Relationships In Thailand

[macb]

You have read the stories heard the tales seen it or took part :

This Topic is meant to prompt a debate it is not meant or aimed at any individual.

If it is seen to start flaming or degrading the culture then I will have it closed.

So why come to live in Thailand and take a Thai wife, but then spend all the day sat in a bar drinking and your wife or g/f is know where to be seen. ?

Why have the need to go to Pattaya on your own ?

Is it because you think its acceptable ?

Is it because you think well I have made there lifestyle better I pay for this and pay for that so I will do as I please ?

As opposed relationships in your home country how should it be ?

My view is 1. lady .1 man in a relationship if there is need for more then parties on either side should remain single !

[daoyai]

I don't see how this can be a topic for debate as it a personal matter for each individual to decide. It seems from your post that this is more of an opportunity for you to tell others how they should behave.

[macb]

Well done you have just started the debate

[a2396]

As for me, I am looking for a normal give & take relationship, similar to what I might have had back in my home country, where a relationship is not based primarily on money. I have been in LOS for over 4 years and am still looking, after having gone trough numerous ladies. Many of them don't go past the priliminary acquaintence stage. It is not an easy task, but there are many opportunities and much more so than back home, which would be zero. Biggest challenges are communication (language & cultural face saving (lying)) and ladies obsession with money. I don't understand all the boozing Farangs here either, other than they were that way long before they arrived here. I think as long as many of these ladies get their money, they don't care what the Farang other half does.

[Soutpeel]

If it is seen to start flaming or degrading the culture then I will have it closed.

You have over 2000 posts on TV, so you should know exactly where this thread is going to end up..

so my question to you would be why post a discussion point like this ?...

[Harcourt]

You have read the stories heard the tales seen it or took part :

This Topic is meant to prompt a debate it is not meant or aimed at any individual.

If it is seen to start flaming or degrading the culture then I will have it closed.

So why come to live in Thailand and take a Thai wife, but then spend all the day sat in a bar drinking and your wife or g/f is know where to be seen. ?

Why have the need to go to Pattaya on your own ?

Is it because you think its acceptable ?

Is it because you think well I have made there lifestyle better I pay for this and pay for that so I will do as I please ?

As opposed relationships in your home country how should it be ?

My view is 1. lady .1 man in a relationship if there is need for more then parties on either side should remain single !

I'm not saying you're wrong, but why do you insist on 1 man/1 woman is the only way relationships can go?

I'm not even going to broach 1man/1man or 1 woman/1 woman relationships because I assume you are just generalising with the norm of heterosexual relationships.

There are many cultures that practice polygamy, whether patriarchal or matriarchal. Those cultures seem to make the relationships work.

[MJo]

I fail to see how this is thailand related, happens everywhere. But good start if you are planning to break your longet thread record. I give it 50/50 staying open long enough to reach 10 pages...

[dondraper]

many farang in thailand are degenerate alcoholic losers.

[robblok]

You have read the stories heard the tales seen it or took part :

This Topic is meant to prompt a debate it is not meant or aimed at any individual.

If it is seen to start flaming or degrading the culture then I will have it closed.

So why come to live in Thailand and take a Thai wife, but then spend all the day sat in a bar drinking and your wife or g/f is know where to be seen. ?

Why have the need to go to Pattaya on your own ?

Is it because you think its acceptable ?

Is it because you think well I have made there lifestyle better I pay for this and pay for that so I will do as I please ?

As opposed relationships in your home country how should it be ?

My view is 1. lady .1 man in a relationship if there is need for more then parties on either side should remain single !

Nr 1 cut the moralistic crap.

Relationships should not be governed by stupid christian views.

I am in a open relationship, that means she can have an other guy at times and i can have an other girl at times. This is based on free will. She pays half the bills of the house and everything and i don't give her an salary did not pay sin sod so she stays with me out of her own free will.

