Sin Sort / Dowry Experiences

[cognos]

Hi folks. My first thai gf explained sin sort to me, and outlined clearly her expectations should we ever marry . She was an only child and her parents were not too well off, so she gave close to half her pay cheque to them. The story was that her Dad lent his car to a relative, who got in an accident and was charged with something like vehicular homicide. Her Dad as a result lost all his savings, as the relative had no money. She therefore required a large sin sort to help her parents. Her niece had married a German guy and he had paid half a million Baht as sin sort. The gf said since she had more education than her niece (and to not lose face ) she would want the same amount at least. She was a decent person, but we went our separate ways. Later I was blessed and met the future wife, and sin sort was brought up by her. She half j ked that 2 million baht was the amount of sin sort I would have to pay her Dad, "but never mind because my Dad has enough money ( her family is large and varies from one quite rich family member to mostly middle class ), and you will get it back." Later she decided 200,000 Baht was plenty along with 2 Baht of borrowed gold from a sister for show. 200 one thousand baht bills looks pretty pathetic and miserly , so she cleverly told me to get the money in new 100 baht notes. We went to a few banks in Phuket, but none had new notes..a distant relative worked in a bank so we went there and got them..it looked like alot until you knew they were hundreds. The next morning her sister came over to our house with a bag, full of the 200,000 Baht. Even though her Dad doesn't need the money, we gave him 20,000 B and now 10,000 B a couple times a year as tradition and a small token of respect..just wondering what your good or amusing sin sort experience was like or you heard about. Be safe..

[Soutpeel]

Hi folks. My first thai gf explained sin sort to me, and outlined clearly her expectations should we ever marry . She was an only child and her parents were not too well off, so she gave close to half her pay cheque to them. The story was that her Dad lent his car to a relative, who got in an accident and was charged with something like vehicular homicide. Her Dad as a result lost all his savings, as the relative had no money. She therefore required a large sin sort to help her parents. Her niece had married a German guy and he had paid half a million Baht as sin sort. The gf said since she had more education than her niece (and to not lose face ) she would want the same amount at least. She was a decent person, but we went our separate ways. Later I was blessed and met the future wife, and sin sort was brought up by her. She half j ked that 2 million baht was the amount of sin sort I would have to pay her Dad, "but never mind because my Dad has enough money ( her family is large and varies from one quite rich family member to mostly middle class ), and you will get it back." Later she decided 200,000 Baht was plenty along with 2 Baht of borrowed gold from a sister for show. 200 one thousand baht bills looks pretty pathetic and miserly , so she cleverly told me to get the money in new 100 baht notes. We went to a few banks in Phuket, but none had new notes..a distant relative worked in a bank so we went there and got them..it looked like alot until you knew they were hundreds. The next morning her sister came over to our house with a bag, full of the 200,000 Baht. Even though her Dad doesn't need the money, we gave him 20,000 B and now 10,000 B a couple times a year as tradition and a small token of respect..just wondering what your good or amusing sin sort experience was like or you heard about. Be safe..

Easy...never paid Sin Sot....The outlaws opinion on this....Sin Sot is a Thai on Thai thing, their daughter was marrying a farang and Sin Sot doesnt exist in Farang culture, therefore not required, I do however give them a few thousand a month and have paid for the nephews party when he went into the monkhood + a few other things....every body seems happy with this arrangement

[cognos]

She comes from a conservative thai/chinese family, hence perhaps why they wanted to see the sin sort as part of their culture ; she wanted it for tradition and for her large family to see. I know its disappearing with younger ones , especially in BKK.( she's in her thirties, but never married prior )

[noise]

Easy...never paid Sin Sot....The outlaws opinion on this....Sin Sot is a Thai on Thai thing, their daughter was marrying a farang and Sin Sot doesnt exist in Farang culture, therefore not required, .....

