You Know You've Been In Thailand Too Long When...

[eyebee]

OK, an old topic I know, but could do with reviving and updating. My favourites are:

1. The footprints on the toilet seat are your own.

2. You see an elephant walking down the road and wonder what bar she works at.

3. You swat a few mosquitos and then prepare a nice fricassee with them.

4. A beautiful naked woman is standing between you and the TV at a gogo bar and you complain that you can't see the footie.

[Tornado]

No. 1 is great!

[Shola]

1. You hear the squeel of tires, an earsplitting 'CRUNCH CRASH' and then 'MEEEEEEEEEEEEEP MEEEEEP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP'

and you don't even flinch

2. You watch someone place a deep fried roach in thier mouth and think 'Yeah, 'bout time to find something to eat'

3. When you buy milk at the 7/11 and they ask you if 'you want bread with that?' you say yes, and then drink your litre of milk with the straw provided.

[toastwars]

When picking your nose becoms as natural as breathing

[Boon Mee]

When you can eat Issan hot Som Tom and not go for the rice to cool it down.

[dr_Pat_Pong]

When you can eat Issan hot Som Tom and not go for the rice to cool it down.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

You are almost naturalized Boon.

[Boon Mee]

When you can eat Issan hot Som Tom and not go for the rice to cool it down.

You are almost naturalized Boon.

Thanks doc - I've been working at it for 25 years now!

[aaaaaa]

hmmm, let me try this one:

when you start posting on TV Forum ?

[Shola]

hmmm, let me try this one:

when you start posting on TV Forum ?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Ha! Not bad!

[Gazza]

When you sit cross-legged eating at Mc Ds or KFC.

When the thought of using toilet paper instead of a bum squirter repels you.

When you remove your skivvies then pick them up with your bare foot.

When you find your foot tapping to the music being screeched at a Muay Thai boxing match.

When you no longer find every Thai female attractive and reduce your searching restricted to only rich Thai girls with pale skin, big boobs, nice a55, must own a brewery or beer bar, looking for no-strings attached sex and have got girlfriends interested in 3somes.

When 50% or more of the Thai people that you know are named Lek, Noi or Nit.

When you no longer giggle at the thought of eating a 'Cow Pat' or combing your hair with 'Wee'.

When life-long Bangkok residents ask you how to get to somewhere in their own city.

When you think everything in Thailand is expensive because you're still converting at rates, and comparing to prices back home from 15 years ago.

When you go anywhere further than 50m involves motorised transport.

When you laugh at people talking about the 'Good Ol' Days' which to them either means about 2 years ago, or when go-go girls freely danced naked.

When you catch yourself saying "I can remember a time in Thailand when....." several times during conversations on any topic whatsoever.

When you subconsciously park your vehicle in a hotel/condo car park well away from the condo/hotel's main building.

When you can relate to some or all of the above.

[Boon Mee]

"When life-long Bangkok residents ask you how to get to somewhere in their own city."

I can relate to this one.

Standing on the observation deck of the Byoke Sky recently, a life-long BKK resident asked me to point out the Sukhumvit area.

Admittedly, it was a little "hazy" that day.

[cdnvic]

You keep "ticket money" handy when driving.

You own your own whistle.

You know all the local soi dogs and have names for them.

You look forward to the roads being closed for repairs because the traffic on them drops off a bit.

The raw power of a 175cc bike intimidates you.

Your truck cost you more than your house.

Tourists ask you for directions to some place, you don't know where it is but give directions anyway.

The lack of katooeys on western TV makes you wonder how they stay on air.

cv

[OldAsiaHand]

.....the people posting on this forum start to make sense.

[lampard10]

You drive the wrong way down a one-way street and shout at the guy driving the right way

[srisatch]

I always liked the one that was: You stop just at the bottom of the escalator to check your filofax

But really you have been here too long when you can think of no reason to go 'home'..where is that?

[Neeranam]

When you sit cross-legged eating at Mc Ds or KFC.

When the thought of using toilet paper instead of a bum squirter repels you.

