Thai Gf Parents Want Money Cos We Are "engaged" - We Are Not

[canuckamuck]

ok, thanks for this. would point out though that she and her family are from Bkk. I get the impression (perhaps you have read a few posts here where people refer to their own stories) that you think she comes from a village up North - she does not, nor do her family.

I assumed wrong, sorry, just trying to be helpful with the limited info. It is still best to be a stand up guy. If he chooses to be ignorant, then at least you had the high road. Anyhow, no money before the engagement, I paid none at all, but I do help out with worthy projects. They never ask, I offer. But I think you are working with a different dynamic. If you can't manage some sort of arrangement with the father, then the girl will have to choose between you and him. You might win, who knows.

[TopDogger]

Good story - It seems in this case that they crossed the line and were indeed attempting to stretch a little more out of their prospective Son in Law. Also, it must have put a lot of pressure on your fiancee at the time, so congratulations to her for sticking to your side.

It's my understanding that according to tradition the girls parents (if they can afford it) should pay for the engagement ceremony and that the SIL is responsible for the wedding and sin-sod. Usually the cost of the wedding would be recovered from the guests 'donations'...

I'll be getting married with 12 months and am reading these threads on appropriate behavior and stretching the limits with interest.

In my case we'll be given a healthy chunk of land on Bangkok on which to build our house - so I can't say that I'd be too upset is the sin-sot (which is a fairly significant sum in-itself) is kept. But I have learned that asking money for engagement is stretching tradition a little too far !

So the land and house are going to be in both your names?

[TopDogger]

I think to give 100,000 or 200,000 plus gold is a customarily practice for thai marriage, even thai man do that. But it is not the end of the story especially you are a foreigner, as there is a saying, when you marry a thai, you marry her whole family, so do your homework and check out how many brothers and sisters she has. If she has 5 or 6 brothers and sisters whom are not working, it is time to reconsider the marriage, as they will very soon be on monthly welfare, drawing from your bank account.

100/200k + gold is not customary, anyone below the age of 60 who even considers paying that for some farmers daughter is a complete idiot.

[Deke]

In my experience, there is not much distinction here between being married and living together. My take on things would be that the parents are trying to "formalize" the relationship; both in their eyes and those of the other members of the family.

It's up to you whether you are ready for that or not. If you are, keep in mind that all financial matters are negotiable.

[torrenova]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

Give them bugger all.

Money grabbing family. You are not Thai - have they noticed that ?

If your GF argues, dump her ASAP.

[F1fanatic]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

Give them bugger all.

Money grabbing family. You are not Thai - have they noticed that ?

If your GF argues, dump her ASAP.

Of course they've noticed that - that's why they're asking for money!

There are very few farang here living with Thai women that aren't giving the woman, parents and children money.

Its the deal. Your girlfriend's parents were stupidly obvious - which should put you on warning. The g/f actually told you what they wanted when - if she was as horrified at her demands as you - she would have not told you and just made an excuse to you that she wanted to go back home with you asap. The fact that she didn't speaks volumes about her true feelings about your relationship.

If you're not prepared to accept the deal than keep searching for someone who does not want any money for them or their family and, will pay their share of the household costs.

Good luck.

[Maizefarmer]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

What - you have no financial obligation to the folks - none at all - doesn;t matter how you look at it (i.e. traditionaly, culturaly, morally ... whatever). Get married and then things change

Whats the GF's position (?) - when she starts pressurising you to play ball and come up with funds, then I'd be gone in a flash! Thats my take on it.

Next time take a small digital recorder with you - discreetly record the conversation, then email me an MPEG copy - you'll know exactly where you stand then!

[BobMarleyWannabe]

Hello,

been living with my Thai gf here in bangkok for a few months although we have dated for over a year. Today went to her parents house because her mother wanted to speak to us. Should point out that she is from a poor family.

They told us today they want 100,000 or 200,000 bhat plus gold because we are now "something".....this was all in Thai..but gf explained it as "kind of engaged".

I quietly thought ...<deleted>?.... we are not engaged and are still at early stages of living together in a full on relationship.

I have read that dowrys still exist here for marriage but has anyone heard of a custom of giving alot of money to the parents just to date the daughter. my gf could not explain it well. Also a little bit flustered because her family has not been especially friendly so far but today were all smiles. hmmm.

Thanks.

