Bride-price

[h1lander]

I was out to Thai earlier this month to meet my lady with whom I've been chatting online since April. We got on like a house on fire and I honestly believe she is the real thing. We had 10 amazing days together. Yes she is half my age, but I do feel our feelings are shared. When I was out I met her family - brother, sisters, her in-laws and yes, her aunt and uncle. They stay out in the country back of Chanthaburi.

Today I get an email from my fiance to say that her mother is wanting a bride price of 200,000 baht and a heavy gold 10 baht - whatever that is. According to her mother, this was the bride-price for her younger sister.

I am comfortably well off, living from hand-to-mouth just about and all my money is going into my house - in other words I don't have that amount to hand and am unlikely to in the near future!

ANY advice would be good please. I really don't want to lose this lady.

[Moonrakers]

The sad thing is that some of this stories might actually be true.

Edited November 23, 2009 by Moonrakers

[Boater]

this sounds pretty right

standard sin sod of 200,000 K

but you maybe ableto bargin down the gold ...

[Maizefarmer]

h1lander

Known since April (through online), have spent a sum total of 10 days together with her ..... and you are now boldly been dictated marrige terms (online again, I presume?)

Yes, I do have a somewhat conservative attitude to these matters: nope, I never paid Sin Sod/t when I tied the knot - nope, I am not against SS - and yes/no, there is no right or wrong about the subject - each case to be evaluated on it's merits, and only you (no-one else) can make that judgement - but, as you have asked for opinions, here is mine: Do not pass begin, do not collect Baht200, forget the "get out of jail for free" card ......... run like hel_l.

... all sounds a little quick if you ask me: come back to the forum in a years time, and perhaps after having extended that 10days in others' company to something like 10months in each others' company, then come back and tell us how things are going - and chances are I think the response you're going to get from folk will be a lot less cautious than the responses you get now.

h1lander - none of us on the forum can really answer this for you with any reliable degree of certainty - but on balance I think most guys will agree that Sin Sod/t presented to a bridegroom (potential bridegroom) in an unconditional and/or demanding manner (i.e. payup, and not a Baht less than we have asked for - or no wedding), often turns out to be a "red flag" (and sadly, usualy only with the benefit of hindsight) in more ways than one.

Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

[garyh]

Tell them you don't have the money and see what happens if the answer is no offer ongoing support of maybe 5000 Bhat per month. If this happens you probably still have to come up with some gold.

[rainman]

In my wedding, the sin sod was merely 'presented' for those attending and my wife and I got it back after the wedding. I would be careful with families that are greedy after the sin sod.

[nisakiman]

Is this a marriage proposal or a business deal?

I must say I find the whole concept of sin sod a bit strange, not to mention outlandish in some instances I read about. At the end of the day it's up to you h1lander. But personally I would resist the demands for big bucks.

My wife's family didn't ask for/demand anything, but it was suggested I offer 100,000 baht as a face saver. (I didn't have a clue what the form was, so I just did what my wife suggested) So I fronted the 100,000, plus we bought (I think) 5 baht of gold.

The gold went back to the shop (less 10% handling), and the 100,000 was quietly handed back to my wife a few days after the marriage.

I have to say that although I was prepared to make the offer of the 100,000, I felt good that it was returned to my wife, not so much for the money itself, but more because it made me know that I wasn't being taken for a ride.

As I understand it, it's not unusual at all for the sin sod to be returned to the couple after the marriage. The main thing is for the money to be seen to be given. It's all about face.

Ask your girlfriend it you will get any/all of the money back afterwards. If she says no, then consider the situation even more carefully that you no doubt are already.

[Mrbiggus]

http://www.youtube.com/NotanIdiot2#p/a/u/0/7Vxz_LPVt34

Half your age you 60 she 30

http://www.youtube.com/NotanIdiot2#p/u/5/lHO5fUddZR0

[Totster]

Half your age you 60 she 30

I felt I must commend you on your maths.

totster

[joorakee]

You can call me kii niao but I would maybe agree to pay sin soot if me and the girl were - for example - respectively 65 and 25 years old.

[tomwct]

First of all, you need to find out if she is married and/or has been married!!! If she is divorced the payment to the family is very small, such as, 20,000 THB and no gold!!! The family is also asking way too much money!!! 2 Baht of Gold and 100,000 THB is enough for any Thai girl!!! With the family asking so much now, I would also not recommend living in the Village of the family, but at least 50 kilometers away, minimum!!! Do not buy a car or motorcycle after marriage, but buy in YOUR NAME before any marriage!!! Also, do not buy or build a home for at least the first 3 years of marriage to see if it lasts and you learn the good and bad about buying Thai Real Estate!!! If she his a true wife, she will have no problem waiting!!! So, get a copy of her Thai ID Card. Go to a reputable Thai Lawyer, possibly catering to Farangs, and they can check maritable status and work history!!! You can talk to other Farangs, see ads in Bangkok Post or get recommendation through ThaiVisa.com for a lawyer!!! Do not use a lawyer in her hometown!!!! Good Luck Mate!!!

