Thai Gf Parents Want Money Cos We Are "engaged" - We Are Not

[Moonrakers]

To the guys that say, don't give them a penny:

I suspect that attitude has more to do with the speakers ability to pay and/or his past experiences with money and women in the West, a costly divorce perhaps, don't know. I find it odd that anyone of a reasonable age who has been brought up, educated and lived/worked in the West for most of their lives would be able to look, in depth, at the situation of some of these families and not want to help in some way.

I don't think it's a matter of not wanting to help, more a case of not willing to be taken for a ride. It's a case by case thing though of course.

Edited July 26, 2009 by Moonrakers

[G54]

To the guys that say, don't give them a penny:

I suspect that attitude has more to do with the speakers ability to pay and/or his past experiences with money and women in the West, a costly divorce perhaps, don't know. I find it odd that anyone of a reasonable age who has been brought up, educated and lived/worked in the West for most of their lives would be able to look, in depth, at the situation of some of these families and not want to help in some way.

I don't think it's a matter of not wanting to help, more a case of not willing to be taken for a ride. It's a case by case thing though of course.

I agree with Moonrakers on this.

Helping is not the same as bowing down and throwing money at the family. Giving any woman an allowance is a fair thing to do here, but that allowance needs to reflect what she could be earning and gauge that allowance accordingly. For example, if she is on 4K a month, why give more than 4k to her on top of what she is earning? If she stops work to take 'care' of you then, OK, raise the allowance a bit, but not to go over the top, that is how so many Thai women get to believe we are money trees.

Too many try to bleed a man dry, though we do know there are also many out there who are more realistic and happy to be receiving a little extra. Surely it all has to be relative.

[zzaa09]

Brought up, educated and lived/worked in the West for most of their lives.

....frightening thought.

[a99az]

You are not dating here if you are living together - that is marriage in there eyes.

Agree with Lop you are married, SO PAY UP.

[rickyhhh]

just checked this with a thai (male) friend resident in london

He says it is tradition for thai parents to expect sin son. They have spent a lot of effort and money etc bringing up their daughter and it is expected that the daughters new partner/husband will repay them in their old age. ( parents look after kids, then kids look after parents) This also serves to show the parents and neighbour that their daughters new partner is able and wealthy enough to support her and their prospective offspring.

If they don't get sin son the parents stand to lose a lot of face in their community... your daughter married no-good guy etc.

however most parents will take into account how much the prospective husband can reasonably afford and will tailor their expectations to that.

This is where some negotation can come in... to save face for both parties, the prospective husband can make a show of giving a larger amount, (say 100,000 to 300,000 or whatever ) and the parents can make a show of receiving this larger amount. After this show it is agreed that the parent will give all or a proportion back to the husband. In this way, faces are saved all round, and the farang can be welcomed into the family.

(how do you make sure it will actually be returned???)

If the family is genuine this can be negotiated, the farang can observe tradition, not get ripped off, get the respect of the family, but i think he should make clear from the start, that apart from the sin son to the parents, he won't pay out to any of the extended family.

Perhaps the odd affordable gift to the parents as time goes on is good policy and will keep good terms with wife and family.

Seems to be that it's as much about saving face as about the money... but how to tell the genuine from the gold diggers.

this was pretty much the situation in rural parts of ireland many years ago. Of course some abuse the situation.. and how can you tell

My advice is to find out as much as you can from your thai girlfriend, what does she think, what does her parents think. And often thais will not tell you direct... I can recommend that book too.

[MaiChai]

"Living together in Bangkok" jumps out at me. How many Thai blokes are doing the same as you and would they cough up the money? No they would not! Bangkok is hardly the centre of traditional Thailand! Politely tell her you don't have that sort of money and ask her why she needs it. Sound all sympathetic to her problems while at the same time stick to your guns. Once you give in to their demands for money it will just go on and on. Walking ATM, etc. Remember the mothers financial problems are hers, not yours!!!