Hi Kaosoi,

I was never asked by my wifes parents for a monitary contribution, maybe because I got married to my wife in the States. After a couple years of being married to my wife her parents came to the US and spent a few months with us before moving in with my wifes sister. Never once did they ever ask me for money, although through the years they have spent a many a month living in our house, I really didn't mind in fact I liked them being with us because they kept busy tending to chores and helping out the with the young ones, maintaining my wifes garden etc..

[torrenova]

Of course they've noticed that - that's why they're asking for money!

There are very few farang here living with Thai women that aren't giving the woman, parents and children money.

Its the deal. Your girlfriend's parents were stupidly obvious - which should put you on warning. The g/f actually told you what they wanted when - if she was as horrified at her demands as you - she would have not told you and just made an excuse to you that she wanted to go back home with you asap. The fact that she didn't speaks volumes about her true feelings about your relationship.

If you're not prepared to accept the deal than keep searching for someone who does not want any money for them or their family and, will pay their share of the household costs.

Good luck.

I agree that most guys are contributing but more are blindly posting on TV that they do not :D :D Most would not stand a chance without the cash or quasi cash but they deny it to themselves and those prepared to believe them.

I think your statement about the GF is spot on. She would have never mentioned it to her BF and castigated her parents about it. I suspect that as they have just moved in together then she was or is in on it and knows that marriage and the sinsot baloney is not on the agenda.

The OP cannot pay up whether he is prepared to or not because in doeing so he would leave himself open to any other form of blackmail, as that is what this is, it is sex blackmail. The family are saying that if the OP wants to keep sleeping with the daughter then he has to pay for it. Very honourable !

[ozzieovaseas]

Im thinking some of you recent posters have not noticed the OP's last posting where he points out a few things that i feel say a lot more about his case.

I dont mean to speak for him but from some of what he says i understand:

1.The parents are NOT from upcountry, they are in B.K

2.The father is in fact the step-father of this girl, reportedly a bit of a drunk, and the girl does'nt really hold him in the highest regard.

After hearing this it seems possible that this father guy is a bum who is really just taking the piss and trying to look clever in front of his mates while hitting up the OP to finance his lazy ass lifestyle.After all if the GF has little respect for him (and she would know) then maybe he's one of the good old thai boys brigade who really believe us farang are just stupid idiots who are easily milked.Maybe the GF's mother doesnt really approve either but is being pushed by the old man and is being forced to go along with the charade.

If thats the case it wont be to hard to outsmart this guy.Bring yourself down to his level..play dumb and state that the thai culture is a mystery to you but you are trying to learn.Assuming he can speak some English,tell him you are doing a Thai culture course and while you are learning more and getting knowledge from other sources, you still dont understand what this request is,what it means and what is his plan.The use of the word "plan" is well known by thais and im sure his response will speak volumes about the whole situaution.

Once you actually know whats going on inside his/their heads you will be able to plan the next moove.

Oh and another thing, i would be quickly trying to establish to all that you are NOT rich,(even if you are!) and that a certain amount of your funds are locked up in investments and assets overseas.

[F1fanatic]

Im thinking some of you recent posters have not noticed the OP's last posting where he points out a few things that i feel say a lot more about his case.

I dont mean to speak for him but from some of what he says i understand:

1.The parents are NOT from upcountry, they are in B.K

2.The father is in fact the step-father of this girl, reportedly a bit of a drunk, and the girl does'nt really hold him in the highest regard.

After hearing this it seems possible that this father guy is a bum who is really just taking the piss and trying to look clever in front of his mates while hitting up the OP to finance his lazy ass lifestyle.After all if the GF has little respect for him (and she would know) then maybe he's one of the good old thai boys brigade who really believe us farang are just stupid idiots who are easily milked.Maybe the GF's mother doesnt really approve either but is being pushed by the old man and is being forced to go along with the charade.

If thats the case it wont be to hard to outsmart this guy.Bring yourself down to his level..play dumb and state that the thai culture is a mystery to you but you are trying to learn.Assuming he can speak some English,tell him you are doing a Thai culture course and while you are learning more and getting knowledge from other sources, you still dont understand what this request is,what it means and what is his plan.The use of the word "plan" is well known by thais and im sure his response will speak volumes about the whole situaution.

Once you actually know whats going on inside his/their heads you will be able to plan the next moove.