I don't go to Pattaya or visit bar's I don't like either. I see my wife a lot and the times that we really have fun with someone else are not many at all. If you think that having sex with someone equals love, then all the prostitutes love their clients and all the guys love them too. There can be sex without out love just for fun, its just that some religions brainwash people.

Who are you to decide what happens in a equal relationship between couples. If you want to preach go and find a nice church.

I can see your point if the guy has control over the girl and forces a relationship like you describe on her. But in Thailand often the Thai wife has a car or a house on her name that the guy will loose so she has leverage too. But if this is not the case and the guy forces the girl into something like this she could still leave him and find an other guy.

To sum it all up, your morals don't have to be the same as someone from an other background. Your imposing your presumably "christian" morals upon others. There is such a thing as freedom and everyone should have their own choice.

[pnustedt]

As for me, I am looking for a normal give & take relationship

I've got one of them - I give, she takes

[bkkjames]

many farang in thailand are degenerate alcoholic losers.

Don, pretty broad statement - probably could be applied to just about any country though. As for myself, I may be a degenerate, even a loser, but don't call me an Alcoholic...it will ruin my rep.

[Soutpeel]

As for me, I am looking for a normal give & take relationship, similar to what I might have had back in my home country, where a relationship is not based primarily on money.

A rather naive statement dont you think ?....At the end of the day almost all relationships in one shape or form are based on money, irrespective of in Thailand or other country. I will back this up with saying what is one of the top reasons people get divorced in the West ?....Money

My spin on this question, and know I am generalising and doesnt apply to eveyone, but based on observations after being here for 8 years:

1. Vast majority of Farangs who take Thai wifes, are mid-aged, divorced at least once in their own countries. In a large number of cases these indivduals appear to have a "chip" on their shoulders about one thing or another..

2. Age difference between said Farang and Thai wifey is generally greater than 15 years and unless you are Rod Stewart, realtionships like this very rarely work out.

3. It appears that a lot of the Farangs have "purchased" their wives and display them as "trophies" .no more no less....ie in terms of "relationship" there isnt one....

4. It also appears that a lot of Farangs have "control" issues with their wives....ie They want a "servant" not a wife/GF..see 1

If we combine the above with the normal cross cultural issues, ie language etc.....You have to ask the question what exactly are these "relationships" built on ?.

The only conculsion I can come to is that the only common demominator is money.....Thai wifey is with Farang for money only, in these cases...Marriage of convienience only...therefore neither party really care what the other one does.

Farang thinks its alright to have a bit on the side and sees nothing wrong with it, as he has "paid" for wifey...so his property, but if wifey decides on a "Gik"...then you will see all h*ll break loose...again goes back to control...

My thoughts

[bkkjames]

As for me, I am looking for a normal give & take relationship, similar to what I might have had back in my home country, where a relationship is not based primarily on money.

A rather naive statement dont you think ?....At the end of the day almost all relationships in one shape or form are based on money, irrespective of in Thailand or other country. I will back this up with saying what is one of the top reasons people get divorced in the West ?....Money

My spin on this question, and know I am generalising and doesnt apply to eveyone, but based on observations after being here for 8 years:

1. Vast majority of Farangs who take Thai wifes, are mid-aged, divorced at least once in their own countries. In a large number of cases these indivduals appear to have a "chip" on their shoulders about one thing or another..

NOPE (maybe a bit of a chip, but that's inherited)

2. Age difference between said Farang and Thai wifey is generally greater than 15 years and unless you are Rod Stewart, realtionships like this very rarely work out.

NOPE working out fine (touch wood)

3. It appears that a lot of the Farangs have "purchased" their wives and display them as "trophies" .no more no less....ie in terms of "relationship" there isnt one....

NOPE I am the trophy in our relationship (from golf when i was young)

4. It also appears that a lot of Farangs have "control" issues with their wives....ie They want a "servant" not a wife/GF..see 1

NOPE I am well and truly under the thumb of my Mrs

If we combine the above with the normal cross cultural issues, ie language etc.....You have to ask the question what exactly are these "relationships" built on ?.