But if you are marrying a Thai in Thailand and having a Thai wedding with all the Thai cultural aspects, why would you say the Farang's foreign cultural expectation takes precedence? As Cognos pointed out, sinsod is a symbol, and symbols are very important in all cultures.

[sbk]

see my post here

[neverdie]

Here we go again

Have you thought about doing a thai visa search on this topic OR were you turned off by the 200 other threads about this & just thought you would add one extra.

Remember the golden rule in Thailand......"A fool and his money are easily parted".

[cognos]

Here we go again

Have you thought about doing a thai visa search on this topic OR were you turned off by the 200 other threads about this & just thought you would add one extra.

Remember the golden rule in Thailand......"A fool and his money are easily parted".

Point taken, I shall try to search next time prior..my problem is I'm going to LOS in a few weeks, and was bored with time on the hands...better go water the garden..its <deleted>' 33c in Vancouver today,breaking a 70 year record...Neverdie, check NG on the TSX, and you will get your money..signed ,Tipster

[babuhavas]

dint payed sin sod,but bared wedding expence alone 300000 baht,ofcorse they promiced to share it half,but so far dint got anything,its been 2 years already now.

wife not earning so baring all the expences alone and somtimes give 10k or 20k to her family and yearly gift about 20k.

and still the in laws says to my wife that she married to a poor guy,and even she thinks the same.

[G54]

360,000 asked for.

I refused.

250,000 was next.

I refused.

180,000 after that.

I refused.

In the end I paid for the wedding, clothes, photos, food and reception, 2 Baht gold & a small amount of cash.

My reasons for refusing were on the grounds she had already been married and had 2 kids. But to make a token gesture was acceptable to me. Anything more and I would have walked - should have

Total 80,000

Well, someone had to pay for the party

[cognos]

2 baht gold seems to be the norm, but your wife is precious, far greater than her weight in Gold

[Ta22]

i paid everything , Sin sod + 10 Bhat gold . and i sitll buying more gold for my Wife .

as well as the whole wedding for 800 people ,

of cos i would nto expect someone from the west to understand the east culture .

- being asian myself . this is common and in fact in my view good in some way ..

is also a ruler to measure if you are able to take care of your wife in term of money ..

in my view , my wife and my love for her is much more then the money i hold . and sicne is just a small amount . i did not even consider or ask for discount .

fact i paid more then . what was asked for .

my wife is also the only child .

i am blessed . and her parent return all the Sin sod to me and ask use to use it for start new famikly and invest wisely .

---

the thing about SIn sod is , there is a trend going on to extort large amount of money from . farang marriage . - usually from the bars and issan which it seem like a show ff thing to ask for sin sod in the million . , which in my view i do not agree .

but my mother in law ask for 100k + 10 baht Gold .

and i attent a small wedding just before mine for one of her relative and see with my own eyes that the local thai pay the same . amount . That wedding as payment 80k cash and 10 baht Gold .

oh

i almost forget to say this ..

during the wedding .. every guest give some money as a token . of blessing .. and i collected more then 200k . from the 800 plus guest ,.

in fact many of her relative give their token of blessing in 1000, - 2000 baht . some veen 5000 baht .

--

the basis of Sin sod . is to show the mother in law family that you are stable and have the money to take care of their child .

is not a trade or some kind . and in many culture the money is return . mostly or safe keep and return in future .

but of cos there are in law which used this as a chance to make a run off ..

and if you do meet one .. is like a TEST ..

to see if you see money more importance then your wife ..

, there is no perfect score , but do answer wisely ..

---------- Sin sod is a complex psycological game ------------------

if you look beyond all the money ..

-----

Note ..

everyone have different case .

some Sin sod is just to rip you off money so she can dumb you after she get the cash .. so i am not discounting .. that you are being set up for a con , but there is many real case where .

the meaning is Sin sod is not lost .

----

whahahaah . one comment from my wife ,

.

Edited June 4, 2009 by Ta22

[cuddleypete]

The basis of the Sin sod . is to show the mother in law's family that you are able and have the money to take care of their daughter etc.

