'expats' And Delusion

[sangfroid]

Why does it bother you? I'm sure every ex-pat has his/her own reasons for choosing to live here rather than their home country and it's quite possible that they are living the same way as they would like to in their home country too but maybe, can't afford it there. Others maybe have no ties, commitments or even family in their own country and just chose to live in the climate of their choice.

I love to see the retirees here who look like they have a new lease of life and can enjoy it in the warmth of the company they choose and the heat of the day. It's also a far better option for some whose families are just waiting for them to retire at 65 so they can shove them in an old peoples home somewhere so they can sell the house and not even bother to visit again. How about that option after you've worked all your life.

Thats a lovely post Josky,nice to here a lady not tarring every guy with the same brush.Brings me back to a conversation i had with my son about the uk will and he was having a dig at me for being 1,000,000 baht down on stocks and shares lol.I kept mytemper becaus i love him to death but he obviously thinking about how much money he will get on my death,such is life.

Do you think i should spend it all hehehehehehe,now that would be nasty

All we owe our kids is love, a stable home and a good education. After that it's up to them, and they have no right to expect any inheritance.

You need not feel the slightest bit guilty about being a member of the SKI club (Spending the Kid's Inheritance)

[Padrino]

A very interesting observation. I think you are right in many cases. I started life here on Samui and whilst currently still here, yearn to live in Bangkok or Chiang Mai. Coming back for regular visits to Samui is the answer for me, but my homebase would be on of the cities. They offer so much more to do.

But, at the end of the day, each to their own. However, island life is just not quite for me!

I too started out in Samui, i then moved to BKK and have been here since Jan. I miss Samui lots those and the answer is defo a split between the two. Nest year I will do 2 months BKK and 1 month samui consecutively.

[samuibeachcomber]

I might be far off here, but it seems to me, after many years here, and surfing internet, that expats in Thailand that belong to various "groups" are a more happy lot.

I know a few that belong to some of the many motor cycle clubs here. Not my cup of tea, but they seem to have great fun and love their life here.

Same goes for the expats belonging to some of the sports clubs, or doing hobbies together.

I guess being social with other expats and also bringing in their Thai spouces in the activities bring out the smile and happiness.

Anyone?

this is all true.many times i have been to the lawn bowls club in pattaya,and it is very nice to see expats partnering up with their thai spouse playing bowls together,but you know whether your into sharing hobbies,socialising with other expats or your thai extended family,surely the secret to enjoying your life in thailand is to keep reminding yourself why you came here originally and never take anything for granted.i often sit out on the beach at fisherman village here on samui,watching the boats,looking over at koh phangnan,the beautiful time of dusk and continually remind myself all of this is just great and i am so lucky to be here.

[R123]

nobody seem to post this yet, so i'm more than happy to post it. I believe the majority of expats range from only 2 characters

1. Homer Simpson

2. Austin Powers

Its ok though, with thai society your still accepted.

I've realized in the time spend here, its not worth the time or effort to socialize as most people here have such narrow view points on many issues. I find its just easier spending time working, reading, learning more thai, enjoying my morning coffee.

Yes:

1. Homer Simpson

2. Austin Powers

and add one more,

3. Walter Mitty

[F1fanatic]

I do from time to time come across some interesting chaps here, but they all say the same thing - they'd prefer to stay at home as unless you're up to a night out at the local karaoke/gogo bar, there's nothing else here. Is there?

Not at all.

I stay here because I like my job better here.

Not because of the job but because of the people I'm working with.

And well, they're Thai

And you've been here how long? And work where and doing what?

[EffectiveAnger]

nobody seem to post this yet, so i'm more than happy to post it. I believe the majority of expats range from only 2 characters

1. Homer Simpson

2. Austin Powers

Its ok though, with thai society your still accepted.

I've realized in the time spend here, its not worth the time or effort to socialize as most people here have such narrow view points on many issues. I find its just easier spending time working, reading, learning more thai, enjoying my morning coffee.

Yes:

1. Homer Simpson

2. Austin Powers

and add one more,

3. Walter Mitty

4. Pee Wee Herman

5. Con Air types

[spysee]

I have also met a few good friends here, only been here since Jan this year.

I have some good Thai and western friends here. We are all into sports and go out for a drink most weeks. It is good that none of us are into go-go bars or paying for girls, because I am not.

