Thai visa is really going down the toilet. A poll on how to wipe your arse?

But I'll have to say toilet tissue if it's handy. If not the water hose. Or the 'sock' contigency - If not wearing socks then one may have to sacrifice ones underwear to clean up and get out.

I always have a complete shower - one of the advantages of being retired, you can pick and choose where you poos.

Reminds me of another thread: http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Battle-wipe-t1984.html

Some of these posts contain WAY too many details....

I am genuinely confused how other people use the hose:

"Spray then dry yourself with tissue" ??!!

If I use tissue, I tissue first then spray afterward.

It sounds like a lot of people on this thread use it whilst sitting on the toilet- for me that's unthinkable- for one, it will get my entire backside wet, and two, the position of the legs while on the toilet doesn't really allow the water to get that far into the a$s.

For me, toileting in thailand or asia is a complex affair . Once I finish, I squat all the way down on the shower floor like a rural thai and then spray thoroughly with the hose AND use soap. Furthermore, I occasionally put my finger 'inside' a little bit (gross, I know), to get the residual feces that normally wood ooze out had I not done so (gross, I know). I then have to dry myself with a towel and put all my clothes back on. In short, I only defecate at home.

Way to much info Sven. If you put your finger in you are Gay no if or butts ! well maybe butts

Wow.

Some of the answers on this thread, especially from Mr. Excavation are creepy.

Don't you just wish you could be a dog and be able to drag your bum along the carpet?

If you are an agile type of person and you need to poo in a shopping centre toilet, you can waddle over to the automatic hand drier blower hanging on the wall, climb up, wrap your legs around the drier and allow the warm blast of air to do it's thing.

i can't vote because i use only spray. i then squeeze my cheeks together and let the water seap out of my butt crack

This fred is a load of crap

For me it goes by the name ‘arse blaster’ but for most it’s that hose pipe by the side of the toilet. I know a fair few expats who scoff at the idea of using one – and back in the UK it is practically a laughing matter, as if using water to clean yourself is something that only a savage would do. I will be relocating back to the UK soon with the family and on arrival I will be installing hoses in every bathroom in my house.

So the question is – to hose or not to hose?

Ever since my Army days, especially 9 weeks in Iraq without a shower and using a MRE box as a pooper, I really got into the habit of using baby wipes. When in Thailand, I use the hose but, at the very least, use the baby wipes. I wonder how many people thought it was a drinking fountain for short people?

If you are an agile type of person and you need to poo in a shopping centre toilet, you can waddle over to the automatic hand drier blower hanging on the wall, climb up, wrap your legs around the drier and allow the warm blast of air to do it's thing.

Carry baby wipes you heathen barbarians!!! Pocket-size.

This fred is a load of crap

Who's Fred??????

It's really interesting to know how Farangs feel about using water for cleaning. Thanks to the one who raised this topic.

This survey is surely missing the most common (and my preferred) option. Bum gun blast and pull your pants up! Tissue is for when you have a cold...

Thai chef preferred spray only.

This survey is surely missing the most common (and my preferred) option. Bum gun blast and pull your pants up! Tissue is for when you have a cold...

Took me 2 years to get into the habit and thats what I do now.

Afterall thats why we wear underwear and its saves paper

you might wanna get your water hoses heated. all well and good in tropical climates but the thought of an icy blast of almost freezing water in cooler climates is not appealing

shit spread around your arse is appealing?

Actually I take a shower and use soap, if I can't I won't go but that's not a problem I have my schedule right after coffee in the morning in my home never in public unless I am ill. I also tend to shower 3 times a day I did in my country as well, before work, after work and in the summer before bed. I have been told that was odd???? But I have never been told I smell bad...

Makes me feel sick when I have to go in a shopping centre and they don't have one. Dirty Hi So creatures. Yuck.

Like Jim Shortz, I call it a Bum Gun. Slightly more polite than Arse Blaster. Also agree with him on the no tissue. What's the point? My crack will only be dripping with sweat again in 2 minutes anyway. 

In India the right hand is for eating and the left for nose-picking and bum wiping. I can understand why nobody shakes hands.

It took me a while to get used to the 'bum gun' and/or plastic beaker and water butt, since there was no way to dry. You're supposed to walk out into a restaurant with a damp patch on your shorts? The tropical heat does dry you off quickly though. And it's cheaper and more hygienic than paper. I also agree that a cold blast of water not only stimulates a movement but also helps with piles.

The other part of the toilet trip not yet mentioned are the footprints on the toilet lid experience. That sitting position may be be far more natural and healthy for short skinny Asians, but it's a bit of a stretch expecting obese westerners to attempt it. When their feet slip and trembling buttocks get trapped in the bowl, it's a struggle to pull them out.

I do agree that problems such as constipation and diverticulitis could be solved if we squatted as the locals do.

I have heard of someone solving the cold water problem back home by wiping his bum with a Jack Russell.

Left hand. Left hand.

