<deleted>.

Beat this today:

Wife (driving): “are you going to the post office”

Me: “No”

Wife drives to the post office

Me: “why have you come here

Wife: “You said you wanted to go”!!!!

Laughing my fukcin head off. Funny!

I've told this story before about Bangkok.It is really a true story.

I was in a pirated music shop some years ago (back when you could still get copied CDs in a shop in Bangkok).

I happened to be standing close to a rack of CDs, some by David Bowie.

An Australian man walked in and the converstaion with the Thai female shop assistant went like this:

He, "Do you have any Die Vid Bow Eee CDs?" (Bow pronounced as in a dog's bow-wow-wow.)

She, "Do you mean Day Vid Boo Eee?"

He, "No, Die Vid Bow ee, Die Vid Bow Eee...he's an Enlish singer."

She," Yes, we have over there (pointing in my direction). Day Vid Boo Eee. He English man."

He, "No, o.k., I just wanted a Die Vid Bow Eee CD to take back to Australia."

And he left.

I would have translated for him, but I couldn't stop laughing long enough.

And you wonder why the Thais think Farangs are stuprid?

^ Is this like that new internet meme that supposes that "beer can" said in a British (Geordie) accent sounds the same as "bacon" said in a Jamaican accent?

While I am ever thankful I neither have a thai wife nor an (in)significant thai other, surprisingly I actually do have quite a few thai friends.

This morning I received a call from one of them, the conversation went like this;

Her: Hello Tod, today I sa-tay my home and die already..

Me: I'm sorry; did you say you're already dead?

Her: NO, I say today I die already.

(thinking to myself, wow, what a bummer, but if you are indeed dead, how can you talk to me? With this being thailand I believe anything is possible but this is pushing the envelope even for this place )

Me: Tell me again what happened, please?

Her: I tell you many time, today I sa-tay my home, die already!

(thinking again to myself that she might be mixing thai and engrish words )

Me: Are you speaking thai or engrish?

Her: Tod are you drunk? I sa-peaking engrish, and say I DIE ALREADY!!!

Me: Of course I'm not drunk it's frickin' 10 in the morning.

(note; I never drink before noon) .

(thinking to myself yet again; how can I ascertain exactly how she 'die already'? Realized the direct approach was the best)

Me: How did you die already?

Her: I eat some food last nite, it no good, now I die already.

BING! (the light comes on in my head!)

Me: Oh your shit is like water? You have diarrhea?

Her: I tell you that 10 times.. Now you make me 'ugly' (angry) you, goodbye!

CLICK..

Me; staring at the phone, thinking knowing she 'die already' is just a little too much information at 10am....

My wife helped my neighbour to rent an apartment for her English boyfriend.

Her: Very cheap, 6000 baht, chocolate electricity.

Me: Do you mean electric bill separate?

Her: Yes, chocolate electric.

Mr Tod I am lead your post. Now I am die already from laugh too mut. Ching ching.

Superb.

My wife helped my neighbour to rent an apartment for her English boyfriend.

Her: Very cheap, 6000 baht, chocolate electricity.

Me: Do you mean electric bill separate?

Her: Yes, chocolate electric.

That is funny

Not a conversation with my wife, but I once had a conversation with my apartment's receptionist that went like this:

(On the phone), and just woke up.

Me: Hello

Recep: Hello, you pay rent today

Me: Yes.

Recep: Ah, O.K. you pay rent today then Na.

Me: Yes, today.

Recep: Oooohh, you pay yesterday loooorrr.

Me: No, today.

Recep: So you not pay.

Me: I pay today.

Recep: But you say before you not pay

Me: No, I say I pay today

Recep: You pay today loooorrrrrr

Me: Yes, today

Recep: Awwwwww, you pay yesterday already loorrrrrr.

Me: Feckoff. (Hang up)

Quite a coincidence, just reading this and my wife walked in the room and said:

'I need a pluck'

(me) 'a what'

(her) 'a pluck'

(me) 'what for?'

(her) 'for ri cooker'

(me) 'oh a plug'

(her) ' yes of corse a pluck - don't be sirry!)

She actually wanted an extension lead - but that would be pushing it!

My other favourite is:

(her) You want umbrella?

(me) No it's not raining!

(her) You want go Macdonalds, have umbrella?

and in reverse

It's raining outside - shall I bring hamburger?

'I need a pluck'

(me) 'a what'

(her) 'a pluck'

(me) 'what for?'

(her) 'for ri cooker'

(me) 'oh a plug'

(her) ' yes of corse a pluck - don't be sirry!)

