Thai Funeral

[iancnx]

A Thai Funeral is a new experience for me. I don't know the immediate family, but the surviving sibling is my girlfriends aunt (deceased grandmother) (girlfriend's mother also deceased a number of years ago). This will be the first time I meet the family. (Girlfriend father still alive)

I don't want to go empty handed - (my girlfriend would not dream of asking me to contribute, and I have had the statutory maipenrai). Any tips of a suitable gesture of condolence. Back in blighty we would prepare flowers. Any help, suggestions or comment appreciated.

[Nio]

Flowers seem to be the norm for funerals, maybe after the funeral take the family out for a nice meal together.

[rockyysdt]

You're very much in your girlfriends hands.

You have two situations happening simultaneously.

1. Funeral.

2. Meet the GF's family.

Quite a lot of dynamics.

You should discuss all these things with her.

Let your girlfriend be your guide.

I know it's customary at funerals to donate money for the immediate family.

Such costs might go towards funeral expenses.

My girlfriend (at the time) showed me a hand written book which listed villagers names & amounts of money each had donated.

If you end up in the book your donation mustn't be too low to be insulting, but not too high to make you appear an easy target.

Best of luck.

Edited November 16, 2009 by rockyysdt

[Crossy]

Been to a few, Wifey prepares the donation (both names on the envelope), no need for flowers unless you are close family.

If you go to one of the earlier days (not just the cremation) be prepared to be singled out to give robes/gifts to the attending monks (as token Farang I get lumbered every time), no big deal just follow everyone else.

Remember, even the family don't go to many so it's play by ear even for them, there are invariably non-monk attendants to point everyone in the right direction.

One to add to the experience book, village wedding next?

[camerata]

If you go to one of the earlier days (not just the cremation) be prepared to be singled out to give robes/gifts to the attending monks (as token Farang I get lumbered every time), no big deal just follow everyone else.

Me too. It's a combination of being a farang, being middle-aged and being in a management job. In my case (in Bangkok), I just give an envelope with my donation to whichever relative is greeting the guests and give that person my condolences. Sometimes a group of us put our donations in one envelope.

[Jonathanpattaya]

I agree with Crossy having attended a few funerals here. An envelope with a donation would be appropriate.

Flowers are more personal and normally just given by the family.

BTW, I have done the village wedding!

Edited November 17, 2009 by Jonathanpattaya

[honu]

For my only experience of a Thai funeral I was surprised to learn that they last a week (or more, of course the royal funerals can last as long as they like). My wife's mother's best friend died and we attended three funeral sessions in that week, as I recall.

[bina]

wear black or white;

donate money

follow wife's lead; ive been to several funerals, and like thai weddings, hter is not a set formula; it depends on how, when and who died, and how much money, respect etc they have.... the funeral doesnt mean that they bury the body or cremate on the day u are there, most of the funeral is a few days with lots of noise, food and commotion. also depends on if they are country or city, chinese thai or christian (there are some), etc... lighting two not three incense sticks, listening to monks sermons

enjoy

bina

israel

[khaowong1]

For my only experience of a Thai funeral I was surprised to learn that they last a week (or more, of course the royal funerals can last as long as they like). My wife's mother's best friend died and we attended three funeral sessions in that week, as I recall.

the average is 3 days... unless the person was a big wheel.. and really depends on the family.. if they want a longer funeral, they pony up some more money for the food, monks, etc. A donation, 500 baht or so, in an envelope with your name on it is sufficient... wear dark slacks, white or black shirt...