Why Would She Do This?

[Birdman]

Looks like he did not. Wasn't that the reason, why she got mad and left and all the troubles?

[steelepulse]

So what's the deal with the land?  Where did the original amount come from to make the initial payment?  Why couldn't the girl get a loan from the bank for this measly sum, or why doesn't the family as a whole have this to loan her? Did she even have a job?  

[Soutpeel]

So what's the deal with the land? Where did the original amount come from to make the initial payment? Why couldn't the girl get a loan from the bank for this measly sum, or why doesn't the family as a whole have this to loan her? Did she even have a job?

....could we assume there was never any land and this was a variation on a theme...Relatives sick need medicine or the Buffalo is sick...

[venturalaw]

Hey JasonM don't don't give up man!

My wife did the same thing to me after 2 weeks i was going crazy.

So jumped on a plane to Thailand and on arrival i asked her to marry.

Turned out she just wanted to know how serious i was

That was 10 years ago! and still going strong

Good luck

In this case its 5 months and she knows how much i love her. So its really up to her now. I could travel to Thailand tomorrow if i just knew she was still interessted. But i have no clue anymore, so i cant do anything but wait.

To the other questions. The reason why i havent met a thai girl before is that i avoided them. I was on holiday to dive, and thailand has one of THE best diving spots in the world. I avoided thais in general because ive read so much bad about them. But had no chance in hel_l to resist this girl, lets say she stands out pretty much. Even thai men turns theyre head around after her. She looks like a tiny supermodel, perfect in every way possible. I am a nice guy, i am not the type of farang that travels to thailand for women and taking advantage of em. I love diving and freediving, and thailand is perfect for this i think

Anyways happy for you monkfish But i think your case was a bit easier than mine right now

She told your friend that you and she are finished, right? That was after accepting 50,000 bht from you, right? After you paid 50,000 baht to her she was angered that additional moneys were not flowing from your US account quickly enough to the point of you having a fight resulting in you leave for the night shortly before your returning home to the US.

If she is worthy of your consideration, she would return the 50,000 bht, and then say it's been great, good luck to you in the future and thank you for your kindness. I am assuming that she has not returned the money to you. So, it is clear that she has little if any character. Is that what you want for the rest of your life? You're a diver so you know that there are plenty of fish in the sea (sorry, couldn't help myself). Move on young man - or as someone once posted in a similar thread - 'Run Forest, run!".

Edited August 10, 2009 by venturalaw

[Gary A]

Only marshbags asked about the money. The OP never said whether he gave her the money. I think the money never came through and the lady thinks he is scamming her.

[britmaveric]

Only marshbags asked about the money. The OP never said whether he gave her the money. I think the money never came through and the lady thinks he is scamming her.

Jason said, "But the money for the land i was with her when she paid it" Reading is fundamental lads....

[venturalaw]

Only marshbags asked about the money. The OP never said whether he gave her the money. I think the money never came through and the lady thinks he is scamming her.

Wrong:

I already knew she owned a land and that she was planning to get a house for her mother and herself since she lives a bit poor with my girlfriends sister. So i was happy to provide her that last 50 000 baht she needed to complete the payment for the land.

Edited August 10, 2009 by venturalaw

[a3tsw]

Tourist guide, she can speak japanese.

Say no more , you're killing me , this tale just gets better and better.

:D :D

[steelepulse]

Tourist guide, she can speak japanese.

Say no more , you're killing me , this tale just gets better and better.

Of course working full time for a well established reputable tour company

[Soutpeel]

If she is worthy of your consideration, she would return the 50,000 bht,

......yeah like thats ever going to happen

[a3tsw]

Tourist guide, she can speak japanese.

Say no more , you're killing me , this tale just gets better and better.

Of course working full time for a well established reputable tour company

where the staff uniform consists of cocktail dress and heels..

[dale8]

Hello, this is not as bad as some stories I have heard. I am sorry for the emotional trauma you have endured, and this is a good lesson for all the farang as we really do not know people as good as we should. Do not volunteer any information about any money you have access to, and it is difficult to know someone from a distance. Cheers.

[NanLaew]

For those arguing if she got the 50k or not, please re-read the OP's OP willya?