[Livinginexile]

360,000 asked for.

I refused.

250,000 was next.

I refused.

180,000 after that.

I refused.

In the end I paid for the wedding, clothes, photos, food and reception, 2 Baht gold & a small amount of cash.

My reasons for refusing were on the grounds she had already been married and had 2 kids. But to make a token gesture was acceptable to me. Anything more and I would have walked - should have

Total 80,000

Well, someone had to pay for the party

Well done.

We got married in the regestry, no expensive wedding, no sinsot and NOTHING to to outlaws.

I made it perfectly clear from the outset there will be no handouts to them

If your wife truely loves you she will protect you from all that sinsot and monthly salary crap.

You don't buy a wife my friend, nomatter how it is packaged.

Don't fall for that old con.

[Ta22]

if getting married , is only abot your and yoru wife , and your consideration for her family is Zero ..

my suggestion is you should leave not live in thailand ..

and also if your consideration of love is only one way and your wife feeling for her family is not consider that is not clal Love , is call procession .

.

and to veen think that spending on sins sod is a form of buying .. it just show how you weight momey much higher then the value of family and love .

.

my suggestion is to aviod such guy at all cause .

- and yo are better of hanging out at beer and enjoy cheap beer in thailand or go back to your country .. since thailand is not your cup of tea ..

the reason why asian have better and more lasting marriage is cos we believe more in family value . not saying the west have no famiy value ,

but when was the last time anyone of this guy who is alway complaining about Sin sod .. hug their mom .. or visit their father .

or talk to your brother or sister .

.

you may choose to live alone but your wife may not ..

i had heard many story of how thai girl feel that their husband have little family value and only consider only about themself .

anyway thsi is case by case basis .

not trying to kil the boat with one hit .

this is such old topic and boring one .

---

love is not just taking is giving .

[teacup]

We got married in the regestry, no expensive wedding, no sinsot and NOTHING to to outlaws.

My sister and her husband (farang) did the same, and now 20 some years later are still happily married.

They both graduated from the west and same age

So all in all...no sinsot, our whole family think is so....outdated custom. All they ever wanted is for us to be happy with our chosen partner, and please save your money to build your own life,......and try not to call home for $$$$ often.

[Gippy]

OK, I'll bite.

I paid sin sot but no gold. My wife used gold she had already bought herself and put in 200,000 baht of her own money into the pot to make it look bigger :-)

I got 30% of the sin sot back in cash straight after the wedding, 10% back in a present of gold and the in-laws bought us some land worth another 30%. I probably paid for about 50% of the wedding costs as well although the donations from guests covered almost all of that.

[crudy21]

Can you not pay by cheque? Rubber Cheque even better!!

[SNGLIFE]

We got married in the regestry, no expensive wedding, no sinsot and NOTHING to to outlaws.

Co-signed.

IMHO, guys who pay more than what they would ordinarily pay for an engagement ring (as rings and such are not expected) are being taken for a ride - perhaps for a lifetime. But, to each their own - it's none of my business.

I did agree to pay for THB 100k in upgrades to the family home after we married. Mostly because my wife would (and did) inherit it, anyway. Mom, whom I liked, was expected to die (and did); and Pop, whom I don't like, would have drank all of it.

My wife is as frugal as I am and we live very well because of it, thank you very much.

[Livinginexile]

if getting married , is only abot your and yoru wife , and your consideration for her family is Zero ..

my suggestion is you should leave not live in thailand ..

and also if your consideration of love is only one way and your wife feeling for her family is not consider that is not clal Love , is call procession .

.

and to veen think that spending on sins sod is a form of buying .. it just show how you weight momey much higher then the value of family and love .

.

my suggestion is to aviod such guy at all cause .

- and yo are better of hanging out at beer and enjoy cheap beer in thailand or go back to your country .. since thailand is not your cup of tea ..

the reason why asian have better and more lasting marriage is cos we believe more in family value . not saying the west have no famiy value ,

but when was the last time anyone of this guy who is alway complaining about Sin sod .. hug their mom .. or visit their father .

or talk to your brother or sister .

