The Best Story You've Ever Heard In A Thai Bar ?

[mmushr00m]

I was asked to kill someone once...

I was just minding my business, sitting in the corner. This russian guy came up to me and started talking. I wasnt feeling sociable so i just grunted my way through it. Then he suddenly said....I can see you're a hard man (Me hard???not at the moment matey).

Then he went on about how some people are after him 'cos of a bad business deal... I said not my problem and welcome to Thailand. Thats when he made his offer to me to go top some people.

I told him I am just another guy having a drink and watching the girls dance. He said no, I know you, you are a hard man thats why no one come disturb you. Please help me, I will pay you. No matter what I said he kept insisting, even begging.

I told him to come back with the $$$ the next day.

I never went back to collect my money 'cos this "hard man's" missus said, "you are not going out again tonight"

So if a russian ever comes up to you and says he knows someone that can sort your problems, its me he's talking about

[billd766]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

How come there are not ordinary soldier's here in Thailand, they all seem to be Navy Seals or Special Force's.

Whilst not being a soldier I was in the Royal Air Force as a radio technician for 25 years boy and man.

I have only 1 medal for long service and good conduct awarded after 18 years.

Was never shot at or involved in any wars.

Just did my time and left.

No sweat, no problem.

[Maizefarmer]

I was teaching at a university in Nakhon Sawan for awhile and met a British ex-pat who told me his story over a bottle of cheap whiskey. He has been big-time professor at Cambridge and another leading school of academia. His father had been a flyer durring the Battle of Britain and had been shot down and lost. He had written several books that had been used by many academic institutions some time ago and written historical accounts of leading historical figures that had been well-received. Most of the time, durring his story-telling, he was drunk off his seat and his usual state was a state of intoxication. I really didn't take any of it seriously until he showed me the books he had written, with his picture in the back no less, his academic credentials touting his background and met a sober friend of his who confirmed his father's story. I guess he had a toss with his family when they found out he was a homesexual, he turned to the bottle to comfort himself, burned out and was forced to leave his teachings posts and ended up in Thailand jumping from one illicit affair to the other with always a bottle in tow. The crazy part is not what he purpoted to be true, because it turned out to be indeed true but that he had let alcohol take everything away from him and turned him into hollow shadow of his former self. Wow, now I am depressed. Ok, somebody cheer me up.

Another few bar stories - that have turned out to be true!

Old hands of a nice resturant run by a rather large ex-pat (very large ex-pat!) next door to Nana Plaza may have met one of the regulars in that resturant: from the family who are (were? - they may have sold out when HK was given back to the Chinese, not sure about that though) the dominant shareholders in Cathy Pacific. Blew his slice of the CP cake many years ago (in Thailand) - shrugs his shoulders today and goes about life without a care - a nice guy actually with no pretences.

and theres another: an ex-pat who's family wealth comes from AIG. Lives in Thailand - loads of folk know him - about 3 or 4 know who he actually is. Doesn't touch the family money.

and another: the ex-pat majority shareholder in Puma (as in sports equipment/attire) - he lives here as well.

[warfie]

Hi

I was told a great story by a middle eastern guy who was NOT drunk but didn't have his senses really together... a Thai friend called me one night because this guy "had a problem with the computer" and as i fix computers this would be for me? So i went to meet the chap, at Kao Sarn Road.

At his room there was no computer, but he brought me to an internet cafe in the same building. There he had a W-LAN dongle plugged into one of the computers and a CD with a bunch of pirated anti-virus software from Panthip. Also he had a folder on the desktop with random graphical backgrounds to be used as wallpapers. His story:

He and his ex-wife used to work for Microsoft as software developers. Then his wife cheated on him with Bill Gates (none lesser!) and he left her. And ever since his wife threatened to kill him!

Now he had these programs (the anti-virus stuff from Panthip) which could be used to "hack his wife's network" which was "in that stick there" (the W-LAN dongle) and then some "codes" had to be retrieved from the pictures (the wallpapers) to make visible some "videos of his wife with Bill Gates" which were ALSO INCLUDED IN THE ANTI-VIRUS PROGRAMS because "those are all made by Microsoft".

Now all he wanted me to do was the following:

1) Hack and activate his wife's network, using things like McAffee and Norton

2) Retrieve the codes from the wallpapers, using the same programs

3) extract the secret videos out of the programs with the codes

4) safe those videos on the desktop so he can use them to sue his wife, and put a copy on his wife's network to let her know he has them.

