A little boy goes to his father and asks 'Daddy, how was I born?'

The father answers, 'Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room onYahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

'You got Male!

Ha Har! throws down the gauntlet once again!!

Yellow jersey - that's an absolute shocker!

As the joker said is that a straight flush in the pan?

HMMMM.....time for an avatar change?

Freaking roommates!

Why are there no casino's in China?

because the Chinese hate Tibet.. Boom Boom!

FOR SALE Dead canary...not going cheep!

A beautiful young lady at the swimming pool asked me why 9 was scared of 7?

apparently, 7, 8, 9!

What deep thinkers men are...

I went for a bike ride today and after doing so I sat down for a bit of lunch and a cold beer.The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking on various topics.

Finally I thought about an age old question:

Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the <deleted>?

Women always maintain that giving birth is far more painful than a bloke getting kicked in the <deleted>.

Well, after another beer and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the <deleted> IS more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion.

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say: "It might be nice to have another child."

On the other hand, you never hear a bloke say: "You know, I think I'd like another kick in the <deleted>."

I rest my case. Time for another beer.

We were in this restaurant when the waiter wheeled out a trolley with this bull, laying on its back, erection firmly grasped between its front hooves and really going at it!

"What the hell is this?!!" I exclaimed.

"Oh, I'm sorry sir. Did you not order the Beef stroking off?"

My ex girlfriend is a porn star now.

She'll be really mad if she ever finds out.

This may well be too good for here....

A very rich Thai businessman decided that he wanted to throw a party. So he invited all his neighbors, including the only farang that lived near him, an Australian named John.

The party was held around the pool in the backyard at his mansion. Everyone was having a good time dancing, eating prawns, oysters and drinking and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 16ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give 10 million baht to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw John in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Muay Thai fighter.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both John and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally, John strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

He then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The rich guy says, 'Well, John, I reckon I owe you 10 million baht.'

'Nah, mate I don't want it,' said John.

The rich man said, 'I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about a new car?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered John.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Rolex watch and some stock options?

Again, John said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well John, then what do you want?

John said, 'I just want the bastard who pushed me in.'

FOR SALE Dead canary...not going cheep!

Now this a great reminder of why this forum exists! Well done on a good (bad!) joke!!!

This may well be too good for here....

A very rich Thai businessman decided that he wanted to throw a party. So he invited all his neighbors, including the only farang that lived near him, an Australian named John.

The party was held around the pool in the backyard at his mansion. Everyone was having a good time dancing, eating prawns, oysters and drinking and flirting.

At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a 16ft man-eating crocodile in my pool and I'll give 10 million baht to anyone who has the balls to jump in.'

The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw John in the pool fighting the croc, jabbing the croc in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of stuff like head butts and choke holds, biting the croc on the tail and flipping the croc through the air like some kind of Muay Thai fighter.

The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both John and the croc were screaming and raising hell. Finally, John strangled the croc and let it float to the top like a dead goldfish.

He then slowly climbed out of the pool.

Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. The rich guy says, 'Well, John, I reckon I owe you 10 million baht.'

'Nah, mate I don't want it,' said John.

The rich man said, 'I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about a new car?'

'No thanks. I don't want it,' answered John.

The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Rolex watch and some stock options?

Again, John said "No."

Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well John, then what do you want?

John said, 'I just want the bastard who pushed me in.'

Afraid so!

How about this quote:

You can tell a happy motorcyclist by the insects on his teeth.

Gotta be a brown trophy contender...!

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne

Diamond when he used the word "mañana" (pronounced "manyana").

Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means; "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe

the next day, maybe the day after that. Or perhaps next week, next month,

next year. Who really cares?"

The host turned to Albert Yatapingu from the Gumbaingeri Tribe in

Australia who was also on the show and asked him if there was an

equivalent term in his native language.

He replied. "In Australia we don't have a word to describe that degree of

urgency."

He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards and backwards, forwards and backwards. Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out. She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back, she was so wet. She moaned softly at first then began to groan louder. Finally she screamed loudly, "Okay, okay!!!, you smug bastard you park the fuc**ng car!!!".

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He was in ecstasy with a huge smile on his face as his wife moved forwards and backwards, forwards and backwards. Back and forth, back and forth, in and out, in and out. She could feel the sweat on her forehead, between her breasts and trickling down the small of her back, she was so wet. She moaned softly at first then began to groan louder. Finally she screamed loudly, "Okay, okay!!!, you smug bastard you park the fuc**ng car!!!".

I think the quality is improving a bit too much!