5th paragraph

But the money for the land i was with her when she paid it completely, so i know she didnt use it for something else.

Now, stop dicking about and pay attention! We will be asking questions in the morning!!

[sammysung]

many times tour guide is another way of saying girl from bar........

guys just dont wanna believE!

[sammysung]

For those arguing if she got the 50k or not, please re-read the OP's OP willya?

5th paragraph

But the money for the land i was with her when she paid it completely, so i know she didnt use it for something else.

Now, stop dicking about and pay attention! We will be asking questions in the morning!!

in amerrika its dam_n near impossible to pay 4 real estate in cash

is thailand no same same?

[NanLaew]

She's a 28-year old tour guide. Speaks Japanese so I would assume that most of her clientèle are or have been Japanese. It's well known that the average Japanese tourist, sexpat or monger can out-tourist, out sexpat and outmonger your average farang of the same ilk because of what he is willing to pay, tip or drop. Therefore she has probably been used to high-rollers and the OP had shown that he aint in the same league, not even close.

Maybe the OP is genuinely broken hearted and crushed that he was dropped. Oh dear, what a pity, never mind. Maybe he should consider his previous 'normal' relationships in the US. They all ended but was he dropper or the droppee? When someone has the fragile confidence that comes from keeping himself from getting hurt by always ending relationships first, it is probably quite devastating when the rug is pulled out from under his feet the first time. "Som nam naa" springs to mind if this is the case or, if the OP aint au fait with Thai slang, 'Howdya like them apples?'

True things have been already been stated here in that the PRIMARY Thai filial feeling, love and care is for the family. The love for a male of the species, regardless of race, creed or nationality is WAY down the totem pole in that regard, always has been, always will be. End of.

I would further suggest that anyone in a successful, working Thai mixed marriage here will readily admit that the real 'love' aspect didn't really kick in till a fair few years of the relationship including matrimony was under the belt. They are wired different, OK?

[Lopburi99]

C'mon man, for God's sake you are not 15 anymore.

You are "thinking too much". You may or may not have been scammed, she may have been sincere and her mother put the kaibash on your relationship, who knows. You'll never know.

But your love affair is indisputably all over now. If you are open to trying again, you are a patent fool. Sorry Mate.

[NanLaew]

in amerrika its dam_n near impossible to pay 4 real estate in cash

is thailand no same same?

A few years back, I drove my ex- mother-in-law from Korat to Ayuddyha with 7 million baht in 500 baht notes in half-a-dozen grocery bags so she could purchase some land there.

The only thing similar to amerrika (sic) was the grocery bags.

...and the gun.

[venturalaw]

C'mon man, for God's sake you are not 15 anymore.

You are "thinking too much". You may or may not have been scammed, she may have been sincere and her mother put the kaibash on your relationship, who knows. You'll never know.

But your love affair is indisputably all over now. If you are open to trying again, you are a patent fool. Sorry Mate.

Succinct and to the point.

As one poster said (paraphrasing), there are those who have lost far more than 50,000 baht. Consider yourself lucky and move on.

[sendbaht]

Jason, Jason, Jason, we all have had a broken heart or two. It's hurts. It so easy for all of us to say move on, but, that's it, move on.

It's also easy for us all to say time will heal, but, time moves so slow when you hurt.

Best thing is to know "nothing leaves your life unless something better is coming".

Find a new one, there are tons of Thai or PI girls who will love you like no other girl could.

Good luck Son.

[venturalaw]

Jason, Jason, Jason, we all have had a broken heart or two. It's hurts. It so easy for all of us to say move on, but, that's it, move on.

It's also easy for us all to say time will heal, but, time moves so slow when you hurt.

Best thing is to know "nothing leaves your life unless something better is coming".

Find a new one, there are tons of Thai or PI girls who will love you like no other girl could.

Good luck Son.

You're right - I didn't mean to sound as though it is easy. If one truly feels love, it's extremely difficult to 'move on'. So, what I have told some to ease the pain during the process of moving on is to focus on two thoughts:

1. As time passes it will become easier. Think of how difficult it was for you when you first left to go home compared to today. Next month will be even easier.

