Does Family Come First For Your Wife?

[Chaimai]

Why is it that is sounds like it is a baaaaad thing that she gives 1st priority to family (as in kids or her own folks). After all, family is blood. If those were your kids, half of their blood came from you and you are more related to your kids that to your wife. So if I were to choose between my kids and my wife, I would probably choose my kids.

It's a baaaad thing when the wife will put ALL her family's priorities first. He is not even in the equation.

It's a baaaad thing when the Thai wife kicks out the husband when the money runs out.

It's a baaaad thing when the farang husband suddenly decides to stop the money flow and the wife starts acting phsycotic.

It's a baaaad thing when the farang tells the wife he will no longer support her extended family and she kicks him out of his house.

It's a baaaad thing when.....Oh must I go on?

I think you will find that you had already gone on MORE than enough

[RPCVguy]

A Farang husband coming first and almost only even with a huge family is possible in Thailand.

How???

If the wife loves him.

ahm...isn't that normal?

It's very sad that so many posters really think it is normal that their wifes to not consider her husband as close family.

I have a Thai wife and WE come first. I asked her about this subject and she sugested that any women who does not consider her husband as closest family is being taken for a ride.

I'm curious to know if your wife has ever been in a situation where she has needed to deny a family member's wish/request because of your strong preference in some matter, and therefore done so? In other words, has she proven with her actions what she has told you? For a woman to do that would speak volumes for me.

Maybe my wife is an exception to the rule but I don't think so.

Right from the beginning of our relationship when I was still green around the gills, she protected me from all that shit.

Just after we were married I bought a little houseshop in Khoksongrong. The place is a little run down but easily renovated. My idea was to do it up and let her family live there a keep a couple of rooms upstairs for us to stay when we visit Thailand.

When we moved to Australia I left enough money in the bank for the work and you know…that money is still in my bank account in Thailand after 3.5 years!

She told me better not spend the money. Just rent it out, her parents don't need to live there.

Even when we were married and I thought sinsot was necessary she told me to forget about that. Her mother tried it on with me but my wife quickly made it clear to her that no money would be coming from me. And I was actually trying to pay!

Unlike other men on this forum, I can't get my wife to spend my money on her family, as a matter of fact her whole attitude is "family first" OUR family, me, our son and her!

Maybe it's different up there in fukuoverburri but it is certainly not the case with my Thai family.

They work hard in their little restaurant on the street and they never ask for our help.

I think the difference is my wife truly loves me.

We are all human beings and LOVE…true love is the same everywhere in the world. When a person truly loves someone they will protect them from anyone that means them harm.

I think it's sad that some people believe that isn't the case in Thailand.

Finally - someone whose experience resembles mine! I've not been lucky in love most of my life, but hit the jackpot when I retired and moved here. Maybe there is something to be said for being and then finding a partner who has had a share of responsibilities and tough situations, and likely it helps that her parents are both deceased, and that her siblings are solid, blue-collar types... but I've never been treated so kindly and attentively, nor laughed so frequently.

Her youngest daughter and a granddaughter (daughter-in-law has cancer) are still in school and share our home. Sometimes her family comes to stay - indefinitely. But the reverse was true too. We stayed with her family while building our home, and I made sure it would be big enough to comfortably hold guests. Everyone helps with whatever needs to be done, and yes, because I'm retired, I'm not torn between needs of "work" and desires of family. I take this as a second childhood, awakening each day and learning as things, holidays, sickness, whatever shows up.

For anyone considering jumping in, do the homework of reading "Thailand Fever" first yourself, then with your lady friend. It is a great primer for getting some topics on the table before you even consider meeting the family. You will need to be able to live more communally at times, travel on family outings at times - that is part of what you'll need to share. Yet, if you are able to bridge cultural dissimilarities more than halfway, and she is too, you'll have a large area in the middle to live happily through almost all situations. It then gets better with time.

Oh, if possible, try finding a situation where you can see many people in a neutral setting. I spent hours practicing Thai daily for weeks - observing many people at work, though the one who'd initially caught my eye was similarly checking me. Weeks later when we finally had a one-on-one conversation the patience meant we'd had time to have sized up well the character of the other in advance. Sorry, that means bars are as poor a starting point here as they are in my home country.

[Livinginexile]

"Finally - someone whose experience resembles mine! I've not been lucky in love most of my life, but hit the jackpot when I retired and moved here. Maybe there is something to be said for being and then finding a partner who has had a share of responsibilities and tough situations, and likely it helps that her parents are both deceased, and that her siblings are solid, blue-collar types... but I've never been treated so kindly and attentively, nor laughed so frequently.