I was offered 5,000 Baht for that "job". After about 2 1/2 hours trying to explain the impossibility of the task he let me go, gave me 1,000 Baht for my efforts..... as mentioned, that guy was not drunk at all, all he did drink in fact was milk (!) all evening......

Maybe i miss the better ones because i never go to bars.... but that one was enough, almost stuff to make a movie from

Best regards.....

Thanh

I'm also in the computer repair business and have been for many years. I thought I had heard all their crazy stories and paranoid conspiracy theories. But that really is the best ever!

[fiddlehead]

Two weeks ago I was nursing a hangover at the end of soi 11. English guy started talking to me on the opposite bar stall. Out of politeness I asked him what he did for a living. 'Security' was the answer. He had recently been Oliver Stones body guard whilst Stone was shooting a comercial (?) in Bangkok. Then he went on to say that he couldn't tell me about his past - too many people listening - he took a pen from the bar and wrote the words 'SAS' on my newspaper and nodded. A few moments passed and he then offered to award me 1 million baht if I could recover a suitcase containing 75 million that had been stolen form a bungalow on Ko Samui. It was just a case of finding the Thai girl that had stolen the money, he had copies of the girls ID in his bag.

this made me chuckle

Reminds me of a joke I heard that ends with the guy coming out of the bathroom (needing to go make a clandestine phone call through his necktie)

So, he's coming out of the bathroom with a toilet paper unraveling behind him as he walked (one end stuck in his pants)

When someone mentioned it to him, he said: "oh, I'm getting a fax"!

[pbee]

I met three blokes from the UK in a bar opposite Nana Plaza. I knew two of them,lived in the same town six years previously. It seems that one of them had sub let his council flat and had purchased a bar in Pattaya. The other two had came over to visit him. According to him his bar business was booming and he was making lots and lots of easy money. This I accepted untill it came for them to settle up the check bin, trying hard to split it three ways and also making allowance for the fact that his Leo was cheaper than their Hienecan. I thought yes you surely are doing well??????????? About a year later I was talking to a mutual friend and mentioned I had seen him in Thailand, I was told that he had run out of money and came back to the UK. His flat had been trashed and stuff stolen,he faced a large rent bill plus the electricity supply had been cut off due to unpaid bills, and the council were trying to terminate his tenancy. Big Man,Big Player, I think not.

[dragonfly94]

I was talking to a Brit (why are they always Brits?) in a bar in Surin about 18 months ago. He claimed to have been blackmailed by two people on a Thai related internet board, forget which one, to the tume of 40.000 baht. Seems he had made a few negative posts about a club, he also called in a Brothel on Sukhumvit. I remember him saying something about a French guy was involved and that he and his wife had been threatened with libel proceedings and him being blacklisted by immigration if he did not pay up. He was told that this place was part owned by the police/mafia and that his negative posts had cost the Brothel a lot of money.He seemed serious about it and still seemed worried even though he had paid up they carried on with threats. I told him to keep off the internet.

Two years ago I heard a story from a business aquanitence in Chicago who had just been on his first trip to LOS. He had been to Pattaya and had a ball. Meeting a bar girl he had exchanged email address's and phone numbers. When he got back home he started to email the girl and things soon got pretty hot with her suggesting they exchanged naughty pics, he sent her naked pics of himself and thought nothing of it. Shortly after he started to get emails by someone claiming to be from the Thai Police telling him what he had done was a criminal offence and also that the girl in question was under 18. he was told unless he sent 50.000 via Western Union that he would be arrested next time he went over to Thailand, he never paid, but has not been back either.

Thailand sis full of nuts, crimminals and inaduquates. Some of them were not even born here!

Edited May 4, 2009 by dragonfly94

[egg6447]

Well the ex-British SAS I met in a bar in Bangkok was describing some of the clandestine SAS missions carried out in Vietnam during ' the American' war. Is there any truth to this, were the British SAS active in Vietnam? Always wondered.

Just googled and found this:

There is no official information about any members of the British SAS having served in Vietnam. At the height of the Vietnam war the British SAS were heavily committed in Borneo, Aden and the Radfan. However British SAS instructors are regularly sent on attachment to both Australian and New Zealand SAS Squadrons. It is generally thought that a few British SAS personnel attached to the Australian and New Zealand SAS while they were deployed in Vietnam under the official title of instructor. After the war 70 British General Service Medals were issued with the Bar South Vietnam 1962-64. No Names or units are mentioned.

for sure they get just about everywhere. as for the medals, quite so.

