"he Is A Good Boy, He Takes Care Of His Family."

[coalminer]

I have been living now for almost a decade in Thailand, and when I hear (mostly Thai) people talking their or others family. I hear many times the sentence "He is good boy (or girl). He takes care of his family."

But when I try to analyze the situation, the result is that "He is a stupid boy (or girl). He spend his hard earned money on a couple of drunk people who rather like to spend their time at some karaoke or massage parlor than to earn his own money".

Example 1:

My landlord, a lady who divorced from her "lazy, lao whisky guzzling husband who spend his time in the karaoke bars" (between quotes as it are the exact qords from my landlord) and works now already more than 10 years in Hong-Kong as a cleaning woman is high esteemed by my wife as she still takes care of her sons at her age.

The real situation:

My landlord has 2 sons.

The youngest is 30 years and the oldest is 37 years.

The youngest is not married, but spend his days in karaoke bars (the kind of bars where people can eat while ladies are singing in a sexy outfit.)

He works at a supermarket, collecting the pushcarts and has about 9,000 Baht/month.

Hardly enough to pay his whisky and karaoke addiction.

The oldest fuc_ks like a rabbit and has now already 3 children.

He works at another supermarket as a salesman and has about 12,000 month.

Hardly enough to feed 3 children, pay the school for them, and provide the basic needs for his children.

On top of that, 1/3 of his salary goes each month to pay his tickets for not wearing a helmet of penalties at work for his plain stupidity.

Last month, he bumped at his work against a McDonald statue which was placed at the door and broke it.

Result: pay 9,500 Baht.

None of them make any effort to follow courses to get a higher degree or to earn some more money as the old mother is sending every month a lot of bucks and "takes good care of her sons".

Example 2:

The house next to where I live was baught a few years ago by a young guy from Chaiyaphum.

His legs are deformed and he walks by launching his stiff legs forward.

But, despite of his handicap, he made it to a teacher at the University where he earns 35,000 Baht a month.

He is not married, although he is a fine guy and has less handicaps than many fahrangs in a wheelchair in Pattaya.

After living on his own in the house for a few months, a brother of him with his wife and his children (2 and 4 years) came to llive in his house.

He had left Chaiyaphum to look for a better living.

The wife found a job in Bangkok, leaving him with the children.

Fights started every night that the owner could not sleep because of the cry of the children.

After a couple of months, the brother found a job as a truck driver.

But there was nobody any more to take care of the crying kids.

So, the mother and father, 2 old people from 70+ years, had to their shag in Chaiyaphum to live in the house and take care of the children.

After a while, the old people started to be homesick and the daily fights started again.

Solution: bring everybody from the old shag in Chaiyaphum over and let the house owner take care of everybody as he has the highest income.

But nevertheless, the house owner is highly revered by my wife and most of the people in my neighborhood as "he takes care of his family".

The worst of all is that I see many fahrangs doing the same thing, taking care for a couple of drunks, good for nothing and are not shy to shout from the rooftops how "they take care of their family".

If these fahrangs had such inlaws in his country, he would give everyone of them a kick in the ass and chase them with his shotgun.

I find all this "taking care of the family" pure bullshit and will never start to be like some fahrangs or Thais who apparently have lost a part of their brains at Subharnabumi.

If anyone comes to me asking for help and it would be clear that he/she needs help, I will get the appropraite help for them.

But this lazy behavior, parasiting on the family, is not "taking care".

What are the experiences of other members at Thaivisa on this?

[dave111223]

Ever consider that maybe these people enjoy helping their family.. And don't do it because they have to, or because they are stupid, but because it makes them happy to see their son having a bit of extra entertainment money, instead of slogging away pushing carts all day for nothing.

Or enjoy being involved in the upbringing of their nieces/nephews, and having some company around the house...

[coalminer]

Ever consider that maybe these people enjoy helping their family.. And don't do it because they have to, or because they are stupid, but because it makes them happy to see their son having a bit of extra entertainment money, instead of slogging away pushing carts all day for nothing.

Or enjoy being involved in the upbringing of their nieces/nephews, and having some company around the house...

My neighbor (example 2) surely not enjoys that the whole family came over from the shag in Chaiyaphum to live in his house and be a burden to himself, his work and his propierty.

He has almost every day a fight with someone of the family members and most of the fights are about the lazyness from other family members to do something to become a better and educated person.

