Married To A Thai Women

[sanook2me]

I am going throw the cat amongst pigeons here. But this is a genuine. I have read many articles on marrying Thai women and sadly most give a very negative impression. Most of you would have read the articles. I am not putting bar girls down, but could we leave them out of the picture at moment. I am also well aware of cultural differnces. Are there Thai women who are looking for happiness? All women no matter whatever the country they come from are looking for security in a relationship. Gold diggers everywhere as well. I would like to see some input here from those who are in a happy relationship. in Thailand. These are genuine questions I am asking. So come on guys please come forward.

Happily in a miserable/fantastic long term relationship which is a much more happier and depressing relationship than any I've had with a Western lady.

You will hit the extremes of all emotions faster with a Thai lady because of the differences betweens farangs and Asians.

If you want an exhilarating emotional roller coaster ride probably the best in the World get with an Asian.

Its an easy formula to follow.

1) meet your equal (age/finance/education/outlook......)

3) career paths and education

anyway this worked for me...

I can understand why older gentlemen fall for a BG because they fall into the hua hin/pattaya/sukhumvit trap

But really this is not necessary you can soon meet lots of ladies of your equal status by joining various clubs away from these areas.

Don't believe charging to Thailand on a white horse will save a girl because alot of girls you can meet away from the bars have good education and careers and don't need saving and may have just as much money as yourself if not more. This is my life and a few of my friends too.

I'm interested in rule number "2" ??

Married 3 years hardest thing for me is my Wife's "acceptance" of some crazy Thai ways.

rule number 2 There are no rules! Just make it up on the fly and then laugh when it goes wrong or give a knowing nod if all goes well.

good rule? for 2

[desi]

Good on all of you. I'm loving this post as I am so tired of reading about the cliché Western-Thai relationships here on TV.

[hegenious]

I can understand why older gentlemen fall for a BG because they fall into the hua hin/pattaya/sukhumvit trap

But really this is not necessary you can soon meet lots of ladies of your equal status by joining various clubs away from these areas.

Don't believe charging to Thailand on a white horse will save a girl because alot of girls you can meet away from the bars have good education and careers and don't need saving and may have just as much money as yourself if not more. This is my life and a few of my friends too.

I second that.

I've been with Thai wife for two years now, we met on Meetic. It's all working out fine, because we both feel we are equal in our relationship, intellectually, educationaly and emotionally, and both willing to take care of each other for lifetime.

We're both 40+

[kjhbigv]

Just like anywhere, there are good one's and bad ones! Personally I have always given my ex-girlfriends a bit of a hard time for a while to find out what they are about and if they 'are the real deal'. Just use your head a bit more over here and sort 'the wheat from the chaff'....pretty easy if you have a bit of savvy! I argue with my Thai GF of 2 years sometimes, just like I did with my ex-girlfriends at home...nothing wrong with that, keeps your mind sharp!

But to answer your question, can you find a loving GF/Wife from Thailand? Yes, definitely (probably moreso than a girl from the west), just be aware that they can be (in my opinion) a bit more jealous than western girls, be careful, you may lose more than you thought!

[teacup]

To the OP,

Just use your commonsense in looking for a life partner........ here, there, and the world over.

If you look for friendship, companionship, and the same set of values you’re believing-in in her, ...then I don’t see any problems as why you can't have a good relationship back in your own country or here in Thailand.

But sadly "many" farangs here had the wrong set of values and expectations to begin with, in looking for a life partner here in thailand,

or going about how to look for one,

or looking in wrong places...etcs.

Also…

Have you heard the saying…..“you shall find what you seek“?

I think that’s one of the main unspoken/underlining reasons why “many farangs” here ended up with just “a trophy doll”.

So to the OP, ....what did you bring-in to the table that caused you to whine you way about?

Edited June 2, 2009 by teacup

[Jungian]

I have been married to my wife for 12 years this month. All stereo types aside, my wife is only 3 years younger than me, she is educated and speaks fluent English and Chinese for what it is worth. She lived and studied abroad before we met and she got her own visa to visit my country to visit before we decided to get married. So, my life has been good with my Thai lady, I never had any interest in Thailand or Thai people our meeting was purely by chance but now I am in love with the people and the country I never before had interest in.

[hammered]

Been married for 15 years now. We have a ten year year age gap but both found the same things interesting. We like most have had our rows but as time has gone on and we have known each other better they have become less intense. When I first came to Thailand I found the women werent feisty enough for me. I always liked someone who would tell me when I was wrong, give me some back when I acted like an ass, and not let me turn into a lazy slob. Then I met my wife.