LOVE

The only conculsion I can come to is that the only common demominator is money.....Thai wifey is with Farang for money only, in these cases...Marriage of convienience only...therefore neither party really care what the other one does.

NOPE I am poor as can be yet she still married me.

Farang thinks its alright to have a bit on the side and sees nothing wrong with it, as he has "paid" for wifey...so his property, but if wifey decides on a "Gik"...then you will see all h*ll break loose...again goes back to control...

My thoughts

My thoughts in bold.

[dale8]

Hello, it is my choice to live in a tropical paradise with someone to be close to. Life is too short to be stuck some place where it is difficult to live, and the culture is much different in Thailand so sometimes a change is good and can keep us young or thinking more so our brains do not turn to sticky rice. Cheers.

[asiasurfer]

Macb has definitely a point and he’s got my rating for the topic.

But the type of Thai lady you describe in your initial post indeed mainly refers to the ‘typical’ bar girl (I would argue). Farang men, married to these girls are unfortunately often those men as described by dondraper in post #8: “degenerated alcoholic losers”. But there are also many exceptions!

The problem is you never see these exceptions! Young bar girls with their fat old farang men are unfortunately more visible than the ‘decent couple’ (Thai wife & Farang man) who are living with their children somewhere outside the city, far away from any bar.

Most of the female Thai workforce is actually NOT working in bars. Many of them have just normal jobs (e.g. office, factory workers, etc…) and are willing to make their living without any bar work and/or selling their body. The problem though is that it can be very difficult for foreign men to access this network of ‘normal society’ because of cultural differences, language, etc… Therefore, it may be impossible for most foreign men to find an ‘ordinary’ Thai wife.

So, what you see are all the bars, bar girls and their farang boyfriends. Don’t take me wrong; I don’t judge them in any ways! But this is basically what is visible to the tourists, foreign media, travel writers, etc… That’s why Thailand’s reputation has become like this.

So, what I’m trying to say in essence is that I believe/hope that most farang men, married to Thai women are just normal couples living happily together, somewhere in this world. And yes, although I sometimes wanna strangle my (Thai) wife, I just LOVE Thai culture!

Lol. That was a nice ending. Oh yea, love is the message!

I think macb will get his 10 pages (i.e. post 7)…

[macb]

Macb has definitely a point and he’s got my rating for the topic.

But the type of Thai lady you describe in your initial post indeed mainly refers to the ‘typical’ bar girl (I would argue). Farang men, married to these girls are unfortunately often those men as described by dondraper in post #8: “degenerated alcoholic losers”. But there are also many exceptions!

The problem is you never see these exceptions! Young bar girls with their fat old farang men are unfortunately more visible than the ‘decent couple’ (Thai wife & Farang man) who are living with their children somewhere outside the city, far away from any bar.

Most of the female Thai workforce is actually NOT working in bars. Many of them have just normal jobs (e.g. office, factory workers, etc…) and are willing to make their living without any bar work and/or selling their body. The problem though is that it can be very difficult for foreign men to access this network of ‘normal society’ because of cultural differences, language, etc… Therefore, it may be impossible for most foreign men to find an ‘ordinary’ Thai wife.

So, what you see are all the bars, bar girls and their farang boyfriends. Don’t take me wrong; I don’t judge them in any ways! But this is basically what is visible to the tourists, foreign media, travel writers, etc… That’s why Thailand’s reputation has become like this.

So, what I’m trying to say in essence is that I believe/hope that most farang men, married to Thai women are just normal couples living happily together, somewhere in this world. And yes, although I sometimes wanna strangle my (Thai) wife, I just LOVE Thai culture!

Lol. That was a nice ending. Oh yea, love is the message!

I think macb will get his 10 pages (i.e. post 7)…

Nice write up thanks for your support: I know it will draw negative and positive responses, lots of things on this Forum are informative educative and sometimes make people re-think about things I am sure or maybe not

[G54]

In any relationship there has to be give and take. Just depends on who is taking what

How the OP seems to think we all sit in bars drinking with no wife / g/f in sight is beyond me. Even when I go to Pattaya on my own I often see men with their other half even in go-go bars. Seems to me the OP has a blinkered view in that respect.

