Age Differences In Spouses: What Do Thai People Think About It?

[chrisartist]

So a 53 year old in Thailand does not like being called middle-aged. What a surprise.

 I don't recall that I said that I don't like being called middle-aged or denied being middle-aged. Perhaps you could tell us what makes you think that I did. Of course I am middle-aged!

[chrisartist]

WOW! It's 7pm already. Time to go and feed the guinea pigs. I've wasted a heck of a lot of time on TV today, fending off weird posts. I don't think I'll start any more threads.

And, thanks to oldsparrow and some other kind folks, I've got a good answer to my question, so I'm done on this thread, as well.

[bobbysan124]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

Still cannot fathom why OP would be interested in what age difference Thais or any other people would find acceptable assuming all parties are beyond the age of consent.

[jamora]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

My experience with farang talking about "Hi So Thais" is that you never know where they draw the line. "I met a Hi So Thai girl who works as a receptionist in a travel agency. She drives a 01' Civic, only 50,000 kms."

Or, "I am not interested in wasting my money in Hi So restuarants like MK or Fuji, nope, a good ole food court is all I need. I guess I am just really Buddhist."

When I talk about "Hi-So", Im talking about movie stars, doctors, royal people, managers at international companies... people with big houses, lots of maids, ferraries, mercedes, porsche etc... of course im not talking about receptionists, or people who consider MK or FUJI expensive... who would find thoese people Hi-So?

But true, many dont where to draw the line, but now you know where i do!

I agree with jamora, except for movie stars. I think they are lo-so but have a lot of money.....and doctors are only marginally hi-so. I would call them upper middle class, along with university professors, lawyers, accountants, vets, scientific researchers, etc.

True about movie stars, they are difficult to put in one group. Some are very posh and Hi-So, just to show off, while others are more down to earth. And I guess you are right about doctors. I only took from my own experience, and of the two I know well, one is very up class (surgeon at Bonrumgrad and doctor for the royal family) , while the other would fit well in to the upper mid (doctor at Chula hospital and professor at fac. of medicine).

[jamora]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

Still cannot fathom why OP would be interested in what age difference Thais or any other people would find acceptable assuming all parties are beyond the age of consent.

I personally also find it important, as I would not marry someone who my family will not accept, or if im not accepted by hers. I know love matters the most, but I still want to feel accepted by the people i care about, and who care about me!

[PS3]

OP: With your sweet, charming personality clearly expressed here, I would not worry so much about the age of a future wife....

From the start you come on very aggresive. Many members tell you to lighten up and not be so serious. When you continue attacking members and lecture them, you shure lost alot of respect/responses from many members here with Thai wife.

You continued your attacks on 3 pages....

Guess it takes a man with PhD to do that.

Kindly learn from this, and if you post again, change your attitude before writing. If another member make you so upset, simply click "ignore this member". Then you never have to read any post from them again.

Btw, it's now 8pm and you still online

[G54]

There is no hard and fast rule for age differences between Thai people from what I have seen.

I know Thai women of 19 and in their early 20's who are happily married to men in their 30's and 40's.

Many young Thai women who marry a man their own age group usually find themselves struggling for money to make ends meet with a man who wants to be out and about a lot, drinking and with his friends and after a child or two the man is off seeking a younger woman. Yet the woman with the older, more established and settled male seems a lot happier and settles herself.

[midasthailand]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

First of all, my advice to you when seeking love is to not give a monkey's turd what other people think. Are you looking for love or are you looking to look good?

Re: what age differenence a respectable Thai woman would deem acceptable, I guess she will be the judge of that - whether you are too old for her.

Got it? Good.

Suttle as always James, BTW thanks for sticking up for me in the other thread! Support from unexpected quarters

[dondraper]

There is no hard and fast rule for age differences between Thai people from what I have seen.

I know Thai women of 19 and in their early 20's who are happily married to men in their 30's and 40's.

Many young Thai women who marry a man their own age group usually find themselves struggling for money to make ends meet with a man who wants to be out and about a lot, drinking and with his friends and after a child or two the man is off seeking a younger woman. Yet the woman with the older, more established and settled male seems a lot happier and settles herself.

Won't this type of girl will still remain in contact with said lousy first husband? Isn't that the hustle?

[Jangot]

Thanks, but I have never in my life been worried about what others think. As I said above, I wanted an answer to my question so that I could could down on search effort by excluding people from the search categories.

Funny that - when the title of the thread you started says "...what do Thai people think about it".

J.

[asean]

Reminds me of many a conversation i have with young thai ladies partnered with old farang. They tell me with great theatrics how Thai girls love older fat farang. I then point out to her that in all the thai movies, magazines, pop and mainstream media i don't see a single old fat farang.