[egg6447]

Guy was telling that he had heard that when the British Army was in India, the officers would sit on the verandah of their mess cleaning their rifles.

When they were happy, they would take potshots at the "natives".

Officers carried pistols...not rifles ..unlike the lower ranks...... and what is the use of cleaning only to go and dirty it again by firing

quite so. i actualy seved with a bombadier that did just that but it was in africa, he was pissed and demoted, not sure if he killed the bloke but think he did. this was the mau mau.

[egg6447]

dont do bars. but the best stories/lies are from my wife her nephew and his girlfriend. i'm just about to leave due to it.

[Geekfreaklover]

dont do bars. but the best stories/lies are from my wife her nephew and his girlfriend. i'm just about to leave due to it.

What are the stories/lies?

[Soutpeel]

dont do bars. but the best stories/lies are from my wife her nephew and his girlfriend. i'm just about to leave due to it.

What are the stories/lies?

Yeah...spill...

[mahtin]

Thailand sis full of nuts, crimminals and inaduquates.

Not to mention the spelling-challenged.

[Lickey]

Somebody in a bar told me i could make money from farming in Thailand, 3 years on, Yeah, right..

[IMA_FARANG]

Best stories in a bar in Thailand?

First time I came to Thailand was in 1977. Met a German guy in a bar on the Patpong road then. Nice quiet guy, didn't meet the perfect blonde German model though. He spoke Thai fluently and apparently read Thai as he read Thai newspapers. Then one day he told me that he had been in Thailand since just after WWII. He claimed that he had to flee Germany because the German authorities were looking for him, something to do with his being a SS officer and being involved in the killing of jewish civilians in Poland and Russia during the war. He said it with all seriousness, sort of like he was sorry for having done it, but was ..you know..just following orders. He was deadly afraid of the Israelis who were trying to find him because they intended to take him back to Isreal for trial. I didn't know whether to believe him or not...he never bragged or boasted...he was just a nice quiet guy and friendly. I don't know what happened to him. It could have been true, his age was proper for his story.

And this is not a bar story. Met a Dutch man, married to a Thai. He was well into his 70's then. He was born in Indonesia before WWII. He was taken captive when the Japanese took over Indonesia in 1941. He was too young then for a regular prison camp, but he was put into a children's camp. Later he was old enough to be transferred to a regular POW camp. He spent time in both Chiangi in Singapore and later in Thailand on the river Kwai. He was interviewed by the team that did research for the movie collecting stories from survivors that had actually been in the camp on the river Kwai. He hated the British, because he said the British took all the food and distributed it ...first to the British officers, then the British enlisted men...and only to the other nationalities if there was enough left over. As a dutchman, he seldom got anything but scraps. That part never seems to have made it into the movie.

After the war he was released from the camp, but Holland was in bad shape, and niether he nor the country had any money to bring Dutch citizens in Asia home. He went to work for a mining company near the Cambodian border. He was a guard. His Thai boss had a daughter, that he took a shine too. It seems she also liked him. But the boss said there was no way his daughter was getting married to a Farang. So my friend stole some explosives from the mine, used it to blow a hole in the wall of the bosses house., and carried the lady off. They escaped, and made it to Bangkok. He made it back to Holland, where he discovered that his sister and mother had also survived the camps, but his father and his brother had died. His mother had also gone insane from her time in the camps.

This guy used to come back to live in Thailand in the winter, because he said the weather in Holland was too cold for him. He and his Thai wife had children in Holland, and he would live with them in the summer. He spoke fluent Thai, and good English. He had a hatred of Japanese, if a Japanese came into the room where he was sitting, he would get up and leave.

The last time I saw him was 1980 or 1981. He must be dead at least 20 years now...but what a life he must have had.

[RAZZELL]

And this is not a bar story. Met a Dutch man, married to a Thai. He was well into his 70's then. He was born in Indonesia before WWII. He was taken captive when the Japanese took over Indonesia in 1941. He was too young then for a regular prison camp, but he was put into a children's camp. Later he was old enough to be transferred to a regular POW camp. He spent time in both Chiangi in Singapore and later in Thailand on the river Kwai. He was interviewed by the team that did research for the movie collecting stories from survivors that had actually been in the camp on the river Kwai. He hated the British, because he said the British took all the food and distributed it ...first to the British officers, then the British enlisted men...and only to the other nationalities if there was enough left over. As a dutchman, he seldom got anything but scraps. That part never seems to have made it into the movie.

