Asian Wife

[disillusioned]

Hi,

I enjoy reading the forums and this is my first post all be it a difficult dilema I am in.

Here is my situation,my Lao wife lives with me in the UK.

Were both in our late 20`s,working have a little dog together,rented house etc and I thought it all was sweet.

She had to return to Lao the end of August for a visa reason and since then it has been a nightmare.

She would not answer her phone for days,none of her "mates" knew where she was it became so bad I had no contact from her for 8 days I booked a flight over there and arrived in Laos.

I found her the next day chatting to a young swedish fella in a bar whom she said she just met,then I noticed her engagement ring and her wedding ring were absent.

She gave me a sob story about her mum needing money whom she has not been in contact with for 15yrs and she pawned the rings.

I asked around the bars as i have a few mates frequenting them whether she was cheating all said no.

We went on holiday to try resolve what was up got back the rings for her,great time had and I flew back to UK with her to follow in 2 weeks.

Again the contact slowed absent for 3 days,5 days no contact only ringing for money.

She checked into a hotel it was fine for 2 days she went out that night and reception staff said she never came home.

She did not go back there for 6 days and hit me for the bill,when asked where she was she said with a friend in the countryside.

Now again no contact and I booked a flight for her on Tuesday to fly to Bangkok she was not on it and every other time she cannot wait to leave Lao,this time she wanted wait a few more days.

I have given her my entire trust and it has been shattered,we have been together for 3yrs married 1 and my family and friends are all asking when she is back as they have no clue the mental torture she is putting me through.

I know she is up to something,she looks great and is very tricky but this is gone too far.

I want to end it all now as if we have no trust what have we,it is so complicated to end as I am too ashamed for my family and mates to find out she has cheated on me after all I have done for her personally and financially.

I am stuck in a job here and will have to face people on a daily basis who will learn of my situation or do I carry on and take her back and pretend all is normal as right now I feel no love for this cold girl.

I have lived in Asia 6yrs and you think it will never happen to me,she has cheated on me once 3yrs ago but since then I think nothing.

Constructive advice much appreciated maybe someone has had a similar experience

Thanks wiish this could have been a light hearted post

[wintermute]

She sounds like a keeper to me.

[onnut]

Sorry to hear of your situation, it can't feel good. Maybe you should speak to someone at home who you are close to and can confine in. It would be better to get this off your chest and not to hold it in.

I can't offer you any advice as I have never been so unlucky. But I do know if it does happen to me I would finish it straight away. Also I would of made her come back on the same flight as you, I think it was not so smart to leave her for another two weeks.

[maccado]

assuming this isn't a wind up.

My advice to you is to finish this relationship now. She is being dishonest and showing you know respect at all. As for worrying about what other people will think, forget about it if they are real friends they wil be there for you.

Luckily you dont have children because then it would be really messy.

[disillusioned]

Sorry to hear of your situation, it can't feel good. Maybe you should speak to someone at home who you are close to and can confine in. It would be better to get this off your chest and not to hold it in.

I can't offer you any advice as I have never been so unlucky. But I do know if it does happen to me I would finish it straight away. Also I would of made her come back on the same flight as you, I think it was not so smart to leave her for another two weeks.

Thanks for the advice,she had to wait 2 weeks for her visa to be sorted.

Believe me I was not happy about leaving her there but I nearly lost my job going over and had to return in my timeframe

[onnut]

Ok that explains why you bad to leave her there. That must of felt really bad for you. I think you should try to finish it mate and concentrate on your job, you don't want life getting harder. Speak to your friends and tell them what is going on. You will feel better for it. Hope it works out for you.

[richard_smith237]

Keep your chin up. You’ve found out relatively early.

You are already aware your only real option is to cut loose, it seems that your pride will take a kick which is understandable.

I was talking to a guy today and what I heard shocked me as I always thought it was the beer bar loosers who experience these things…

This fellow (I’d guess in his 60’s) in a very prominent position in his company (and I couldn’t imagine him being on less than the equivalent of B10million per year).

Having been here since the Mid 80’s – met his girlfriend in ’92, discovered she was cheating quite early on but forgave her nonetheless. 10 years later she had a child, which it turned out was not even his, he is still with her after loosing his car (in her name) to gambling debts, and no now very worried about the house he built and paid for (all in her name)…. (This really is a true story I listened to today, I couldn't beleive how much like a bar stool story it seemed).

I didn’t ask him, but I have a very good idea of the type of woman he met and where he met her.

What you have experienced is not even the thin end of this wedge. The first time she cheated on you was when you should have walked away. Once you planted the seed that you could forgive that behaviour things were lost.

Move on and move up… Good luck…

[gvallee2]

Hi,

I enjoy reading the forums and this is my first post all be it a difficult dilema I am in.

Here is my situation,my Lao wife lives with me in the UK.

Were both in our late 20`s,working have a little dog together,rented house etc and I thought it all was sweet.

She had to return to Lao the end of August for a visa reason and since then it has been a nightmare.

