Mini Survey : Did You Marry A Thai Bar Girl ? Why?

[cognos]

Thai female bar workers make up a small percentage of the overall available single Thai women in Thailand..perhaps less than 2 % ( say around 200,000 out of 10 million single Thai women of marrying age ) .The hypothesis here is that the total percentage of farang men that marry Thai bar workers is MUCH higher than 2 %, perhaps 10 % or more (therefore maybe 90% of farang marry Thai women who never worked in the bar). If 10% of farang or even more choose bar girls for their soul mates, why are bar girl workers, going by these numbers ,about FIVE times more "desirable" as wife material than all the others? Statistics lie, but if the hypothesis holds any water so to speak, there must be concrete reasons why the 2 percent are so highly coveted . What are they?

Before meeting my future spouse I dabbled in the bar scene a little, so I definitely understand the physical attraction of those ladies, as often extremely attractive ones are chosen for the workers. Many have great personalities and are honest people. I also believe most ex bar girl workers probably make good wives for their farang husbands. After all, they are for the most part just normal people that happened to work in that area. In fact I find it admirable that they often send money to their families , instead of many workers in other parts of the world that use the money for their habit. For me, after the normal infatuations with a few of the workers,visiting a few 2 or 3 times..I moved on. It seems that an unusually high number of farang covet the bar workers exclusively. Maybe a newbie who loves LOS and is presently, casually looking for a certain type of Thai lady for a soul mate/wife would be interested in knowing why these 2% are apparantly so highly coveted as wives. BTW, no offence meant to anyone, who ever you may be with, or are married to. This is not about being judgemental , its about whether the hypothesis is accurate and why, or way off the mark..or somewhere in the middle..

[JUDAS]

This should be interesting cognos, as long as it lasts

[Neeranam]

Thai female bar workers

Do you mean singers, go-go dancers, prostitutes, waitresses, cleaners, cooks, or what?

[brianw]

My wife worked in the Poppy bar in Pattaya. we have been married for 25years it has worked for me

[473geo]

I follow your train of thought.....but I can't help but think, as long as the relationships work...be happy for the people.....I have no real interest in the where, how, who, what, of the people I mix with...as long as they are good company........from any vocational area.

[cognos]

Thai female bar workers

Do you mean singers, go-go dancers, prostitutes, waitresses, cleaners, cooks, or what?

I mean those that will sleep with you for $ and "coincidently" work in a bar.

[cognos]

My wife worked in the Poppy bar in Pattaya. we have been married for 25years it has worked for me

Thanks for your honesty, and I sincerely wish you and your wife a happy and healthy 25 more .I should have added to the post.."If you are married to an ex bar worker,for how long?" I hope that all or at least most of the farang/bar worker marriages are successful. Perhaps an unfair picture has been painted by the media. I should add that men including myself like to take care of their women and help them, so in some cases I suppose men want to take the girl out of the bar. I believe the worry is sometimes the girl is out of the bar, but the bar is not out of the girl..( a fellow who married a bar worker told me this).. but maybe thats a good thing sometimes too..BTW, I have worked with at risk students for many years,so I have empathy for anyone in an unfortunate position in their life.

[Geekfreaklover]

10% farang males marry bargirls and the remaining 90% non-bar girls ???

I don't know where you got that figure from, but it seems like you got your stats back to front.

Or maybe its just the social circles I move in ??

[IanForbes]

It is a fair question, cognos, and not one meant to titilate. I believe the answer lies in the language barrier. Most farangs don't speak Thai, or at least not initially. Younger farangs are ususally on holidays and not around long enough to strike up a permanent relationship with a woman outside the bar scene. Older men who visit Thailand with the intention of living there semi-permanently have often left a nasty divorce or two behind elsewhere and just want some female company. The bars are the easiest place to meet women, of which more than a few are young and attractive. Once a person can speak Thai fluently it is much easier to meet women outside the bar scene, but that takes time. Unfortunately, the Thai language is not easy to learn for a farang.

I've met hundreds of women who have worked in bars, or are presently working in bars. I'm friendly and generous, and helpful in other ways. I'm also honest but never judgemental. So, none of them view me as a threat, or even as a possible long term lover. We often have frank discussions about life in general. Because they have nothing to gain from me by lying the women usually are quite honest. The ones I've grown to know on a long time personal level usually have similar stories to tell. They usually got pregnant from some Thai lover who split the moment he found out the girl was pregnant. That didn't give the girl many options in life.

