Near Fatal Attraction

[The Gentleman Scamp]

This is something that happened at the beginning of this year and a story I have not felt ready to share on TV until now nor previously had the time.

The poor boyfriend of this agonisingly desirable and highly dangerous maneater could well be a member of this forum so beware those of you who have abnormally attractive girlfriends but are based overseas and pay for their lifestyle back here.

mys-tique

n.

1. An aura of heightened value, interest, or meaning surrounding something, arising from attitudes and beliefs that impute special power or mystery to it: the cowboy mystique; the mystique of existentialism.

2. A Bangkok nightclub for the trendy and wealthy, those who think they are tredy and wealthy, and those who would like to be.

It was a January Thursday, I had hit the town with a couple of colleagues about 1am after a prosaic day at work and Pu, the lovely but useless escort girl that I had been seeing on and off for the past month, was out with a client and so as my shift had ended - hers had just begun. She was a nice enough girl on the wrong path but she wasn't quite what I needed from a woman at this point in my life and we had been hovering in that grey area between lovers and good friends.

It was a busy night, there were many people to watch and my work mate Jon was trying to fix me up with his girlfriend's best mate, but I was happy to be a gooseberry and out of the clot - I hadn't come here to be conversational ballast, neither had I come here to shag girls or fill my mobile with numbers of girls I who would never call and would later inevitably forget who they were or where I'd met them but would never delete the number just in case they had been a potentially important contact but would still never call anyway because the likelihood was that it was just some dizzy strumpet I had once made smalltalk with prior to staggering around in my beer goggles and wobbly boots, trying to find a taxi driver who would take me home without attempting conversation.

I wasn't sure what I wanted but I knew only a female human being could deliver it and I had just come along to roll my dice and hope for a six, as I had been single for too long and there was a gaping hole in my life which was only highlighted by the smitten look in Jon's eyes as he danced playfully with his new found love.

It wasn't fair... I wanted one... Not her giggly friend, not some unseasoned dippy nymphet who would like me simply because I was a nice bloke and send me tiresomely soppy, insipid text messages every day in the fluffy, pink and pathetic belief she was in love, I wanted a woman - somebody mature with a little life experience and wisdom, somebody special who would love me for why and who I am not what I am; somebody who I would get along with like a house on fire and grow on me like the Scissor Sisters Cd, somebody intelligent who I'd instantly respect but who'd ignite the turbines nonetheless and who's number I could get at the end of the night and get to know them properly, gradually going on dates after establishing a friendship and taking things slowly at the beginning, relishing every like minded glance and flirt... Somebody I would soon after be having romantic pillow fights with on Sunday mornings and go rice cooker shopping with at Tesco's... Somebody strong minded and robust but with a vulnerable core who would phone me first when her grandfather had passed away and I would take the rest of the day off work to go and comfort her, somebody who didn't necessarily like all the same movies as me but would share my view that Adam Sandler was an overpaid talentless tosser, and she would be somebody who would acknowledge that I liked mature English cheddar cheese in my scrambled eggs, bring me breakfast in bed when I deserved it and leave the washing up piling up because she couldn't wait to get back under the duvet for a snuggle, so we'd end up having no clean plates for the pizza we had ordered for our allocated DVD night and so we'd share the washing up duties with me drying and her washing and we'd kiss and joke and flick water at each other until it turned into a tickle fight in which we'd both end up on the kitchen floor about to make love, when the man from Perfect Pizza would ring the doorbell of our modest but charming downtown apartment which I could afford because she had helped me find, at long last, a well paid job I enjoyed and which utilized my skills.

Anyway, I wasn't expecting to find it on this particular night and I had been expecting it to be a disappointing, rubbish night because when one has high expectations preceeding a night out, more often than not, one ends up disappointed, but I subconsciously knew that by having this negative attitude it could well turn out to be the opposite... However, because I was subconciously aware of this urban myth, it gave me a glimmer of hope and would therefore, probably turn out to be a rubbish and disappointing night after all.