She would not answer her phone for days,none of her "mates" knew where she was it became so bad I had no contact from her for 8 days I booked a flight over there and arrived in Laos.

I found her the next day chatting to a young swedish fella in a bar whom she said she just met,then I noticed her engagement ring and her wedding ring were absent.

She gave me a sob story about her mum needing money whom she has not been in contact with for 15yrs and she pawned the rings.

I asked around the bars as i have a few mates frequenting them whether she was cheating all said no.

We went on holiday to try resolve what was up got back the rings for her,great time had and I flew back to UK with her to follow in 2 weeks.

Again the contact slowed absent for 3 days,5 days no contact only ringing for money.

She checked into a hotel it was fine for 2 days she went out that night and reception staff said she never came home.

She did not go back there for 6 days and hit me for the bill,when asked where she was she said with a friend in the countryside.

Now again no contact and I booked a flight for her on Tuesday to fly to Bangkok she was not on it and every other time she cannot wait to leave Lao,this time she wanted wait a few more days.

I have given her my entire trust and it has been shattered,we have been together for 3yrs married 1 and my family and friends are all asking when she is back as they have no clue the mental torture she is putting me through.

I know she is up to something,she looks great and is very tricky but this is gone too far.

I want to end it all now as if we have no trust what have we,it is so complicated to end as I am too ashamed for my family and mates to find out she has cheated on me after all I have done for her personally and financially.

I am stuck in a job here and will have to face people on a daily basis who will learn of my situation or do I carry on and take her back and pretend all is normal as right now I feel no love for this cold girl.

I have lived in Asia 6yrs and you think it will never happen to me,she has cheated on me once 3yrs ago but since then I think nothing.

Constructive advice much appreciated maybe someone has had a similar experience

Thanks wiish this could have been a light hearted post

you're an idiot for letting everyone read your thread without posting this in the first line

People who admit cheating are more likely to cheat again, its just a way for them to fake being honest and wanting to change.

You've brought this on yourself thinking you'd be in the 0.00000000000000000000000001% of people who dont get fuc_ked over after marrying a cheating person.

[Maizefarmer]

All that character and personality bullshit and you never picked up on it over 3 years living together? Sooner you turn your back and walk away the better.

[sinbin]

assuming this isn't a wind up.

I'll go for the "wind up". Too confident in laying it all out on a 1st post, "have a little dog together" doesn't bear any relavance to the post. Sorry but that's my opinion.

[givenall]

Hi,

I enjoy reading the forums and this is my first post all be it a difficult dilema I am in.

Here is my situation,my Lao wife lives with me in the UK.

Were both in our late 20`s,working have a little dog together,rented house etc and I thought it all was sweet.

She had to return to Lao the end of August for a visa reason and since then it has been a nightmare.

She would not answer her phone for days,none of her "mates" knew where she was it became so bad I had no contact from her for 8 days I booked a flight over there and arrived in Laos.

I found her the next day chatting to a young swedish fella in a bar whom she said she just met,then I noticed her engagement ring and her wedding ring were absent.

She gave me a sob story about her mum needing money whom she has not been in contact with for 15yrs and she pawned the rings.

I asked around the bars as i have a few mates frequenting them whether she was cheating all said no.

We went on holiday to try resolve what was up got back the rings for her,great time had and I flew back to UK with her to follow in 2 weeks.

Again the contact slowed absent for 3 days,5 days no contact only ringing for money.

She checked into a hotel it was fine for 2 days she went out that night and reception staff said she never came home.

She did not go back there for 6 days and hit me for the bill,when asked where she was she said with a friend in the countryside.

Now again no contact and I booked a flight for her on Tuesday to fly to Bangkok she was not on it and every other time she cannot wait to leave Lao,this time she wanted wait a few more days.

I have given her my entire trust and it has been shattered,we have been together for 3yrs married 1 and my family and friends are all asking when she is back as they have no clue the mental torture she is putting me through.

I know she is up to something,she looks great and is very tricky but this is gone too far.

I want to end it all now as if we have no trust what have we,it is so complicated to end as I am too ashamed for my family and mates to find out she has cheated on me after all I have done for her personally and financially.

I am stuck in a job here and will have to face people on a daily basis who will learn of my situation or do I carry on and take her back and pretend all is normal as right now I feel no love for this cold girl.

I have lived in Asia 6yrs and you think it will never happen to me,she has cheated on me once 3yrs ago but since then I think nothing.

Constructive advice much appreciated maybe someone has had a similar experience

Thanks wiish this could have been a light hearted post

You already have the answer. Life is too short just take of yourself and let her take care of herself

[dumball]

Considering the zillions of threads about this subject on TV , did you realy need to ask what to do ? Maybe you are looking for a shoulder to cry on , will not find one here , How I feel about this sort of thing I only have one comment "He who forks her feeds her" , maybe she just happens to have found a better lover/provider !!!!!!!!!