2. Focus on her worst, annoying quality or when you saw her at her worst and it was somewhat off putting.

Try to focus on those two concepts whenever she comes to mind.

Good luck.

[stiggy]

Jog on.

[grantbkk]

Do not give it another thought and get on with your life. When the latest Japanese ATM breaks down I guarantee you that she will get back to you. She is comfortable with the Japanese, their culture and language. The Japanese traditionally offer more than the girl/woman can refuse. She needs the money for her family.

To her emotion will always take a backseat to economics. If you want you will get another crack (no pun here) at her.

[Theyreallrubbish]

I guess I'll be the first to say it.

You were not the only guy.

She has several BFs, most of them sending her money and she schedules her time with them.

When you had difficulty coming up with a mere 50k she decided the time invested in you wasn't going to pay off compared to investing that time and energy in some of her other buffalo. So you were kicked to the kerb to free up a place for someone with more money and ideally less emotionally demanding.

If you want to be a total victim the only way to get her back will be to offer a cost-benefit ratio competitive with the other guys she has and can conceivably get. If she speaks Japanese you have to be looking at a minimum 30k a month and giving her plenty of advance warning before coming to Thailand to help her arrange the schedule for everyone and not being so emotionally demanding.

Oh, and thinking it was your idea to give her the money just shows she is a good con artist. She got the money and you think its your idea. Only a skill on her part. The putting the 10k back at the beginning is almost a cliche when it comes to how these girls operate. And introducing you to the family means nothing. Often the whole village can be in on the scam and will greet you as if your visit is really something special even though they may have just waved off another dumb farang brought by the same girls a couple of weeks ago. Again a complete cliche on how the con works. So much of a cliche that I'm thinking this is a troll

Guys like you think that Thai girls are these sub human beings with not emotions.

Do you think this girl never wants to have her own kids ?

do you think this girl never wants to get married ?

do you think this girl would rather be with a drunk Thai guy ?

I don't think all Thai girls are like anything.

I do recognise a pattern of behaviour from the OP's girl of asking for substantial sums of money, using tears and emotional blackmail and dropping him instantly when the money didn't flow fast enough.

If she had dumped him after a series of rows about other matters, or if there had never been a payment of 50,000 just 5 months after meeting him (and the OP seems to be temporary visitor with a job in the west so it seems to have not even been 5 months together, but a couple of weeks together a few times over the 5 months) then my opinion of this particular, individual girl would be different.

But her behaviour has been classic con woman.

I normally date women from different backgrounds than "tour guide" and drop them instantly should any behaviour like the OP's girl's behaviour occur. This is because I DON'T think ALL Thai girls are the same, but use my brain to differentiate. If I thought they were ALL the same I would tolerate this behaviour as so many do, thinking its normal and that any other Thai girl I date would be the same.

Your post indicates an inability to differentiate that Thai people are individuals, of which some are good and some are bad, just like in every other country.

[Soutpeel]

Do not give it another thought and get on with your life. When the latest Japanese ATM breaks down I guarantee you that she will get back to you. She is comfortable with the Japanese, their culture and language. The Japanese traditionally offer more than the girl/woman can refuse. She needs the money for her family.

To her emotion will always take a backseat to economics. If you want you will get another crack (no pun here) at her.

Grantbkk....would anybody in this situation really take her back ?? ....if they did they need their heads examined....happened once....will happen again..sure sure....

If he does want a another "crack" at her, he had better have a big wallet, since he was waiting for his salary to be paid before he paid over the 50k, one would assume he doesnt have a big wallet, so highly unlikely he can complete with a mid-aged Japanese punter....

In addtion if needs to understand it would be a "business" arrangement for the foreseeable future...and not "True Love" as he perceives right now....

[ChangMaiSausage]

Guys you have scared Jason off. I think he knows the answer MOVE ON. Every time you post you trip yourself up.

50,000THB is not a great deal of money (to most posters) but it was still your money, think of it as an expensive lesson in life.

[sunny747]

Jason, i can really feel your agony. You just failed to understand her. however, change your lifestyle. go to gym , do some social activity or join some charity work then soon you will find that ppl has more agony than yours.

