Does Family Come First For Your Wife?

[Livinginexile]

All too often I read statements like this on Thai Visa

"One has to come to accept the Asian ways which are self-preservation and care of close family first before considerations for a partner"

I believe this is part of the conditioning a Thai woman will inflict on her farang partner to justify the way she treats him.

What are other members thoughts?

[Garry9999]

All too often I read statements like this on Thai Visa

I believe this is part of the conditioning a Thai woman will inflict on her farang partner to justify the way she treats him.

What are other members thoughts?

I sincerely believe that Thais, both male and female will put close family, before partners, Thai or Farang. There is an unpayable debt to the parents, aunties and uncles that raised them.

"One has to come to accept the Asian ways which are self-preservation and care of close family first before considerations for a partner" Accept it, understand it.

[BigSnake]

Wife put herself first, me and family second to none.

[AnnAnn]

Most Asian people love that Mum & Dad more than their husband or wife. This is a fact.

[G54]

Husband first? That is a joke???

[WhiteShrek]

All too often I read statements like this on Thai Visa

I believe this is part of the conditioning a Thai woman will inflict on her farang partner to justify the way she treats him.

What are other members thoughts?

I sincerely believe that Thais, both male and female will put close family, before partners, Thai or Farang. There is an unpayable debt to the parents, aunties and uncles that raised them.

"One has to come to accept the Asian ways which are self-preservation and care of close family first before considerations for a partner" Accept it, understand it.

Perhaps at the start, but I've found that after time this changes, and the partner becomes more important. Then the kids come along and you get relegated again - at least at first. That one's much less of a deal though and well worth it. After that no-one really seems to come first all the time, and it depends on the situation.

[Orac]

I believe (and expect) my to wife put our little girl at the top of any list, wether me or her mother would come next I would not like to put to the test and cannot see any reason why it would need to be unless I brought it up with her which I would be stupid to do. Everyone else would come further down any list.

[sanook2me]

All too often I read statements like this on Thai Visa

"One has to come to accept the Asian ways which are self-preservation and care of close family first before considerations for a partner"

I believe this is part of the conditioning a Thai woman will inflict on her farang partner to justify the way she treats him.

What are other members thoughts?

Never met a normal farang that doesn't put blood before partner.......

mothers and daughters have a special bond much more than with sons....... in the west don't most husbands complain about the phone bill from their wives phoning their mothers and sisters all day and night to say nothing for hours..

[britmaveric]

Husband is below family dog on the scale of priority.

[Garry9999]

All too often I read statements like this on Thai Visa

I believe this is part of the conditioning a Thai woman will inflict on her farang partner to justify the way she treats him.

What are other members thoughts?

I sincerely believe that Thais, both male and female will put close family, before partners, Thai or Farang. There is an unpayable debt to the parents, aunties and uncles that raised them.

"One has to come to accept the Asian ways which are self-preservation and care of close family first before considerations for a partner" Accept it, understand it.

Perhaps at the start, but I've found that after time this changes, and the partner becomes more important. Then the kids come along and you get relegated again - at least at first. That one's much less of a deal though and well worth it. After that no-one really seems to come first all the time, and it depends on the situation.

Good point, and you are right about being relegated again after the kids come along.

[WeeGB]

In our house, this is the order of priority, it's the 4 dogs, the pet owl, 7 rabbits, 2 tortoises, various fish, then yours truly.

To answer the topic question, I'd say I was slightly in front of the family, but we have been married for ten years, several of which were spent in the UK, which may have given my wife a broader outlook on life, than if she'd spent all of her time in Thailand. She knows she can depend on me, which again can make a difference in a relationship. In all honesty, who has top priority doesn't really matter, we all get along pretty well.

My wife's mother lives on a farm a couple of miles away, and visits a couple of times a month, during which I always make sure my wife knows I am happy to take a back seat, while she looks after her Mum.

Sanook2me wrote

"Never met a normal farang that doesn't put blood before partner......."

Obviously I'm not normal then, I chose her, and was rather unfortunately born into my family back in the UK. There is no way I would ever put any of them before her.....but then again, you haven't met my family.