You love your girlfriend rather than staying with her for money? True love exists in Thailand where neither party has to give money to the other side. Always keep that in your mind.

[SNGLIFE]

Uuuuugh! Get out of your box and change the paradigm!

In the West: THB 100k = small engagement ring

In Thailand: No engagement ring required at all! Just offer the same amount in cash and everything is bliss! If things are good with the family, you will get it back when nobody else is looking. If the family is dirt poor, maybe not - up to what her family really thinks about you and your sincerity.

To the OP: You have to understand TIT! This Is Thailand! In Thailand and especially in the village, if a guy so much as does the naughty with a girl, they MUST get married or at least engaged - IMMEDIATELY. It's the traditional family values and honor thing we used to have in the West. All that Pattaya loose and casual relationship behavior DOES NOT HAPPEN or APPLY in the village. Get with the program or really, you need to find another country. You are in Thailand. Thai rules apply, not yours.

They are Thai, but other than that, they are just like families back in the West. I am sure her family is being asked by others back in the village: "Hey, is that guy going to marry Nit or is she just his whore?". Your actions will answer that question for them.

Edited July 26, 2009 by SNGLIFE

[thesyndicate]

First of all i think the questions if kind of strange but ok maybe he is not a troll

There is a thing to pay if you get engaged our favorite singer TATA got it so your gf can also get it. My Thai friends does not know the name because nobody really use it but they have it.

After that you need to pay sin sot and if you break up you will loose it or if she break up she need to pay back (forget about she ever doing that)

If her parents already see you as a big ATM you should really get another gf and run and never see here.

You will end up broke, dead or in prison for killing her parents.

[SNGLIFE]

People get married/live together because they love each other with a few exceptions. That doesnt vary between Thai or western.

Dude, obviously you know nothing about Thai-Thai relationships. Marrying for LOVE is about the rarest reason there is for getting married. Ask any Thai. I do mean ANY Thai, the 3 words never spoken between Thai-Thai husband and wife are "I love you". It just doesn't happen much.

[MaiChai]

People get married/live together because they love each other with a few exceptions. That doesnt vary between Thai or western.

Dude, obviously you know nothing about Thai-Thai relationships. Marrying for LOVE is about the rarest reason there is for getting married. Ask any Thai. I do mean ANY Thai, the 3 words never spoken between Thai-Thai husband and wife are "I love you". It just doesn't happen much.

I have only been here 15 years and have lived upcountry and in Bangkok. Depends if they are traditional Thai or modern Thai? I guess most Thai men would not marry unless they really have to? So are you referring to this stereotype or the more modern Thai male stereotype with a more open mind? Ask several Thais the same question and you will get different answers. All Thais don't think the same, as all farangs do not.

Explain the Thai girls who stay with a Thai guy, even though he is penniless (I have know quite a few of these; penniless Thai bf, while girl gets money from foreigner bf to support Thai bf)? Explain the overly jealous Thai guy with his girlfriend (I know one personally); these two plan to get married 'for love' in a couple of years time. He constantly worries about where his gf goes and who she meets.

[hextac]

People get married/live together because they love each other with a few exceptions. That doesnt vary between Thai or western.

Dude, obviously you know nothing about Thai-Thai relationships. Marrying for LOVE is about the rarest reason there is for getting married. Ask any Thai. I do mean ANY Thai, the 3 words never spoken between Thai-Thai husband and wife are "I love you". It just doesn't happen much.

Absolute crap.

[Datsun240Z]

If they don't get sin son the parents stand to lose a lot of face in their community... your daughter married no-good guy etc.

3 words: Ow my god.

Edited July 26, 2009 by Datsun240Z

[Datsun240Z]

Uuuuugh! Get out of your box and change the paradigm!

In the West: THB 100k = small engagement ring

In Thailand: No engagement ring required at all! Just offer the same amount in cash and everything is bliss! If things are good with the family, you will get it back when nobody else is looking. If the family is dirt poor, maybe not - up to what her family really thinks about you and your sincerity.