Our group of friends are from 24 to 35, with a good variety of personalities, while it is still too early to tell if they are all good, I do find there are a good bunch of foreigners in Thailand

On the other hand, I have also met some really trashy foreigners who are only into gogo bars and bad mouthing anything Thai, constantly complaining about everything. I tend to try and stay clear of those types.

[prighas]

There is a lot of variety of expats but in general I get the sense that people who bail out of their native lands will tend to be bitter and critical of their home countries due to lack of success etc. If things are going well on a financial and personal level then why leave for a foreign land? They set off for new starts and in the beginning are overly positive about the new location. They might even go out of their way to convince people(on websites etc) how much better the new country is than their old country. At this point they are in the earlier denial stages.

Unfortunately over time these expats realize they are repeating the same pattern of unsuccessful results and become discontent and increasingly bitter and critical all over again in the new country. Often they become bitter and critical on websites or to anyone who will listen to them. It's a vicious cycle that will be repeated over and over until they reprogram their subconscious self beliefs.

Very well said.

[spysee]

There is a lot of variety of expats but in general I get the sense that people who bail out of their native lands will tend to be bitter and critical of their home countries due to lack of success etc. If things are going well on a financial and personal level then why leave for a foreign land? They set off for new starts and in the beginning are overly positive about the new location. They might even go out of their way to convince people(on websites etc) how much better the new country is than their old country. At this point they are in the earlier denial stages.

Unfortunately over time these expats realize they are repeating the same pattern of unsuccessful results and become discontent and increasingly bitter and critical all over again in the new country. Often they become bitter and critical on websites or to anyone who will listen to them. It's a vicious cycle that will be repeated over and over until they reprogram their subconscious self beliefs.

Very well said.

Was a good post and probably has happend to many posters on here.

Almost sounds like the way I am starting, I am overly happy here after working my ass off back home, but I only plan to be here for 2 or 3 years for a extended break and back home again to work my ass off again.

[CobraSnakeNecktie]

.

Very well said.

Was a good post and probably has happend to many posters on here.

Almost sounds like the way I am starting, I am overly happy here after working my ass off back home, but I only plan to be here for 2 or 3 years for a extended break and back home again to work my ass off again.

I didn't bring up this pattern to criticize or characterize every expat but to point out we all tend to repeat things over and over again. Hopefully my post get's people to think about why they really left their community and relationships and how humans are wired. By realizing the true reasons for running (to) or away then therapy and personal growth can pursued to free us from our past habits. My fear is that many will deny their truths and waste precious time.

Go forth and grow !!!

[Zodiac]

nobody seem to post this yet, so i'm more than happy to post it. I believe the majority of expats range from only 2 characters

1. Homer Simpson

2. Austin Powers

Its ok though, with thai society your still accepted.

I've realized in the time spend here, its not worth the time or effort to socialize as most people here have such narrow view points on many issues. I find its just easier spending time working, reading, learning more thai, enjoying my morning coffee.

Yes:

1. Homer Simpson

2. Austin Powers

and add one more,

3. Walter Mitty

4. Pee Wee Herman

5. Con Air types

6. Gary Glitter wantabe's

[IanForbes]

As people get older, they have fewer close friends. That is in Thailand or in other countries. So it is not surprising that ex-pats in Thailand do not have many ex-pat "best" friends, on the whole. Couple a smaller pool of ex-pats than in his or her home country (so it might be harder to find someone who would match well as a friend) and the tendency to have fewer friends overall, well, that seems pretty normal to me.

I have met many decent ex-pats in Thailand, both TV types and others. But I can't say any are close friends. I have one close friend back in the US and three close Thai friends here, and that is about it. And that is actually one more than the average for a guy over 50.

Good point, bonobo. I agree. Because I'm single I have an entirely different set of friends than the ones I had when I was married. It helps to have a serious hobby if you are not working. I write, paint, draw and go fishing. It fills my time so full that I really don't have time for a lot of friends. The ones I have are great and we see each other on a regular basis... or just phone.

