Unable To Get A Date

[expatlady]

I am a single Chinese-American woman working for a multinational in BKK. I am in my forties, and in extremely good shape. Trim, fit and fashionable. And I am financially independent. My problem is I cannot seem to find any man to date me. And I know I am not bad to look at because I do get asked out everywhere else except in BKK!

I truly enjoy my work, but being a single foreign woman in BKK is tough. Should I ask my company to relocate me, or am I just not trying hard enough to meet men?

It would be interesting to hear from both men and women.

Thanks.

[redscouse]

A hard question, the usual excuse that we like asian women is not valid here as you are chinese american, maybe there is too much competition here, maybe age is an issue as men will expect that you are already in a relationship so do not approach you.

Do you ever try to make the first move or do you wait for men to approach you? Have you tried being the one to talk first rather than waiting to be approached?

[jtp]

Try putting a picture of yourself on your profile(If you are shy just cover the eyes with something),try social sites like www.hi5.com It is huge here in Thailand.I feel you are just not trying hard enough.Many decent men around that are looking for a nice lady.

[IanForbes]

Unfortunately, it happens to many women who work everywhere. Women fought very hard for their independence in what has basically been a man's world until the past 20 or 30 years. Some men feel threatened by that.

Also, if you have read the thread on sexual harassment then that is another case where the good comes with the bad. Men are now taught to be very respectful of women and NEVER flirt in the work place for fear it might be construed as sexual harassment. In offices that are mostly made up with female staff it is hard for any single woman to meet a man. It is similar to men who work in places where women are not employed.

The only solution is to go places and join clubs where there are more people of the opposite sex. Men are just as lonely as women, but they can't express their feelings for fear of being pussies. Take up some sport that men like. Join art groups or theatre groups. It is only by mingling with people of similar interests that others will get to know you. I can guarantee that if you are somewhat attractive that men WILL notice you. They just might be too shy to make the first move. That is why you have to put yourself in a position where small talk is easy and not threatening.

[neverdie]

Ian has offered some great advice about joining clubs, getting involved in activities etc.

Neverdie loves older women......especially ones that can look after him. I would be very easy to win over, I recently posted an add in a personal's forum stating:

"WANTED: GOOD WOMAN: MUST BE ABLE TO CLEAN, COOK, SEW, DIG WORMS AND CLEAN FISH. MUST HAVE BOAT AND MOTOR. PLEASE SEND PICTURES OF BOAT AND MOTOR. "

Alternatively, you could just buy me a Ducati 1198S and I will be yours forever.

[beerchang]

There's a plethera of websites with Thai ladies looking for a 'date'. (so I was told...i'm married you know!) Are there no websites for single Thai males? Or are you searching for a 'farang' date partner? Alternatively, have a t-shirt with 'I'm looking for a date' in Thai and English written on it made and walk around in it! Just an idea.

Good luck.

[cdnvic]

Sounds like you are self-sufficient, mature, and able to take care of yourself. Unfortunately many men come to Thailand hoping for exactly the opposite of that. Maybe you need to be a bit more forward and make the first move?

[Geekfreaklover]

There is a fair bit of compitition in Bangkok.

Is it a Thai or a foreigner you are looking for?

[Datsun240Z]

First post of OP, This is serious?

[expatlady]

First post of OP, This is serious?

Yes, quite serious. Definitely not a troll. Just looking for advice. And many thanks to all those who replied.

[cdnvic]

Seriously, if you tell us what kind of man you are looking for, it would be easier for us to give advice on where they might be found.

[IanForbes]

Seriously, if you tell us what kind of man you are looking for, it would be easier for us to give advice on where they might be found.

I'm sure she's not looking for a one night stand, but more likely someone who might be interesting. It's only by joining some special interest group that you get to know people. Men have the same problem as women. Just as many men are shy as there are shy women. That is why the bars in Pattaya are popular. The women make the men feel wanted and shy men don't have to make the first move. Most men do not like rejection and might feel intimidated by handsome women. Several good looking women told me that the men were often shy and the women had to make the first move.

[verydumbubba]

Hi - y'all might be looking for love in all the wrong places, honey.

Most guys are wuzzes - they are slobs who expect every bar-bimbo to make all the moves.

Maybe you overdress - way too successfully - tone it down a bit. Flaunt it a little.

Most guys are threatened by single, successful female executives who are cruising.

