What Attracts Thai Guys...?

[ChrisP]

As we struggle to understand them, do we really know what attracts regular, everyday Thai guys to other people..? either Westerner or another Thai..?

Is it physical, looks, age, mentality, heart,... or...?

What are their priorities in attraction of another bf...

(For the purpose of this discussion, let's try and leave out the obvious "commercial money-boy" attractions..! ok?)

ChrisP

Edited February 6, 2005 by ChrisP

[ProThaiExpat]

Since you posed the question, ChrisP, without rendering an opinion on why your b/f is attracted to you, I am not sure if your looking for generalities or an opinion based on one's own experience.

In hope that I "flush ChrisP out" in this regard, I will provide my opinion based on my own experience with my Thai and based on his comments to me over three years.

For starters, one must understand what he means by "smart" as my Thai refers to me as being highly desireable because I am so "smart. When asked to explain what is meant by so "smart", the explanation goes something like this.

You are very big!! He was carried on the shoulders as a boy by a GI during the

Vietnam war. The GI obviously appeared huge to the small boy and the GI ended up marring my Thai's sister and taking her to the U.S., not to be heard from since.

Thus being big is part of being "smart". Being educated and a professional is part of being "smart". Having more money than many Thais is part of being "smart". Being kind, creative and pleasant also is included in being "Smart".

Also, being wise is an important part of being "smart. Not litening to bad advice, keeping faith with your love and protecting love from interference is also being "smart" Probably the more "virtues" one has the "smarter" you are to my Thai.

The converse helps in understanding, when another falang on the street is encountered, I ask "What do you think of that guy, future husband material?" Reply is "you are smarter than him". Monogamy is definitely a part of being "smart" as is not being a drunkard, drug user or otherwise disreputable character.

My Thai is definitely LTR oriented and a one man man, who speaks in terms of lifetimes and only one husband, period, like his mom. So that seems to underscore the concept. He was looking for the entire package in one man. In the west we speak of "marriage material", I think in the same context.

I remembr years ago when we spoke of two types of women, the ones you ".....ed" and the ones you married. Perhaps that is part of his concept as well.

I may be on dangerous grounds, but I am of the opinion, although not with a lot of foundation, that Thai guys are definitely relationship oriented and very romantic. I think they got their ideas from western cinema. Perhaps, also, there is a perceived "cache" in Thailand in having a falang boyfriend.

Anyone agree? Caveat: I decry generalities and so limit my opinion to my Thai.

Edited February 6, 2005 by ProThaiExpat

[PeaceBlondie]

Agreeing with much of the above. When my Thai b/f and I first got together, I was surprised to learn that I was quite a 'catch,' as Mama's generation would have said. Ajarn with a degree, farang, non-smoker, non-drinker, monogramous, retired with pension as govt. officer, non-abusive, polite, didn't look nearly my age, kind and kind-hearted, etc. Not entirely correct, perhaps, but the family (and my b/f) rated me highly on those very important criteria. Personally, I satisfied my b/f in the bed. We had a huge condo, new motorcycle, ate in Western restaurants when we wanted to.

Of course, if you turn out not to be one of these things after all - particularly monogamous - your status falls accordingly.

[ChrisP]

I asked my Thai bf (who is 21) what he always looked for in the other guy for a LTR...

I'm told that the number 1 item on the list was that he was looking for someone who would be monogamous - "Someone who would be being serious, and not playing around" as he put it. (Grammar's not quite there yet!)

He said that he's done playing around... he's been doing that since he was 14!

(Btw he has a great description for DJ Station in BKK - "it's the fishing bar.."

Btw, I know some people have a difficult time understanding that a 21yr old can actually want to have a LTR.. but, I was myself married at age 21.

After that, he says "I look for someone who would be paying attention to me". That apparently encompasses how the other person treats him, talks to him, etc. It's important for him that his prime choice has a good temperament - "he must be kind, warm - 'opun' in Thai.."

For him it's very important that I treat him - at all times - with consideration verbally. "you should consider for what you say to your bf.." I translate that into staying calm and considerate and "nice"! - which I'm usually pretty good at.