One thing I've come to realize is all the STUFF we accumulate over time is mostly just that... stuff, and not really needed. Owning your own home is nice, but it's not really necessary for a good life. The more stuff you own the more you have to worry about when you are away. I own a great big home and don't even think of it as mine anymore. It's just my two children's inheritance to sell when I pass on. I don't hardly use all the big boy's toys that I own now. I've got several small boats and water craft and only use each of them about once a year. I haven't even been in my canoe in a year. I've got dozens of paintings on all the walls of my home, but nobody looks at them but me. I've got lovely furniture, but I can only sit in one chair at a time, and most often it's in the one in front of this computer screen. The big recliner leather seat is the one I sit in when watching television while I eat whatever casserole I've prepared.

Life is as simple as you CHOOSE to make it. Or, you can complicate it with other crap.

[maxman71]

There is a lot of variety of expats but in general I get the sense that people who bail out of their native lands will tend to be bitter and critical of their home countries due to lack of success etc. If things are going well on a financial and personal level then why leave for a foreign land? They set off for new starts and in the beginning are overly positive about the new location. They might even go out of their way to convince people(on websites etc) how much better the new country is than their old country. At this point they are in the earlier denial stages.

Unfortunately over time these expats realize they are repeating the same pattern of unsuccessful results and become discontent and increasingly bitter and critical all over again in the new country. Often they become bitter and critical on websites or to anyone who will listen to them. It's a vicious cycle that will be repeated over and over until they reprogram their subconscious self beliefs.

WHAT A LOAD OF TWADDLE

The whole reason i am here is because i was a very successful National Sales Manager,and was able to save big money and invest in property and retirement funds.I find your post astonishing and maybe you are talking about yourself,but every single one of my friends are successful in their own fields and all have retired early in Thailand for

nicer weather gives better health generaly

beautiful women

gf/wives here

opened a business here

retired early due to relaxation

wanted to pay gold all week

a bad relationship

tired of western women

i could go on all night as to why people retire early so maybe you could ad on your 10 penny worth.

This list is pretty similar to my own reasons for making LOS my adopted home, and I am usually happy with that decision on any given day. No place is perfect but Thailand beats my country of origin, the USA, by a longshot. One big reason I am here that is not on the list above is I foresaw the economic meltdown in the US back in 2004/2005 and made preparations. As a result, my net worth increased decently during the debacle while my debt ridden compatriots back home struggle with just keeping their heads above water. I think the biggest learning experience one can have in the LOS is opening your own Thai company and making a contribution to Thai society via hiring locals, paying some Thai taxes, etc. It's a whole different experience than just playing tourist and getting drunk by noon every day. As far as the comparison between Thai and western women goes, there is no comparison. It's been more than once I have chided my western women friends that they need to come here and take some Charm School lessons from their Thai female counterparts.

[EffectiveAnger]

As far as the comparison between Thai and western women goes, there is no comparison. It's been more than once I have chided my western women friends that they need to come here and take some Charm School lessons from their Thai female counterparts.

I don't know about that. Talk to old timer expats (those who've left too) and you hear a lot of embittered stories. Go to Laos, Cambodia and on the border with Burma. Loads of guys there hate Thai women something awful. All over the world, you find people from differnt walks of life, some charming, some not. Just remember that! It doesn't sound like you've been here long enough...

[phetaroi]

First I would like to say very good post.

Now I have lived here 3 years and love it even more but cannot stand the foreigners here.

So many come here but donot want to be here I think. They come for cheap lifestyle and to be honest I think sex is the big draw for them.So many losers playing they are big shots.These guys donot want Thailand they just want to use and abuse it.Many want their foreign food, foreign homes,power for being white big nose people,they want to be revered.

Where else can lowlifes go and get such treatment.

Now I donot even give the time of day to most foreigners.

You sound just the type of judgemental, self rightious individual most expats seek to avoid. I wouldnt worry about giving your fellow expats the time of day as if they know your disposition then I am sure they wouldnt give you a kind look.

I disagree. I think he's right on track. The day I went to immigration to get my visa extension, I was dressed casually but I was neat and clean. I looked at many of the other White guys there and thought, "My god, what riffraff." So many that were dirty, sick looking, pathetic.

[phetaroi]

...

if the heart is sincere from the beginning , if exploiting the poor is not the ball-game here, thailand has a lot of love to offer that the home-bases do not have.

...

A very nice post.

[phetaroi]

I have precisely 2 western friends here. Straight family men who just enjoy a couple of beers, a chat and a laugh once a week. Same as me. They're my kind of people. They're happy enough with their Thai family/lifestyle as am I.