So I made my way through the crowd of conceited 'in crowd' types, Dj's and models and didn't recieve much eye contact, as many a lone man in a western discotheque will have experienced when making their way through the crowd to get to the bar and naturally, eye contact is briefly made with a good looking woman, only for her to swiftly turn away and focus on her shoes or the friend she was talking to, making it perfectly clear that she was just checking out the cool people and that she was not on the lookout for single, avarage looking nice blokes to come and chat her up.

I was almost at the bar when I saw in the darkness the sillhouette of a slinky young Thai woman dancing in a provocative maner with a handsome young man who was transfixed by her. She was smoothly feeding off the attention the attention and he was looking very pleased with himself having claimed tonights star prize... Possibly Asia's star prize I would later think when I'd had a closer look in my pheripheral vision as I returned to my spot with a small Heiniken I'd paid London nightclub price for.

Between the first swig and the last, I had relaxed into the mood a little more and was ready for another. It was on this second visit to the bar I had seen her dancing alone and had made the bold desicion to walk past her and say something; so I did, ditching my nerves and saying "Hello" in a way which didn't come out quite as planned and made me sound like Leslie Phillips.

I can't quite remember how our conversation transpired from there but I asked where her boyfriend was and why she was alone and she explained that he was just one of many men she was playing with and she was just having a good time. A girl like this must be sick of being lusted after and gorped at and I didn't want her to think I was the same as all the others, which I am not - I'm The Gentleman Scamp, I'm a one off, I just had to get to know this angel and I wanted to sit down and talk but she seemed to be more interested in playing the same game with me she was doing with every other besotted, red blooded male who had ever laid eyes on her.

When you have longed for a soulmate for as long as I have, and faced with a girl as stunning as she was, you develop this romantic naivety that everybody is good inside and is just waiting to be rescued and loved for who they are so that the good can emerge and love can blossom. It's a rose tinted malady that usually affects the lonely the overworked and the promiscuous people of this world that always go the wrong way about finding what they want, aching desperatly on the inside and becoming more seemingly buoyant on the outside.

I shouted over the noise that I wasn't surprised that every man wanted to conquer her but told her outright that I had no interest in doing so but that it would be nice to get her number at the end of the night and perhaps a peck on the cheek which in itself would have been an honour, not that I told her, she was obviously very aware of her power and I didn't want it to go to her head any further on my account.

She hadn't heard this one before... She sat down and I ordered us both a drink - I doubt she'd ever had to pay for a drink in her entire life. I couldn't remember ever sitting and talking to anyone quite this desirable, and I'd met quite a few stunning ladies in my life, both in England and Thailand, but this was something else... She was too good looking and I almost disliked her because of it, as it seemed to overpower any other qualities she may have.

She wasn't your conventional, classic Asian hair-down-to-her-arse model type with almond skin and legs up to her shoulders with that awful air of high so, western priggishness which you find with many Thai models, she was something I hadn't seen before, and she knew it too. She wasn't tall and lanky like most models and she had bigger breasts, yet was too petite to be a platinum ladyboy yet too perfectly formed and skinned to be an off duty bargirl. Her hands and feet so were so exquisite it was as if they had been hand crafted by specialists and shipped to an assembly room where they had been fitted to her legs and arms... Walt Disney had created her nose, her big brown eyes and those amazing eyelashes, the most beautiful natural eyelashes I had ever seen, and Italian designers Pininfarina had collaberated with Madame Tussauds to make her almost 'V' shaped jaw. Together they had created the perfect being... An agonizingly desirable female with flawless skin, and a unique wide smile full of toothpaste model teeth. A monster... Maybe she was a robot, but I had my doubts as she smelled too good.

She grew more attractive with every second, and it was not down to the Heiniken. Men were beginning to look at us and ponder their next move, something she was used to - I was later to learn that even the owner of Mystique had been trying for months to seduce this girl but to no avail.

Looking around as she danced, it was clear that many of these drooling men would be having sex wth their eyes closed tonight, and those that were single would be doing the tissue industry proud and I would probably be one of them. The onlookers were probably wondering what she was doing dancing with me and not them, for they were athletic, well proportioned adonises and I was a slim, avarage looking bloke with a big nose who scrubbed up ok with a lot of effort. Surely I was just another tool for her to tease with, a woman like this could never love me... I bite my nails and I bounce when I walk... I don't last more than one session at a gymnasium and I do most of my clothes shopping at Tesco Lotus, and yet this object of obsession was placing my arms around her waist and bumping and grinding against me.