After the war he was released from the camp, but Holland was in bad shape, and niether he nor the country had any money to bring Dutch citizens in Asia home. He went to work for a mining company near the Cambodian border. He was a guard. His Thai boss had a daughter, that he took a shine too. It seems she also liked him. But the boss said there was no way his daughter was getting married to a Farang. So my friend stole some explosives from the mine, used it to blow a hole in the wall of the bosses house., and carried the lady off. They escaped, and made it to Bangkok. He made it back to Holland, where he discovered that his sister and mother had also survived the camps, but his father and his brother had died. His mother had also gone insane from her time in the camps.

This guy used to come back to live in Thailand in the winter, because he said the weather in Holland was too cold for him. He and his Thai wife had children in Holland, and he would live with them in the summer. He spoke fluent Thai, and good English. He had a hatred of Japanese, if a Japanese came into the room where he was sitting, he would get up and leave.

The last time I saw him was 1980 or 1981. He must be dead at least 20 years now...but what a life he must have had.

I've heard this story before...have you posted it somewhere else?

RAZZ

[Patsycat]

Where's my timeshare flat?!!

Just joking -

[simon43]

I guess he had a toss with his family when they found out he was a homesexual

I hope you are speaking American English and not 'British' English!!!

Thanh-BKK, hiding videos/pictures inside other 'innocent' picture files is quite possible - often done (apparently) to hide porn photos.....

It can be very surprising when you find out that these crazy bar stories are - in a few cases - actually true!!

Simon

[Thanh-BKK]

Hi

Yeah i know of that.... it was part of what i tried to explain that guy, that i am not able to extract such code (if it at all exists) by using things like Norton Anti-Virus or McAffee Internet Security It's called "steganography" or some such. And of course it is highly unlikely that such would be present in random graphical desktop wallpapers, found by googling "Windows Wallpapers"

And use the codes (if any) to extract videos (of his wife "in action" with Bill Gates!) out of anti-virus software? That was bought randomly at Panthip..??

Nah, that guy was seriously paranoid and had seen too many hacker movies...... even if part of his story might have been true (software developer, divorced wife etc) but Bill Gates?

Best regards....

Thanh

[slapout]

Met a fellow in CM 16 plus years ago, hung out in local ex pat watering hole. He mentioned several times (no brag just making a comment) about having worked with Notable Actors and Actress over the years on the movie sets, even going to parties etc where they were present. He would occasionally comment about their drinking habits/ personality etc in a non critical way. Several people were very skeptical until a computer knowledgeable person did some research and informed us that the man had credits in over 50 movies, and the credits included movies that people he mentioned had starred in.

[OriginalPoster]

Met a fellow in CM 16 plus years ago, hung out in local ex pat watering hole. He mentioned several times (no brag just making a comment) about having worked with Notable Actors and Actress over the years on the movie sets, even going to parties etc where they were present. He would occasionally comment about their drinking habits/ personality etc in a non critical way. Several people were very skeptical until a computer knowledgeable person did some research and informed us that the man had credits in over 50 movies, and the credits included movies that people he mentioned had starred in.

Yeah, that can work as long as you don't give them the name of an actor who is too famous or too distinctive looking. Pick the name of an obscure actor with lots of bit parts to his credit, tell them about your exploits, and the when people go and google "you" everyone will be impressed that you were telling the truth.

Edited May 5, 2009 by OriginalPoster

[Lost in LOS]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

How come there are not ordinary soldier's here in Thailand, they all seem to be Navy Seals or Special Force's.

I'm just an ex-artillery soldier..nothing special...even though once I was asked by the C.I.A. to assist MI6 in helping the SAS to track down some ex-KGB who were working with former German Stazi impersonating Russian Spetznaz who were trying to overthrow the government of Laos but it turned out to actually be Vietnam...besides that just an average soldier.

your good, it looks like you just found me

[LooseCannon]

Best stories in a bar in Thailand?