Oh and another thing, i would be quickly trying to establish to all that you are NOT rich,(even if you are!) and that a certain amount of your funds are locked up in investments and assets overseas.

As said previously, if the g/f really had no time for her step-father and his demands, she wouldn't have even mentioned them to the poster.

The poster has to decide whether he is prepared to follow farang custom and pay his g/f and her family for the pleasure of being with her. The vast majority do, but he may decide that he can find something better - or even hope that he may find a g/f who does not want any money from him, but will genuinely love him and share in the costs of setting up home.

Its unlikely, but there are posters on the forum who confirm that it is possible.

[NHJ]

you should point them to the direction where they gonna make money with a work or accept their fate being born in a third world country where chances to make money are not coming so often.

your story seems to come after the ministry of foreign affairs did a speech over the differences between foreigners and thai man regarding the way to share money with the family.

here's a google translation from the french newspaper :

http://translate.google.com/translate?js=y...history_state0=

[Neeranam]

There are very few farang here living with Thai women that aren't giving the woman, parents and children money.

The first thing I tell newcomers is NEVER to hitch up with a girl with children, especially male ones. Why on earth add that compliation into the equation when there are many without?

Why do some guys, especially older newcomers think that Thai womencome all ready with kids. Often, when I speak of my kids, I'm asked if my wife is Thai and if they are my kids. Why the hel_l shouldn't they be mine?

Important though the kids thing, nearly as important as never geting married unless you've lived here for at least 3 years and NEVER build a house until you've been married for 10 years.

[junki3korean]

Consider yourself lucky Thai men pay up to 2 million for there wife....its Thai tradition...Its paying respect to her Mama and Papa.

If you date a Thai girl for over a year, In the parents eyes they expect you to marry her... its disrespect if you don`t.....

Edited July 21, 2009 by junki3korean

[junki3korean]

Go back with a calculator and start bargaining..... you might get a discount if you buy 3 or 4! depends on your bargaining skills

Speaking some thai might help

Edited July 21, 2009 by junki3korean

[venturalaw]

Im thinking some of you recent posters have not noticed the OP's last posting where he points out a few things that i feel say a lot more about his case.

I dont mean to speak for him but from some of what he says i understand:

1.The parents are NOT from upcountry, they are in B.K

2.The father is in fact the step-father of this girl, reportedly a bit of a drunk, and the girl does'nt really hold him in the highest regard.

After hearing this it seems possible that this father guy is a bum who is really just taking the piss and trying to look clever in front of his mates while hitting up the OP to finance his lazy ass lifestyle.After all if the GF has little respect for him (and she would know) then maybe he's one of the good old thai boys brigade who really believe us farang are just stupid idiots who are easily milked.Maybe the GF's mother doesnt really approve either but is being pushed by the old man and is being forced to go along with the charade.

If thats the case it wont be to hard to outsmart this guy.Bring yourself down to his level..play dumb and state that the thai culture is a mystery to you but you are trying to learn.Assuming he can speak some English,tell him you are doing a Thai culture course and while you are learning more and getting knowledge from other sources, you still dont understand what this request is,what it means and what is his plan.The use of the word "plan" is well known by thais and im sure his response will speak volumes about the whole situaution.

Once you actually know whats going on inside his/their heads you will be able to plan the next moove.

Oh and another thing, i would be quickly trying to establish to all that you are NOT rich,(even if you are!) and that a certain amount of your funds are locked up in investments and assets overseas.

As said previously, if the g/f really had no time for her step-father and his demands, she wouldn't have even mentioned them to the poster.

The poster has to decide whether he is prepared to follow farang custom and pay his g/f and her family for the pleasure of being with her. The vast majority do, but he may decide that he can find something better - or even hope that he may find a g/f who does not want any money from him, but will genuinely love him and share in the costs of setting up home.

Its unlikely, but there are posters on the forum who confirm that it is possible.

Possible yes, but very difficult to find. Over the years I dated and/or met many Thai women (approximately 50) prior to meeting my Thai wife. In some cases I met the families. What I found really fascinating was the number of Thai women who had fathers that required financial assistance as the result of being hospitalized. My wife was one of the very few Thai ladies I met that did not want to relocate to my country, and the only Thai lady that did not request/require financial assistance. Furthermore, never does she wish to send money home to her family although she has a very close relationship with them. What I have done is bring her family out to visit and stay with us. I have no problem doing that and actually I have been the one to suggest the visits (twice in 2 years). To summarize, yes it is possible to find a Thai lady that is not financially tied to her family, but in my experience, it is not easy.