Later on, about half an hour after introducing her to Jon and co and basking in their envy and astonishment, she finished her drink and then disappeared, leaving me convinced I had been conned, but for the short time with her it had been worth a 200bht whisky and soda so I didn't mind, but just as I got up she suddenly re-appeared out of nowhere and hooked her handbag on my hand explaining she'd return in a moment.

The following morning I awoke in her bed and watched her sleeping, wondering how the ###### this actually happened, wondering anything so agonizingly attractive could ever have a normal life and realising I could never have a girlfriend like this as it would be a living nightmare... It would be like living in Phenom Phen and going out every day wearing a suit made from $100 bills.

Just a few hours earlier I had been living the dream that many men who have laid eyes on her will have had. I was having the best time since sliced bread. I had been having the ultimate fantasy roll in the hay - only it was a nice big bed in a nice big apartment, though I was soon to discover it wasn't hers.

To be continued - that's enough typing for one session.

[Darknight]

To be continued - that's enough typing for one session

Enough for one reading session as well

ps: glanced over it will read it in full later today

[Thomas_Merton]

To be continued - that's enough typing for one session

Enough for one reading session as well

ps: glanced over it will read it in full later today

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Can't we open a new forum called "Novellettes by bored (s)expats"?

[The_Moog]

I hope Thomas' inane post will encourage TGS to post more.

I did a search on TGS' post history in the early hours of the morning and found them rather good.

I shall do likewise on TM's - when I need an early night.

[bkkmadness]

I hope Thomas' inane post will encourage TGS to post more.

I did a search on TGS' post history in the early hours of the morning and found them rather good.

I shall do likewise on TM's - when I need an early night.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Agreed.

[andy50]

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Edited April 20, 2005 by andy50

[Kringle]

No wonder you don't want your father to read this dribble.

[chuchok]

Keep it comming skampy....

[The Gentleman Scamp]

No wonder you don't want your father to read this dribble.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

He has.

By the way Kringle, (I was going to PM you this but decided against it) - please stop this constant refering to my father as if I was some daddy's boy because I find it very offensive considering I'm the bastard son of a guy just like Thomas Merton, in otherwords a very conservative man who's heart is in the right place but who has too many regrets in life and takes it out on those who seemingly don't..

[Thomas_Merton]

I hope Thomas' inane post will encourage TGS to post more.

I did a search on TGS' post history in the early hours of the morning and found them rather good.

I shall do likewise on TM's - when I need an early night.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can't wait to read the erudite criticism from you and the rest of the lads down the pub.

Just think if you could ruin my day - whatever would I do?

Edited April 20, 2005 by Thomas_Merton

[chonabot]

I hope Thomas' inane post will encourage TGS to post more.

I did a search on TGS' post history in the early hours of the morning and found them rather good.

I shall do likewise on TM's - when I need an early night.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I can't wait to read the erudite criticism from you and the rest of the lads down the pub.

Just think if you could ruin my day - whatever would I do?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Thomas you obviously voiced your opinion of Scamp's post for a reason.

IMO that reason was to elicit a reaction , from Scamp and other TV members.

Well done.

You achieved it ( well almost )

[Pudgimelon]

- that's enough typing for one session.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah-thetic.

Teenagers should not be allowed to inhabit the bodies of adults. There should be a mandatory "Grow-Up Or Be Neutered" deadline at the age of 30. After that, such behaviors and attitudes are just sad. Truly, truly sad.

[The_Moog]

I can't wait to read the erudite criticism from you and the rest of the lads down the pub.

Just think if you could ruin my day - whatever would I do?

Won't take me long to review your output - once I discard the voluminous mindfarts that provide a cod-philosophical justification of the joys of child love, not much else there !!!

[Thomas_Merton]

I can't wait to read the erudite criticism from you and the rest of the lads down the pub.

Just think if you could ruin my day - whatever would I do?

Won't take me long to review your output - once I discard the voluminous mindfarts that provide a cod-philosophical justification of the joys of child love, not much else there !!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Touched a nerve did I?