[getgoin]

Obviously she likes life in the fast/bar lane. I'm sure your life in the UK was nice but she probably likes to live it up. It's a sign of immaturity that you find more and more lately in the Asian women. She probably still loves you, she just likes to party more and there are many around here to party with.

It's better that you move on. Tell your friends it didn't work out and that you split up. As soon as you can, come over to Laos and find out where she hangs out and take 2 or 3 different girls out to spend the night. Her friends if you can find them. It will give you some closure.

I realize that this sounds vindictive. That is because it is. Good Luck.

[GungaDin]

Betrayal is unforgivable.

She will lie again and again.

It's over. Very sad, but you are young with a great life ahead of you.

Be honest with your real friends and don't worry about your "face".

Good luck.

[colinp]

If you were married in the UK, go see a solicitor in 'quickly time'

Your friends and family will support you.

The sooner you end it the sooner you can move on.

[Rumfoord]

If you were married in the UK, go see a solicitor in 'quickly time'

Your friends and family will support you.

The sooner you end it the sooner you can move on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COqUjfrB8dI

[Thongkorn]

assuming this isn't a wind up.

My advice to you is to finish this relationship now. She is being dishonest and showing you know respect at all. As for worrying about what other people will think, forget about it if they are real friends they wil be there for you.

Luckily you dont have children because then it would be really messy.

I got to sat in a bar with a.. Then i could not be bothers to read the rest . get rid of her .She is no good Sorry , Nobody takes rings off if you are married, Old habits die hard, move on and think yourself lucky that no kids are involved . Sorry mate

[drum]

your not the first and you sure as hel_l wont be the last,move on for get her,

[Maigo6]

assuming this isn't a wind up.

You actually believe this is real ?

[HappyThaiLife]

Good advice here on these posts....

Get out of it as cheaply as you can mate. She is one losing something good, not you.

[Rumfoord]

totally predictable Thaivisamember replies on the topic "Asian wife". the usual.

nobody is spending at least one little thought about what will now happen to that little dog they had together. the only true victim in that case. who will get the custody rights for the little one, what about visiting rights for the other party? broken love is a dogs life.

[sassienie]

assuming this isn't a wind up.

You actually believe this is real ?

Yes, I believe this is real.

My cousin is going through something similar with his Thai wife in the UK at present.

A most horrible and tragic situation to be placed in.

These women are just pure evil.

The only option the OP has is to get as much distance from him and this women as possible.

He has to write this off and put it down to experience, but emotionally, it`s going to sting. One way of looking at it, is that he views this women as a public toilet or thrash. And as with all trash, it needs to be thrown out.

I believe in natural justice and somehow it will be payback time for this women.

I am sorry for the OP and wish him good luck and that he is able to put all this behind him in the near future.

Edited October 29, 2009 by sassienie

[GungaDin]

She sounds like a keeper to me.

Keeper?

What is that translated into plain English?

[sokal]

Your too nice of a guy for a girl like this. If I found my wife talking to some tool in a bar I would go ballistic.

Try and screw her over before you leave her. Buy her a ticket some place and try and get her stranded and make sure she has no money. What is she going to do ? sue you ?

[a2396]

Sounds like she ditched you. So, divorce her forthwith. Unfortunately, many men get caught in a similar "rock & a hard place", because they need to marry these women in order to take them back to live in their country. You don't have much choice is such a situation, other than to give adequate time prior to marriage to determine her stability and trustworthiness. This is difficult when you live in another country half-way around the world. I would protect your financial situation as of now and proceed with divorce. I would not trust anyone with her "performance" already. Good luck. I hope she hasn't taken you for to much (money) thus far.

[simon43]

If her actions seem totally out of the norm and unexplainable, then I'll take an educated guess that she is taking yaba, which is very common for young Thai (and Lao). One characteristic of those who take this drug is that they do things that are totally (I mean TOTALLY) out of character, and when pressed for a reason for their actions, cannot give a rational explanation for these actions.

- She pawned the rings (why? where is the money gone?)

- She goes out of the hotel and doesn't come back for no reason (why?)

etc etc

Her friends will never admit to you if she is cheating or if she is taking drugs. But I'll bet a month's salary that drugs are involved.

How to resolve this? To be brutally honest, take the advice given to you in this forum and ditch her. The effort and cost to wean her off the drug can be very high and it sounds like your circumstances cannot justify such actions.

Good luck in whatever you choose

Simon

[Meridian007]

I know she is up to something,she looks great and is very tricky but this is gone too far.

I know the sexy, naughty, bitchy ones are a lot of fun, but you don't marry them. They might be able to keep the facade of being adult and responsible for a little while, but it never lasts.

If you're wanting commitment, you have to find someone who has the maturity for it from the start. Oh well, get out of this as cheaply as you can, and look at it as a learning experience!

[anothertorres]

keep her! things are sure to turn around...

[GungaDin]

^^^^ Dream on.......

Once a liar, always a liar.

[mrtoad]

It's another nail in the coffin for Thailand.