[jackr]

For goodness sake, try to understand the culture here.

Which you're missing by a long shot. No Thai guy would put his hand in his pocket for dowry unless he were married.

They're grabbing, pure and simple. Probably best to move on.

[robblok]

Im thinking some of you recent posters have not noticed the OP's last posting where he points out a few things that i feel say a lot more about his case.

I dont mean to speak for him but from some of what he says i understand:

1.The parents are NOT from upcountry, they are in B.K

2.The father is in fact the step-father of this girl, reportedly a bit of a drunk, and the girl does'nt really hold him in the highest regard.

After hearing this it seems possible that this father guy is a bum who is really just taking the piss and trying to look clever in front of his mates while hitting up the OP to finance his lazy ass lifestyle.After all if the GF has little respect for him (and she would know) then maybe he's one of the good old thai boys brigade who really believe us farang are just stupid idiots who are easily milked.Maybe the GF's mother doesnt really approve either but is being pushed by the old man and is being forced to go along with the charade.

If thats the case it wont be to hard to outsmart this guy.Bring yourself down to his level..play dumb and state that the thai culture is a mystery to you but you are trying to learn.Assuming he can speak some English,tell him you are doing a Thai culture course and while you are learning more and getting knowledge from other sources, you still dont understand what this request is,what it means and what is his plan.The use of the word "plan" is well known by thais and im sure his response will speak volumes about the whole situaution.

Once you actually know whats going on inside his/their heads you will be able to plan the next moove.

Oh and another thing, i would be quickly trying to establish to all that you are NOT rich,(even if you are!) and that a certain amount of your funds are locked up in investments and assets overseas.

As said previously, if the g/f really had no time for her step-father and his demands, she wouldn't have even mentioned them to the poster.

The poster has to decide whether he is prepared to follow farang custom and pay his g/f and her family for the pleasure of being with her. The vast majority do, but he may decide that he can find something better - or even hope that he may find a g/f who does not want any money from him, but will genuinely love him and share in the costs of setting up home.

Its unlikely, but there are posters on the forum who confirm that it is possible.

Possible yes, but very difficult to find. Over the years I dated and/or met many Thai women (approximately 50) prior to meeting my Thai wife. In some cases I met the families. What I found really fascinating was the number of Thai women who had fathers that required financial assistance as the result of being hospitalized. My wife was one of the very few Thai ladies I met that did not want to relocate to my country, and the only Thai lady that did not request/require financial assistance. Furthermore, never does she wish to send money home to her family although she has a very close relationship with them. What I have done is bring her family out to visit and stay with us. I have no problem doing that and actually I have been the one to suggest the visits (twice in 2 years). To summarize, yes it is possible to find a Thai lady that is not financially tied to her family, but in my experience, it is not easy.

I dont know what kind of woman you meet and how much older you were then the woman. But i just met 3-4 who all are looking for a farang but dont want money. They do want however a handsome good guy not a guy that is too much older them them. Might be that if you meet one good girl then her friends are good too. Im not sure, but its a lot easier then you think unless you set your standards too high compared to your own looks / age.

Could also be that im talking about an other generation of woman. The ones im talking about are around 25-27 and dont want a guy that is much older then them. The guy has to look nice and act nice. They always seem to share cost of meals and stuff. Dont expect me to pay all the time. And no im not looking like a movie star but neither are they.

[ozzieovaseas]

I dont know what kind of woman you meet and how much older you were then the woman. But i just met 3-4 who all are looking for a farang but dont want money. They do want however a handsome good guy not a guy that is too much older them them. Might be that if you meet one good girl then her friends are good too. Im not sure, but its a lot easier then you think unless you set your standards too high compared to your own looks / age.

Could also be that im talking about an other generation of woman. The ones im talking about are around 25-27 and dont want a guy that is much older then them. The guy has to look nice and act nice. They always seem to share cost of meals and stuff. Dont expect me to pay all the time. And no im not looking like a movie star but neither are they.

