cognos Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 There seems to be a huge dichotomy between the way adultery is viewed in Thailand and the West. In the West, it is hugely frowned upon (ie: the present media "mauling" of the Tiger), and although it is not generally viewed as an admirable activity in Thailand, the rules seem to be a little more relaxed, for lack of better words. A few farang I have spoken to have told me they have permission from their Thai wives to " go for short time " when the wife has mens ( or her period ).My wife also told me this, although I did not take up the "offer", as it could ruin the sex life with the wife, never mind the marriage itself. In some cases, perhaps having the permission to do that prevents the act from happening. I suspect they often don't really mean it, but they sometimes say it, which I don't think ever happens in the West. Is it just a test, or are they serious? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 If your Thai wife tells you that it is okay, they mean it. The act in their eyes is similar to they going out shopping for a dress, as long as it is a self-gratifying act with no strings attached, ie. paying for a service. An act with strings attached means keeping a gik or mia noi. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 One needs to understand that there is no such thing as "The Thai view on Adultery". The way an affluent Bangkok businessman views it will vary immensely from a conservative Nakhorn Sri Thammarat female factory worker and both of them will be totally different from a Chiang Rai ex-sex worker. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 One needs to understand that there is no such thing as "The Thai view on Adultery". The way an affluent Bangkok businessman views it will vary immensely from a conservative Nakhorn Sri Thammarat female factory worker and both of them will be totally different from a Chiang Rai ex-sex worker. A conservative Thai wife will not tell you that it is okay in the first place...and you know where she stands on this issue. I am married for 15 years and my wife has never mentioned anything on this issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IMA_FARANG Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 If your Thai wife tells you that it is okay, they mean it. The act in their eyes is similar to they going out shopping for a dress, as long as it is a self-gratifying act with no strings attached, ie. paying for a service.An act with strings attached means keeping a gik or mia noi. Well I must have found a different type of Thai girlfriend. When it was a casual thing she tolerated a little fooling around...just as long as she didn't have to know about it. Once our relationship started getting serious she told me the following: If I was going to cheat I had better find a really good woman and make d#mn sure I enjoyed it....because it was going to be the last one I was going to be able to enjoy. I stopped cheating and never tested her...because she was clearly serious about what she said. I know beter than to tweak the mane of a the sleeping Lion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 If your Thai wife tells you that it is okay, they mean it. The act in their eyes is similar to they going out shopping for a dress, as long as it is a self-gratifying act with no strings attached, ie. paying for a service.An act with strings attached means keeping a gik or mia noi. Well I must have found a different type of Thai girlfriend. When it was a casual thing she tolerated a little fooling around...just as long as she didn't have to know about it. Once our relationship started getting serious she told me the following: If I was going to cheat I had better find a really good woman and make d#mn sure I enjoyed it....because it was going to be the last one I was going to be able to enjoy. I stopped cheating and never tested her...because she was clearly serious about what she said. I know beter than to tweak the mane of a the sleeping Lion. Time to learn the art of sleeping prone... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted December 5, 2009 Author Share Posted December 5, 2009 One needs to understand that there is no such thing as "The Thai view on Adultery". The way an affluent Bangkok businessman views it will vary immensely from a conservative Nakhorn Sri Thammarat female factory worker and both of them will be totally different from a Chiang Rai ex-sex worker. A conservative Thai wife will not tell you that it is okay in the first place...and you know where she stands on this issue. I am married for 15 years and my wife has never mentioned anything on this issue. ..but my wife is conservative..there was no sex before marriage..18 months of courtship and 5 trips to Thailand later..we were married..btw..it states in the well known book " Thailand Fever",that the average 30 year old single caucasion women in the west has had significantly more sexual partners than the corresponding average 30 year old Asian single woman.. so that seems strange that the " rules" would be stricter in the west signed: strange dichotomy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 One needs to understand that there is no such thing as "The Thai view on Adultery". The way an affluent Bangkok businessman views it will vary immensely from a conservative Nakhorn Sri Thammarat female factory worker and both of them will be totally different from a Chiang Rai ex-sex worker. A conservative Thai wife will not tell you that it is okay in the first place...and you know where she stands on this issue. I am married for 15 years and my wife has never mentioned anything on this issue. ..but my wife is conservative..there was no sex before marriage..18 months of courtship and 5 trips to Thailand later..we were married..btw..it states in the well known book " Thailand Fever",that the average 30 year old single caucasion women in the west has had significantly more sexual partners than the corresponding average 30 year old Asian single woman.. so that seems strange that the " rules" would be stricter in the west signed: strange dichotomy Good for you. Me and my wife dated 3 years before engagement and almost another 3 years before marriage. First time I have sex with her was on our wedding night...and that was about 15 years ago. Respect for each other cements the relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jubby Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 It would seem to be viewed differently to the west (except for perhaps France) There does seem to be an awful lot of the subject matter on Thai TV soaps and in a lot of popular music or it would appear to be the case to me , but what do I know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mario2008 Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 One needs to understand that there is no such thing as "The Thai view on Adultery". The way an affluent Bangkok businessman views it will vary immensely from a conservative Nakhorn Sri Thammarat female factory worker and both of them will be totally different from a Chiang Rai ex-sex worker. A conservative Thai wife will not tell you that it is okay in the first place...and you know where she stands on this issue. I am married for 15 years and my wife has never mentioned anything on this issue. ..but my wife is conservative..there was no sex before marriage..18 months of courtship and 5 trips to Thailand later..we were married..btw..it states in the well known book " Thailand Fever",that the average 30 year old single caucasion women in the west has had significantly more sexual partners than the corresponding average 30 year old Asian single woman.. so that seems strange that the " rules" would be stricter in the west signed: strange dichotomy Aren't you confusing having sex without being married with adultery. That are two different things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 One needs to understand that there is no such thing as "The Thai view on Adultery". The way an affluent Bangkok businessman views it will vary immensely from a conservative Nakhorn Sri Thammarat female factory worker and both of them will be totally different from a Chiang Rai ex-sex worker. A conservative Thai wife will not tell you that it is okay in the first place...and you know where she stands on this issue. I am married for 15 years and my wife has never mentioned anything on this issue. ..but my wife is conservative..there was no sex before marriage..18 months of courtship and 5 trips to Thailand later..we were married..btw..it states in the well known book " Thailand Fever",that the average 30 year old single caucasion women in the west has had significantly more sexual partners than the corresponding average 30 year old Asian single woman.. so that seems strange that the " rules" would be stricter in the west signed: strange dichotomy Aren't you confusing having sex without being married with adultery. That are two different things. That's the other difference between the West and Thai. A man and woman staying together and having a sexual relationship can be considered married under common law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slapout Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Wife and I, prior to marriage, had a discussion about potential girlfriends, boyfriends. We both agreed that marriage was a bond/commitment for both of us which did not leave room for a third party. If either of us decided we wanted outside sexual activity/whatever, we would notify the other one prior to doing the deed, at which time we would finish our marriage and go our ways. We both may be considered old fashioned by some but it has worked for us for 20+ odd years. Depends on the individuals involved, I see no difference in Thai's and other nationalities thinking on this, but I do not have access to real numbers, background of people who may voice an opinion, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Wife and I, prior to marriage, had a discussion about potential girlfriends, boyfriends. We both agreed that marriage was a bond/commitment for both of us which did not leave room for a third party. If either of us decided we wanted outside sexual activity/whatever, we would notify the other one prior to doing the deed, at which time we would finish our marriage and go our ways. We both may be considered old fashioned by some but it has worked for us for 20+ odd years. Depends on the individuals involved, I see no difference in Thai's and other nationalities thinking on this, but I do not have access to real numbers, background of people who may voice an opinion, etc. In a way similar to my mum's advice to me - "if you want to fool around, don't get married. If you get married, don't fool around". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seedy Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 To my way of thinking - If you make a commitment with another, stand by it. If times change, and you want out - get out. Until then, be true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a2396 Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 One needs to understand that there is no such thing as "The Thai view on Adultery". The way an affluent Bangkok businessman views it will vary immensely from a conservative Nakhorn Sri Thammarat female factory worker and both of them will be totally different from a Chiang Rai ex-sex worker. A conservative Thai wife will not tell you that it is okay in the first place...and you know where she stands on this issue. I am married for 15 years and my wife has never mentioned anything on this issue. ..but my wife is conservative..there was no sex before marriage..18 months of courtship and 5 trips to Thailand later..we were married..btw..it states in the well known book " Thailand Fever",that the average 30 year old single caucasion women in the west has had significantly more sexual partners than the corresponding average 30 year old Asian single woman.. so that seems strange that the " rules" would be stricter in the west signed: strange dichotomy This is quite true. The west and particular the USA are definately the double standard champs. EZ lays, first date sex, T&A media galore, unrestricted (mostly) porn widely availabe & legal. However, let the media smell the slightest twinge of unfathfullness of any public figure and they are all over hime like a pack of rabid dogs. Example the latest Tiger Woods case where the media are turing over rocks in hope of finding something. What used to be private matters, and still are in Asia, are "hung out to dry" for public condemnation and ridicule. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a2396 Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 That's the other difference between the West and Thai. A man and woman staying together and having a sexual relationship can be considered married under common law. Common law marriage is a thing of the past in many American states now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArthurPewty Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 To me it seems that if you have money, it is OK. Like many negative things in Thai society money makes it OK. Just my view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbin Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Told myself "Don't say anything......" Can't take my own advice. First sex (with the new wife) on the wedding night? Are you insane? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Briggsy Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Oh dear, this thread, always smelling trollish, has descended into a "my wife is more respectable and less hooker-ish than yours playground spat". Well done, OP. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted December 5, 2009 Author Share Posted December 5, 2009 Oh dear, this thread, always smelling trollish, has descended into a "my wife is more respectable and less hooker-ish than yours playground spat". Well done, OP. actually if I have an ulterior motive here, it is to have some light shed on why "the west" is generally more promiscuous, yet adultery is frowned upon more, and the spotlight is turned on way higher for those prominent citizens in the west who get caught, and paradoxically, not so much in LOS, although I understand the playing field is leveling, as the younger generation is more "westernized", especially hi so in BKK . I can assure you, I respect Thai women in general, whether they hop into the bed with you the first date, or make you wait eons.. signed: the "untrollish one" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eek Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 "actually if I have an ulterior motive here, it is to have some light shed on why "the west" is generally more promiscuous, yet adultery is frowned upon more," Do you mean promiscuity before marriage? Thats up to the individual really, dont you think? But marriage (or a "committed" relationship) is about commitment and trust and loyalty. Which for most means that their partner/spouse is their exclusive sexual partner. Thats why adultery is frowned upon. Its about betrayal and breaking a bond of commitment. As for "adultery is frown upon more" , im not convinced that it is any less "frowned" upon here. To be honest, I can see two general reasons why a partner would say this to their long term partner. One, out of fear of losing them. Two, as a test. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard W Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 Don't we need to consider the views about men being unfaithful and about women being unfaithful differently? For starters, the Thai divorce law treats them differently. A man may divorce his wife for adultery, but a woman may only divorce her husband for maintaining a woman as though she were a wife. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted December 5, 2009 Author Share Posted December 5, 2009 eek, you always have balanced, thoughtful and reasonably viewpoints.. It seems that mia nois are somewhat tolerated here in Thailand, but that certainly is not the case in the west, would you not agree? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 "actually if I have an ulterior motive here, it is to have some light shed on why "the west" is generally more promiscuous, yet adultery is frowned upon more,"Do you mean promiscuity before marriage? Thats up to the individual really, dont you think? But marriage (or a "committed" relationship) is about commitment and trust and loyalty. Which for most means that their partner/spouse is their exclusive sexual partner. Thats why adultery is frowned upon. Its about betrayal and breaking a bond of commitment. As for "adultery is frown upon more" , im not convinced that it is any less "frowned" upon here. To be honest, I can see two general reasons why a partner would say this to their long term partner. One, out of fear of losing them. Two, as a test. Perhaps the sex part of a relationship to the Thai is way down the list, when considering the strength of a relationship.......maybe taking good care of your children, parents and immediate family is high high on the list........thus if you are doing the latter......having a day trip out with the wifes agreement is no big thing.......'it's just sex'......to borrow a quote from the wife of a poster on this forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted December 5, 2009 Author Share Posted December 5, 2009 .having a day trip out with the wifes agreement is no big thing.......'it's just sex'......to borrow a quote from the wife of a poster on this forum. I'm sure Tiger( and many countless others|) wishes Erin thought that way too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