When you remove your skivvies then pick them up with your bare foot.

When you find your foot tapping to the music being screeched at a Muay Thai boxing match.

Oh dear, maybe I have been here too long

When you travel you don't even think of looking at a map.

You don't care what is happening in the rest of the world.

When someone asks you if you know something you nod your head when you haven't a clue.

A smile comes to your face when a fat guy wearing a wig and dress appears on a tv programme.

Even though you have an electric shower, you use it to fill a pail and throw it over yourself.

You start thinking if the ghost in your house is responsible for your good/bad luck.

On the day of the lottery draw you stand at successive sellers and stare at the numbers waiting for 'divine intervention.

When you arrive in Bkk and think, why the ###### are all these Thai people rushing.

You think of taking the dog on your motorbike.

You don't take any notice of ladyboys.

You start rubbing your male friend's leg.

If something isn't sanook you don't bother doing it.

You get great delight in saying "pai thieow".

You don't like eating alone.

You start using 7/11 as a bank for change of 1000 note, buying something for 5 baht.

You start throwing stones at dogs.

You start using thai words as they describe things more accurately than English, even if you are speaking to a Thai fluent in English.

You start calling your farang friends using Koon.

You have to tell the taxi driver where to go.

You meet an ex girlfriend working as a mamasan.

When someone asks how long you have been in Thailand you forget and say, "lai bpee laew"(many years).

You think nothing of having to move two cars in a parking lot to get out.

When someone honks their horn at you, you feel like killing them.

When someone dies, you smile.

You never arrive at a meeting early.

Edited February 19, 2005 by Neeranam

[phuketsiam]

when you start speaking pidgin english like a Thai even though your're talking to a farang

[phuketsiam]

when you start calling caucasions farangs

[RDN]

You time your arrival at red traffic lights just as they change to green so you can overtake everything using the bike lane.

[speleo]

You sniff the girlfriend/wife when you meet in a public place

You prefer to have ice in your beer

When a potato becomes an exotic vegetable

[kat]

You prefer to have ice in your beer

When a potato becomes an exotic vegetable

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I think I've been here too long.

[bkk_mike]

You think of taking the dog on your motorbike.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I couldn't stop laughing at this one - I don't know why - but I couldn't...

[Soi33]

I always liked the one that was: You stop just at the bottom of the escalator to check your filofax

But really you have been here too long when you can think of no reason to go 'home'..where is that?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I thought it was when you and your family stop at the bottom of the escalator and all sit down to figure our whats for dinner and plan your evening.

[speleo]

Some more behavoural traits that I have noticed amongst ex-pat friends:

You eat with a fork and spoon, even when eating Western food..in the West.

You check the bill to see if they have overcharged for ice. Then you get your Thai wife to also check.

You complain when your guests overtip by 40 baht, especially if this done in your favourite bar.

[ajahnlau]

Say "urr" instead of yes.

Talk on mobile while riding motorbike.

Don't stop at rest areas to take a piss.

Take wife and 2 kids on motorbike.

Put on 4-way flashers to indicate not turning at intersection.

Pass when not safe to do so, cars on right will move over.

Light turns red and 10 more cars go thru inersection,you're #10

[speleo]

Put on 4-way flashers to indicate not turning at intersection.

Pass when not safe to do so, cars on right will move over.

Light turns red and 10 more cars go thru inersection,you're #10

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

When turning right you wander over to the other carriageway at least 100m before the turning.

[Spee]

When you can eat a new exotic dish and not give two hoots about what the possible ingredients might be.

When you can walk by all the sidewalk porno hustlers, hold your hand up, say "mai ao", not even look at them and continue walking without missing a beat.

When the sight of people constantly throwing garbage out the car or train window, ceases to bother you.

[lampard10]

YOU FIND YOURSELF AGREEING WITH Dr JOHN

[Neeranam]

You put the 5 baht for the songtaew/bus in your ear.

[Gazza]

When you find yourself holding a conversation with someone while you've got an inhaler hanging out your left nostril, a 5B coin in your right ear and a toothpick in the corner of your mouth.