Those are Great  

35 minutes ago, Daffy D said:

     Those are Great  

Or did you mean they "Grate" on you, as all good puns should (and they did)!

?

I become confused when I hear the word “Service " used with these agencies:
Internal Revenue 'Service'
US Postal 'Service'
Cable "N 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Federal, State, City, & public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant.
But today, I overheard two farmers talking in the bar, and one of them said he had bought a bull to "Service' his cows.
Being a city gent and not aware of the farming life I asked him what he meant by “Service” and he explained in full detail!

 

BAM II! It all came into focus. Now I understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

PS; I will hand over to you dear readers to define “Self Service” as it applies to you!

PPS;  Please do not come back to me with too many come on's!
 

A new supermarket has opened ‘near my house.

 

It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it turns on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of fresh hay.

When you approach the eggs are, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying. 

Needless to say I no longer buy Toilet Paper there anymore.
 

This months TV's book choice.

Spunk on the bed, by , Mister Completly.

(same author under a pen name),

More spunk on the bed, by, Mister Her Again. 

 

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes..

 

'Nothing' she's already been told twice. ?

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in bed. 
I turned to her and said, "Hey Honey do you want to have sex?".
No", she answered abruptly.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?".
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes. That IS my final answer"

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
The doctors say I should recover soon!