To the OP: You have to understand TIT! This Is Thailand! In Thailand and especially in the village, if a guy so much as does the naughty with a girl, they MUST get married or at least engaged - IMMEDIATELY. It's the traditional family values and honor thing we used to have in the West. All that Pattaya loose and casual relationship behavior DOES NOT HAPPEN or APPLY in the village. Get with the program or really, you need to find another country. You are in Thailand. Thai rules apply, not yours.

They are Thai, but other than that, they are just like families back in the West. I am sure her family is being asked by others back in the village: "Hey, is that guy going to marry Nit or is she just his whore?". Your actions will answer that question for them.

People like you make me sick.

[bangla]

why is that.

he is right you know.

[bangla]

Explain the Thai girls who stay with a Thai guy, even though he is penniless (I have know quite a few of these; penniless Thai bf, while girl gets money from foreigner bf to support Thai bf)? Explain the overly jealous Thai guy with his girlfriend (I know one personally); these two plan to get married 'for love' in a couple of years time. He constantly worries about where his gf goes and who she meets.

because he's scared shitless that his walking ATM is gonna meet another thai guy?

[G54]

People get married/live together because they love each other with a few exceptions. That doesnt vary between Thai or western.

Dude, obviously you know nothing about Thai-Thai relationships. Marrying for LOVE is about the rarest reason there is for getting married. Ask any Thai. I do mean ANY Thai, the 3 words never spoken between Thai-Thai husband and wife are "I love you". It just doesn't happen much.

Strange that I happen to know of quite a few Thai/Thai relationships where there is a lot of love involved. Many live together as they save together to get married.

Most Thai people often ask me - of past relationships with a Thai woman - 'But does she love you?'

If Thai people do not marry for love or have loving relationships, why on earth would they be asking if the g/f of the day loves me?

[SNGLIFE]

why is that.

he is right you know.

It's lost on most blokes posting. Those who visit or remain in Thailand for years, still can't hold a conversation in Thai, never lived in a village, and rant on about how well they know Thailand and Thai people.

Sheesh! The ethnocentric Western ignorance never ceases to amaze me. That's like non-English speaking foreigners vacationing in Las Vegas (ergo Pattaya) or NYC (ergo Bangkok) trying to say they can write a book about being an American in Bayard, West Virginia (pop. 300)...dumb.

[Somtamnication]

And the OP is where? Not seen him for days!

[zzaa09]

Most Thai people often ask me - of past relationships with a Thai woman - 'But does she love you?'

If Thai people do not marry for love or have loving relationships, why on earth would they be asking if the g/f of the day loves me?

Weren't you aware G54? Asians dont know nor understand love .....not like we do, of course.

[cyb]

Most Thai people often ask me - of past relationships with a Thai woman - 'But does she love you?'

If Thai people do not marry for love or have loving relationships, why on earth would they be asking if the g/f of the day loves me?

Weren't you aware G54? Asians dont know nor understand love .....not like we do, of course.

B.S and double B.S.

Come back when you know what you are talking about.

[zzaa09]

Most Thai people often ask me - of past relationships with a Thai woman - 'But does she love you?'

If Thai people do not marry for love or have loving relationships, why on earth would they be asking if the g/f of the day loves me?

Weren't you aware G54? Asians dont know nor understand love .....not like we do, of course.

B.S and double B.S.

Come back when you know what you are talking about.

Didn't pick-up on the sarcasm smilies, Mate? Little serious, are we....??

[G54]

Most Thai people often ask me - of past relationships with a Thai woman - 'But does she love you?'

If Thai people do not marry for love or have loving relationships, why on earth would they be asking if the g/f of the day loves me?

Weren't you aware G54? Asians dont know nor understand love .....not like we do, of course.

B.S and double B.S.

Come back when you know what you are talking about.

Didn't pick-up on the sarcasm smilies, Mate? Little serious, are we....??