The last 15 thai women ive met have all stated "no want money, want heart,love" ect ect...

so from what your post says i guess you are telling me i must be extremely lucky

Doesnt the fact that some make this point very early on (sometimes in the first conversation) ring alarm bells to the contrary?

So what is it that they want? meaningful conversation is definately out and culturally we have very little in common.

If you really believe what you've just written i suggest you go to one of those Nigerian websites and collect your 800,000 bucks..

your gonna need it

[samuibeachcomber]

Logically if someone does n't have a"pot to piss in" and neither do their family then they are going to demand money from their boyfriend be it farang,thai,young or old.

So if you dont want to outlay lots of dough you have to find a lady that has a good income and the family are n't poor.

Finding a young thai lady of independent means is going to be easier for the young farang guys than older ones,why does any young lady hitch up with an older man,only for the money,that's the pay-off is n't it.

If your a young proffesional working in thailand you should have no trouble finding the right girl without cost,as someone said before"get sick often and try the private hospitals"

[robblok]

The last 15 thai women ive met have all stated "no want money, want heart,love" ect ect...

so from what your post says i guess you are telling me i must be extremely lucky

Doesnt the fact that some make this point very early on (sometimes in the first conversation) ring alarm bells to the contrary?

So what is it that they want? meaningful conversation is definately out and culturally we have very little in common.

If you really believe what you've just written i suggest you go to one of those Nigerian websites and collect your 800,000 bucks..

your gonna need it

Hmm you sound so smart but really are not.

I have been in a relationship for a long time already, the other girls i am talking about i have know for a long time too. Tends to happen when you live here for a while. They are friends of my gf so you talk and listen. This is of course not the first thing that is said.

Also the English you describe is way off, we are talking girls with reasonable command of the English language not bar girls. One is an airline hostess the other a manager and again an other is a pharmacist. So next time if you try to put someone down dont compare your experiences with bar girls and uneducated girls with the ones i know.

Next time you try to look smart pick an other victim maybe you could win from someone in the loony bin.

[robblok]

Logically if someone does n't have a"pot to piss in" and neither do their family then they are going to demand money from their boyfriend be it farang,thai,young or old.

So if you dont want to outlay lots of dough you have to find a lady that has a good income and the family are n't poor.

Finding a young thai lady of independent means is going to be easier for the young farang guys than older ones,why does any young lady hitch up with an older man,only for the money,that's the pay-off is n't it.

If your a young proffesional working in thailand you should have no trouble finding the right girl without cost,as someone said before"get sick often and try the private hospitals"

You hit the nail right on its head, that is what im trying to say here.

[chiang mai]

For goodness sake, try to understand the culture here.

And what is that (the culture here) To sell your daughter to the highest bidder or to live off her earnings as a prostitute

That could be an interpretation of some Westerners who understand very little about Thailand and its culture, I have a slightly different interpretation however.

Let me see if I can't put the term culture into perspective and call it tradition instead.

If you've ever been close to Thai's who are truly poor and live in small clusters in grass shacks with corrugated tin roofs, a single room that provides no privacy or protection from the elements and is full of mosquito's, 24/7; if you had listened to their stories about how their crops failed one year, a family member needed hospital treatment and there was no work to be had anywhere, other than perhaps 200 baht a day laboring on occasion; if you have seen the anguish as a parent tries to dress their daughters child in the best clothes they can find as they prepare her for school and worry about government loans that must be repaid and they have no idea how they will manage that, or even where they will find food for their evening meal unless they go into the hills and cut bamboo shoots. If you had seen those things then you would understand what it's like to be really really poor yet despite all of it, the family remains a family unit, it has love, support and that's really all they have.

So the role of the eldest daughter (and younger ones also these days) is to provide whatever support she can to that unit and most of the ones I've ever come across take that job very seriously. Some Westerners might call it prostitution but the Thai's will refer to it as working and don't get all hung up about western religious values of no sex before marriage - many Thai's will also see it as a trade off, you want me and sex, I need support for my family. At the end of the day nobody forces the Westerner to take the Thai girl and have sex with her, he could always go a totally different route in life. But if he chooses to take the girl, culture or tradition suggests he should pay, that's the tradition and from a moral perspective, it's not a bad one in my book. Of course, if your Thailand experience has consisted only of life on upper Sukhumvit or an apartment in Langsuan with the odd trip to Koh Samui, you may have no idea whatsoever what's being talked about here and couldn't possible begin to understand the concepts involved.