For her she was a natural rebel and from poor family and hence didnt fit any kind of profile that most if not all Thai families wanted for a woman marrying into their family. I guess in me she found someone who appreciated that major side of her personality. I sometimes think that it was more important for her to find a foreigner than it was for me considering her rebeliousness, and that is funny for she never really had any interest in foreigners before me. For me I ended up marrying a Thai woman who was very much like many western women in her approach and I guess I could have even settled down at home but when I lived there I was immature and selfish and didnt really appreciate people or things.

My wife and I both come from poor backgrounds and I think that makes it easier for me to understand her family although even though my family are poor by western standards they seem rich to my wife. Both of us get on really well with our respective families, which in wife's familiy's case is odd as my wife insisted we marry only in a registry office and dont do the party, Buddhist ceremony thing, dowry etc. I always thought that would create problems but it hasnt.

Our educational backgrounds were different with me being more highly educated (but probably less intelligent) but she will complete a distance learning degree sometimes soon which will even it out! Not sure I'll ever cathc up on the intelligence bit though.

I dont know the ideal for anyone. I just know things have worked for me and for her. I think it is important to learn to know how the other person feels and what their aspirations and desires in life are, and mutual respect is vital with a bit of give and take on both sides. When you are first looking for someone look deeper than appearance, and all the surface stuff and be willing to let your pre-conceived ideas go. Be honest with yourself with both what you want from the relationship and what you think she wants and if you dont know that ask her and then listen. Us men are usually good talkers and not very good listeners and that is a problem in a relationship.

Anyway my rambled thoughts as I look forward to another few decades of happy marriage.

[Valjean]

3 years in a serious relationship, 1 1/2 of that married and I am happy as can be. And my wife is very happy, and if she's not happy you can be darn sure I won't be :-)

She's 30 years younger than me - which is much more of a gap than I every imagined but it's a great fit for the two of us. I've come to the table with a lot more in terms of money and clearly experience but she's smart and engaged with the world so an interesting partner for me. Although I've done well in business I never happened to go to college while my wife is working on her graduate degree. But she comes from a typical modest upcountry background.

Agree with some of the comments that the family and friends will tell you a lot - the extended family. How they get along, ethics, are hands out all the time and such. Even if your wife is better than her family in these respects they will always be very, very close and an pressure on her.

I know lots of farang guys is long-term, happy relationships with Thai women. Can't say the odds are any better, but aside from the 2 week vacation marriage I can't say they are any worse. It can be a different kind of relationship - and if that suits me just fine.

[villagefarang]

My Thai wife is a mere 20 years younger than I and our tenth anniversary is this month. We never fight or raise voices in anger. Our style of humor might not work for everyone, but adds to the texture of our relationship. There is absolute trust and understanding. My situation was perhaps made easier by the fact that I lived in Thailand more than twenty years before I got married. No surprises due to a great deal of experience, prior to settling down. I figure you have two chances for success. Either you know what you are doing or you get lucky. Many jump in first and try to figure things out later so their only hope is to get lucky. Good luck to all who walk this path.

[MJP]

I am going throw the cat amongst pigeons here. But this is a genuine. I have read many articles on marrying Thai women and sadly most give a very negative impression. Most of you would have read the articles. I am not putting bar girls down, but could we leave them out of the picture at moment. I am also well aware of cultural differnces. Are there Thai women who are looking for happiness? All women no matter whatever the country they come from are looking for security in a relationship. Gold diggers everywhere as well. I would like to see some input here from those who are in a happy relationship. in Thailand. These are genuine questions I am asking. So come on guys please come forward.

Yes there are good women out there. Usually thirties+.

I've been married 7 years and I'm suicidal.

Found out yesterday she's had a Thai bloke on the go for nearly 2 years.

Choose carefully.

(PS: My sister-in-law is lovely, a real one, rare).

[sanook2me]

I am going throw the cat amongst pigeons here. But this is a genuine. I have read many articles on marrying Thai women and sadly most give a very negative impression. Most of you would have read the articles. I am not putting bar girls down, but could we leave them out of the picture at moment. I am also well aware of cultural differnces. Are there Thai women who are looking for happiness? All women no matter whatever the country they come from are looking for security in a relationship. Gold diggers everywhere as well. I would like to see some input here from those who are in a happy relationship. in Thailand. These are genuine questions I am asking. So come on guys please come forward.