I have a very good friend (a fahrang) who was "taklng care" of his family and enjoyed to be a help to these family members.

He runs a company abroad and has almost no time to meet these family members.

Until one day, a few months ago, when he had an accident and had to rest.

That was the time when he started to see what a bunch of lazy, drunken, oversexed family members he was supplying.

When he returned to work, 90% of the family members were kicked out of his house and no support to these members was offered anymore.

"Enjoying in helping their family?"

Hardly true ................

[dave111223]

It seems that you are assuming a lot based on eavesdropped conversations, or overheard arguments.

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave? If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

[coalminer]

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave?

If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

He has told his family members a lot of times to leave his "hard earned" house and repeats this several times a week.

But would you leave a "donkey who shits gold"?

If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

I start to presume that you are another of these fahrangs who is "supporting" his extended Thai family and maybe a part of the village.

Right?

[longstebe]

Maybe it's not so nice to see but you should not get involved or worked up about it.

You have a case but it's not your place.

[dave111223]

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave?

If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

He has told his family members a lot of times to leave his "hard earned" house and repeats this several times a week.

But would you leave a "donkey who shits gold"?

If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

I start to presume that you are another of these fahrangs who is "supporting" his extended Thai family and maybe a part of the village.

Right?

So because i posted an alternate view you are now making assumptions about my life (which are extremely incorrect) based solely on a couple of paragraphs posted on a message board; which leads me to believe your above opinions are also based on out of context baseless assumptions?

[hammered]

The way I look at it deserving members of family deserve a bit of help if it is needed, but lazy bums, well no they dont.

Might sound weird but most of the Thai people I know either in the extended family, through work or through socialising actually work quite hard and are quite capable of taking care of themselves including any drinking, sex or gambling habits. Some of them have quite good incomes but some are quite poor too.

[hhgz]

"What are the experiences of other members at Thaivisa on this?"

My experience is that TVers like to et every single thing a Thai says or does, and distort it to fit an anti-Thai mindset.

[Mai Krap]

Ive seen this much and worse, It leaves one wondering what goes on in people heads. The contradictions I see in Thailand are still amazing, one guy is used and abused as a ATM and cash cow and viewed as taking care of his family. Then you see something like I have seen where a truck load of people flips over and spills out in the middle of the highway and everybody just keeps driving right on by leaving them to their fate.

One thing that always is horrible to view is animal abuse, I have seen it so many times and it still bothers me. Children poking puppies with sticks, breaking their bones sometimes, the family and parents sit around laughing about it, sometimes even encouraging it. Its hard to take but it goes on and I cannot understand why for the life of me, I will never understand that.

I see plenty of good here too, there are some great people here, its a huge population so you will see everything both good and bad. Some people do get confused when they read negative commentary and somehow believe that is representative of many expats entire view of Thailand. Often something disturbing will happen so people write about it to get it off their chest, today we have the Net so many people read what gets written. When good things happen, people feel good and often do not write about it, maybe they even talk about it in Thai to family members. Cultural differences and complicated emotional matters are usually reserved for ones native language and native culture, thus many of the negative threads that get started on Thai Visa.

[Huey]

The Extent of my "Taking care of the Family" was laying out by dumbass brother-inn law when he came back home to his parents house (22 & still mooching of his folks) drunk and high on some anti-depressants. They called us at 3am and when I got there 10 min later his parents had locked themselves in a room in their huge house while his nutty ass was throughing a tantrum and breaking things around the house. I clocked him once and he went out. Dad & I put carried him up stairs to bed. The next day he was nothing but wais and appologies. But a week later I had to come back to drag him to the rehab..... The folks are good pepole and I love them even if we don't always agree. However I'm not a meal ticket for anyone nor do I look to anyone for one.

[BWFC]

"What are the experiences of other members at Thaivisa on this?"

My experience is that TVers like to et every single thing a Thai says or does, and distort it to fit an anti-Thai mindset.

You can only help those that help themselves. My wife’s sister is similar. I told her I would support her whilst she looked for a job; I gave her 10,000 a month for 3 months and let her stay with us and she did not once look for a job as she thought she had hit the money train. I told her I don’t mind helping her if she got of her arse and started looking for work. She did not so I kicked her out of my house.

Sister went mad at my wife as did the Mum, they both said she should be looking out for her family and should not be on my side, when in fact it was not as if she was on my side she did not have a say in the matter. To this day I have never talked to the sister since and this was 5 years ago, she only ever comes to our house when I’m away from Thailand now which suits me fine.

