New words for 2005

TESTICULATING - Waving your arms around and talking b*llocks.

BLAMESTORMING - Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline

was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps

on everything, and then leaves.

ASSMOSIS - The process by which people seem to absorb success and

advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard.

SALMON DAY - The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream

only to get screwed and die.

CUBE FARM - An office filled with cubicles.

PRAIRIE DOGGING - When someone yells or drops something loudly in a

cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see that's going

on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may

be cake.)

MOUSE POTATO - The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch

potato.

SITCOMs - Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What

yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working

to stay home with the kids or start a "home business".

STRESS PUPPY - A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and

whiny.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE - The fine art of whacking the cr*p out of an

electronic device to get it to work again.

ADMINISPHERE - The rarefied organisational layers beginning just above

the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are

often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were

designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded

"administrivia" needless paperwork and processes.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message

"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be

located.

OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realise that

you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all')

GOING FOR A McSH*T - Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention

of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply

staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food

afterwards is known as a McSh*t with Lies.

BEER COAT - The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a

booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

BEER COMPASS - The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home

after booze cruise, even though you're too drunk to remember where you

live, how you got here, and where you've come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL - Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of

drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the

toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the

night.

JOHNNY-NO-STARS - A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical

adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from

the badges displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often

wear to show their level of training.

MILLENNIUM DOMES - The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely

impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually nought in

there worth seeing.

MONKEY BATH - A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go:

"Oo! Oo! Ho! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

MYSTERY BUS - The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while

you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the

unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when

you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI - The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning

before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves

a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.

SALAD DODGER - An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY - A deeply unattractive woman.