Yes there are good women out there. Usually thirties+.

I've been married 7 years and I'm suicidal.

Found out yesterday she's had a Thai bloke on the go for nearly 2 years.

Choose carefully.

(PS: My sister-in-law is lovely, a real one, rare).

Are you saying you found out your mrs of 7 years has been having an affair for the previous 2 years?

oh well never mind.

Wasn't this post about positive relationships.

[toybits]

Married to same woman for the last 20 years. No giks, no mia nois. Living comfortably.

[dogma]

happily married for two years but had known each other for a fair time before hand, most of the disaster stories that you hear are guys that ruched into things or married bars girls etc.understanding the thai culture is also very important.

[BigSnake]

Very Happy in my Marriage as is most, however; keep in mind, you are married to a Thai Women and a Thai Family, no joke, just a FACT

[cognos]

God blessed us when we met our future fantastic Thai wives..It's as simple as that. There are lots of good stories with foreigners marrying Thais, just not many titillating ones for the masses, because simple is good. Treat them better than gold, because they are.. and all relationships including yours and mine require constant nurturing, which is the fun part,right? We never take her for granted, or else , as you already know.

[londoedan]

[The bar girls much easier to get contact and thats why most guys get married with them ( most uk guys)

but the bar ladies are very degenerate and you cannot trust them at all .

One of the facets of this board I find odd is the moderation. Recently I've pointed out, politely, that the spelling in couple of posts was pretty poor. My posts were deleted. And yet remarks such as "the bar ladies are very degenerate' are allowed to remain ! Bizarre.

On topic: IMHO it's difficult to generalise about relationships. I'm 46, wife is 30 and we've been together 2.5 years, married for 1.5, happy and yet I've got 3 degrees and she left school before she was 16. We're totally different in all respects, but I don't think that matters too much when you meet the right person.

And I was sorry to read MJP's post as I've enjoyed a number of his contributions to other boards. I'd like to think that will not happen to me, but who know's what tomorrow will bring ?

Londo

[MJP]

I am going throw the cat amongst pigeons here. But this is a genuine. I have read many articles on marrying Thai women and sadly most give a very negative impression. Most of you would have read the articles. I am not putting bar girls down, but could we leave them out of the picture at moment. I am also well aware of cultural differnces. Are there Thai women who are looking for happiness? All women no matter whatever the country they come from are looking for security in a relationship. Gold diggers everywhere as well. I would like to see some input here from those who are in a happy relationship. in Thailand. These are genuine questions I am asking. So come on guys please come forward.

Yes there are good women out there. Usually thirties+.

I've been married 7 years and I'm suicidal.

Found out yesterday she's had a Thai bloke on the go for nearly 2 years.

Choose carefully.

(PS: My sister-in-law is lovely, a real one, rare).

Are you saying you found out your mrs of 7 years has been having an affair for the previous 2 years?

oh well never mind.

Wasn't this post about positive relationships.

Thank you. The slap round the face I needed.

Everything's sorted.

Cheers.

[Maizefarmer]

I am going throw the cat amongst pigeons here. But this is a genuine. I have read many articles on marrying Thai women and sadly most give a very negative impression. Most of you would have read the articles. I am not putting bar girls down, but could we leave them out of the picture at moment. I am also well aware of cultural differnces. Are there Thai women who are looking for happiness? All women no matter whatever the country they come from are looking for security in a relationship. Gold diggers everywhere as well. I would like to see some input here from those who are in a happy relationship. in Thailand. These are genuine questions I am asking. So come on guys please come forward.

The big misconception held by a lot of guys marrying Thai girls is that somehow they are "different".

They're not - they're human, and have much the same aspirations, hopes and plans for the future as do girls from Europe, America, and anywhere else.....

What distorts the whole subject is so far as Thai girls go, is the amount of marriges that take place between ex-pats and bar-girls (as a demographic group in Thai society).

That may well involve a whole bunch of different motives - but no different if it were a demographic group in a Western society i.e. many of the problems and comments that would then get expressed would be little different to those expressed with respect to Thai girls.

So - is marrying a Thai girl that different? Not that I can see - most values/ideas/attitudes that define right/wrong, good/bad, honesty/dishonesty, like/dislike ect ect ...... are by and large universal perceptions that cross culturale differances, are they not(?).