wpcoe Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Woman lost in New Zealand wilderness survives by drinking her own breast milk. Your turn, Bear Grylls. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post riceyummm Posted May 15, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted May 15, 2015 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riceyummm Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 How you know you're flying over Africa. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redandyellow Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 The concept of FACE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 A young red Indian was asking his father how they got their tribal names. " Our children are named after the first thing the father sees on the day of their birth," replies the father "For example, your older brother was named Running Wolf, your sister was named Gentle Deer and your younger brother was named Mighty Lightning. Why do you ask Scruffy Dog With A Boner Taking A Steaming Great Shit?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mca Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador Sorry, that made me smile, too good for the worst joke thread;) Q: What is pink, goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet? A: Bubble Gum. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loong Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Teacher asked the question "If you have an empty box 1 metre x 1 metre x 1 metre, how many small boxes of 1 cubic centimetre can you put in it. All the children scribbled furiously trying to work out the answer except for Johnny who just sat with his hands behind his head, relaxed. Teacher looked at his smug smile and said "Ok Johnny, you seem confident that you have the correct answer - what is it?" Johnny said "The answer is 1, once you have put 1 in the box, it is no longer empty." 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post laislica Posted May 18, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted May 18, 2015 Now that I'm on a fixed income, I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighbourhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front garden, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the centreThe local police, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7.I've never felt safer, and I'm saving $49.50 a month! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riceyummm Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I've just been sacked from my job at the laxative factory.couldn't give a shit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I once knew a dental nurse who loved giving blowjobs and smoking weed.She was known as oral high Jean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 The BBC are to broadcast a documentary about the average family in Bradford.'101 Damn Asians' airs on Monday at 9pm. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 I bought a DVD called "Bald and barely legal" unfortunately it's a DVLA documentary about minimum Tyre tread depths!!.. (Gutted) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 In humans, the right testicle is three times the size of the left one.At least I <deleted>´ing hope so. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Teacher - Can anyone tell me the name of Robin Hoods girlfriend?Little Jimmy - Yes Miss, Trudy GlenTeacher - No Jimmy, the most popular answer would be Maid Marion!Little Jimmy - But Miss, what about the song? Robin Hood, Robin Hood riding Trudy Glen!!...... 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 A scouser goes into a library and asks,"Have you got any books about power sharing? ""Yes, we have 'the excellent 'The way of the little party' an excellent book on the subject, " replied the librarian."No, " said the scouser, "I want to nick my neighbours electric. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 So, It's alright for girls to stick their lips in shot glasses to make them bigger, but I stick my knob in a Hoover for the same reason, and B&Q had me arrested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 My Doctor found a small lump on my testicles todayI Said, "That's my Cock you cheeky <deleted>!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted May 20, 2015 Sarah goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" Sarah waves her hand, "Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!" Miss Rogers says, "All right, Sarah, what is your multi-syllable word?" Sarah says, "Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, Sarah, that's a mouthful." Sarah says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 So............ A guy came out of his local pub . Across the road was a brothel . He looked in his wallet and had enough money so he crossed the road .Being rather intoxicated, he staggered diagonally across and went through the wrong door, and into the Chiropody clinic next door .He went to the girl in reception and said how much is it for the full treatment ?She replied sir it is 25 pounds .He said 25 Quid ? Blimey that's not bad !She smiled at him and said OK sir if you go in and take them out She'll be in in a moment to deal with you .Two minutes later a young female chiropodist walked into the room and there was the guy with his genitlia on the table waiting .Hey ! she yelled !That isn't a FOOT .He looked at her and said Bloody Hell Lass GIVE IT TIME ! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 My wife rang me at work. She said, "Two packages arrived today. The first was your Playstation 4 and the second is the new Rampant Rabbit vibrator we ordered. I can't wait for you to get home and play with me for hours."I said, "You'll be ####ing lucky... I only ordered one controller." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post laislica Posted May 22, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted May 22, 2015 It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was a major problem.The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen. Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem -- how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.. Answer :The solution was a metal plate with 16 round dimples, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls quickly rusted to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make the plates of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts more, and more rapidly than iron when chilled.Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey. Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that it was just a vulgar expression, didn't you? 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Two Nuns were sat in the bath. Nun # 1 says: "Where's the soap?" Nun # 2 says: "Yes, it does" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laislica Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted May 22, 2015 Share Posted May 22, 2015 What do you call a Boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post faraday Posted May 22, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted May 22, 2015 Two dyslexics walk into a bra. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riceyummm Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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