Worst Joke Ever

[kevjohn]

I did repost in a larger size. This is the default size.

What size would you prefer?

Could this be 14 as the default?

This is 18

This is 24

36 seems rather over the top

I always hi-light the text then click 14.

Seems to work OK for me. I always check in preview, to see what it looks like, as well....

Edited November 29, 2012 by kevjohn

[kevjohn]

Morris went to his rabbi for some needed advice.

“Rabbi, tell me is it proper for one man to profit from another man’s mistakes?”

“No Morris, a man should not profit from another man’s mistakes,” answered the rabbi.

“Are you sure Rabbi?”

“Of course, I’m sure, in fact I’m positive,” exclaimed the Rabbi.

“OK, Rabbi, if you are so sure, how about returning the two hundred dollars I gave you for marrying me to my wife?”

[kevjohn]

One day God erased a husband’s memory & asked, “Do you remember anything now?”

He told his wife’s name…

God smiled and said - Reformatted, but still the virus is not removed.

Edited November 29, 2012 by kevjohn

[warfie]

I did repost in a larger size. This is the default size.

What size would you prefer?

Could this be 14 as the default?

This is 18

This is 24

36 seems rather over the top

anything but size 8

[SimonD]

I did repost in a larger size. This is the default size.

What size would you prefer?

Could this be 14 as the default?

This is 18

This is 24

36 seems rather over the top

anything but size 8

What? Speak up man!!

[wayned]

Font size should depend on the quality of the joke. If it's really a shi**y joke make the font size as small as possible. By the time the reader enlarges the font and reads the shi**y joke, he will be really pi**ed off! Add insult to injury!

[kevjohn]

There was a very gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.

“Is there anything breakable in here?” asked the postal clerk.

“Only the Ten Commandments.” Answered the lady.

[laislica]

So I said to this bird:

Do you want something hot powerful and throbbing between your legs?

She said Oh yes, would I.

So I said hop on the back of my Harley then.

Can you hear me now Mother?

[TomTao]

A deer walked into a lamp post in broard daylight.

Why?

No eye deer.

Sent from my GT-I9003

[kevjohn]

A deer walked into a lamp post in broard daylight.

Why?

No eye deer.

Sent from my GT-I9003

No more "Likes".....

[laislica]

I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did something I've never done before ~ I took a cab home. Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or what to do with it now that it's in my garage.

[Dancealot]

OK back to the topic Worst Joke Ever

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

Heeere we go!

[Dancealot]

A locksmith broke into a doctors house opening the door using his locksmith skills.

Doc came in and surprised the locksmith of guard....

Doc says "Who are you and how did you get in?"

The locksmith answers: "I am a locksmith and i am a locksmith" .

[kevjohn]

The wife left a note on the fridge.

"It’s not working, I can’t take it any more! Gone to stay at my Dad’s."

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold.... Not sure what she was talking about!

[Ron19]

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.

He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"

Paddy handed his drink back and said

"Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"

[Ron19]

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks "How many people are flying with you?"

Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane!"

[Ron19]

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.

Paddy says to Murphy "I'm gonna have the day off.

I'm gonna pretend I'm mad!"

He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

"I'M A LIGHT BULB! I'M A LIGHT BULB!"

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts "Paddy you're mad, go home"

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

"Where the hell are you going?" asks the Foreman.

"I can't work in the <deleted>' dark!" says Murphy.

[Ron19]

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.

She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says

"You know what I want, don't you?"

"Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole bed by the looks of it!"

[Ron19]

A young Catholic girl went to confession and said to the priest, "I'm pregnant."

He asked, "How did this happen, my child?"

She said, "I think it must be the second coming."

The priest, shocked by this reply asked, "What makes you think this has anything to do with the Second Coming?"

She replied, "Because I swallowed the first one."

[Ron19]

Paddy, the electrician, got sacked from the U.S. prison service for not servicing the electric chair..

He said in his professional opinion it was a death trap!

[Ron19]

Paddy, the Irish boyfriend of the woman whose head was found on Arbroath beach was asked to identify her.

A detective held up the head to which point Paddy said "I don't think that's her, she wasn't that tall!"

[Ron19]

Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden.

Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.

He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do?"

Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"

[Ron19]

Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.

Mick says "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"

Paddy says "What's his name?"

Mick replies "Miles, from London !"

[Ron19]

Paddy, had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.

On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came 'round, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "It's my 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because your father, your grandfather and your great grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and you were born in August, ya idgit.

Edited December 3, 2012 by Ron19

[Puschl]

Q: What's the difference between an ordinary panda and a hit-man panda?

A: >> The ordinary panda eats shoots and leaves. The hit-man panda eats, shoots and leaves.<<

(select text to make it visible)

[Puschl]

Q: What's the difference between a constipated owl and a cross-eyed hunter?

A: >> The cross-eyed hunter can shoot, but not hit ... <<

[GarryP]

What's the difference bewteen a seagull and a baby with the trots?

One flits across to shore and the other ...............

[kevjohn]

Morris had to quit school to support his family and thus never learned to read or write.

He signed his checks "XX." But he started his own business, which soon prospered, making Morris rich.

One day, his office phone rang. "Morris, this is the bank.

We've got a check with your name on it but it's signed with three X's and you always sign with two."

"Oh, that was my wife's idea," explained Morris.

"Ever since we became rich, she thought I should have a middle name!"

[laislica]

Morris had to quit school to support his family and thus never learned to read or write.

He signed his checks "XX." But he started his own business, which soon prospered, making Morris rich.

One day, his office phone rang. "Morris, this is the bank.

We've got a check with your name on it but it's signed with three X's and you always sign with two."

"Oh, that was my wife's idea," explained Morris.

"Ever since we became rich, she thought I should have a middle name!"

Your logo reminds me of something.

A girl said to the cricket team

(Your logo)

is on a sticky wicket.

(Whatever that means) LOL

[kevjohn]

Morris had to quit school to support his family and thus never learned to read or write.

He signed his checks "XX." But he started his own business, which soon prospered, making Morris rich.

One day, his office phone rang. "Morris, this is the bank.

We've got a check with your name on it but it's signed with three X's and you always sign with two."

"Oh, that was my wife's idea," explained Morris.

"Ever since we became rich, she thought I should have a middle name!"

Your logo reminds me of something.

A girl said to the cricket team

(Your logo)

is on a sticky wicket.

(Whatever that means) LOL

The reason that I have this particular avatar is related to this thread "Thailand Needs Cricket"

http://www.thaivisa....-needs-cricket/

and a great deal of thanks to David48

Edited December 4, 2012 by kevjohn