They cannot get beyond the '' how much for short time ....''

Try taking one of your junior office buds out for dinner - make sure he is good looking and that all his future

promos are at stake, etc ... gives you rites of passage also.

Easier to socialize - I do this in LA - take my gay ladies out - we tag-team - both win.

Yacht Clubs, Flying Clubs, Polo Clubs, Sports Clubs, Horse Racing, etc, all are great places to meet folks.

Visit them on the pretext of meeting someone there or joining up ...

Forget the misfits, lonely hearts, singles clubs, AA, I need a date, nonsense.

Bubba

PS Call me.

[mahtin]

might feel intimidated by handsome women.

Gotta try this.

"Hello, handsome woman."

A winner for sure.

My take for the lady, being American would tend to be a handicap, if you want a farang partner.

Sorry.

[samran]

Sounds like you are self-sufficient, mature, and able to take care of yourself. Unfortunately many men come to Thailand hoping for exactly the opposite of that. Maybe you need to be a bit more forward and make the first move?

Spot on!

Yours is a common problem experienced by expat women in Thailand.

Local men, in the main, aren't too attracted to them

Most expat men are either married, or, suffer from a severe case of 'bamboo' fever.

Either way, you aren't getting much attention.

A thesis could be written on this topic. Women 'back home' are used to (often subconciously) a level of attention both wanted and unwanted.

They step off the plane in Thailand, and all of a sudden, they can't get a date, and most of the male populous ignores them. This freaks the women out, when the reality is, they are only experiencing the life of most males back home!!!

Edited August 2, 2009 by samran

[verydumbubba]

Bigot

Bubba

My take for the lady, being American would tend to be a handicap

[Datsun240Z]

Men are looking for woman that is easy with their thinking, and does not argue much. We do NOT need a bossy woman.

[mahtin]

Bigot

Bubba

My take for the lady, being American would tend to be a handicap

Wrong-side-of-the-ponder?

Just the facts, ma'am

[neverdie]

I think she wants me.....but she can't have me, she doesnt come with the fishing boat accessory....THE RULZ ARE THE RULZ

NO BOAT - NO NEVERDIE

Unless there is a Ducati in the deal.

Poor lady, bet she did realise she was coming into a forum of the desperate and dateless ohhh & Ian Forbes.

[eek]

Maybe many of the single men (or not so single) are too lazy to try conventional dating. Why bother trying to be charming and interesting to an articulate educated woman, when you can pop down the local and have some silly bint laugh at your ridiculous sense of humour and lack of social graces? Physically you may appeal to these blokes, but as soon as you open your mouth and demonstrate that you are able to string two sentences together and, worse, it comes out that you are part American, you may already be labeled as too challenging for the Bangcockanderthals. Or..maybe you are just looking in the wrong places? As for where to look, im sorry, i dont live in Bangkok, so i dont know. Maybe ask in the Ladies forum?

Good luck

[Harcourt]

Give me an articulate woman any day.

Or one with a boat and who's father owns a pub.

[neverdie]

Maybe many of the single men (or not so single) are too lazy to try conventional dating. Why bother trying to be charming and interesting to an articulate educated woman, when you can pop down the local and have some silly bint laugh at your ridiculous sense of humour and lack of social graces? Physically you may appeal to these blokes, but as soon as you open your mouth and demonstrate that you are able to string two sentences together and, worse, it comes out that you are part American, you may already be labeled as too challenging for the Bangcockanderthals. Or..maybe you are just looking in the wrong places? As for where to look, im sorry, i dont live in Bangkok, so i dont know. Maybe ask in the Ladies forum?

Good luck

eek, give yourself an uppercut!

Some of the guys that posted are actually chasing a woman like this....sheish . I nearly had her too, until I posted a pic of myself in my favourite leather gear ....should of saved that for PM 2, never a good idea to break out the leather gear in the first PM. doh !

[neverdie]

Give me an articulate woman any day.

Or one with a boat and who's father owns a pub.

I think Harcourt is talking about this song.

edit: woops that titles not real good....I didnt write that to delete or not to delete? mods?

second edit: panic time, how can I post this song but not display that you tube title

4th edit: okay i saved my life, took the youtube post out, how bout a link instead, don't click on it if bad language scares you, its Rodney Rude.