A lot of the expats I've met over the years I wouldn't speak to back home either through not having anything in common with them or them being complete nutters. I aren't that desperate for western company. I'm a family man. My wife, my daughter and my wife's family and pals are all I need.

Very good post. Sounds like a responsible life. I hope the Thais "see" you.

I have known a Thai family up in Chiang Mai very well for almost 30 years. They are not rich or upper-crust, but they are doing very well. All the children went to university. A couple of times we have had conversations about their view of farangs in Thailand. They know what they're talking about, because back in the 1960's they owned a hotel on Moon Muang Road, and today one of the daughters owns a nice restaurant. They are appalled by much of the farang behavior they see, and they are particularly disgusted with the sexual exploits of so many farang tourists and expats. This is not to say they are prudes. Two of the younger generation are gay and have their fun. Most of the younger generation goes out to the local discos at least occasionally...they've invited me (even when I was nearing 60) to go with them. Their discomfort with much of farang life in Thailand is with the "using" of Thais for cheap sex. They have often wondered why more family-type farangs aren't here, more professional people, and so forth. I once remarked that most farangs have no idea the Thais feel that way. "Because too many farang only know the wrong type of Thais, and we are too polite to say we are disgusted."

[JetsetBkk]

<snip>

Their discomfort with much of farang life in Thailand is with the "using" of Thais for cheap sex. They have often wondered why more family-type farangs aren't here, more professional people, and so forth. I once remarked that most farangs have no idea the Thais feel that way. "Because too many farang only know the wrong type of Thais, and we are too polite to say we are disgusted."

Aren't they equally - or more - disgusted with the much greater usage of Thais for cheap sex, by Thais?

Or is it that the farangs simply don't hide it so well?

[Huey]

*Shrug* There are plenty of nut cases back home too. Why care? I didn't care about them here and I surely don't give any thought to them here.

I just tend to enjoy life more here.

[eek]

As far as the comparison between Thai and western women goes, there is no comparison. It's been more than once I have chided my western women friends that they need to come here and take some Charm School lessons from their Thai female counterparts.

I don't know about that. Talk to old timer expats (those who've left too) and you hear a lot of embittered stories. Go to Laos, Cambodia and on the border with Burma. Loads of guys there hate Thai women something awful. All over the world, you find people from differnt walks of life, some charming, some not. Just remember that! It doesn't sound like you've been here long enough...

Dont disarm him with logic EffectiveAnger..where will some of the men be without that tired old cliche where its all about the women..and never about them...

[llso]

I was reading through some posts and it occured to me that some of the "posers" that were calling me a "malcontent whining loser" when I said that I was leaving 2 and half years ago have now left themselves> Hmmm.

LL

[StreetCowboy]

<snippety> ...It really pisses me off that these other expats can be so nice.

Me too. If I can make the effort to have prejudices, I don't see why they can't make the effort to comply with them. Poor bloody show imho.

As an academic exercise, I sometimes like to divide expats into steroetypes or categories that I can look down on. But, despite the superiority complex it gives me, its a bit lonely up there... so I see which groups I could fit into. And then I feel like I'm here among friends!

SC

[wintermute]

Lots of former special forces personnel and independently wealthy farang CEOs here who post on the forums. The expat community in Thailand is bar none the most impressive one in the world!

[mxr]

First I would like to say very good post.

I came to Thailand since 1991 on holidays I loved the country.Everything was well within my comfort zone and cheap. Before Istarted coming here I was a Mexico vacationer. This beat Mexico hands down.

Now I have lived here 3 years and love it even more but cannot stand the foreigners here.

So many come here but donot want to be here I think. They come for cheap lifestyle and to be honest I think sex is the big draw for them.So many losers playing they are big shots.These guys donot want Thailand they just want to use and abuse it.Many want their foreign food, foreign homes,power for being white big nose people,they want to be revered.

Where else can lowlifes go and get such treatment.

Now I donot even give the time of day to most foreigners.

Very true! I live in CM, and dont interact with many westerners here. I have noticed 2 types mostly - the

"falang kii-nok" cheap and dirty variety, here for the sex and booze, and the "wannabee try hards", who have

a little money, but act like god's gift to the world.

[473geo]

First I would like to say very good post.