Ill add that I have supported her daughter who lives with her Mum in regards to School fee’s, books and uniforms etc… and I do this as she’s a sweet little girl and I feel sorry for her, one thing ill never do though is give them cash again. When they tell me she needs new things for school my wife and I take her shopping. I’m not falling for that one!

She took advantage of my generosity and thought I was just another mug. My wife tells me to forget it as it’s her sister, not a chance.

[Huey]

"What are the experiences of other members at Thaivisa on this?"

My experience is that TVers like to et every single thing a Thai says or does, and distort it to fit an anti-Thai mindset.

You can only help those that help themselves. My wife's sister is similar. I told her I would support her whilst she looked for a job; I gave her 10,000 a month for 3 months and let her stay with us and she did not once look for a job as she thought she had hit the money train. I told her I don't mind helping her if she got of her arse and started looking for work. She did not so I kicked her out of my house.

Sister went mad at my wife as did the Mum, they both said she should be looking out for her family and should not be on my side, when in fact it was not as if she was on my side she did not have a say in the matter. To this day I have never talked to the sister since and this was 5 years ago, she only ever comes to our house when I'm away from Thailand now which suits me fine.

Ill add that I have supported her daughter who lives with her Mum in regards to School fee's, books and uniforms etc… and I do this as she's a sweet little girl and I feel sorry for her, one thing ill never do though is give them cash again. When they tell me she needs new things for school my wife and I take her shopping. I'm not falling for that one!

She took advantage of my generosity and thought I was just another mug. My wife tells me to forget it as it's her sister, not a chance.

You know I bet allot of this type of drama could be avoided if more guys married at their financial level when they came here as opposed to hooking up with so many women from destitute needy families.

[Heng]

It's easy to think it's a silly tradition or norm when you scrape the bottom of the barrel for examples. There are plenty of examples where the end result is a synergy that ensures that no family members ever end up homeless, jobless, and without an education.

They took care of you when you were a baby, you should take care of them when they will one day reach a similar state. If you can rationalize that they don't want or need you to do this for them (and heck, it might even be true), more power to you.

[Lopburi99]

Maybe "taking care of his family" means he makes sure they always have soup money. Actually, that is better than what I've seen in some families in America where the elderly are outcast, the children not wanting to be inconvenienced or burdened.

But I remain to be amazed that although the average wage is only about 10,000 baht/month, there seems to always be enough money for smokes, beer, and their frigging mobile phones! Save a few baht? Nevermind. If we have money for today we are ok. No money left in the bloody phone? A catastrophe!

[Livinginexile]

It seems that you are assuming a lot based on eavesdropped conversations, or overheard arguments.

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave? If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

Dave,

Why the agression? I think the OP has a very good point to make.

Are you good boy cos' you "take care family"?

[astral]

It is seen as a cultural obligation to look after the parents.

There is no pension scheme, so people have children.......

[Livinginexile]

"What are the experiences of other members at Thaivisa on this?"

My experience is that TVers like to et every single thing a Thai says or does, and distort it to fit an anti-Thai mindset.

You can only help those that help themselves. My wife’s sister is similar. I told her I would support her whilst she looked for a job; I gave her 10,000 a month for 3 months and let her stay with us and she did not once look for a job as she thought she had hit the money train. I told her I don’t mind helping her if she got of her arse and started looking for work. She did not so I kicked her out of my house.

Sister went mad at my wife as did the Mum, they both said she should be looking out for her family and should not be on my side, when in fact it was not as if she was on my side she did not have a say in the matter. To this day I have never talked to the sister since and this was 5 years ago, she only ever comes to our house when I’m away from Thailand now which suits me fine.

Ill add that I have supported her daughter who lives with her Mum in regards to School fee’s, books and uniforms etc… and I do this as she’s a sweet little girl and I feel sorry for her, one thing ill never do though is give them cash again. When they tell me she needs new things for school my wife and I take her shopping. I’m not falling for that one!

She took advantage of my generosity and thought I was just another mug. My wife tells me to forget it as it’s her sister, not a chance.

Well done mate,

Now if ALL farangs had the same attitude this sinsot and "take care family" bull dust would not exsist!

Well done.

[wackysleet]

"What are the experiences of other members at Thaivisa on this?"