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=B5...+on+first+dates

Edited August 2, 2009 by neverdie

[G54]

First post of OP, This is serious?

Yes, quite serious. Definitely not a troll. Just looking for advice. And many thanks to all those who replied.

As you are serious, I would suggest that you have a few nights out with some workmates. Once people get to know and understand you better and realise you are single and looking you might get a few responses.

A SWF in BKK who cannot get a date seems odd to me. Especially as I have SWF friends 20 years your senior who come over here and have no problems finding male company.

No offence intended but are you coming across as some fierce harridan, even though you may be beautiful and sexy? Many a man can quake in his boots at the thought of an independent lady on the prowl too. It can do the power of the small head a lot of damage and turn it into a shrinking (wilting) violet for some men

[mahtin]

A SWF in BKK who cannot get a date seems odd to me.

What's Shockwave Flash got to do with it?

Maybe it's the fashion thing... try a t-shirt like this...

[slapout]

staple a purple to your forehead, dress down, short shorts, high heeled boots, etc, walk into the nearest local bar (walking distance to your apt/house), announce you are the meanest shela in town and can whip any sob who wants to try you on (females exclude) When the gents line up, take your pick and tell him that the fight is not necessary as he can/would in all likely hood whip your a.... The rest of the evening is up to the 2 of you.

[Mario2008]

1 troll post and severl replies to it have been deleted.

Please keep it civil. If you think someone is a troll, you don't have to respond to it.

[britmaveric]

Just the shoe is on the other foot syndrome, not your fault - but this is the way of the world in Thailand. You are at disadvantage two fold from the very start - being western and Asian. At least a western woman in Bangkok has an edge of being different and can use that to her advantage. I'd suggest hanging out in establishments where westerners tend to congregate - join social clubs ect. The thing is you need to sell yourself to the lads here and show that you are special. I know its probably something you are not use to, but if you want to snag a lad then you need to work hard for it.

[beerchang]

staple a purple to your forehead, dress down, short shorts, high heeled boots, etc, walk into the nearest local bar (walking distance to your apt/house), announce you are the meanest shela in town and can whip any sob who wants to try you on (females exclude) When the gents line up, take your pick and tell him that the fight is not necessary as he can/would in all likely hood whip your a.... The rest of the evening is up to the 2 of you.

Are you normal?

[eek]

Just the shoe is on the other foot syndrome, not your fault - but this is the way of the world in Thailand. You are at disadvantage two fold from the very start - being western and Asian. At least a western woman in Bangkok has an edge of being different and can use that to her advantage. I'd suggest hanging out in establishments where westerners tend to congregate - join social clubs ect. The thing is you need to sell yourself to the lads here and show that you are special. I know its probably something you are not use to, but if you want to snag a lad then you need to work hard for it.

Bah..no thanks. I dont expect a man to grovel for my attention, and im not going to do the same. What happens further down the line then? If she doesnt pander to his every whim hes off to pastures green? Better to find someone you can have a normal healthy relationship with. Of course that means give and take and mutual consideration. I actually think im fairly traditional in my outlook in relationships. I ENJOY doing things for my partner. At the same time, im not going to be pander to him 24/7. If he wants that, he can look elsewhere. Thailand or not, there is no way I would let a man think that he could belittle me in that way. He will always have my respect, so long as i have his.

..and im of the opinion that i dont agree with the shoe on the other foot syndrome that men often talk about here. Yes, there are some differences, as in, many men who come here are attracted to Asian ladies, and many may get attention from girls that may not give them a second glance in a western country. Many like the Thai girls ways/mannerisms and many are just enjoying the novelty. That doesn't mean western women, or western educated women should now be some kind of 1950's throwback where they should accept anything a man throws at them. I guess i will get labeled a feminazi now, when in fact im often told how feminine i am. I just believe in a loving caring sharing relationship where although some extra effort (on BOTH sides) is par the course when meeting someone new, people really shouldnt need to put on an act. But heck, if the men enjoy (possibly fake) fuss,makes them feel like a stud, and gives some feeling of accomplishment, then go ahead and enjoy.

edit: Oh and expatlady, i hope you find some good venues to go to, where you will meet some decent normal guys. For those are the ones worth making an effort for, and hanging on to.

edit2: Brit..sorry if my response to what you wrote sounds overly harsh. I realise that you were just being honest and trying to give some advice.

Edited August 2, 2009 by eek