The women who work in Thai bars are no different than woman anywhere in the world. There are good ones and bad ones and everything in between... same as men. Some are trustworthy and some aren't. The only REAL difference is the women who work in bars are usually hardened when it comes to affairs of the heart. They have learned early and often not to trust anyone. Not trusting someone can have a negative affect on a marriage. But, if nobody does something stupid then the marriages can often work out on a long term basis. I've known several that have.

I have a relationship with two Thai women who would be more than happy to marry me, but I've always made it very plain that I never intend to get married again. I'll help out financially if I can, but that is all. I've suggested many times if they want something more permanent then they should look elsewhere.

Of course I would ALWAYS recommend that some wealthy old farang doesn't put all his eggs in one basket by marrying some young bar girl and then set her up in a big home in her name. Never spend in Thailand what you can't afford to lose at a moment's notice.

[Richard W]

Statistics lie, but if the hypothesis holds any water so to speak, there must be concrete reasons why the 2 percent are so highly coveted . What are they?

You've got two different sets of blokes - those looking for a wife and those looking for fun.

Those just looking for fun sometimes just fall in love - I think we can put Big Spuds and Shrek in that category. Tourists are not so likely to meet 'good girls'. This sometimes happens with repeat tourists - they get used to the girl and decide they might as well have her around 12 months a year.

There are those who marry as a straightforward employment option - wife's allowance = salary, allegedly no romance. Tutsi Warrior made such a claim for himself, but I think he ended up falling in love with his wife - married love I suppose.

There are also those who have a low opinion of themselves but think that they stand a chance with a lady they rescue from prostitution.

I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached. I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

[wasabi]

If a girl was definitively out of the bar scene for several years I would consider her just like any other but if still active no way. Way too many pitfalls and the failure rate has got to be near 99%

[IanForbes]

I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached.

I agree with you. Some women don't want others to know of their past, and it's nobody elses business but their own. There are always slimeballs who want to bring others down to their own miserable level so they can somehow feel better about themself.

I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

Why should bar girls be ashamed of what they do? They provide a valuable service for men who don't want a long term commitment. It is only the perverted minds of judgemental people that is truly wrong.

[cognos]

10% farang males marry bargirls and the remaining 90% non-bar girls ???

I don't know where you got that figure from, but it seems like you got your stats back to front.

Or maybe its just the social circles I move in ??

..point well taken..I did not want to p off or rile people by suggesting the number is much higher than 10%..of course it is probably WAY higher, but who knows? I just used 10% as a rough and probably low benchmark to illustrate the point. At that very conservative estimate (for every 100 farang that marry a Thai, 10%,or 10 marry a bar girl) , a farang will choose a wife 10% of the time from a potential pool of 200,000 . To simplify, imagine this scenario..

At ONLY 10% farangs marrying bar girls.. Take 10 million farang for the 10 million eligible Thai woman ,or just enough farang for each single eligible Thai woman. 10%,or 1 million farang want bar girls..problem is there are only about 200,000 bar girls presently in Thailand. Assuming all 200,000 are snapped up, this would mean 800 thousand farang out of the million are S.O.L., an 80% failure rate. On the other hand, the 90%, or 9 million other farang have the other 9 million 8 hundred thousand to choose from.If they aren't too picky, the 9 million all find a lady,with 800,000 women still available. The point is the chances of success seem better in the latter category , keeping in mind this is only statistics,or is it ?

[cognos]

I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached.

I agree with you. Some women don't want others to know of their past, and it's nobody elses business but their own. There are always slimeballs who want to bring others down to their own miserable level so they can somehow feel better about themself.

I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

Why should bar girls be ashamed of what they do? They provide a valuable service for men who don't want a long term commitment. It is only the perverted minds of judgemental people that is truly wrong.

I have nothing against bar workers or the fellows who marry them. If you think otherwise that is your problem, not mine.. everyone has choices,and farang in general seem to prefer bar girls in much greater numbers per capita than all the others put together in Thailand.Anecdotal comments as to why that may be is the focus.Everyone has choices, and there are an inordinate amount of men that eminate towards bar workers for prospective mates for a variety of reasons. If numbers mean anything, it seems to be a popular choice. If it is as good a choice as it is a popular one, perhaps even more should be pursuing that avenue.