D@M, what a real up close and personal QUESTION, hey but I'm game, and since you ask, I use water and dry with tissue. Now that is my routine if both are available, however I ALWAYS carry tissue in pocket just in case, and if handy the old BP or Nation will do the job, no way do I want to you my Handerchief, use the handerchief do dry your hand, hope we all wash our hand after using the toilet, don't want no sticky brown stuff under the finger nails, might have to shake someones hand, bet that is a big reason it is best to wai than to shake hands, hey nuff said this is much to personal, over to y'all

Furthermore, I occasionally put my finger 'inside' a little bit (gross, I know), to get the residual feces that normally wood ooze out had I not done so (gross, I know).

Weird.

I use the tip of the bum gun to dig out any clinkers. Only at restaurant loos and public restrooms, though. Never at home... that would be disgusting.

Do have to be careful about digging too far, though. Especially after the incident with Uncle Derek

The bum gun is the best invention since sliced bread.

Being back in the UK at the moment I really miss the cleansing feeling of a few quick squirts of water up the jacksy. Amazing how much toilet paper you actually use without one AND your ar5e does not feel nearly as clean.

In thailand my bum gun is so powerful that I am happy to sit there for a little while enjoying a bit of colonic irrigation.

Amazing how much toilet paper you actually use without one.

I find it's the female of the species who twirl the loo roll around their hand until it's 40 layers deep just to.. ahem... dab.

You can go through a pack of 12 in a week.

Spray and drip-dry here. You need to add that to the poll.

I am genuinely confused how other people use the hose:

"Spray then dry yourself with tissue" ??!!

If I use tissue, I tissue first then spray afterward.

It sounds like a lot of people on this thread use it whilst sitting on the toilet- for me that's unthinkable- for one, it will get my entire backside wet, and two, the position of the legs while on the toilet doesn't really allow the water to get that far into the a$s.

For me, toileting in thailand or asia is a complex affair . Once I finish, I squat all the way down on the shower floor like a rural thai and then spray thoroughly with the hose AND use soap. Furthermore, I occasionally put my finger 'inside' a little bit (gross, I know), to get the residual feces that normally wood ooze out had I not done so (gross, I know). I then have to dry myself with a towel and put all my clothes back on. In short, I only defecate at home.

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hahahaha!! That was a lot of information,, maybe a bit more than needed!!!

For me, I spray with the hose to wet it , than a dry tissue, than a wet tissue

and than finally a dry tissue...

This is not harder than this guys....

Glegolo

Spray and drip-dry here. You need to add that to the poll.

I second that.

This has just become my favorite thread on TV.

3 pages already on how to clean your ass! 55555

Love bum guns. Don't understand my buddies that they complain about getting their as all wet. After a while you learn how to aim straight for the "spot". It very nice after you have eaten some serious gaeng keowaan.

I just feel filthy without a bumshower now. Actually, I include the head downstairs, too. Keeps it fresh...

oh my..I just virtually tossed my cookies ( threw up ) after reading the details of some posts...use the gun..finish with nit noi paper..I worked with a guy once who used to complain to ME ( he hardly knew me) that he was pissed at his wife because he said she "used a half a roll of toilet paper just for a pee.."

I'll never forget my first night in Thailand when I actually went down to the guest house reception and said to the guy "excuse me but there's no toilet paper in the bathroom". I genuinely didn't know Thai's did it another way.

Now I'm all converted to the hose. It's cleaner and more refreshing. But I am still at a loss about that guest house room, and anywhere else for that matter, where there is no hose - but instead a huge barrel of water and a plastic sauce pan. I would really love for somebody to explain to me how that works. There's no water pressure for starters so how the hel_l do you reach? Last time I checked water was also subject to the laws of gravity, so how the hel_l do you pour water downwards onto your arse hole without getting 90% of the water on the floor or your clothes?

Somebody, please explain this to me.

I'll never forget my first night in Thailand when I actually went down to the guest house reception and said to the guy "excuse me but there's no toilet paper in the bathroom". I genuinely didn't know Thai's did it another way.

Now I'm all converted to the hose. It's cleaner and more refreshing. But I am still at a loss about that guest house room, and anywhere else for that matter, where there is no hose - but instead a huge barrel of water and a plastic sauce pan. I would really love for somebody to explain to me how that works. There's no water pressure for starters so how the hel_l do you reach? Last time I checked water was also subject to the laws of gravity, so how the hel_l do you pour water downwards onto your arse hole without getting 90% of the water on the floor or your clothes?

Somebody, please explain this to me.

I think it involves using two hands. You figure out where the left hand goes...

I am genuinely confused how other people use the hose:

"Spray then dry yourself with tissue" ??!!

If I use tissue, I tissue first then spray afterward.

It sounds like a lot of people on this thread use it whilst sitting on the toilet- for me that's unthinkable- for one, it will get my entire backside wet, and two, the position of the legs while on the toilet doesn't really allow the water to get that far into the a$s.

For me, toileting in thailand or asia is a complex affair . Once I finish, I squat all the way down on the shower floor like a rural thai and then spray thoroughly with the hose AND use soap. Furthermore, I occasionally put my finger 'inside' a little bit (gross, I know), to get the residual feces that normally wood ooze out had I not done so (gross, I know). I then have to dry myself with a towel and put all my clothes back on. In short, I only defecate at home.

My god man..