He never got a 'love in', so he is grumpy as hel_l

[scorecard]

Explain the Thai girls who stay with a Thai guy, even though he is penniless (I have know quite a few of these; penniless Thai bf, while girl gets money from foreigner bf to support Thai bf)? Explain the overly jealous Thai guy with his girlfriend (I know one personally); these two plan to get married 'for love' in a couple of years time. He constantly worries about where his gf goes and who she meets.

because he's scared shitless that his walking ATM is gonna meet another thai guy?

This has many configurations.

Years ago I lived in an apartment building in Bkk, on my floor there was a Thai 'manage a t.... '(not sure of the spelling) who occupied three rooms in a row.

- The centre room was occupied by a pleasant polite good looking very masculine well presented Thai man, late 20's / early 30's. I'll call him 'Khun X'.

- The next room on one side of Khun X was occupied by his Thai girlfriend, about mid 20's, very pretty girl always very polite, always well presented but never glitzy.

- The next room on the other side of Khun X was occupied by his Thai boyfriend, about mid 20's, also very masculine, good appearance, polite and well presented.

All three spoke good english, all three had graduated from university, all three had good jobs.

They all went out to eat together each evening and came back, maybe 20.30pm or so, then Khun X indicated who would sleep with him that night.

In addition to the above, Khun X had a farang connection - a wealthy western husband and wife who were into bisexual group activity. The western couple came and went from Thailand regularly, and in fact they were paying all the rent.

Khun X was regularly part of the bisexual activity with the westerners but he wouldn't allow his Thai gf or bf to be involved.

Not my 'cup of tea', but what others do is their business and I'm sure this type of arrangement or similar can be found anywhere in the world.

[way2muchcoffee]

Uuuuugh! Get out of your box and change the paradigm!

In the West: THB 100k = small engagement ring

In Thailand: No engagement ring required at all! Just offer the same amount in cash and everything is bliss! If things are good with the family, you will get it back when nobody else is looking. If the family is dirt poor, maybe not - up to what her family really thinks about you and your sincerity.

To the OP: You have to understand TIT! This Is Thailand! In Thailand and especially in the village, if a guy so much as does the naughty with a girl, they MUST get married or at least engaged - IMMEDIATELY. It's the traditional family values and honor thing we used to have in the West. All that Pattaya loose and casual relationship behavior DOES NOT HAPPEN or APPLY in the village. Get with the program or really, you need to find another country. You are in Thailand. Thai rules apply, not yours.

They are Thai, but other than that, they are just like families back in the West. I am sure her family is being asked by others back in the village: "Hey, is that guy going to marry Nit or is she just his whore?". Your actions will answer that question for them.

When I married the wife in the village here is how it went:

For Sin Sod we put in 50,000 THB, the ring valued at about 200,000 THB (family heirloom of diamonds set to a new ring to fit my wife's finger), a few baht of gold that we had purchased over the 5 years we spent together before marriage, the deed to a 1 rai plot my wife purchased before we married.

At the end we received all of it back except for a 1/2 bt gold necklace we gave to grandma and about 15,000 bt we gave as a gift to grandma.

I paid for the wedding - this was a 3-day affair during which we never rain out of alcohol or food - total cost was about 100,000 maybe a tad more.

The family is poor, the parents have passed on, I give support monthly in small amounts to the grandmother, and help my brother and sister in-law make ends meet as necessary. Estimated at about 5,000 per month all-in.

The extended relatives used to try to ride the money train, but over the first couple of years we found a neat system - if they borrowed and didn't repay they were cut off. This was made clear up front. Most of them are now cut off. Works for me. Obviously in a true emergency I would consider helping even those who are cut off, but they don't know that.

Edited July 27, 2009 by way2muchcoffee

[SNGLIFE]

Uuuuugh! Get out of your box and change the paradigm!

In the West: THB 100k = small engagement ring

In Thailand: No engagement ring required at all! Just offer the same amount in cash and everything is bliss! If things are good with the family, you will get it back when nobody else is looking. If the family is dirt poor, maybe not - up to what her family really thinks about you and your sincerity.