Next would be "I like to take care, and I hope that person would take care of me too.." The thai concept of taking care is VERY important for him, and he wants it to be reciprocated. I asked him if this was about money.. and he said no, it's about small things.. like if he makes me breakfast, he does not expect me to sit on my ass doing nothing waiting for it.. maybe I can make the coffee.. or do laundry later.. or something like that.

With him, it's the small details that make a BIG difference.. and also the small details that "push his buttons" and make him moody too! (and there's nothing worse than a moody Thai boy!! )

Notice that nowhere yet have we got to looks, or status or money... these are not so important for him.. "the surface is not important.." Although - like most Thai's - I'm sure he's not going to say no if the taking care aspect brings along a little extra cash too..!

Age is also not a big consideration for him. He actually prefers "the more mature guy.." - whether western or thai... I asked where his limit would be... he said that 20-70 is probably too much.. unless there were other factors..!

He did also say "we have the magnificent sex together.." which is a plus point!

I apparently pass the test pretty good...! although I do get a bit cranky when he wakes me up at 6.00am on the phone in San Diego... and that doesn't go down too well with him.!

Oh well. I guess I have to learn endless patience!

So, I am apparently a "good catch" for him and his criteria...

It also helps that his Mum really likes me too! She is very westernised - an English teacher.. but, maybe because I'm a Professor, I am high-status in her eyes. She apparently told him: "I want you to be very nice" to me..!

If you examine his list, they are all points that he has had negative situations with in the past... anger issues with a thai ex, and his mother and father also divorced when he was a teen. He moved out of their house when he was 15 and was then on his own to take care of himself... His parents are still quite distant - for a Thai family. His father has never told him that he loves him, or is proud of him...

ChrisP

Edited February 7, 2005 by ChrisP

[Ijustwannateach]

All three replies so far have indicated a premium on monogamy... which I believe is related to its relative scarcity. Everyone says they want it, but so few are willing to commit to it.

For me:

There are certain physical characteristics which I find necessary for a basic physical attraction, but they are fairly flexible. Low levels of body hair and body fat and a reasonably pleasant face seem to be the common denominator of my physical attractions to people, along with being (relative to me) somewhat youthful. Those characteristics are surprisingly easy to fill; then it's the personality and intelligence that make it interesting.

I used to have a terrible, terrible weakness for vain, self-obsessed unavailable types [who were perhaps not coincidentally also the most extremely attractive individuals I ever knew]. Fortunately, enough banging my head on that wall has cured me slightly, and now I have the sense to look for signs of great interest in me as well as humor, intelligence, and warmth. If these things are not there, I won't go out with that person now, no matter how attractive they might appear.

In the long run, I would prefer realistic monogamy- I know that people will make mistakes, but if they aren't many and don't come to light, that's good enough for me.

For my guy: He likes larger (but not too large), older (but not too old) farang types. He'd probably prefer me to have glasses and a beard, but he puts up with my contacts and clean-shaven face. He's a funny guy and likes to joke around. I'm probably not as care-free as he'd prefer me to be. He's very jealous and interested in monogamy, though his own record is not that great in this regard.

We both are very demonstrative and huggy, which suits us both.

"Steven"

[tiza]

What attracts general Thai guys?

Physically:

1 Have a natural body hair and not shaving too much on yuor front but on your back is ok. Thai guys are always smooth mostly so they like sth different for them.

2 hav a big figure than them I guess.

3 can speak some Thai because it makes you look cute.

4 Like to tease and be teased.

5 Speak not too loud .

Mentally;

1 Don't look down on asians and should learn some buddhist .

2 have a cool hearted

To me

hairy chest

guys around my age and don't be too rich.

not acting like fathers.

You must like going to see movies.

do some sports but don't be a fitness centre addict.

have a combination of masculintiy and effeminination at the same time.

[jdinasia]

Wow! a Thai answered!

(btw do I know you Tiza?)

It seems to me that Thai people are by and large like all other people. If I were to generalize I would say Thai guys over-all like guys like themselves. On a smaller scale are the Thai's that like farang, or so it appears to me. Those guys seem to like their opposites (physically).

I have talked to Thai women and men about their attraction to farang. They often say that farang are more emotionally honest. (am not sure that I agree ... but that is their response)

[ChrisP]

^^ Hello Tiza.. and many thanks for your reply.!

ChrisP