[rayong09]

"Yes she is half my age, but I do feel our feelings are shared."

Give yourself a slap and wake up fella.

[a2396]

this sounds pretty right

standard sin sod of 200,000 K

but you maybe ableto bargin down the gold ...

There's nothing "right" about any of it. Tell them they get nothing or you walk. The whole concept is BS, outmoded, outdated, obsolete and nothing but a rip-off.

[sassienie]

How many memberships do you have with ThaiVisa, Mr Troll?

[a2396]

First of all, you need to find out if she is married and/or has been married!!! If she is divorced the payment to the family is very small, such as, 20,000 THB and no gold!!! The family is also asking way too much money!!! 2 Baht of Gold and 100,000 THB is enough for any Thai girl!!! With the family asking so much now, I would also not recommend living in the Village of the family, but at least 50 kilometers away, minimum!!! Do not buy a car or motorcycle after marriage, but buy in YOUR NAME before any marriage!!! Also, do not buy or build a home for at least the first 3 years of marriage to see if it lasts and you learn the good and bad about buying Thai Real Estate!!! If she his a true wife, she will have no problem waiting!!! So, get a copy of her Thai ID Card. Go to a reputable Thai Lawyer, possibly catering to Farangs, and they can check maritable status and work history!!! You can talk to other Farangs, see ads in Bangkok Post or get recommendation through ThaiVisa.com for a lawyer!!! Do not use a lawyer in her hometown!!!! Good Luck Mate!!!

Many here are never legally married. So unless she was, there will be no record of any such previous marriage. Another good reason not to pay these "extortion" prices to get a wife. Good advice about the house & car.

[noise]

h1lander

have spent a sum total of 10 days together with her .....

.... Sin Sod....., there is no right or wrong about the subject - each case to be evaluated on it's merits, and only you (no-one else) can make that judgement .......

... all sounds a little quick if you ask me: come back to the forum in a years time, and perhaps after having extended that 10days in others' company to something like 10months in each others' company.......

.........none of us on the forum can really answer this for you with any reliable degree of certainty .....

This is absolutely the best answer I have seen on such an issue. Specially the recommendation you spend more time together. No need to marry today. If it is a case of marry to day or lose her, hmmmmmm ????????

Just had a money thought. don't forget getting married to a Thai while living and working in your home country requires a lot of money to be spent on visas and moving costs. Flying back and forth to get married (groom pays for the wedding here); visa application (not a simple matter), flying her to your home country, buying her a completely new wardrobe, car to drive, etc. It is not like marrying Betty from next door. All the more reason to spend time with her. If you can't afford to get off from work to come back and do that....... another hmmmmm????????

[Soutpeel]

h1lander

Known since April (through online), have spent a sum total of 10 days together with her ..... and you are now boldly been dictated marrige terms (online again, I presume?)

This amused me as well...

OP...pay the sin sot, give the gold, give your darling fiancee full access to all your bank accounts, build the house for the family, buy the car for the family, take her to your country and get her a passport..your on to a winner...go for it...

OP...wake up...

[Heng]

1,200 Baht tops.

[neverdie]

The sad thing is that some of this stories might actually be true.

I feel this statement above by Moonrakers, should be in flashing lights!

[medegen]

Hey old people need love too.....but they gotta pay.

Edited November 24, 2009 by medegen

[MikeyIdea]

Were you the one posting on Yahoo answers a couple of months back?

[geriatrickid]

Purchasing one's bride is alot like buying a used car. Just as you would have the prospective vehicle inspected by a reliable mechanic, so too must you inspect the delightful dainty dish that dazzles your eye. A good OBGYN can tell you if Miss Dainty has rolled back the odometer by having a once over of her undercarriage. Once that car goes up on the lift a sharp mechanic will spot wear and tear and so too will the OBGYN once he/she gets the lovely lass in the stirrups. Now, sometimes a car can be stolen or collision damage fixed without telling the buyer, so too must you check the gracious gal's papers. A proper criminal background check and a review of the local marriage register may tip you off to something amiss. I'm a big believer in the interview process. I suggest you have someone conversant in bargirl patois that can translate for you. After all there is a difference between the expression "hansum man" and "hans on man". A hansum man is the typical elderly gent in a Pattaya bar, whereas a hans on man is the local pronounciation of a sexual act involving the girls hands and a hansum man's genitalia, usually resulting in the hansum man grunting with lust or soiling his pants when he loses control of his bowels as clients in Pattaya are reported to do when aroused.