.

you may choose to live alone but your wife may not ..

i had heard many story of how thai girl feel that their husband have little family value and only consider only about themself .

anyway thsi is case by case basis .

not trying to kil the boat with one hit .

this is such old topic and boring one .

---

love is not just taking is giving .

and giving and giving and giving....

What a rediculous post!

He obviously has to pay

[G54]

if getting married , is only abot your and yoru wife , and your consideration for her family is Zero ..

my suggestion is you should leave not live in thailand ..

and also if your consideration of love is only one way and your wife feeling for her family is not consider that is not clal Love , is call procession .

.

and to veen think that spending on sins sod is a form of buying .. it just show how you weight momey much higher then the value of family and love .

.

my suggestion is to aviod such guy at all cause .

- and yo are better of hanging out at beer and enjoy cheap beer in thailand or go back to your country .. since thailand is not your cup of tea ..

the reason why asian have better and more lasting marriage is cos we believe more in family value . not saying the west have no famiy value ,

but when was the last time anyone of this guy who is alway complaining about Sin sod .. hug their mom .. or visit their father .

or talk to your brother or sister .

.

you may choose to live alone but your wife may not ..

i had heard many story of how thai girl feel that their husband have little family value and only consider only about themself .

anyway thsi is case by case basis .

not trying to kil the boat with one hit .

this is such old topic and boring one .

---

love is not just taking is giving .

and giving and giving and giving....

What a rediculous post!

He obviously has to pay

Sounds to me like he needs some professional help from a shrink or someone similar.

IF a woman loves you, you should not have to pay through the nose. The fact you have decided that 'love is not just taking is giving' does this not work both ways?

Any man who is willing to help out and care for the lady he loves should be deemed a good catch. Not on how much he is willing to pay to buy a woman.

Yes, buy.

If a woman has already had 1 sin-sot WHY should she have 2 or 3 or 4 or however many times she decides to marry in the future to increase the family bank balance?

More than 1 sin-sot is mercenary. How many times did the parents raise this daughter. 1 time? 2 times? More?

What happened to the original sin-sot? If they have any sense it would have been invested for the future, but you can bet you last £ it was squandered in many cases on a new car, gambling, drinking or some other wasteful pastime.

I feel men are taken for a ride far too often in Thailand by greedy families looking to make money to finance that new car or whatever dreams they have lined up.

Ahhh, that's better

[IanForbes]

And this is some how different than paying 2000 baht for a night of sex? And, you get to up grade to the

latest model every couple of years.

There is an old saying that if you put a penny in a jar for every time you do it over the first two years and then take a penny out of the jar over the next 60 years you will never empty the jar.

The only reason to get married is if you want to raise a family. Other than that it is cheaper and mentally easier to rent a wife. Kids and grand kids are great if you want them.

[Soutpeel]

why would you say the Farang's foreign cultural expectation takes precedence?

I didnt...... the outlaws did.. ...and as somebody else has pointed out the intention of Sin Sot is to prove to the family you can take care of their daughter, the family is well aware I can take care of their daughter from a financial perspective.

Also again as another person pointed out....Sin Sot is outdated

[Ta22]

well .. Giving is end less ..

if you want to stop giving you have a few choice , die . or live alone ..

the job of a husband is to provide , if you want to play the reciving end .. get older faster and have kids .

and when there grow up ..

go think about how you feel when your kids or son in law say .. go earn your own money when you are old ..

the simple cycle of givign and taking go on in thailand and the young feed the old .. maybe this do not come across you . -- that why so many old lonely guy is here in thailand cos their kids had choose not to take care of them .. and there end up in thailand or have no relative who give a dam_n about how there live ..

