He has had dates with chaperon that ended with the date sending their friend home and then them taking him back to a hotel, even paying for the room and staying all night with him. All because they truly wanted to. (As a gentleman he normally pays for room, if any, but it still has happened.)

So this makes me say that Thai girls aren't impossible to date, but some girls are. A lot of women (22-35) are starved for a decent man. If you can truly offer them that...well...

Don't give up, there is always someone out there that match you.

And as I said in a BG thread - don't fall for the first one that smiles to you. Even if you are recently divorced and just moderately attractive. Maybe you have other qualities to offer.

[clausewitz]

But, I am finding a bit of a pattern, in that many of them just assume since you went on a date, that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are willing to "Take care lady", which is not specific to anyone but "That" particular girl!

I guess what I am looking for, what is really the norm for Thailand, because I have heard, seen and had a hundred different outcomes and request, from "must meet family" to "see you next time"

What I am trying to figure out is, maybe how many dates? What does "Take care lady" mean to them, because I have no clue and they are too shy to tell me which of the 1000 different directions it should go? Are some actually expecting me to support them, marry them, meet the family after 1-3 dates??

Like I say, I am kind of looking for a solution to know what I am getting into, and what is the reasonable norm? Or should I just become a monk now and get it over with???

Finally an easy question I can field. the definitive answer to the highlighted text is "up to you".

love it.

[Kf6vci]

Well, oen or more chaperones seem to be quite normal. This has to do with face. yes, it can be really frustrating when a chaperone chooses the most expensive meals at Sizzler.

My advice would be to be polite but true. Do not play with girls' hearts! Do not engage in serial dating. By acting recklessly, you are not helping the reputation of other farang. some are too old to play silly games or even try to take many different girls to bed.

To you, taking a girl out might be as normal as shaving. But for the girl, this might be

a big event. Remember life as a teenager? agonising hours near the phone? No calls? Endless worrying? Life's too short for nonsense. Can you narrow it down a bit? Instead of watering the whole garden, pick one or two flowers and see where it takes you.

You are looking for honesty and sincerity, right? Be honest and sincere yourself!

Take control and maybe order the salad bar for all at Sizzler instead of bankrolling all these meals for more than one chaperone.

Try and talk to the person. Oh, this doesn't really work? Well, keep looking!

Practice dumping - it is far kinder to end somethign early on than wastign time for weeks.

[kyb789]

A lot of worthless comments here in my opinion. Let me try to help. You are getting pointed in a lot of directions because at the end of the day, it depends on the girl. Same as back home. Back home you are probably used to dating from your same social class level so the rules tend to be the same. If you are going to date poor girls in Thailand or girls much younger than yourself, then anything goes. It will depend on the girl.

Unfortunately there are too many idiots (in my opinion), that just throw money at these "poor helpless" girls and feel sorry for them and eagerly hand over money. But if you talk to the "real" Thai girls that have never had any exposure to foreigners, they behave by rules very much the same as back home. They share the cost of the dates, they don't order more than they can eat, they take the bus home, etc, etc. Basically if a girls is expecting more, you are being scammed. Thais just don't date outside their social class for this very reason.

I think the behavior of foreigners and reckless spending has tainted the girls image of us and some of them are very good at taking advantage of that. Yesterday I went on a date with a beauty salon girl. She makes very little money and I expected to pay for the date. But... I didn't expect that she would show up with 2 of her friends. Immediately they picked the bar they wanted to go, and when the cover charge bill came, I asked them all to fork out the money. The were angry and wouldn't talk to me the rest of the night. Personally I don't care and never want to see them again because their behavior was disrespectful and out of line, even to Thai culture standards.

I don't believe the lie's about "man always pays, Thai culture, etc". That is old school. I date many middle class girls (and poor uni students), that don't act like this. Choose your girls wisely, and don't be afraid to push back when you see a scam.

That is one of the examples I gave. Was the girls name "On" or "No" something like that from Khorat? laugh!

She cut my hair for months. . .