To the OP: You have to understand TIT! This Is Thailand! In Thailand and especially in the village, if a guy so much as does the naughty with a girl, they MUST get married or at least engaged - IMMEDIATELY. It's the traditional family values and honor thing we used to have in the West. All that Pattaya loose and casual relationship behavior DOES NOT HAPPEN or APPLY in the village. Get with the program or really, you need to find another country. You are in Thailand. Thai rules apply, not yours.

They are Thai, but other than that, they are just like families back in the West. I am sure her family is being asked by others back in the village: "Hey, is that guy going to marry Nit or is she just his whore?". Your actions will answer that question for them.

When I married the wife in the village here is how it went:

For Sin Sod we put in 50,000 THB, the ring valued at about 200,000 THB (family heirloom of diamonds set to a new ring to fit my wife's finger), a few baht of gold that we had purchased over the 5 years we spent together before marriage, the deed to a 1 rai plot my wife purchased before we married.

At the end we received all of it back except for a 1/2 bt gold necklace we gave to grandma and about 15,000 bt we gave as a gift to grandma.

I paid for the wedding - this was a 3-day affair during which we never rain out of alcohol or food - total cost was about 100,000 maybe a tad more.

The family is poor, the parents have passed on, I give support monthly in small amounts to the grandmother, and help my brother and sister in-law make ends meet as necessary. Estimated at about 5,000 per month all-in.

The extended relatives used to try to ride the money train, but over the first couple of years we found a neat system - if they borrowed and didn't repay they were cut off. This was made clear up front. Most of them are now cut off. Works for me. Obviously in a true emergency I would consider helping even those who are cut off, but they don't know that.

Now THAT is the proper way it should happen. Good on you!

In my case, I made a promise to Mae and we just signed the papers. During our several months long courtship, with me being able to speak the language and understand the local culture, and with my wife having been "married" previously (an arranged "farmer's marriage" which she ended soon after), although Pa wanted some extra whiskey money, everyone agreed sin sot was unnecessary. Her daughter was happy with me and that was enough for Mae. I volunteered to remodel the old house as a show of my sincerity to be a good provider. Shortly thereafter, Mae became deathly ill and passed on before it was completed - but she passed on knowing I would take good care of her little girl which is all she wanted.

The village (mostly family, anyway) knew me well from participating in village activities (helped with building the local wat and a neighbor's house, gave good advice to settle disputes when asked, helped with farming, drove to the market in the wee hours of the mornings to pickup things for them to resell, etc., etc.). Heck, the remodel of the house gave many of them a much needed opportunity to work when a large farm decided to switch to a different crop which did not need their labor. I paid them all very good wages which helped many families get through a tough transition period. So, one could say that accumulated merit was more than enough sin sot for everyone to be happy.

So, surely ignorant flamers would say "You cheap bastard. You should have paid something like the rest of us.". To which I would respond: Reread this post. If my wife's family was in the West and I had done the same, would things be any different? No. Which is my point. So many falang have this unfounded notion that Thai families are so different from Western families. They are not. The language is different, some customs are different, but the people are exactly the same. Most falang cannot overcome the barrier which is their own ignorance and inability to shift the paradigm. The falang who are able to shift the paradigm are the ones who can "boast" that they understand Thais.

The difference between "us" and "them" is that there really is no difference other than our own ingrained ethnocentric perceptions and ignorance.

As for the family wanting to ride the gravy train, I did something similar to you. I offered a "pot" of THB 10,000 which anyone is welcome to borrow. However, it must be repaid before the next person can borrow. I haven't seen the money since it was all loaned out, and I have no idea who needs to repay. Perhaps my wife does, but whatever. The wife sends a food allowance to Pa of THB 3,000 monthly (he's been living in the remodeled old house with his new chick and new son) and we help little brother-in-law who never asks for much (but I sneak him more than the wife wants him to have - shame on me).

Cheeers!