Myself, I take my other half with me on most occasions as she is great company. Loving and humorous, but, as in the West I do like to go out alone at times. Gives us both some freedom and I am more than happy if she wants a night out with her friends.

Monogamy still rules with me, though I do jest at times about it.

I do not really see why there should be a great difference in relationships here or back home. A two timing turd is that here or there. A domineering, wife beating asshol_e is the same there as here - though it is more often here I see the Thai woman beating the man with a stick

What I feel makes the difference is the way a Thai looks at life and what they want from a relationship but my views on that are already well known

Overall, we get the chance to be here, to make of it what we can and in general it is a great place to be and once the money-grabbers are weeded out, you will find some great relationships with some of the most beautiful women on the planet (takes care here not to upset some people ) compared to back home.

[F1fanatic]

As for me, I am looking for a normal give & take relationship, similar to what I might have had back in my home country, where a relationship is not based primarily on money.

A rather naive statement dont you think ?....At the end of the day almost all relationships in one shape or form are based on money, irrespective of in Thailand or other country. I will back this up with saying what is one of the top reasons people get divorced in the West ?....Money

Ummm, no. The vast majority of divorces occur because they fall out of love. It has absolutely nothing to do with money - that is v rare indeed!

[F1fanatic]

You have read the stories heard the tales seen it or took part :

This Topic is meant to prompt a debate it is not meant or aimed at any individual.

If it is seen to start flaming or degrading the culture then I will have it closed.

So why come to live in Thailand and take a Thai wife, but then spend all the day sat in a bar drinking and your wife or g/f is know where to be seen. ?

Why have the need to go to Pattaya on your own ?

Is it because you think its acceptable ?

Is it because you think well I have made there lifestyle better I pay for this and pay for that so I will do as I please ?

As opposed relationships in your home country how should it be ?

My view is 1. lady .1 man in a relationship if there is need for more then parties on either side should remain single !

Nr 1 cut the moralistic crap.

Relationships should not be governed by stupid christian views.

I am in a open relationship, that means she can have an other guy at times and i can have an other girl at times. This is based on free will. She pays half the bills of the house and everything and i don't give her an salary did not pay sin sod so she stays with me out of her own free will.

I don't go to Pattaya or visit bar's I don't like either. I see my wife a lot and the times that we really have fun with someone else are not many at all. If you think that having sex with someone equals love, then all the prostitutes love their clients and all the guys love them too. There can be sex without out love just for fun, its just that some religions brainwash people.

Who are you to decide what happens in a equal relationship between couples. If you want to preach go and find a nice church.

I can see your point if the guy has control over the girl and forces a relationship like you describe on her. But in Thailand often the Thai wife has a car or a house on her name that the guy will loose so she has leverage too. But if this is not the case and the guy forces the girl into something like this she could still leave him and find an other guy.

To sum it all up, your morals don't have to be the same as someone from an other background. Your imposing your presumably "christian" morals upon others. There is such a thing as freedom and everyone should have their own choice.

She "pays half the bills of the house and everything"????

Where did you meet her? Most forumers here would give anything to meet a woman like that! Its hardly usual!

[Birdman]

She "pays half the bills of the house and everything"????

Where did you meet her? Most forumers here would give anything to meet a woman like that! Its hardly usual!

Do you really think that all 100% of Farangs pay for Thai females??

There are even Thais who work a go go, while her Farang boyfriend waits at her apartment for the money she brings home and gives him!

[mahtin]

many farang in thailand are degenerate alcoholic losers.

just one of the lads (Loser, Alky, Degen)

[robblok]

You have read the stories heard the tales seen it or took part :

This Topic is meant to prompt a debate it is not meant or aimed at any individual.