---

i would not want to impl my value on you .. but .. to say the thai way of living is wrong .. when it come to sid sod .. i stand wth my wife on this .. If you refuse to pay the sin sod and all kinda of excuse you give .. go back to your country . i am sure you live a better live there ..

seriously i heard so much complain but at the end of the days all this barking complain is those who CHOOSE to stay here and compare to their country thailand is still better ..

this complain noise making people would never stop .. there will alway find excuse and the perfect life .

.

if one can't even handle his own family and have to grant here . in my personal view . you are not ready for a marriage in thailand ..

many use the excuse of love to stay here for the reaosn of cheaper visa , i would not want to go on more ..

there is all kinda excuse to get marriage i wonder how many did get married cos of love .

--

if you can't even afford 200- 300k in thailand how you going to take care of your wife ..

-

thailand maybe cheap

but having a house , cars and all kinda spending add up is not going to be less then 500k

even with second hand cars and small thai studio apartment ..

how cheap you want it to be ..

-

so what would be the perfect . marriage for you .

someone rise her kids ..

when she grow up she go marry a farang whom don't give a dam_n about family -

love her 100% but would live in law dr even when there need help ..

how about in return .. you demand a sin sod

whahahha grow up kids ..

you may be marreid a 100 times in state but getting married in asia is far more responsbility

--

all i see is people who is trying to aviod responsibility ..

i suggest you stick to the Bars ..

[thetitan99]

if getting married , is only abot your and yoru wife , and your consideration for her family is Zero ..

my suggestion is you should leave not live in thailand ..

and also if your consideration of love is only one way and your wife feeling for her family is not consider that is not clal Love , is call procession .

.

and to veen think that spending on sins sod is a form of buying .. it just show how you weight momey much higher then the value of family and love .

.

my suggestion is to aviod such guy at all cause .

- and yo are better of hanging out at beer and enjoy cheap beer in thailand or go back to your country .. since thailand is not your cup of tea ..

the reason why asian have better and more lasting marriage is cos we believe more in family value . not saying the west have no famiy value ,

but when was the last time anyone of this guy who is alway complaining about Sin sod .. hug their mom .. or visit their father .

or talk to your brother or sister .

.

you may choose to live alone but your wife may not ..

i had heard many story of how thai girl feel that their husband have little family value and only consider only about themself .

anyway thsi is case by case basis .

not trying to kil the boat with one hit .

this is such old topic and boring one .

---

love is not just taking is giving .

This HAS GOT to be a joke. And this dude is Thai!! And has been living in THAI LAND? You didn't fool me for a minute homey!!! Edited June 4, 2009 by thetitan99

[Ta22]

through the nose. ???

whahah if 100k and 10 bhat gold mean you paying through the nose. ,, my suggestion is thailand is too expensive for you ,

try Indonesia and maybe lao or burma ..

gosh .. how poor is the expat nowaday ..

my wife had not been married before

and even if she is i would be happ to pay the sin sod cos i love her .

..

i would not want to go more with silly farang who love to insult asian thinking .

go ahead and be your grumpy self . and die alone or angry cos you keep your money .

and my suggestion is RUn as fast as you can out of thailand ..

this place is too expensvive for you .. you should go to a cheaper country ..

come to make me think ..

like i said .. Sin sod is a scale to see if the husband is able to take care of the Wife .. and many thai pay this as a respect to the wife parent and showing them he is able to come up with the money ..

nobody said you got to pay it right away .. once ask ..

you can alway earn the Sin sod together .. and when you have the money then Get Married .

if you wife is demanding it NOW .. and if no money no married , then maybe you are taken for a ride ..

but most thai that i knew save up for Years together . and once there get the sin sod amount then there get married ..

so i don;t see why some farang is making all the noise when even thai that earn less money then some farang claim to be can afford it ..