[robblok]

@CHANG MAI

Nice story but most ppl are not that poor.

Can you explain to me why thai culture always has to win over farang culture ? If a girl loves a farang its normal for them BOTH to do concessions. I would not get involved with a girl who has a family like the one you describe. In case of someone that poor i can understand that they need support. But there is a difference between support and winning the lottery of course.

[imaneggspurt]

Consider yourself lucky Thai men pay up to 2 million for there wife....its Thai tradition...Its paying respect to her Mama and Papa.

If you date a Thai girl for over a year, In the parents eyes they expect you to marry her... its disrespect if you don`t.....

Yes and at the other end of the spectrum some thai men pay 10000 baht,......depends on their financial situation ,but in a lot of cases for farang its dependant on the girlfriends/inlaws greed,.

[imaneggspurt]

@CHANG MAI

Nice story but most ppl are not that poor.

Can you explain to me why thai culture always has to win over farang culture ? If a girl loves a farang its normal for them BOTH to do concessions. I would not get involved with a girl who has a family like the one you describe. In case of someone that poor i can understand that they need support. But there is a difference between support and winning the lottery of course.

EXACTLY !

[TopDogger]

Logically if someone does n't have a"pot to piss in" and neither do their family then they are going to demand money from their boyfriend be it farang,thai,young or old.

So if you dont want to outlay lots of dough you have to find a lady that has a good income and the family are n't poor.

You hit the nail right on its head, that is what im trying to say here.

Not always the case though, I've had chicks (the ones which last for more than a few weeks) where at least one of the parents work's in a normal job (8k-12k) or both parents work. The parents never asked for cash though, not once, and they lived in BKK also in some cases.

The flip side of that is that I've met girls with normal jobs who've come out with something like "If your my boyfriend I cannot have time to work 2 job's for money for family and have time for you also", this within weeks of meeting them. They got told to get fvcked off shortly after, and then started crying the I don't want your money BS... And other case's like, normal office girls whom after eventually nailing them (and I mean very shortly after) with a 1+ month chase seemed to think they deserved a new 5'000 baht watch ..

IMO opinion, if you need to post online for advice about this subject, especially a situation which is such blatant money grabbing and gold digging as the OP's your going to get burnt sooner or later..

U might aswell learn your lesson now and then get on with life, allbeit, with your eye's a little more open..

[samuibeachcomber]

CM,a very eloquent piece of writing,and some truth in what you say,however in my experience i see that for most families it is a last resort and not something they like to do....................but needs must etc.I too do not see it as a form of prostitution but in some cases a form of necessity,but there are many families who would not allow their children to do that no matter what and that is why often you will find that the isaan girls that wind up in pattaya never tell their families how they earn their money,although i would think their families know but say nothing.

Yes it is prostitution as we define it in the west,but can any farang honestly say its like the harden form in the west,where there is no excuse to become one except out of choice or to pay for a drug habit,its avery soft form of prostitution here,and can anyone honestly refuse to admit that the girls are so easy to fall "in love with"........not something you would find yopurself doing in the wst.

[Dakhar]

IF AND THAT IS A BIG IF

the family was as poor as CM discribed, I would voluntarily and hapily pay money to help support the family...

But if the parents approached me and demanded money.... I would walk a way and remember something my grand pappy said to me....

"Some poor people, have poor ways...."

[venturalaw]

I dont know what kind of woman you meet and how much older you were then the woman. But i just met 3-4 who all are looking for a farang but dont want money. They do want however a handsome good guy not a guy that is too much older them them. Might be that if you meet one good girl then her friends are good too. Im not sure, but its a lot easier then you think unless you set your standards too high compared to your own looks / age.

Could also be that im talking about an other generation of woman. The ones im talking about are around 25-27 and dont want a guy that is much older then them. The guy has to look nice and act nice. They always seem to share cost of meals and stuff. Dont expect me to pay all the time. And no im not looking like a movie star but neither are they.

It was not the 'kind of woman' that I met, but perhaps the source from which I met most - that being the internet. And, reflecting upon your comments, none of my wife's friends are looking for money from farang either. So your point is well taken.

Regarding your age/appearance disparity speculation, I sincerely believe that the women to which I referred who were looking for money would not reject money from a farang due to his youth or appearance.