Yes Thai woman are attractive and very funny. i love them. Lucky that i don't have to date a Thai in Thailand. I'm also young like you and studied the uni here. I have many good thai friends from good wealthy family and most importantly, they are from bangkok.

if you really like them, you better choose from wealthy family, good uni students and make sure that she is from Bangkok.

[Travel2003]

but what makes me confused is that she has never asked for anything while i was in US for months.

Thinking back.

Why do you think she didnt ask for anything while you were away?

[Travel2003]

but what makes me confused is that she has never asked for anything while i was in US for months.

Thinking back.

Why do you think she didnt ask for anything while you were away?

Double post. lost connection, didnt know it already went out.

Edited August 10, 2009 by Travel2003

[sassienie]

I am a young guy, very fit, healthy and had several normal relationships in the US.

I've been with a thai girl for 5 months and it got very serious. She wanted to marrie me in the end and we have had fun all the time. Last month i stayed with her the entire month to see if we can live together. And we were perfect together. We had alot of discussions where both feared each other breaking the others heart. But i made sure if she had any problem with me, she could speak with me. Call me whatever, i can help her. I want to provide for her.

She didnt ask for anything these months except the last two weeks.

I already knew she owned a land and that she was planning to get a house for her mother and herself since she lives a bit poor with my girlfriends sister. So i was happy to provide her that last 50 000 baht she needed to complete the payment for the land. She made sure i didnt have to do this and also said she could pay me back. But i was happy to do this since i have met her family and want to help.

All my life i have lived good, i like helping people and dont care about myself.

I was waiting for my salary to come from the US but it took some days. She got angry since she said her mother expected the money and i said several times i have done what i can, now its up to the bank to transfer. I cannot make it go faster. She got really angry and acted kinda disappointed about me. This made me furious, why are you angry at me when all i do is help you? There is not one bad feeling in my entire body. She was angry like this for 2 days and in the end i got fed up and said i was leaving to stay at hotel for 1 day to think about this. I really didnt like how she acted, felt like i was beeing tricked.

Next day i kinda felt what if i have misjudged the situation? So i contacted her again and she cried and said she was sorry. She was heartbroken over me leaving and hadnt slept all night. She was like a zombie. I felt bad and said i was sorry and she also apologized.

The next days she wasnt herself and i felt she was still thinking of our fight. She started crying suddenly when we went out for dinner.

The day after i went back to the US since i had to work and now suddenly she didnt contact me as she used to before when i was home. I had to call her and often she was unavailable and used "Busy working" as an apology. So i felt something was wrong but she said i love you on phone so i kinda didnt think more of it.

Then suddenly for 1 week i couldnt call her, she didnt pick up phone or answer my messages. I got a friend who lives in Thailand to call her to see if she was ignoring me. And she answered, my friend said i was worried about her. Then she responded "Me and him is finished!" in a angry voice.

How would you guys think about this situation? I have asked many about this, mostly farang and they have bad experienced with thai from before. So they obviously say i have been tricked. But the money for the land i was with her when she paid it completely, so i know she didnt use it for something else. And she has never asked for anything beyond this. Should i think she may have tricked me? Or can it be our fight which resulted in she not trusting me anymore?

I have a hard time accepting that she has tricked me, i dont believe this. She hated girls like that, we spoke about thai farang relationships often because i was afraid of just this when we met.

She also wanted to marrie me and come with me to the US so yeah, i am confused. This was last monday, she has not called me or sent any text messages about reason yet. I am planning to send her a text message tomorrow on sunday to see if i can get a reason. I still love her very much, i saw a future with her. And i could definetaly give her a very good life.

Any opinions on this? Especially from thai people? Would greatly appreciate it.

Over my 20 years experience of living in Thailand, I have seen this, time and time again.

These Thai girls are professionals at extracting money from Farangs and sadly you have been a victim of this.

Thai girls are masters at giving the semblance of being the ideal lover.

They can switch different personalities on and off in a second and know how to play the game. There are Thai families out there who have turned seperating the Farang from his assets into an industry.

It seems in this case that the OP wasn’t coughing up the dosh quite enough, so in her mind it’s time to move on to the next mug.

Although there are some success stories with Thai/Farang relationships, my advice is, to avoid getting into the deep end, love em and leave em.