[cognos]

It is a fair question, cognos, and not one meant to titilate. I believe the answer lies in the language barrier. Most farangs don't speak Thai, or at least not initially. Younger farangs are ususally on holidays and not around long enough to strike up a permanent relationship with a woman outside the bar scene. Older men who visit Thailand with the intention of living there semi-permanently have often left a nasty divorce or two behind elsewhere and just want some female company. The bars are the easiest place to meet women, of which more than a few are young and attractive. Once a person can speak Thai fluently it is much easier to meet women outside the bar scene, but that takes time. Unfortunately, the Thai language is not easy to learn for a farang.

I've met hundreds of women who have worked in bars, or are presently working in bars. I'm friendly and generous, and helpful in other ways. I'm also honest but never judgemental. So, none of them view me as a threat, or even as a possible long term lover. We often have frank discussions about life in general. Because they have nothing to gain from me by lying the women usually are quite honest. The ones I've grown to know on a long time personal level usually have similar stories to tell. They usually got pregnant from some Thai lover who split the moment he found out the girl was pregnant. That didn't give the girl many options in life.

The women who work in Thai bars are no different than woman anywhere in the world. There are good ones and bad ones and everything in between... same as men. Some are trustworthy and some aren't. The only REAL difference is the women who work in bars are usually hardened when it comes to affairs of the heart. They have learned early and often not to trust anyone. Not trusting someone can have a negative affect on a marriage. But, if nobody does something stupid then the marriages can often work out on a long term basis. I've known several that have.

I have a relationship with two Thai women who would be more than happy to marry me, but I've always made it very plain that I never intend to get married again. I'll help out financially if I can, but that is all. I've suggested many times if they want something more permanent then they should look elsewhere.

Of course I would ALWAYS recommend that some wealthy old farang doesn't put all his eggs in one basket by marrying some young bar girl and then set her up in a big home in her name. Never spend in Thailand what you can't afford to lose at a moment's notice.

Thanks..I agree with you that bar workers are like everyone else, not better or worse as human beings, just regular people. I believe us, the farang, often instills part of the hardened heart that you alluded to in them. Too many drunks and hooligans over a few years in the bar would make any one jaded. In that sense, us farang cause the problem by and large.

[Livinginexile]

Statistics lie, but if the hypothesis holds any water so to speak, there must be concrete reasons why the 2 percent are so highly coveted . What are they?

You've got two different sets of blokes - those looking for a wife and those looking for fun.

Those just looking for fun sometimes just fall in love - I think we can put Big Spuds and Shrek in that category. Tourists are not so likely to meet 'good girls'. This sometimes happens with repeat tourists - they get used to the girl and decide they might as well have her around 12 months a year.

There are those who marry as a straightforward employment option - wife's allowance = salary, allegedly no romance. Tutsi Warrior made such a claim for himself, but I think he ended up falling in love with his wife - married love I suppose.

There are also those who have a low opinion of themselves but think that they stand a chance with a lady they rescue from prostitution.

I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached. I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

Good post Richard, I completely agree.

[Livinginexile]

It's easy to pick the guys who married a bar girl.

They say there is no difference to marrying an ordinary girl

I wonder what they tell their family and friends when they are asked where they met their wife?

Must be a very awkward moment.

[tw25rw]

They're easy to meet without being introduced or formalities.

My girl works in a bar. I'd quite like her to stop but it fits in with her study schedule and is easy work (she's a drink server), plus I'm not in a position to fully support her life at present.

I've known her for 3 years now. For a while I kept her at arms length because I wanted other girls, but she was persistent. Now I spend all my time with her and stay at her place and have good insight into her character.

I've also met a number of her friends who do the same work. They're all good natured family oriented Issan farm girls who wouldn't hurt anyone and are looking for husbands to care for and take care of them. I've also met plenty of hard hearted kee gong gold diggers, but my girl tends not to have them as friends.

If you can forgive their past, and men who partake in this area should, there are plenty of good catches around. Mine wants a baby (she's 35 and never had one) and I would have no problem with her bearing or raising my kids. There are some offputting thoughts deep in the back of my mind, but these are best left unsaid, and I expect she has the same.