My experience is that TVers like to et every single thing a Thai says or does, and distort it to fit an anti-Thai mindset.

You can only help those that help themselves. My wife's sister is similar. I told her I would support her whilst she looked for a job; I gave her 10,000 a month for 3 months and let her stay with us and she did not once look for a job as she thought she had hit the money train. I told her I don't mind helping her if she got of her arse and started looking for work. She did not so I kicked her out of my house.

Sister went mad at my wife as did the Mum, they both said she should be looking out for her family and should not be on my side, when in fact it was not as if she was on my side she did not have a say in the matter. To this day I have never talked to the sister since and this was 5 years ago, she only ever comes to our house when I'm away from Thailand now which suits me fine.

Ill add that I have supported her daughter who lives with her Mum in regards to School fee's, books and uniforms etc… and I do this as she's a sweet little girl and I feel sorry for her, one thing ill never do though is give them cash again. When they tell me she needs new things for school my wife and I take her shopping. I'm not falling for that one!

She took advantage of my generosity and thought I was just another mug. My wife tells me to forget it as it's her sister, not a chance.

A mirror image of my wifes sister and she has two kids that I still support, even to the 5yrs and I get told the same by the wife,mil is dead but had the same from her too.

[kimincm]

It seems that you are assuming a lot based on eavesdropped conversations, or overheard arguments.

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave? If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

I think you should do the same,maybe some of us like getting it up the tail,and some of us don't.

When my wife (19yrs.married)told me she had enough of her parastic father and brother, my hands were free,they don't live with us now.Oh, left an opening,better be careful,2yrs. in Thai,not 19yrs of b-llshit and lies.

Dave11122344433221 I don't know if you're a real good bloke or being stitched perfectly.

[dave111223]

It seems that you are assuming a lot based on eavesdropped conversations, or overheard arguments.

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave? If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

Dave,

Why the agression? I think the OP has a very good point to make.

Are you good boy cos' you "take care family"?

My post did not contain any aggression, if my writing style misled you to understand that i was harboring some kind of anger towards the topic or the OP that is unfortunate. Personally I am not supporting anyone other than myself.

My post merely points out that one cannot make assumptions based on things they have seen or overheard, which may have been out of context. The assassination of Thomas Becket would be a classic example.

It seems that you are assuming a lot based on eavesdropped conversations, or overheard arguments.

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave? If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

I think you should do the same,maybe some of us like getting it up the tail,and some of us don't.

When my wife (19yrs.married)told me she had enough of her parastic father and brother, my hands were free,they don't live with us now.Oh, left an opening,better be careful,2yrs. in Thai,not 19yrs of b-llshit and lies.

Dave11122344433221 I don't know if you're a real good bloke or being stitched perfectly.

I'm not sure how any of these comments apply to me or my posts?

Edited June 15, 2009 by dave111223

[Texpat]

Two sons 37, 30 pushing shopping carts and receiving handouts from their "good" mother.

Yep, 'bout sums it up.

[sbk]

It seems that you are assuming a lot based on eavesdropped conversations, or overheard arguments.

Has the guy actually told that he is unhappy and wishes his family would leave? If not you should stop to presume what other people may or may not be thinking or feeling.

Dave,

Why the agression? I think the OP has a very good point to make.

Are you good boy cos' you "take care family"?

Actually, as far as I can tell, the aggression started when Dave didn't agree with the OP's view point, and you are just fanning the flames with this post.

If a poster asks for people's viewpoints and experiences then he must also expect to get viewpoints he doesn't agree with.

Lets do try to have a civil discussion and realize that one's own experiences aren't necessarily going to be the same as everyone elses.

As for the trolling posts, drop those too. Next one will result in more formal moderator action

[coalminer]

Two sons 37, 30 pushing shopping carts and receiving handouts from their "good" mother.

Reading deficiency at work??????????????

"The youngest is 30 years. He works at a supermarket, collecting the pushcarts ..."

"The oldest is 37 years. He works at another supermarket as a SALESMAN ...."

Yep, 'bout sums it up.

Yep, 'bout sums it up.

Reading deficiency ....

Edited June 16, 2009 by coalminer

[deprogrammed]

Ever consider that maybe these people enjoy helping their family.. And don't do it because they have to, or because they are stupid, but because it makes them happy to see their son having a bit of extra entertainment money, instead of slogging away pushing carts all day for nothing.