If it is seen to start flaming or degrading the culture then I will have it closed.

So why come to live in Thailand and take a Thai wife, but then spend all the day sat in a bar drinking and your wife or g/f is know where to be seen. ?

Why have the need to go to Pattaya on your own ?

Is it because you think its acceptable ?

Is it because you think well I have made there lifestyle better I pay for this and pay for that so I will do as I please ?

As opposed relationships in your home country how should it be ?

My view is 1. lady .1 man in a relationship if there is need for more then parties on either side should remain single !

Nr 1 cut the moralistic crap.

Relationships should not be governed by stupid christian views.

I am in a open relationship, that means she can have an other guy at times and i can have an other girl at times. This is based on free will. She pays half the bills of the house and everything and i don't give her an salary did not pay sin sod so she stays with me out of her own free will.

I don't go to Pattaya or visit bar's I don't like either. I see my wife a lot and the times that we really have fun with someone else are not many at all. If you think that having sex with someone equals love, then all the prostitutes love their clients and all the guys love them too. There can be sex without out love just for fun, its just that some religions brainwash people.

Who are you to decide what happens in a equal relationship between couples. If you want to preach go and find a nice church.

I can see your point if the guy has control over the girl and forces a relationship like you describe on her. But in Thailand often the Thai wife has a car or a house on her name that the guy will loose so she has leverage too. But if this is not the case and the guy forces the girl into something like this she could still leave him and find an other guy.

To sum it all up, your morals don't have to be the same as someone from an other background. Your imposing your presumably "christian" morals upon others. There is such a thing as freedom and everyone should have their own choice.

She "pays half the bills of the house and everything"????

Where did you meet her? Most forumers here would give anything to meet a woman like that! Its hardly usual!

I did not meet her in a bar or Pattaya. I met her when she was chatting online somewhere when she was still in university. Been with her for 4 years now. We don't differ too much in age and we both look ok but not perfect like some girls you see. Thing is girls like her are a lil bit harder to meet and it takes more time to court them. Many forumers would rather throw in some money and make it easy for them.

For me the fact that she pays half of things (sometimes less because she makes less money) shows me she is not with me for money.

[F1fanatic]

She "pays half the bills of the house and everything"????

Where did you meet her? Most forumers here would give anything to meet a woman like that! Its hardly usual!

Do you really think that all 100% of Farangs pay for Thai females??

There are even Thais who work a go go, while her Farang boyfriend waits at her apartment for the money she brings home and gives him!

No, of course not - only 99%, hence my comment.

BTW, has it crossed your mind that if a woman works in a go go bar and brings home money to her farang b/f, no Thai male would have anything to do with her?

[norwayeagle]

many farang in thailand are degenerate alcoholic losers.

Ya they are all over (it shocked me the first years but now) .Even in the most remote places,its a drunk farang.And their girlfriends are sad all the time bcuse they drink everyday,or,and sit at the computer 4 hours(all the time) with their King alcohol.No Love in those houses.(and if they have spare time they go polishing the 4 wheels drive Wai the auto and drink,n drink,n utterly drink,hehehehe.Poor ladies,2 many of them.

[MrHammer]

Unless you are married, I cant really see that there is any law, legal or moral, that dictates a relationship to be monogamous?

Where does this crazy idea come from? And when should you start being monogamous?

Most people date more than one person at the time or they have several interested, so when does it turn into 1 woman 1 man relationship?

Is monogamy just an excuse for those with few options?

[dondraper]

I dunno about all those questions Mr.Hammer, but I am sure if I meet your girlfriend I could pull her phone number, meet up, and well you know the rest.

Edited August 11, 2009 by dondraper

[dondraper]

many farang in thailand are degenerate alcoholic losers.

Ya they are all over (it shocked me the first years but now) .Even in the most remote places,its a drunk farang.And their girlfriends are sad all the time bcuse they drink everyday,or,and sit at the computer 4 hours(all the time) with their King alcohol.No Love in those houses.(and if they have spare time they go polishing the 4 wheels drive Wai the auto and drink,n drink,n utterly drink,hehehehe.Poor ladies,2 many of them.