Edited July 27, 2009 by SNGLIFE

[bonobo]

why is that.

he is right you know.

It's lost on most blokes posting. Those who visit or remain in Thailand for years, still can't hold a conversation in Thai, never lived in a village, and rant on about how well they know Thailand and Thai people.

Sheesh! The ethnocentric Western ignorance never ceases to amaze me. That's like non-English speaking foreigners vacationing in Las Vegas (ergo Pattaya) or NYC (ergo Bangkok) trying to say they can write a book about being an American in Bayard, West Virginia (pop. 300)...dumb.

Ah, so people living in Bangkok, Chiang Rai, Korat, etc, they aren't really Thai?  You have to live in a village to understand Thai culture.  Now is that a village outside Kachanaburi, near Ubon, or near Naratiwat?  Because I am sure that a person from an Issan village speaking Lao is exactly the same as an Islamic villager in Naratiwat.

[SNGLIFE]

why is that.

he is right you know.

It's lost on most blokes posting. Those who visit or remain in Thailand for years, still can't hold a conversation in Thai, never lived in a village, and rant on about how well they know Thailand and Thai people.

Sheesh! The ethnocentric Western ignorance never ceases to amaze me. That's like non-English speaking foreigners vacationing in Las Vegas (ergo Pattaya) or NYC (ergo Bangkok) trying to say they can write a book about being an American in Bayard, West Virginia (pop. 300)...dumb.

Ah, so people living in Bangkok, Chiang Rai, Korat, etc, they aren't really Thai?  You have to live in a village to understand Thai culture.  Now is that a village outside Kachanaburi, near Ubon, or near Naratiwat?  Because I am sure that a person from an Issan village speaking Lao is exactly the same as an Islamic villager in Naratiwat.

For the people who need to ride the short yellow bus: Change "never lived in a village" to "never lived within a Thai community essentially as a Thai". See if that helps you.

[Sriprai]

Reply to Kaosoi,

I was born and raised in Thailand up until I was twenty-one. My mother was born in a small village the size of 500 people in the North East of Thailand. My dad was born and raised in Ayuthtaya. The reason I am able to mention my family background is because when it comes down to Thai culture i am sure i would be able to explain to you in the best way--instead of people who "THINK" they know what they're talking about.

In Thailand you do not "pay" to date the daughter and for some reason you have been told that you have to pay or ask to do it. Say "no" (Back in the day you pretty much have to sit down and have a conversation with your gf with her parents 5 feet away at all times) Now 2-3 hundred years later they would be happy if a guy would even pay for a meal on a date and lucky if their daughter would find the right one who will marry her because in SOME (yes, i said some) of Thai parent's eyes "Men are most likely gonna hit and run"

Before we even get into "why" you have to "pay" for your Thai gf/fiance. I have to get this straight. You're NOT paying to buy her. You're paying to show your respect to her family (after all they were the ones who spend countless hours to raise a fine daughter--you know? the one you want to marry??) and to ensure them that you would be able to look after her for the rest of her life. And for how much? that depends on a lot of different things based of how they raised her, her education etc; and you should respect that as how much you respect their daughter. Again that does not happened during the dating stage. This would happened when they feel that you're both ready to be committed. Normally it would happened after you're engaged and ready to be married ONLY.

If you notice having a big diamond ring is never been written in any Thai traditional wedding. We use Gold, Money, Silver, Rice Etc; as a promise ring and that you will be there for her for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Some part of it will get saved up or put towards a better home for her parents. In case something should happen (she were to get divorced or her spouse passed away) she will have a place to come home too.

(That's what my parents would do anyway, I don't know about other families, so please do share...)