First time I came to Thailand was in 1977. Met a German guy in a bar on the Patpong road then. Nice quiet guy, didn't meet the perfect blonde German model though. He spoke Thai fluently and apparently read Thai as he read Thai newspapers. Then one day he told me that he had been in Thailand since just after WWII. He claimed that he had to flee Germany because the German authorities were looking for him, something to do with his being a SS officer and being involved in the killing of jewish civilians in Poland and Russia during the war. He said it with all seriousness, sort of like he was sorry for having done it, but was ..you know..just following orders. He was deadly afraid of the Israelis who were trying to find him because they intended to take him back to Isreal for trial. I didn't know whether to believe him or not...he never bragged or boasted...he was just a nice quiet guy and friendly. I don't know what happened to him. It could have been true, his age was proper for his story.

I think I must have meet the same bloke. I was dining alone (except for the cockroaches) in the 'restaurant' of the Thai Song Greet Hotel one day back in 1976, when this old & unassuming German gentleman, accompanied by a uniformed Thai official, sit themselves down at my table.The German starts talking all matter-of-factly how he was a member of the SS during the war & as a result of his activities was a wanted war criminal & the German government were hunting him down etc. etc. He said that he had visa problems & the Thai was a guard from the Immigration jail & he was out on day release to go visit a massage parlour. He was a bit put out that not only was a bribe paid to get out for the day but he also had to pay for a massage for the guard. Like you say, he was friendly & certainly didn't strike me as being an SS killer.

I am not sure how much of his story was true (my antenna were twitching more than the resident roaches) but over the next couple of years heard from others about this 'SS war criminal' lurking around Bangkok.

Looks like he had raised his standards by the time you met him.

[gbt71fa]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

How come there are not ordinary soldier's here in Thailand, they all seem to be Navy Seals or Special Force's.

I'm just an ex-artillery soldier..nothing special...even though once I was asked by the C.I.A. to assist MI6 in helping the SAS to track down some ex-KGB who were working with former German Stazi impersonating Russian Spetznaz who were trying to overthrow the government of Laos but it turned out to actually be Vietnam...besides that just an average soldier.

your good, it looks like you just found me

Crickey!!!

[TAWP]

Just the box standard ex-sas story.

The guy claimed to be in barracks on the final night of training when the officers upon fire on them using live rounds, some died but it was "all part of the training".

He was then taken out into the middle of the outback (he was Aussie), and was left there with no means to get back except a chicken.

Oh, but he couldn't actually tell me that of course.

Live chicken or dead chicken? That makes a big difference. I the U.S. army, of course, we use live ones....

Ofcourse, it helps those lonely nights when one is far away from ones girl...

[oevna]

Just the box standard ex-sas story.

The guy claimed to be in barracks on the final night of training when the officers upon fire on them using live rounds, some died but it was "all part of the training".

He was then taken out into the middle of the outback (he was Aussie), and was left there with no means to get back except a chicken.

Oh, but he couldn't actually tell me that of course.

Live chicken or dead chicken? That makes a big difference. I the U.S. army, of course, we use live ones....

Ofcourse, it helps those lonely nights when one is far away from ones girl...

Especially if the chicken is alive.

[TAWP]

Live chicken or dead chicken? That makes a big difference. I the U.S. army, of course, we use live ones....

Ofcourse, it helps those lonely nights when one is far away from ones girl...

Especially if the chicken is alive.

Yes, that was the premise of my line...

[sorensen]

I once met a guy who said he got the DVD's and watched all 10 Seasons of "Friends", 240 episodes in all, from the begining to the end over a relative short period of time. Ohhhh, wait that was myself doing some quality couch time.

[Dave the Dude]

I once met a guy who said he got the DVD's and watched all 10 Seasons of "Friends", 240 episodes in all, from the begining to the end over a relative short period of time. Ohhhh, wait that was myself doing some quality couch time.

I think I would opt for water-boarding, as an alternative torture

Dave

[chang35baht]

I have lost count of how many farangs have told me that they are friends with the chief of police, he must be a popular chap.

How come there are not ordinary soldier's here in Thailand, they all seem to be Navy Seals or Special Force's.

Whilst not being a soldier I was in the Royal Air Force as a radio technician for 25 years boy and man.

I have only 1 medal for long service and good conduct awarded after 18 years.

Was never shot at or involved in any wars.

Just did my time and left.

No sweat, no problem.

Tell us the truth. For you ze war is over my friend.