I try to workout during busy times at the gym to avoid being crowded by some pathetic hooligan loser with his stories and 'items' for sale. These losers are eveywhere.

[Birdman]

She "pays half the bills of the house and everything"????

Where did you meet her? Most forumers here would give anything to meet a woman like that! Its hardly usual!

Do you really think that all 100% of Farangs pay for Thai females??

There are even Thais who work a go go, while her Farang boyfriend waits at her apartment for the money she brings home and gives him!

No, of course not - only 99%, hence my comment.

BTW, has it crossed your mind that if a woman works in a go go bar and brings home money to her farang b/f, no Thai male would have anything to do with her?

So what? She loves him!

Seems you are too much and maybe too long in that bar scene.

[sunholidaysun1]

When I came here 5 years ago I thought like many farangs that the choice and availability of the women here was amaising. I dabled with a few and then met my first G/F, that lasted 3 months . I booted her out as there was family presure to get married , even though I had told her that if she stayed with me it was her choice but to be under no illusion of marraige as it wouldnt happen. Primarily because I was still married in the UK but legally seperated. I also didnt want to jump in to another marraige as I had just left one after 17 years. I also asked my first Thai GF to leave because money was going missing from my wallet. I initially thought I had spent more than I did , not even thinking about her, but I withdrew 5,000 bht one evening , it was all I had in my wallet but the next morning only 4k.

This had happened several times and not a one off but I honestly didnt think she was stealing from me. Three months after that I met a Girl in Big C, I fell in love instantly and NO it wasnt lust. Theres tons of ladies available for that . This girl hit me like a ton of ton of bricks and every day I went to Big C for about 1 week , just to see her and say hello. She didnt speak hardly any English at all , then I invited her out for a meal and she accepted.

I dated her for 3 months , then asked her to come and live with me and 4 years later we are married and still together. She is a supervisor , working every day and I am the house husband , staying home taking care of everything and when she is not working then we are together. I also go to all her work outings where I am the only farang and I dont speak Thai . If there are 10 staff who go out to a restaurant , everyone chips in and pays , I am treated fairly and not as a foreigner, I am well cared for by her friends, who are all my friends now.

Life is sweet, been through a few bad stages , but we have overcome MY financial mess and live with what little we have . There is a 22 year age gap and now my wife speaks fluent English as I had to teach her as my brain has given up and I just cant remember Thai .

So , not all of us are being screwed for everything we have and then they do a runner, it can work as long as you try your best as well to fit in to all aspects of Thai Life.

I am not a rich man , but as my wife says sometimes I am the rich man under the poor of Thailand , she knows there is nothing in the kitty as such for her , so she is with me purely because of love because if there was no love then she would be gone . I feel very lucky to have her but in all honesty I dont think any foreigner here will be accepted fully. It has taken 4 years for her family to actually call me by my name rather than Farang. Even the kids call me uncle now so thats good also. Funerals of family members always includes me and when the photos are taken I am ushered into them , they never leave me out. So for me , I have a new family albeit only 4 years old but I hope I have many more years to come .Being with her and living here is wonderful .

[norwayeagle]

many farang in thailand are degenerate alcoholic losers.

Ya they are all over (it shocked me the first years but now) .Even in the most remote places,its a drunk farang.And their girlfriends are sad all the time bcuse they drink everyday,or,and sit at the computer 4 hours(all the time) with their King alcohol.No Love in those houses.(and if they have spare time they go polishing the 4 wheels drive Wai the auto and drink,n drink,n utterly drink,hehehehe.Poor ladies,2 many of them.

I try to workout during busy times at the gym to avoid being crowded by some pathetic hooligan loser with his stories and 'items' for sale. These losers are eveywhere.

,Yeah same same, so i do my training in the "backyards" instead.hehe. I am 50 but not like the rest belief me!Ur cool.