You should be grateful.

[Datsun240Z]

Husband is below family dog on the scale of priority.

Wow, I feel so much better now

NOT

[Birdman]

A Farang husband coming first and almost only even with a huge family is possible in Thailand.

How???

If the wife loves him.

ahm...isn't that normal?

[givenall]

Wife put herself first, me and family second to none.

Time to change wife/partner if you not first

[a99az]

Husband first? That is a joke???

I have just shown this posting to my wife and then asked her who comes first. She said and I quote ''who you think, before I marry my family now this family.

So I guess the joke is on you bud!!

[Chaimai]

Husband first? That is a joke???

I have just shown this posting to my wife and then asked her who comes first. She said and I quote ''who you think, before I marry my family now this family.

So I guess the joke is on you bud!!

You naiive muppet

[Misplaced]

Husband first? That is a joke???

I have just shown this posting to my wife and then asked her who comes first. She said and I quote ''who you think, before I marry my family now this family.

So I guess the joke is on you bud!!

What did you expect her to say?

In Thailand and many Asian countries, Mother and father are always first until baby comes along. It's all about gratitude!

That's the truth and nothing but the truth

[Lopburi99]

I sincerely believe that Thais, both male and female will put close family, before partners, Thai or Farang. There is an unpayable debt to the parents, aunties and uncles that raised them.

I also believe this to be very true. In a way that is unfair to the wife, constantly being in the middle, often struggling with feelings of conflicting obligations. And the wife's mother is the ultimate #1.

"One has to come to accept the Asian ways which are self-preservation and care of close family first before considerations for a partner" Accept it, understand it.

Also agreed. Comes with the territory of having a Thai wife, and not all farang husbands can adapt.

"A man's home is his castle" -- Well, sometimes.

Edited July 10, 2009 by Lopburi99

[Datsun240Z]

Good, so when the wifes are of the family, we farangs hold a BBQ with beer party

[nakachalet]

chai-yo, chai-yo--bravo

who is really number 1 in a typical family?.... lol

my teenage daughter said 'you love your birds more than me! because you always feed your birds first!'

my teenage son said 'you love my sister more than me! because you always buy ice cream for her first!'

my wife said 'you don't love me. you just use me like a buffalo! always running off with my children!'

my mother-in-law said 'why are you always staying home every night taking care of the wife and kids?

go out and have fun in town!!!!!'

my wife's sis said 'what is the matter with you farang kee-nok (ref to bird shit, a thai slang, meaning

worthless). i never get to see your ugly face in my pub at all! have you lost your mind?! everyone

should have some fun sometimes! are you afraid of my sister or something?!'

who is really number 1?

pathetically, in the final analysis, the old fool thinks that he is still #1 forever.... lol

[Cobalt60]

Marry an orphan and hope there are no brothers and sisters about

[garyh]

chai-yo, chai-yo--bravo

who is really number 1 in a typical family?.... lol

my teenage daughter said 'you love your birds more than me! because you always feed your birds first!'

my teenage son said 'you love my sister more than me! because you always buy ice cream for her first!'

my wife said 'you don't love me. you just use me like a buffalo! always running off with my children!'

my mother-in-law said 'why are you always staying home every night taking care of the wife and kids?

go out and have fun in town!!!!!'

my wife's sis said 'what is the matter with you farang kee-nok (ref to bird shit, a thai slang, meaning

worthless). i never get to see your ugly face in my pub at all! have you lost your mind?! everyone

should have some fun sometimes! are you afraid of my sister or something?!'

who is really number 1?

pathetically, in the final analysis, the old fool thinks that he is still #1 forever.... lol

Do they also expect you to have a mia noi?

[Hunkpati]

I really hate the word "farang" I have come to associate it with something bad sorry, I had to get that off my chest and I'm not a "farang" and can live with what the Thais call me but it just seems funny to see white men say it.

Anyway I would say my wife puts our children first and me second after that her family and my family, I think that is the order of things with most woman not just Thai. I would hardly say my wife would sell off our possessions and give the money to her family, not that they need it as they are pretty well off.