I then ask them the question if they were making 100k a month and they had the choice of two men a good young Thai man with education and looks or the old fat farang which one would they choose? 100% of the time I will not get an answer.

The poorer lower class Thai ladies can't afford the luxury of meeting someone falling in love by physical attraction then start a life together. In fact many of them tell me that They first want to meet a "good man take care" (and we have all heard that) and then they learn to love. Most western women won't even contemplate that. As far as they are concerned we are their uncles, dads and grand dads.

So in your quest for the right accepted age difference just remember to be honest with yourself about the reasons for the age differences. The so called upper middle class educated Thai ladies can afford to choose and definitely will not even look twice at an older fat farang. Those men are for the poorer lower class girls from up north they tell me. In answer to your question :waht is the accepted age difference?" Well it depends on which circles you want to mix in.

You can end up with a poor Thai girl who originally wanted you for your luck to be on the right side of the forex equation but once she makes her mind to commit to you she will love you like no other. Although i have heard how these "wives" talk to their Thai girlfriends about their old man husbands.

Remember to never start believing in your publicity here.

[oldsparrow]

My idea of classes in aspects of economic and social status in Thailand:

1. The disadvantage class - Those who work for their daily food and chelter, minimal chance for better change, lowest social standing, .

2. The Middle class - Those who have some chance of education and have career for the living, standard of lives depend on opportunity and performance, Socially accepted according to their resource and merit.

3. The Upper Middle - Those who have well establish family wealth. They workfor the title with no real need to earn for the living. They have property or steady income that allow them to have education, house, car, oversea holiday.

4. The Elite - Wealthy and highly respect old families and the tycoon families who own businesses empires. The tycoon are political party sponsor, contract mega project, deposit money oversea, own private plane (even the jet), collect 2-3 hundred guns, influential in gov. official position shaffle etc.

So,

Hi-so in my understanding is the elite class and some from the upper middle with certain social influence that the elite class istens to such as very well respected ex-bureaucrat who may be not so rich or popular person such as Dr. Pravej Wasee (ประเวศ วะสี).

[sunholidaysun1]

I have been married for four and a half years . I was 43 and she was 22 when we married . Life can be good here and the age difference doesnt matter as long as you are happy .

One of my friends is 60 , his wife is 37. Another friend is 75 and his wife 52 and another 44 with a 26 year old wife , all have no problems with the age gap but living here helps.

[scottyd]

Only read the first page, and the OP seems like a bit of a plum, but does age honestly matter? If you like each other what has age got to do with it? (keep it legal fellas)

If it works for you and her, what is the problem?

For a start, if some guy (thai or not) told me that I should be looking for a woman however many years above or below me, I would hear him out, but I would also be amazed at his stupidity. If the difference in age between you and your partner is your biggest worry, you need to have a quiet word with yourself.

To answer your question OP, given all of the elements in the equation, my "Perfect relationship calculater" has given me the perfect age that your partner should be.................

..........................16 (not a day older)

I bet that is a massive weight lifted off your shoulders now that you can disregard the rest of the female population.

[LaoPo]

I worked with a Thai engineer who proved to be a very good friend. He knew I was looking for a wife.

He told me that the ideal age difference is half the mans age plus 7 years. I can't say I paid a lot of attention to that advice but I always remembered it.

As it turned out, that's what the age difference was with myself and my wife. So far it has proved very true.

How's your arithmetics Gary ?

Men-woman age differences according to Thai Engineer: half the man's age + 7 years is ideal woman's age:

M=when the man's age is and meets a W(oman):

M40 / 20 + 7 = W27 = 13 years difference.

M50 / 25 + 7 = W32 = 18 years difference

M60 / 30 + 7 = W37 = 23 years difference.

M66 / 33 + 7 = W40 = 26 years difference

:D

M88 / 44 + 7 = W51 = 37 years difference

Maybe this Thai engineer wasn't an engineer after all.....

It all depends HOW OLD the man and woman are when they first meet/marry. The difference than stays the same.........of course

LaoPo

[jamora]

My idea of classes in aspects of economic and social status in Thailand:

1. The disadvantage class - Those who work for their daily food and chelter, minimal chance for better change, lowest social standing, .

2. The Middle class - Those who have some chance of education and have career for the living, standard of lives depend on opportunity and performance, Socially accepted according to their resource and merit.

3. The Upper Middle - Those who have well establish family wealth. They workfor the title with no real need to earn for the living. They have property or steady income that allow them to have education, house, car, oversea holiday.