This is one of the many reasons why some families would prefer and believe its a blessing to have a son. Because a son would carry on their good name. Every Thai men will have to get ordained as a monk at least once in their life time for their parents to be pardoned in every wrong doing that they did in their life time until they ascend to heaven. (Making it easy to understand having a son is like having a VIP pass to heaven) and he will be the one who take care of the parents at an old age. But the daughter will get married and will be given to her husband and his family. She will be the one who is taking care of her husband and his needs including his family (if needed)

If this happened during the dating stage. It's because your gf or her parents have heard from their neighbor, or friends, or a friend of a friend who dated a westerner that they have paid for monthly support. (which happens A LOT , part of it is true, but part of it just to brag to their friends. For some reason it has become a trend) which may be why they brought this up upon you.

Now what you need to do is find someone who would be able to help you translate and help you communicate CLEARLY that you're in love with their daughter and you would love to date their daughter until such a time that it is right you will marry her or you just want to date her, take it slow and see what the future will bring. Either/Or you HAVE to make it clear. Otherwise it could be a misunderstanding that could effect the relationship you have with her parents when you decide to marry her.

And for more info. I'm 27 yrs old been happily married for 3 years. My husband has never have to pay a dime to my parents. Maybe a little bit, some put towards gifts on a special occasion like my birthday, or new year. He loves my family and would gladly help them. He would sponsor my sisters sometime in the future. Because we have an understanding that the day we were married we're one. I'm working full time and i don't send my parents money every month because they never asked me too. Every time i called they just want to know if i am doing well and that we work hard in our relationship to love one another unconditionally. I think those are the most important things to all parents no matter what nationality you are.

Wishes you the best Kaosoi,

-Sriprai

[bonobo]

why is that.

he is right you know.

It's lost on most blokes posting. Those who visit or remain in Thailand for years, still can't hold a conversation in Thai, never lived in a village, and rant on about how well they know Thailand and Thai people.

Sheesh! The ethnocentric Western ignorance never ceases to amaze me. That's like non-English speaking foreigners vacationing in Las Vegas (ergo Pattaya) or NYC (ergo Bangkok) trying to say they can write a book about being an American in Bayard, West Virginia (pop. 300)...dumb.

Ah, so people living in Bangkok, Chiang Rai, Korat, etc, they aren't really Thai?  You have to live in a village to understand Thai culture.  Now is that a village outside Kachanaburi, near Ubon, or near Naratiwat?  Because I am sure that a person from an Issan village speaking Lao is exactly the same as an Islamic villager in Naratiwat.

For the people who need to ride the short yellow bus: Change "never lived in a village" to "never lived within a Thai community essentially as a Thai". See if that helps you.

Your snide "short yellow bus" comments notwithstanding, there is a tendancy amongst some foreigners, as reflected by your original comments, that lving with a Thai wife in a small Issan village somehow makes them superior and "more Thai" than the rest of us living here.  Sorry, but that one aspect of Thai life is neither more "Thai" nor more superior to any other.  

I have been to visit villages throughout Thailand, and I have met foreign men who are more than happy living there, breaking out the whiskey on Saturday night for all the men to enjoy, being some sort of honcho.  And there is nothng wrong with that.  Quite frankly, that would drive me bonkers, but to each  his own. 

But my life in Thonburi or others' in Pattaya or Hatyai or Chiang Rai or wherever are just as much a part of Thailand and Thai culutre as any other.  Issan is not the end-all of Thailand. But all these places togetehr make up this nation.  Just as all those other places you mentioned in your post make up the USA.  Las Vegas is the USA, as is NYC, as is Bayard, WV.  The problem, as I see it, is when you assume that all of any nation is like one small part of it, and that is pretty much what you did when you dismissed anyone who hasn't lived in a village.

[designerfurn]

Kaosi I think you now have to much information, Go with your gut, If the parents live in poverty your girlfriend will feel guilty that she has a good life while they remain scratching for a few bhat, Thats how my wife feels ,GUILTY thats why she sends money home ,I think some of the thais in BK expect more from the farang because they see in there daily life how the holiday makers spend,sin sot I would give an amount equal to the amount your lady sends home in a two year period,thats what i did

remember to asien people the family comes first,thats how they have survived for thousands of years,I am married for 2 years

living in south africa, best thing i ever done,