So you married Benny Hill?

http://www.trilulilu.ro/ABBAfan/ad267016091fd9

Or maybe she suspects you have a 'gig' called June !

And you wonder why the Thais think Farangs are stuprid?

Meeting some of the ones round my way I never wonder at all

Talok thisud this topic.

Although my wife speaks English quite well, we do have similar conversations sometimes.

Just cannot for the life of me think of the funny ones right now.

'I need a pluck'

(me) 'a what'

(her) 'a pluck'

(me) 'what for?'

(her) 'for ri cooker'

(me) 'oh a plug'

(her) ' yes of corse a pluck - don't be sirry!)

So you married Benny Hill?

http://www.trilulilu.ro/ABBAfan/ad267016091fd9

Unfortunately I was 'restricionadas' from being able to view the link, but describing my wife as Benny Hill made me nearly p*ss myself!

This gives me the opportunity to complement you on your humour mca, I have noticed it on numerous threads and your comments always make me laugh!

While travelling through the Devon countryside in England with the Mrs.

Mrs - I saw some lubbet

Me - Yes, people are always dumping rubbish in the lanes.

Mrs - I saw many lubbit.

Me - I can't say I've seen any along here today.

Mrs - Lubbet said he saw some yesterday.

Me - You mean my cousin Robert

Mrs - Lubbet very cute!

Me - so you fancy him do you? Can't think of anyone less cute myself.

Mrs - No the lubbet cute, look there are some more.

And there were the little bunnies hopping about on the grassy verge.

While travelling through the Devon countryside in England with the Mrs.

Mrs - I saw some lubbet

Me - Yes, people are always dumping rubbish in the lanes.

Mrs - I saw many lubbit.

Me - I can't say I've seen any along here today.

Mrs - Lubbet said he saw some yesterday.

Me - You mean my cousin Robert

Mrs - Lubbet very cute!

Me - so you fancy him do you? Can't think of anyone less cute myself.

Mrs - No the lubbet cute, look there are some more.

And there were the little bunnies hopping about on the grassy verge.

That again, is extremely funny as I had exactly the same conversation with my wife (then girlfriend) the day after she arrived in the UK a couple of years ago! I lubb it! Just found the photos, unfortunately no lubb its but I remember that was the day she started drinking Bulmers Prayer cider!

'I need a pluck'

(me) 'a what'

(her) 'a pluck'

(me) 'what for?'

(her) 'for ri cooker'

(me) 'oh a plug'

(her) ' yes of corse a pluck - don't be sirry!)

So you married Benny Hill?

http://www.trilulilu.ro/ABBAfan/ad267016091fd9

Unfortunately I was 'restricionadas' from being able to view the link, but describing my wife as Benny Hill made me nearly p*ss myself!

This gives me the opportunity to complement you on your humour mca, I have noticed it on numerous threads and your comments always make me laugh!

Thanks trev. I'm glad you're broad shouldered enough to take a joke mate.

Basically it was the Benny Hill "Cookie Boy" sketch where he does a terrible impersonation of a Chinaman speaking English. Your "sirry" comment set me off.

sometimes translation can be quite deep, as well as funny. I took this pic at Korat Zoo, in the reptile section so maybe there is a link

makes me remember this pic i took few years ago

vendingmachine out of order, because..... coin box full

if u like this kind of pics must see this websites: engrishfunny.com and oddlyspecific.com

Ahhh, The Singha gold.

Much better than a Singa.

"Hally Saenfo:d" = Harrison Ford!

While travelling through the Devon countryside in England with the Mrs.

Mrs - I saw some lubbet

Me - Yes, people are always dumping rubbish in the lanes.

Mrs - I saw many lubbit.

Me - I can't say I've seen any along here today.

Mrs - Lubbet said he saw some yesterday.

Me - You mean my cousin Robert

Mrs - Lubbet very cute!

Me - so you fancy him do you? Can't think of anyone less cute myself.

Mrs - No the lubbet cute, look there are some more.

And there were the little bunnies hopping about on the grassy verge.

That again, is extremely funny as I had exactly the same conversation with my wife (then girlfriend) the day after she arrived in the UK a couple of years ago! I lubb it! Just found the photos, unfortunately no lubb its but I remember that was the day she started drinking Bulmers Prayer cider!

Yes, its always so funny when you don't understand what your girlfriend/wife is saying!

While travelling through the Devon countryside in England with the Mrs.

Mrs - I saw some lubbet

Me - Yes, people are always dumping rubbish in the lanes.