473geo Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 .having a day trip out with the wifes agreement is no big thing.......'it's just sex'......to borrow a quote from the wife of a poster on this forum.I'm sure Tiger( and many countless others|) wishes Erin thought that way too Think about it.....in the west adultery can make you rich......and you are not likely to have been suffering too much when you marry...so perhaps a pointer to the comittment to marriage is the monogamus relationship promise....christian values and all....... Now if you are dirt poor and your family struggle along year on year....then you marry a provider......who raises the standard of living for your whole family...who can just walk away...and you become less affluent immediately and your whole family suffer too.......well is a quick shag worth getting upset over?........mai pen rai.......but the big thing is it must not be advertised...loss of face and all!!.....discretion is surely the key......sadly not always available to superstars in the west....shame... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cognos Posted December 5, 2009 Author Share Posted December 5, 2009 Now if you are dirt poor and your family struggle along year on year....then you marry a provider......who raises the standard of living for your whole family...who can just walk away...and you become less affluent immediately and your whole family suffer too.......well is a quick shag worth getting upset over?........mai pen rai.......but the big thing is it must not be advertised...loss of face and all!!.....discretion is surely the key......sadly not always available to superstars in the west....shame... rolleyes.gif so I guess all women lose face, but if they are rich they can afford to go ballistic (and wield a 2 iron)..ironic but sad.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 "actually if I have an ulterior motive here, it is to have some light shed on why "the west" is generally more promiscuous, yet adultery is frowned upon more,"Do you mean promiscuity before marriage? Thats up to the individual really, dont you think? But marriage (or a "committed" relationship) is about commitment and trust and loyalty. Which for most means that their partner/spouse is their exclusive sexual partner. Thats why adultery is frowned upon. Its about betrayal and breaking a bond of commitment. As for "adultery is frown upon more" , im not convinced that it is any less "frowned" upon here. To be honest, I can see two general reasons why a partner would say this to their long term partner. One, out of fear of losing them. Two, as a test. Perhaps the sex part of a relationship to the Thai is way down the list, when considering the strength of a relationship.......maybe taking good care of your children, parents and immediate family is high high on the list........thus if you are doing the latter......having a day trip out with the wifes agreement is no big thing.......'it's just sex'......to borrow a quote from the wife of a poster on this forum. When I first came to work in Bangkok over 20 years ago, a supplier of mine told me she drops her husband at the turkish bath and then goes shopping, and after 2 hours, goes to pick him up. He has his fun, and she has hers too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jimky Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 To explain the people involved so i can type this less confusing: My girlfriend has a best friend like a sister who her, she is close to entire family having grown up same village. Two of these sisters: One has been married many years to a thai man and they appear both very happy. I get along with them the best of anyone in that village as does just about anyone else around them. Her other sister has been dating a retired guy from the UK for a while. There relationship is like a roller coaster with him very paranoid about every dollar he spends and her not all that interested in learning more English or communicating with him better. Yet hour to hour they go from miserableness with each other to very happy. Like the extreme ups and downs, never will understand that. So anyways these two guys go out drinking a few nights ago and get totally hammered. The UK guy who speaks barely and Thai, has no idea where the other guy who speaks very little english is taking him. Turns out there going to meet up with a couple Lao bar ladies he had phoned up for them. This is interesting because the UK dude in horrible up and down relationship was like <deleted> and upset that he brought him here. While the guy who him and his wife look so happy and everyone admires thought nothing of it. ___ Second part: From my own experience I think this is something I could have done in the earlier stages with my girlfriend. She wouldn't have been happy with it, but it wouldn't of been a deal breaker either. The company I had long term revenue share with went bankrupt and suddenly I had no money. I think we grew a lot closer during this time and I'm pretty sure now I think she'd be crushed if I did. Anywyas after 4 months talking about it, we finally set a date for a wedding recently. Today we were making some plans and I told her I want to go to Phuket 2 days before getting married with friends. She looked puzzled for a moment, and I said not worry not going to have sex, just going to go look at a bunch of ladies, get really drunk, dance act like an idiot then come back and marry her. She said she knows about what many farang do b4 getting married and said "I worry about HIV" but am okay you go. i said not worry about HIV I'm not going to have sex. She said "really" looking like she wasn't sure and I said "yes". I get the feeling I could of said don't worry I'll use a condom and it would of been cool for that one night. But whatever, Its nothing something I'm looking to do anyways. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trogers Posted December 5, 2009 Share Posted December 5, 2009 we finally set a date for a wedding recently. Today we were making some plans and I told her I want to go to Phuket 2 days before getting married with friends. She looked puzzled for a moment, and I said not worry not going to have sex, just going to go look at a bunch of ladies, get really drunk, dance act like an idiot then come back and marry her. She said she knows about what many farang do b4 getting married and said "I worry about HIV" but am okay you go. Question - Did both of you go together to a hospital to check on HIV since a date is set for the wedding and friends and relatives notified? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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