Her youngest daughter and a granddaughter (daughter-in-law has cancer) are still in school and share our home. Sometimes her family comes to stay - indefinitely. But the reverse was true too. We stayed with her family while building our home, and I made sure it would be big enough to comfortably hold guests. Everyone helps with whatever needs to be done, and yes, because I'm retired, I'm not torn between needs of "work" and desires of family. I take this as a second childhood, awakening each day and learning as things, holidays, sickness, whatever shows up.

For anyone considering jumping in, do the homework of reading "Thailand Fever" first yourself, then with your lady friend. It is a great primer for getting some topics on the table before you even consider meeting the family. You will need to be able to live more communally at times, travel on family outings at times - that is part of what you'll need to share. Yet, if you are able to bridge cultural dissimilarities more than halfway, and she is too, you'll have a large area in the middle to live happily through almost all situations. It then gets better with time.

Oh, if possible, try finding a situation where you can see many people in a neutral setting. I spent hours practicing Thai daily for weeks - observing many people at work, though the one who'd initially caught my eye was similarly checking me. Weeks later when we finally had a one-on-one conversation the patience meant we'd had time to have sized up well the character of the other in advance. Sorry, that means bars are as poor a starting point here as they are in my home country."

At last a poster that actually knows what he's talking about!

It's a meeting of two cultures, a mutual respect and love that is shared equally by two people.

That is universal...that is love.

It doesn't matter where people come from and long as they love each other equally. Love for family is different from love for your partner. It has to be a two way street, if it's one way it will surely leed to a dead end.

I wish you and your partner all the best and a happy life together.

Well done sir.

[kurnell]

My wife puts our current family of 4 first, then everything else is 2nd. She gives an occasional 10k to her upcountry family, they come to Bangkok once a year and that is all. Works for me.

[F1fanatic]

I'm not use to write something in this topic. But because i'm writing a book actually i like to answer this topic.

It's depend if a marriage is based on money or on love. A young handsome Farang guy can turn a Thaigirls head away from her family, but only if she has no childern. A old guy will have no chance against the family, because a young girl or wife will stay with him only for the cashflow every month. I'm my self, i'm middle aged. But actually with all the opostunities we foreigners have here in Thailand, i don't see a reason to stay with someone permanently. In USA they say: "It"s cheaper to keep her". Here in Thailand it's, as so manything else, always the opposite way. It's cheaper to not stay in a relationship, just enjoy your life. No headaches, no lost houses, etc. Keep your cash in the bank! Unless you want to take someone permanently overseas. There is only a the solution of marriage. But then again, you have to be very careful who you choice. Remeber if a girl or wive who have kids from their ex husband or boyfriend, and if they living with her parents, the parents always can use the kids as a excuse to ask for some money. I personally not see the reason to rise and support someone elses kids.

I understand what you are saying and I agree with you, stingray. It all depends on whether the Thai woman is truly in love with her boyfriend or spouse. Many marriages are strictly business arrangements between two people. It happens everywhere and not just in Thailand.

In what language are you writing your book? Obviously, English is not your regular language so communicating in English must be difficult when discussing things with Thai people.

Are you joking or just trying to persuade yourself??!

Marriages as 'business relationships' are very rare in the West, where true love is considered the most important factor in a marriage!

Of course (rarely) women in the West marry for money - and they (and the men) are derided for doing so. (I'm thinking of celebrities and millionaires that marry far younger women and everyone laughs that they could possibly consider that the woman is marrying them for anything other than their money!)

Normal people in the West marry for love, not money.

[F1fanatic]

p.s. In the West balancing family and spouse is a very difficult path in any relationship.

The spouse though, always wins this balancing act as it is accepted that the marriage comes first and whilst both partners must do everything they can to help family, at the end of the day the marriage is more important. Its an important cultural difference that most farangs in Thailand prefer to forget.

Its easier of course in the West, as the family generally aren't asking for money! When they do, its because of an emergency, not an expected consequence of marriage!

[Honolulu]

I can't believe what I'm reading on these posts. Great Question OP! I was planning to marry a Thai someday. Now, I think I'll just RENT!

[F1fanatic]

I can't believe what I'm reading on these posts. Great Question OP! I was planning to marry a Thai someday. Now, I think I'll just RENT!

Funnily enough, most men who have been here for a number of years decide exactly the same. Its so easy, the 'love you too much' attitude is always there and, of course, its far less expensive!

[tmd5855]

Why the hel_l these guys go and build a house and/or live within less than a days drive of their in-laws is beyond me. Certianly a recepie for trouble here. Livin' in some hick village with drunken, illerate locals, and dozens of soy dogs, chickens, etc, etc.

Read your post a few times. Still confused?

Can you get off the fence your sitting on and tells us straight, your thoughts on Thais

[Datsun240Z]

Does Thailand have retirement homes like in the west? I do not think so.