..

plus most of the time you get the money back . but of cos in some case - there is relaly some Sin sod con case but please do not list those as example just like there is crazy and dumb farang , does not make all farang dum and silly ..

while most while thai in law as gambling loving and love to get drunk ..

let me tell you . i seen more farang got drunk and made a full of themself then i seen thai got drunk ..

do not let me compare when i come across farang who do not even know how to take a decent shower .. and yet come tell me he can take care of others .

if one can;t even take care of oneself how are you able to take care of others .

--

sad but true ..

is more complex then what you see and is alway a case by case basis .

--

Sin sod need not be paid right away .. if it true love , both cam stay in a relationship . while both try to get the Sin sod together . and get married after you get the Sin sod .

so most of the time what i see is just Guy who want all . want fast marriage . so there can apply for their visa ..

so if you want to stay in thailand don't compare thailand with your country . and if your country is better , GO Home

--

This HAS GOT to be a joke. huh.gif And this dude is Thai!! And has been living in THAI LAND? You didn't fool me for a minute homey!!! smile.gif

whahhahahahhahaaha ---- when youa re free i would be happy to treat you to Mac or A&W or KFC

just to see your Face -- PM me ok .. don't like type on forum .. i am a real person and i am not thai

let me know when you free ok ..

anyone i would be happy to meet up

i am busy from now till 11th ..

in fact i meeting some TV guys if that guy do call me

i am more free after 8 pm . and i stay near Bankapi .

pM me to make a appointment and i will be there , or give you a good date to meet up

Edited June 4, 2009 by Ta22

[h90]

My gf told me Sin Sot does not exist at modern Thais anymore. But at some very conservative one. You give it and get it back (or in form of a car/land etc, which is discussed before) or very outside the wife gets gold to have safety in case you leave her.

I of course didn't pay any and I only knew about it half a year after we married, before we never spoke about it.

[G54]

well .. Giving is end less ..

snip

the job of a husband is to provide , if you want to play the reciving end .. get older faster and have kids .

snip

all i see is people who is trying to aviod responsibility .

With so many Thai husbands walking out on their spouse, how do you believe in the two statements I have highlighted? There seem to be more Thai women out there with children and no husband than there are women with a long term husband.

Do the fathers of these children send money to support them? No. He is busy shagging the next woman until she also has had a baby or two and the cycle begins again. Seems to me it is the mother doing the supporting and working.

You also mention about Asian marriages lasting longer?? Really?

Edited June 4, 2009 by G54

[cognos]

My gf told me Sin Sot does not exist at modern Thais anymore. But at some very conservative one. You give it and get it back (or in form of a car/land etc, which is discussed before) or very outside the wife gets gold to have safety in case you leave her.

I of course didn't pay any and I only knew about it half a year after we married, before we never spoke about it.

You must have a good one too

[simonphuket]

According to my wife (we're legally married but the Bhuddist wedding follows soon ), the real meaning of Sin Sot was to pay the mother back for the milk she gave her daughter when being a baby. The Sin Sot was not more than like 40 thb....

We will do a small Sin Sot, but will get the money back. She finds it a strange twist to the old tradition that one has to pay a fortune. Guess I'm lucky to have her too...

[Valjean]

Agreed on 200,000. Her parents are long divorced and her grandparents raised her from age 11 or so. The deal was 50,000 for each of the 4 of them. Then I was asked for 200,000 extra for show money. I was really clear that I wanted to see that back.

So we have a nice pile of money and to my total surprise the entire 200,000 came back + 100,000 more. The family decided that 100,0000 was enough. What a happy guy I was. Made the mistake however of not taking that bag of cash to the bank because in the end the wedding ended up costing much more than anticipated (400+ people) and all of the money never found it's way back into my pocket.

I have a friend from a well to do family who lived most of his life in the US. When he married he gave 1,000,000 and ended up getting 2,000,000 back. His comment was "if I'd known I would have given more..." Then my maid's daughter got 10,000 and the boy's family has problems now because they borrowed the money and God knows what interest rate. It's a fallacy to say Thai's don't do this any more.

All and all it was one of the best days of my life - topless ladyboy and all :-)