4. The Elite - Wealthy and highly respect old families and the tycoon families who own businesses empires. The tycoon are political party sponsor, contract mega project, deposit money oversea, own private plane (even the jet), collect 2-3 hundred guns, influential in gov. official position shaffle etc.

So,

Hi-so in my understanding is the elite class and some from the upper middle with certain social influence that the elite class istens to such as very well respected ex-bureaucrat who may be not so rich or popular person such as Dr. Pravej Wasee (ประเวศ วะสี).

Well I know this has nothing to do with this topic, but from this definition, where would you put someone, who do not have huge companies, do not own a plane, do not collect guns, but perhaps live in a 100mn baht house, do a lot of small business projects, own property around Thailand, goes to Japan, Europe for shopping, sends the kids to Singapore for high school, buy his son a Lamborghini Gallardo and so on... A typical social class model, would include a upper class and a lower class, before you start parting the middle class up...

Just curious...

[beano2274]

If you think that age difference is a problem when you are in love, then don't bother getting involved in the first place.

Just for the record I am 43 and my wife is 25, her family accept me and they know I love her and will look after her, so they do not worry about ages either, for them her happiness is the main issue.

[LaoPo]

My experience with so called "Hi So" Thais is that first of all, they rarely marry farangs, and they rarely have more than around 7-8 years age difference, and as a student at the most expensive university line in Thailand I can say that almost NONE of the "high class" Thais send their kids to India. I have so far not met any who have been to India, some send them to US, Australia, Singapore and UK, but none to India... Why on earth would they send their kids to India???

My Asian experience says the same and I agree.

Most Hiso Thai have Chinese blood and Chinese and Indians do NOT mix....it's simply "not done". Maybe in very rare cases, but all Chinese that I've met, and there are many, are not fond of Indians.

Sure, they do business with one another but they don't socialize or send their kids to India. I've never heard of any Chinese (from Thailand nor mainland/HK, Taiwan or Singapore) who sent their children to India to study.

LaoPo

[sid1967]

this whole thread is so f..... funny

hilarious

i meet so many girls and they all so different...

BUT if you provide money everything else is negotiable....

btw i am 83 and my bargirl wife is 16 (but she has a faked id which says she is is 22) we are married since 23 years...lol

[oldsparrow]

jamora,

People of such profile should be classified as elite if the wealth is "sustainable" and especially if they are also "publicly influential" otherwise I would classified them as Upper Middle or even temporary Uper Middle. There are some people with extreme luck and, earn quick money and have lavish lives like that but they go down flat fast or don't leave much for the next generation. ie. The rag to rich guy who sold buddha images. At some point he had several hundred mil. and seem to upgraded his lifestyle. Now he is in jail for fraud and after release I don't think he can sustain his wealth. Class in TL is associated with family status. Some who I think is hiso may not come from old family such as the Red Bull owner, he is the first in the family to get successful. However, he very well establish his family status in the society through sustainable influence.

Main distinction between Middle and Upper Middle is that the Middle have social mobilisation opportunity but they have to work while the Upper Middle don't have to work or work for title and hobby. Most Upper Middle I define may have lesswealth than your example.

It's my personal observation.

[Joost]

...

It all depends HOW OLD the man and woman are when they first meet/marry. The difference than stays the same.........of course

LaoPo

Sorry, not sure about your statement LaoPo. My wife and i do celebrate her 29the birthday for some years now. And i do actually keep getting older. Once the age difference was just 2 years, nowadays five and rising by the year :S....

Dont think this is a thai thing though

To the OP, my thai technical manual tells me (but keep in mind it was translated by babelfish) you can devide her length in centimeters with 10 and then translate it to age. So a woman of 160cm -> age difference 16 years.

[PS3]

Holy macaroni ! Then I am in big sh_it. My wife is much less than 160cm.......

[Bolo]

To jubby and bkkjames:

You are reading into my posts something that isn't there. I have no particular woman in mind. I just want to know, so that if I ever get myself into a position where I am meeting women who are more my style and not shop girls or boring businesswomen, I will be able to direct my effort efficiently.

Anyway, thanks for the confessional.

I must confess, while we are confessing, that I had hoped for replies that started something like "My mate Orange thinks....", "My wife's friend Fat said.....", "My motorcycle taxi rider's wife Frog reckons that.....".

I suppose that I was overoptimistic. No worries.

ChrisArtist, I am farang and have a girlfriend who is a respectable woman in Thailand. Has a nice job and home. She is around my age and she has certainly filled me in on this type of thing you are asking about. I will say she says it is looked down on. She has given me so many examples of it I couldn't begin to remember where to start.