Once you have gotten the necessary inspections out of the way comes the tough part: The negotiating process. If you have detected latent defect, perhaps the she is really a he, or have discovered that the bride has had a few previous husnbands you may wish to reconsider the purchase price. I recommend starting with an offer of 100 Euro, 2 goats, and if she has a pleasing face, a pig. Now that may come as a bit over generous, but there is a method to my madness. If they sell the pig off fast, and make like demons to the local gambling den or whiskey shop, why then you have just saved yourself a headache. On the other hand, If the prospective bride's "cousin" Deng skillfully butchers the pig and smiles at you with each thrust of his knife into the crying animal, then you just might be gitting a tipoff that the cousin is really the girl's boyfriend and he's practicing his filet of farang technique.

If you need more advice, please do not hesitate to PM me.

And just as the OP is questionable, so too is my advice.

[Soutpeel]

Hey old people need love too.....but they gotta pay.

I am convinced its an undocumented side effect of taking Viagra in your late 50's and 60's turning certain peoples brains to mush and primary thought processes are carried out a bit lower down the body, (about halfway down)..

[PoorSucker]

with whom I've been chatting online since April.

Reminds me of the four Swedish chaps last month.

They all waited at the airport for the same bride, they had been chatting online with.

Get a new account and start chat with her as newbie again.

Edited November 24, 2009 by PoorSucker

[Latindancer]

"Get a new account and start chat with her as newbie again"

Ha ha......I did this with a girl myself, once. Very revealing !

As you are dealing with a different language and culture, it is difficult to say whether the money is a request or a demand. Often country people in Thailand are less-educated than you would think, and they think ALL foreigners are very rich. So they may have made a request for a large amount. After all, why not ? For all they know, you may be a millionaire. They see tv with Western people in beautiful houses and think we are all like that, with plenty in the bank. You have to tell them that you are not rich at all, and make it plain that you are not being modest. Having a go-between is a good idea......someone who speaks fluent Thai and English....however not absolutely essential if you're now overseas.

I am in the process of going through the whole Sin Sot thing myself, right now. Luckily my fiance is educated and her family are not demanding. She told me they expected 100,000 baht, and I simply said I did not have anything like that. Currently she is breaking the news to her father, who as far as I know, is a very nice and undemanding person. I have said that I will help them financially in the future when it is needed, providing my finances are up to it.

Ask if it is just for show, to be returned after the wedding. Or just say you don't have it. This will cause them to show their true colors.

I know you don't want to lose her, but a bit of jockeying around will not hurt. If you say "yes", simply because you are desperate to not lose her, they do not know how much grief you will go through trying to scrape up this much. They will think you were saying you are not rich, simply as a bargaining position. You have to tell them in no uncertain terms that you are not rich......just MODESTLY more wealthy than them. I had to explain to my fiance that although salaries are better in Western countries, my expenses ( rent, bills etc) are also far greater.

Be nice about the whole thing, but firm. It's all just about jockeying for position. The essential question to find out is : was it a demand, or a request ?

Read the pinned topic http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Sin-Sod-Expl...ion-t85581.html or do a search of the Thaivisa site using the term "sin sot". It is probably the most hotly debated topic here.

Edited November 24, 2009 by Latindancer

[TerryLH]

"I am comfortably well off, living from hand-to-mouth..."

Isn't there a contradiction in there somewhere?

[Heng]

A good OBGYN can tell you if Miss Dainty has rolled back the odometer by having a once over of her undercarriage.

Nothing says 'I love you' more than a compulsory OB/GYN examination.

[doggie888888]

For that price, does it come with a money-back guarantee and after sales service?

[cuddleypete]

geriatrickid

Does that mine that Purchasing one's bride is alot like buying a used car, after a few months you can Part x for a newer model with less milage and better bodywork?????

[Latindancer]

I suggest you also read the thread started by myself at :

http://www.thaivisa.com/forum/Yeah-Sin-Sot...in-t314952.html

which contains the following posts :

MIG16 : "I don't think it's unreasonable to assume that a poor family may, upon finding out that their daughter is marrying a (baht) millionaire, use a tradition, even a faded/purely ceremonial one, to secure financial gain for themselves. Statistically that seems to be the demographic involved in foreigner-thai marriages."

Neverdie : "No, I agree, it wasnt INVENTED for that purpose, but geeze it fits in perfectly for the milking of unsuspecting prospective husbands and milkees

I'm not specifically pointing the finger at anyone on this thread, however sinsot comes up all the time & ofen it involves these very special heartfelt relationships that evolve over a couple of beers and a weeks holdiay in patong followed by a quick trip upcountry in a minibus and a big wedding & a whole lot of blank cheques being written . The tradition of sinsot fits in nicely, somewhere between the beers and the divorce.

Normally after that, we read a couple of 'im such a sad case' threads here on thai visa or the farang involved launches himself off a highrise, bridge or some other object and then we get some of those conspiracy threads here at tv which involves the mafia or some anti farang, we're out to get you theories.....

And then it starts all over again

Edited November 24, 2009 by Latindancer