[Chaimai]

I would urge ex-bar girls' husbands not to identify themselves without their wives' consent - anonymity here can easily be accidentally breached. I think it is good that bar girls are ashamed of their past - some circles operate the principle of 'Ask no questions, and I'll tell no lies'.

Are you really a pompous ar5e that this post makes you out to be ?

[Thaddeus]

Or maybe its just the social circles I move in ??

Moving in circles just makes you light headed.

(or Heather Mills)

Edited May 31, 2009 by Thaddeus

[wamberal]

It's easy to pick the guys who married a bar girl.

They say there is no difference to marrying an ordinary girl

I wonder what they tell their family and friends when they are asked where they met their wife?

Must be a very awkward moment.

So "bar girls" are not ordinary people?

We have friends whose church wedding we attended ten years ago. She is an ex-prostitute. They are very happily married.

If you know much about Thailand you would know that when marriages break down (particularly in rural and poor communities) the woman can be left high and dry, often with a child or children to raise, and parents to support. Having been married once she is unlikely to be able to marry again, at least not in her own community. What should she do? Work in a factory for a pittance, or take a chance in the bar scene - possibly with a view to marrying a (gasp) kind and generous farang?

Many years ago there was a bar on the corner of Sukhumwit Soi 19, called the "Country and Western Bar". I frequented the place, on the unofficial advice of the Australian Embassy at the time (I was on an official posting), and I observed a number of match-ups and marriages between the girls and farang residents and tourists. AFAIK, the success rate was as good as any other kinds of marriages.

There is absolutely no reason why somebody who has worked in a bar, even as a prostitute, should not be capable of redemption, and a happy and productive life. Anybody who thinks otherwise has a warped view of human nature.

[TerryTibbs]

Married a bg never married a bg it makes no difference to me I judge people by their character when meeting them I don't look up or down to anyone I'm on a level that's the way I am. But what really does get to me is the many many farang who did marry a bg and bullshit that they meet them working in a hotel, restaurant etc you know the usual complete <deleted> that in my opinion is worse then the stigma that is attached to marrying a bg. Another all time classic is my gf/wife was educated in England, yeah sure she was, she was more then likely married before, went to live in England realised how much of a shit hole it is and that her husband isn't some big time millionaire but lives in a council flat and hasn't got a pott to piss in so flew back to Thailand as soon as possible.

[cognos]

It's easy to pick the guys who married a bar girl.

They say there is no difference to marrying an ordinary girl

I wonder what they tell their family and friends when they are asked where they met their wife?

Must be a very awkward moment.

.. for a while there I found some of the bar girls (ones that you pay the bar fine for ,etc.) almost irresistable. I understand the allure, but was never quite adventurous enough to actually go out with one..some of you know how it goes..you go with her,go back,get infatuated over the top with her beauty/personality..have to go back to work..phone her from back in your home country a few times..etc.. one of my reasons for going in another direction was that I did not desire a "party girl" ,although when I was younger that is practically all I wanted.I did not come to Thailand until my 40's ; had I come in the 20's or 30's I feel quite sure I would have "persued" the bar girls more. As it turned out ,I met a fantastic Thai soulmate and have been blessed. Just before we got engaged I was out alone with a few farang friends. I was going to have a last fling so to speak, paid the bar fine and later the price for the evening for her to come to the hotel..but then after a couple of drinks I thought the better of it. I lied and told her I did not feel well, but she could keep the money anyway (around 1600 baht I think) , my bpen rai khrap. She was very happy, and quickly left our table and went to a different one. It was a win win all around, as I gained a little integrity that I wasn't sure I had mate.

[Ulysses G.]

I know a lot of BGs and women that worked in Thai brothels who are happily married to farangs and many of their husbands have no idea of what they were up to in their younger days. I have heard them putting down men who marry prostitutes without realizing that a lot of the old timers have their number.

The fooling around on the side is usually done by the men and many of the women will ignore it as long as it is not shoved under their noses, but they will not put up with someone who is making it obvious.

[Oscheck]

Well why a bar girl?