[Livinginexile]

A Farang husband coming first and almost only even with a huge family is possible in Thailand.

How???

If the wife loves him.

ahm...isn't that normal?

It's very sad that so many posters really think it is normal that their wifes to not consider her husband as close family.

I have a Thai wife and WE come first. I asked her about this subject and she sugested that any women who does not consider her husband as closest family is being taken for a ride.

[Lopburi99]

A Farang husband coming first and almost only even with a huge family is possible in Thailand.

How???

If the wife loves him.

ahm...isn't that normal?

It's very sad that so many posters really think it is normal that their wifes to not consider her husband as close family.

I have a Thai wife and WE come first. I asked her about this subject and she sugested that any women who does not consider her husband as closest family is being taken for a ride.

I'm curious to know if your wife has ever been in a situation where she has needed to deny a family member's wish/request because of your strong preference in some matter, and therefore done so? In other words, has she proven with her actions what she has told you? For a woman to do that would speak volumes for me.

Edited July 11, 2009 by Lopburi99

[FairwayJack]

Many of my friends and relatives have divorced their spouses.....none have divorced thier mums. Parents are always and will always be first in any culture !!

Edited July 11, 2009 by FairwayJack

[Livinginexile]

A Farang husband coming first and almost only even with a huge family is possible in Thailand.

How???

If the wife loves him.

ahm...isn't that normal?

It's very sad that so many posters really think it is normal that their wifes to not consider her husband as close family.

I have a Thai wife and WE come first. I asked her about this subject and she sugested that any women who does not consider her husband as closest family is being taken for a ride.

I'm curious to know if your wife has ever been in a situation where she has needed to deny a family member's wish/request because of your strong preference in some matter, and therefore done so? In other words, has she proven with her actions what she has told you? For a woman to do that would speak volumes for me.

Maybe my wife is an exception to the rule but I don’t think so.

Right from the beginning of our relationship when I was still green around the gills, she protected me from all that shit.

Just after we were married I bought a little houseshop in Khoksongrong. The place is a little run down but easily renovated. My idea was to do it up and let her family live there a keep a couple of rooms upstairs for us to stay when we visit Thailand.

When we moved to Australia I left enough money in the bank for the work and you know…that money is still in my bank account in Thailand after 3.5 years!

She told me better not spend the money. Just rent it out, her parents don’t need to live there.

Even when we were married and I thought sinsot was necessary she told me to forget about that. Her mother tried it on with me but my wife quickly made it clear to her that no money would be coming from me. And I was actually trying to pay!

Unlike other men on this forum, I can’t get my wife to spend my money on her family, as a matter of fact her whole attitude is “family first” OUR family, me, our son and her!

Maybe it’s different up there in fukuoverburri but it is certainly not the case with my Thai family.

They work hard in their little restaurant on the street and they never ask for our help.

I think the difference is my wife truly loves me.

We are all human beings and LOVE…true love is the same everywhere in the world. When a person truly loves someone they will protect them from anyone that means them harm.

I think it’s sad that some people believe that isn’t the case in Thailand.

[a2396]

You shouldn't have to ask this question. The answer is obvious - her family comes FIRST. You are several notches down the line, perhaps behind some of her close girlfriends.

[zorro1]

if you were forced to let go of your mum or your wife what decision would you make? I was married twice to a European and an American , loved them both and thought without doubt they were for life. They both gone but mum still around

[Heng]

From a middle class Thai point of view: family first (just like at any level I would assume), but fortunately, there's enough to go around, and situations where we'd be forced to choose between two sides rarely comes up (in fact I don't think anything of that nature has ever come up). Sure, if I only had XX million and it would take take all of it to treat my father vs. my father in law's rare form of cancer, my father in law would be 'allowed' to die (or more likely get treatment with funding from my wife's side of the family). No question about it.

Therein lies the problem. Most foreigners join up with locals where a huge disparity in terms of income/assets exists. The flow of funds from one party to the other is just basic physics in motion.