Mrs - I saw many lubbit.

Me - I can't say I've seen any along here today.

Mrs - Lubbet said he saw some yesterday.

Me - You mean my cousin Robert

Mrs - Lubbet very cute!

Me - so you fancy him do you? Can't think of anyone less cute myself.

Mrs - No the lubbet cute, look there are some more.

And there were the little bunnies hopping about on the grassy verge.

That again, is extremely funny as I had exactly the same conversation with my wife (then girlfriend) the day after she arrived in the UK a couple of years ago! I lubb it! Just found the photos, unfortunately no lubb its but I remember that was the day she started drinking Bulmers Prayer cider!

Yes, its always so funny when you don't understand what your girlfriend/wife is saying!

I assume that your reply is an attempt at sarcasm! This is a light hearted thread and I (and 5 pages of other people) do find mispronounciation funny, I then attempt to teach my wife to pronounce and speak English correctly! Unless you have something that is related to this thread and funny to add, your comments on my understanding of my wife do not belong here!

I always remember this one with joy:

Wife: Tahhlink..cannot sleep your house no more

Me: Why not? You not happy

Wife: Velly happy. You good man, but too many goats

Me: Goats..? We have no chickens, dogs ,cats let alone goats

Wife: Yes, yes, I very frighten. Many many old goats here

Me: ??What they look like?

Wife: Oh same on TV

Me: ??

Wife.: You know heads, blood, sai(entrails). Pee everywhere

Me: Ah!! Ghosts

Wife: You stupid. What I said

A story that I heard some years back.

Our hero wakes up in the morning and looks at the vision of loveliness lying beside him, now not quite so lovely as the previous evening, strokes her hair and kisses her forehead. He is about to get out of bed when she squeezes his arm and says, "I horny."

"Wow! What a result! Here's a girl really into customer service," he thinks. The previous night's tryst had been passionate and satisfying, with an encore, but he thought, "Why not?" and promptly availed himself of her charms. After the event he lay back enjoying a cigarette when she repeated herself. "I horny."

"Moment terak," he replied. "I'll finish my smoke first." "No, I no wanna smoke now. I horny," came back at him. Was there no satisfying this doxy? She certainly gave enough bangs for his bucks. Mustering up what little energy he had, off they went to the races again. At completion of the deed they laid in each others arms for a while and he began to drift off to sleep. She, noticing this, gently shook him and whispered, " No sleep darlink. Me very horny now."

"Jeez," he thought. "I'm only human. I can't. Enough is enough, maybe too much." But the male ego kicked in and not wanting to be found wanting by this apparent LBFM mustered up his last reserves, but insisted on cowgirl position. Eventually to his relief and surprise the deed was done.

Since further activity invited a visit to intensive care he was amazed when once more she uttered those awful words. "I horny." "No way," he said. "No way. Cannot. No more for a week at least."

At this she sat up in bed, clearly quite puzzled, and agitated too. The she opened her mouth and using her finger in movements towards her rosebud lips said once more, "I horny terak."

At last he understood. What she had been telling him from the start was that she was hungry.

My wife, after all these years and constant reminders from me still says that she is going to the chicken to make me a cup of coffee - and calls me Darlene all the &*(&^$% time!

We go Tesco?

OK.

You go kiss butt, you men.

{Demonstrating}

You mean brush teeth.

OK, whatever.

My missus driving back from Tesco Lotus yesterday (and deploying an idiom she picked up last time we were in Liverpool), as a car driven by Russians or similar, rudely pulled in front of us:

"What's your problem mate. Just got off the boat or what"?

My missus driving back from Tesco Lotus yesterday (and deploying an idiom she picked up last time we were in Liverpool), as a car driven by Russians or similar, rudely pulled in front of us:

"What's your problem mate. Just got off the boat or what"?

Early in our relationship, when she was unfortunately downwind of me when I passed a touch of somewhat pungent gas:- "Wah! How many dog die stomach you".

More recently, when I asked her the time:-

Me: What's the time darling?

Her: What, now?

Her : "Smooger goo"

Me : "Huh" ?

Her : "Smooger.....goose ?

Me : "Spell it, please.

Her : S-m-u-g-g-l-e-d g-o-o-d-s........my watch is smuggled goods because it cheap but good quality".

My wife, after all these years and constant reminders from me still says that she is going to the chicken to make me a cup of coffee - and calls me Darlene all the &*(&^$% time!

The chicken room My misses is often going to the chicken room too...the first few times I heard it I was like <deleted> she's going for chicken at 7 am