"

I was single for 10 years and didn't have any plans on changing that, because off a very destructive relation I had before. Had been running a bar for 5 years, jumped the club scene intensively for 2 year after and seen a parade of nice and pretty ladies come bye :whoot:. But never had any click . My brother took me to Pattaya for a few days diving, hehe . Went out alone on the 3th day just to have some fun (had my share of other fun already). Met this lady in a bar (and I knew what she was doing there ) and had a long and very nice conversation. In which I almost forgot in what situation I was and I was almost surprised when she asked if she could come with me, because that wasn't my initial intention . I said....

ok, partied a little more...

She staid with me for 4 nights and 3 days, met her sister in her apartment. And apart from the sex (can I say that?) we had a great time. Went back to my brothers home, and started.. to feel.. small cracks, appearing in my BiG wall of ice.

Waited for almost a week to call her to be sure of my feelings. Took the bus back to Pattaya, and moved in with her for 6 weeks. Got back 2 months later and so on and so on. Married at the end of last year and now have a baby. Knowing each other for 20 months now.

"

She speaks English quite well and has more understanding of how westerners life, because she had relationships with westerners before and lived in Europe before. She is a lovely companion. Sometimes she likes to get pissed , like many girlfriends I had before. Maybe slept with hundreds of guys before me. So what? She makes my hart pump, so why not.

Dated a teacher in my first visit to Thailand, but she started to claim me very hard and had almost no knowledge of English.

Summary: There was a click, better English knowledge, better idea of Western life she makes my hart pump, so why not?

Many people don't like to admit they've worked like that (loss of face?) and also many don't like to admit they've married a bar girl (ego, better that way), but so what? Everybody has to choose how they like to live, everybody has their reasons to do this or that, as long as you don't intentionally hurt someone I don't care. When you start judging, you get judged back and many try to cover it up with power, because they are "entitled" to it. How long will it stand in the long term. We all are just simple minds (and my iq is over 130:wacko:) floatin' the stream of life and thinkin' we're stearin' the wheel, feel in control and later find out, we're not. And that's a judgment already. Im mao, maybe I should flag the off topic flag.....

and the again

hehe aparintly had to move some econs

[Livinginexile]

It's easy to pick the guys who married a bar girl.

They say there is no difference to marrying an ordinary girl

I wonder what they tell their family and friends when they are asked where they met their wife?

Must be a very awkward moment.

So "bar girls" are not ordinary people?

We have friends whose church wedding we attended ten years ago. She is an ex-prostitute. They are very happily married.

If you know much about Thailand you would know that when marriages break down (particularly in rural and poor communities) the woman can be left high and dry, often with a child or children to raise, and parents to support. Having been married once she is unlikely to be able to marry again, at least not in her own community. What should she do? Work in a factory for a pittance, or take a chance in the bar scene - possibly with a view to marrying a (gasp) kind and generous farang?

Many years ago there was a bar on the corner of Sukhumwit Soi 19, called the "Country and Western Bar". I frequented the place, on the unofficial advice of the Australian Embassy at the time (I was on an official posting), and I observed a number of match-ups and marriages between the girls and farang residents and tourists. AFAIK, the success rate was as good as any other kinds of marriages.

There is absolutely no reason why somebody who has worked in a bar, even as a prostitute, should not be capable of redemption, and a happy and productive life. Anybody who thinks otherwise has a warped view of human nature.

Yes but...You have to admitt the odds of a successful partnership is very very slim, the girls working in a bar are there for money.

If they get to marry the punter then it's jackpot!

[GrahamF]

It's easy to pick the guys who married a bar girl.

They say there is no difference to marrying an ordinary girl

I wonder what they tell their family and friends when they are asked where they met their wife?

Must be a very awkward moment.

Are you married to a Thai woman, and if so where did you meet her, how old was she when you met her, etc, etc? Please give us all the details.

[polecat]

Come on, let's have a poll!

[Unfaithful]

My Sammi Noi was a bar boy.Sometimes I tnink I should have never bothered with the non barboy. http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Sammi-Noi-Ba...ro-t249564.html

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

It's hard to draw any conclusions with no "hard stats", but IMO the logic is that it is simply a lot easier for foreign males to hook up with bar girls than it is to tap into the non BG Thai females.

And given what most men want out of a "relationship", it isn't hard to fathom why a fair few blokes never venture further than the bar scene. ;-)

"Judge not, lest thy be judged" and all that...