Not the same girl. But this behavior is common for beauty salon girls. Keep in mind the reason they went to beauty school in the first place is because they could not afford university. That puts them in a very low social class. There are many escape methods I use when I see a scam about to happen. Sometimes I hide until I see if she is alone or with friends. Sometimes I meet her and her friends and then say something to get rid of them. Sometimes I say hello, "Oh, sorry I see you are busy, we can meet another time." If you meet them in a bar, get there early and make sure you have already ordered your drink BEFORE they arrive. If you show up late you will be sorry. They will be waiting for the ATM card.

But best of all, do what the Thai men do and only date in your social class. That solves every problem. I get tired of the generalizations that Thai men are no good or they are drunk and lazy. Sure, that is true for the low class guys that sit around the rice farm and drink all day. But a normal educated Thai man with a good job is just the same as an educated man with a good job back home. I work with them everyday and these guys are good family men.

I will say it again, that these bad behavior patterns from the girls come because of the difference in social class and/or age with you, and bad foreigner's behavior with money. I meet many girls that have never dated a foreigner and know NOTHING about us. They don't scam or play these tricks at all. Find an office girl from Bangkok Univ or Thamasat, and you will surely be happy, especially when she offers to buy you dinner at a nice restaurant.

And most Bangkok middle-class girls I talked to tell me sin-sod is almost a thing of the past. Or, just a northern culture scam.

[CrossBones]

I am not sure if this is the right post and I am sure there is no specific answer, but it is worth a try!

I am assuming in most cultures other than Thailand, the dating is about the same? Boy meets girl, ask's girl on a date, they go have fun, split the bill or the guy pays, and they do it again and again until they see if they are compatible right?

Which leads me to trying to figure out Thai girls/women. I am out and about and have no trouble meeting 2-5 girls a day, get their phone numbers, try to meet out at a restaurant, since I don't go pick them up with my car like "WE" do. This is where it goes about a thousand different directions with the Thai girls! The main problem is, whatever their agenda is, they just assume since I have lived in Thailand for awhile, I am able to "guess" their specific agenda out of a thousand different directions, but, they are all under the belief that "All" other girls have the same exact agenda! If you can understand what I am saying.

So that is where the fun begins. Some show up with another family member, girlfriend etc, that seem to nose their way into the date, and want to order everything on the menu and only eat 1/4 of it. So what should have been a $500baht date, is now $2500baht, plus the, "no more bus, need pay for taxi" from the uninvited party! Right, she just went to the bottom of my list, but it is not her fault, or is it? Or, the girl comes alone, we have an OK, time, no talk about exclusivity, future plans, dating etc, no response good or bad, and then I don't see them because I get the SMS, "I busy now, take care" Huh? What the heck is that all about! So I leave them alone, then a week later get the "Why you dont call me, why you dont take care me" and 100 other responses that are similar.

But, I am finding a bit of a pattern, in that many of them just assume since you went on a date, that you are now boyfriend/girlfriend and are willing to "Take care lady", which is not specific to anyone but "That" particular girl!

I guess what I am looking for, what is really the norm for Thailand, because I have heard, seen and had a hundred different outcomes and request, from "must meet family" to "see you next time"

What I am trying to figure out is, maybe how many dates? What does "Take care lady" mean to them, because I have no clue and they are too shy to tell me which of the 1000 different directions it should go? Are some actually expecting me to support them, marry them, meet the family after 1-3 dates??

Like I say, I am kind of looking for a solution to know what I am getting into, and what is the reasonable norm? Or should I just become a monk now and get it over with???

\

Youve got completely the wrong idea here.. running about getting 5 phone numbers a day... youll end up a sucker for sure, coming accross so desperate. Sit back and take your time a bit!

[bobbysan124]

Asked my lady about sin sot and she said that she and family knew I wasn't "rich" and just a symbolic amount would be fine. No crazy amount or expectations. It is really not a big deal to her or her family. So, I think that the individual vibe you get from the lady you're involved with should govern your perception of how it works. If you think the requests and expectations are crazy, then they probably are. Good luck, though, working your way through the maze. And I don't mean that flippantly.