I think she is probably telling me all this as well just to keep me on my toes too.

But like the others say, if it works for you then don't worry about what others think. Be a rebel.

Thanks, but I have never in my life been worried about what others think. As I said above, I wanted an answer to my question so that I could could down on search effort by excluding people from the search categories.

Of course you worry what people think. We all do except the slugs of the world. You don't sound like a slug and I doubt you would pose the question if you didn't care. We cut our hair, trim our nails, change our wears, wipe our buttocks because we care. Who wants to be looked down upon for a whim if it is a whim. If it's true love then you will be blinded by that love and never even notice. Best of luck.

[sokal]

When I first came to Thailand, I had as an acquaintance an Indian- and UK-educated, 54-year-old Thai man who is well-connected in Thai society. (Hi-so Thais tend to send their offspring to an English-speaking school in India and thence to college/university in the UK.) At the time, I was looking for a girlfriend. I discussed with him where I might find a suitable partner and what sort of age difference I should be looking at. I was 45 at the time and I suggested to him that round about 35 would do me just fine. He found my suggestion amusing and said that, especially since I did not look my age, I should be looking for someone much younger, about 24-25. I, in turn, found his suggestion scarecely credible. What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I am wondering, what experiences do other TV members have regarding advice given by Thai people on age differences between partners in romance?

The bigger the age gap, the higher chances of the relationship not working out. Its fact and the race doesn't change the numbers very much.

Its funny how many guys that have way yonger GFs say that looks don't matter but the Thai guy said that if you look younger then you could go with a younger girl. that makes sense to me.

[sokal]

I'm 40. Wife is 26. 14 years difference. We've been together 8 years. Run those numbers backwards and it seems a bit extreme, even to me. But with each passing year it makes less difference. When I'm 64 she'll be 50. None of this answers your questions obviously. I'll ask my wife about it later tonight and post her opinion later.

You might consider easing back a bit. No need for all the aggression.... I'm just sayin'.

I am 25 so I guess I should consider 16 year olds. Do you take issue with that ?

[G54]

There is no hard and fast rule for age differences between Thai people from what I have seen.

I know Thai women of 19 and in their early 20's who are happily married to men in their 30's and 40's.

Many young Thai women who marry a man their own age group usually find themselves struggling for money to make ends meet with a man who wants to be out and about a lot, drinking and with his friends and after a child or two the man is off seeking a younger woman. Yet the woman with the older, more established and settled male seems a lot happier and settles herself.

Won't this type of girl will still remain in contact with said lousy first husband? Isn't that the hustle?

Not sure, but I think many women who 'move on' have very little to do with their first husbands, especially if they have a new one who will 'take care of her'

[jetjock]

What on earth would I be doing wandering around with someone 20 years my junior? What would we talk about? What kind of life-project could we possibly have in common?

Now, many years later, I am still in the dark as to what kind of age difference a respectable Thai woman would deem to be acceptable.

I asked my wife your question since I consider her to be a well respected Thai woman since she high degrees of education and comes from a well respected family of educators. Her answer was that 36 years difference was perfectly acceptable (her answer may be slightly prejudiced since I am 68 and she is 32 )

My wife and I talk and laugh and love and seem to do almost everything together as we have so many common interests ( playing sports, travel, theater, flying, hiking, swimming, investments, etc.) that we never even think about the fact that we are vastly different ages. I also have always kept myself in lean and mean top physical shape which also helps with the looks in age difference. In my humble experience, I think that finding someone that you deeply care for and respect and have much in common is far more important than any age difference when it comes to finding a future of true love and happiness.

[nigelandjan]

Well I'm 60 and my partner of 6 years is 38 seems to work for us

Good on you mate ,,, similar ,, I am 56 wife 32 today ,, we have BOTH never been happier and more content , allthough only married 1 year now, time will tell , but all I can say is we are going from strenght to strenght.

As for the OP,S question , I had a gf of similar age ratio before my wife and the welcome / reception , whatever you call it from the close and distant family was about the same , treated with respect , given warm welcome into family , and sense that they breathe a sigh of relief their daughter is to settle with a stable western man , someone of an age who is gonna cherish and look after his younger wife. Both of them before had been married to Thai men ( wont bore you with the obvious details of how those relationships ended )

[zorro1]

73 and she 24. never been happier. She just finished UNI and calls me papa. Her dad even calls me papa, all good

[LaoPo]

The bigger the age gap, the higher chances of the relationship not working out. Its fact and the race doesn't change the numbers very much.

For a 25 year old chap you know best I suppose. But I'm sure you have the facts at hand and willing to share them, right ?

LaoPo