Or enjoy being involved in the upbringing of their nieces/nephews, and having some company around the house...

No

[sbk]

Its interesting how you only see the negative side. I am married to "the good son". The one who helps his parents when they need it, picks his dad up at 6 am to take him to the boat to go to the mainland, picks him up from the boat, takes his mother shopping, gives them fish when he catches some, attends the family funerals and weddings, buys his mother a present on his birthday to say thank you for having him.

He has the "bad brother" who does squat for his parents but he doesn't seem to mind. He likes to help his parents, although sometimes he does feel stretched between helping his parents, his wife, running his business and helping his customers.

Are my inlaws drunks? nope, not lazy either. But they are 75 years old and living on their own and need help. Not everyone who helps their family is stupid or a loser and not everyone who gets helped by their children (or helps their children) is a stupid loser or a drunk waster.

[robblok]

Its interesting how you only see the negative side. I am married to "the good son". The one who helps his parents when they need it, picks his dad up at 6 am to take him to the boat to go to the mainland, picks him up from the boat, takes his mother shopping, gives them fish when he catches some, attends the family funerals and weddings, buys his mother a present on his birthday to say thank you for having him.

He has the "bad brother" who does squat for his parents but he doesn't seem to mind. He likes to help his parents, although sometimes he does feel stretched between helping his parents, his wife, running his business and helping his customers.

Are my inlaws drunks? nope, not lazy either. But they are 75 years old and living on their own and need help. Not everyone who helps their family is stupid or a loser and not everyone who gets helped by their children (or helps their children) is a stupid loser or a drunk waster.

What you are describing doesn't sound like a good boy just a normal son. There is a difference between helping people and beeing used by people. What you are describing is helping people, he might have been taken advantage off by his brother. But to refuse helping the parents and by this trying to force his brother to help would be bad. Because then he hurts his parents because his brother would not care. How i read it its just a good normal son. I'm living here now but i must say i do worry about my parents when they get old. I cant just hop on a plane to take care of them. Thank god i have ayounger brother who can.

[coalminer]

Its interesting how you only see the negative side. I am married to "the good son". The one who helps his parents when they need it, picks his dad up at 6 am to take him to the boat to go to the mainland, picks him up from the boat, takes his mother shopping, gives them fish when he catches some, attends the family funerals and weddings, buys his mother a present on his birthday to say thank you for having him.

He has the "bad brother" who does squat for his parents but he doesn't seem to mind. He likes to help his parents, although sometimes he does feel stretched between helping his parents, his wife, running his business and helping his customers.

Are my inlaws drunks? nope, not lazy either. But they are 75 years old and living on their own and need help. Not everyone who helps their family is stupid or a loser and not everyone who gets helped by their children (or helps their children) is a stupid loser or a drunk waster.

It's interesting how you assume what I see or don't see.

My OP is not about the "good boys/girls" who take care of their (extended) family in Thailand or abroad just because they have reached an age in which they cannot take care of themselves and need help from others to live.

They are many and in between.

Thanks God for that.

The OP was about the "parasites" of the society, who find it easier to share the hard earned money of someone else because it's an obligation to share your wealth with the other family members but don't show any sign of change their situation.

[sbk]

I see, so why title it "good boys"? Even done sarcastically it gives the impression that you seem to feel that anyone who helps their family is a loser or that anyone who accepts help from their family is a parasite.

[coalminer]

I see, so why title it "good boys"? Even done sarcastically it gives the impression that you seem to feel that anyone who helps their family is a loser or that anyone who accepts help from their family is a parasite.

Like I said in my OP. I hear many Thai people say: "He is a good son/daughter. He/she takes care of his/her family".

But when I analyze what is going on in that particular household, a lot of the family members are pure outcasts and parasites who live on the hard work of others without any remorse or without trying to improve their situation in order to become a helper of the family themselves.

Any discussion about this is quenched immidiatly with the words "the lord Buddha will punish them for that.

I have described the case of my fahrang friend who was forced to stay at home becuase of an accident and had to find out that many family members who had a good paid job before suddenly had lost their job and became a family member "in need".

This "helping the family" is more expliciet when a fahrang is involved and he need to share his part according to his "wealth".

The answer of a poster where he was not agreeing to support a family member who was a parasite, but where the mother of this particular family member took side of the parasite is just one of the many examples where this situation is imposed in Thailand.