I came to Thailand since 1991 on holidays I loved the country.Everything was well within my comfort zone and cheap. Before Istarted coming here I was a Mexico vacationer. This beat Mexico hands down.

Now I have lived here 3 years and love it even more but cannot stand the foreigners here.

So many come here but donot want to be here I think. They come for cheap lifestyle and to be honest I think sex is the big draw for them.So many losers playing they are big shots.These guys donot want Thailand they just want to use and abuse it.Many want their foreign food, foreign homes,power for being white big nose people,they want to be revered.

Where else can lowlifes go and get such treatment.

Now I donot even give the time of day to most foreigners.

Very true! I live in CM, and dont interact with many westerners here. I have noticed 2 types mostly - the

"falang kii-nok" cheap and dirty variety, here for the sex and booze, and the "wannabee try hards", who have

a little money, but act like god's gift to the world.

So you have not noticed the Mr averages....who despite their ordinary appearances......are loaded!!

Clearly when you do choose to mix........wrong circles!!!!

[thaimate]

I am happy living here with my wife and son ,doing the same familly things that we did back in England ,just because i live in Thailand why should we all of a sudden change? i have a few friends who i meet up with occasionally and my wife and i have friends who we visit and they visit us for drinks and meals ,yes there are many scruffy radled sauls here who i wouldnt have given the time of day to back in Britain or here.

Life is short ,enjoy it and do what suits you ,as long as it doesnt harm anyone else.

[Samuian]

Reading through the follow up answers in this thread one may get to the following conclusion: "The Lord has a great, great garden with a great, great variety of pet's he watches over... some are so, some are so, some are quite independent... like in real life!"

Edited January 4, 2010 by Samuian

[Loz]

Very interesting thread.

I agree with those who refuse to suffer people whom they would not "click" with back home just because the choice is narrower here. There are enough good eggs to go around. I used to pity those who couldn't seem to see what was happening to them (in a bad way). Now I accept that one man's mead is another man's poison. Clearly we didn't all come her for the same things.

It remains a great spectator sport. No need to put people in boxes (unless they stopped breathing permenantly) but we can still learn from what we see and hear. My favorite lesson comes from Dr Corness' Book, "Farang".

You don't go to the hardware store to buy cheese.

Edited January 4, 2010 by Loz

[eek]

First I would like to say very good post.

I came to Thailand since 1991 on holidays I loved the country.Everything was well within my comfort zone and cheap. Before Istarted coming here I was a Mexico vacationer. This beat Mexico hands down.

Now I have lived here 3 years and love it even more but cannot stand the foreigners here.

So many come here but donot want to be here I think. They come for cheap lifestyle and to be honest I think sex is the big draw for them.So many losers playing they are big shots.These guys donot want Thailand they just want to use and abuse it.Many want their foreign food, foreign homes,power for being white big nose people,they want to be revered.

Where else can lowlifes go and get such treatment.

Now I donot even give the time of day to most foreigners.

Very true! I live in CM, and dont interact with many westerners here. I have noticed 2 types mostly - the

"falang kii-nok" cheap and dirty variety, here for the sex and booze, and the "wannabee try hards", who have

a little money, but act like god's gift to the world.

This is the types you have noticed in CM? My experience here has been really quite different. Sure i guess i may have seen the occasional types along the lines you speak of, but most dont fall anywhere near that imo. A great variety of expats seem to be here, of all ages, and all walks of life. The majority are pleasant and respectful. I dont go around smiling at every farang I meet. But if I see someone regularly, or around where i live, or if im introduced etc, im always happy to say a hello, or stop for a short conversation. Ive also met some fantastic and interesting people. Usually at various events such as Art Gallery openings, or music events around town. Even among some general acquaintances i strongly believe many of them would lend me a hand with anything i needed if i requested it.

[mrtoad]

<snip>

Their discomfort with much of farang life in Thailand is with the "using" of Thais for cheap sex. They have often wondered why more family-type farangs aren't here, more professional people, and so forth. I once remarked that most farangs have no idea the Thais feel that way. "Because too many farang only know the wrong type of Thais, and we are too polite to say we are disgusted."

Aren't they equally - or more - disgusted with the much greater usage of Thais for cheap sex, by Thais?

Or is it that the farangs simply don't hide it so well?

I'm waiting for phetaroi's answer on that as well. A lot of generalisations in his statement if you ask me.