Bet you wish you could have been around to send a "cut off their B*lls" posting like most do when anyone attempts nuanced discussion on the lad's favourite hate subject.

[bkkmadness]

children, children, calm down.

If you don't like the post, go to another topic and read that.

I'm personally not a great fan of this post, thought it was badly written for a start especially for the net where people tend to scan and not read so much, but I didn't feel the need to jump on moaning about it, just clicked off and read another.

I advise you all do the same.

Remember it's a public forum, if he wants to post something, let him.

[The_Moog]

children, children, calm down.

Bkk's naked ambition to be appointed a Moderator here is as transparent as Cardinal Mudslingers was to become Pope.

[ThaiPauly]

Good Stuff Scamp (loved the bit about the tissues- maybee they could all be wan#king off over "Scott" if you know what I mean. Have you EVER written a book? Christ you have the talent-use it. I"ve always wanted to be an agent, as I can't write for toffees. I bet all you guys that are having a pop startrted reading a bangkok book started in this eay you would not have said waht you said

Goodnight Jake

I look forward to chapter 2

[ThaiPauly]

Sorry for the Typos boys and girls this keypad, (electronic) id S#it

[stumonster]

Wha Here we go again 

Please Use Barladies.com For these discussions.

\Topic Closed

its not irony - its out and out fellatio

[bkkmadness]

children, children, calm down.

Bkk's naked ambition to be appointed a Moderator here is as transparent as Cardinal Mudslingers was to become Pope.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

moderator on thaivisa? will never happen dude, too many weirdos to deal with.

Edited April 20, 2005 by bkkmadness

[penzman]

[bkkbound04]

I can't wait to read the erudite criticism from you and the rest of the lads down the pub.

Just think if you could ruin my day - whatever would I do?

Won't take me long to review your output - once I discard the voluminous mindfarts that provide a cod-philosophical justification of the joys of child love, not much else there !!!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Touched a nerve did I?

Bet you wish you could have been around to send a "cut off their B*lls" posting like most do when anyone attempts nuanced discussion on the lad's favourite hate subject.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i don't thnk this merton guy's well/all there

every post i've seen of yours has been a load of tripe

whether it be preaching the word of god(for reasons known only to yourself)your relationship with jesus(why do we care) or the rest of your mundane posts including the posts in this thread

stop being a ting tong ferang, go back to your own country, take your meds and get some help

[elliss]

hey that , s very good ,

except for " ignite the turbines"

does not fire my imagination .

will read it again , as i have to

cook g.f. dinner . before she arrives

home from work . or else ..

[The_Eye_Of_Sauron]

stop being a ting tong ferang, go back to your own country, take your meds and get some help

90% sure he is writing from his own country - Greenland or Lapland or Spitzbergen or somewhere up there.

Which makes his avid participation on thaivisa odd and odder still.

[ThaiPauly]

Wha Here we go again 

Please Use Barladies.com For these discussions.

\Topic Closed

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

its not irony - its out and out fellatio

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

EXCUSE ME Stumonster for being so thick, but WHERE DID Darknight make this comment, I cant see it in this tread, (and I have been over it three times to check and I havn't a CLUE what you are going on about!! I cant see the word felatio being used by anybody else but yourself! Perhaps I am wrong in which case I appologise, maybee I am going blind or have had one Scotch to many, but if not.....please explain yourself

Not flaming you, But &lt;deleted&gt;

[Thomas_Merton]

stop being a ting tong ferang, go back to your own country, take your meds and get some help

90% sure he is writing from his own country - Greenland or Lapland or Spitzbergen or somewhere up there.

Which makes his avid participation on thaivisa odd and odder still.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Put your hands together children, "who, wha, who, wha, piss off, piss off, piss off - you can't play in our playground".

Grow up, girls.

Edited April 20, 2005 by Thomas_Merton

[bkkbound04]

stop being a ting tong ferang, go back to your own country, take your meds and get some help

90% sure he is writing from his own country - Greenland or Lapland or Spitzbergen or somewhere up there.

Which makes his avid participation on thaivisa odd and odder still.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Put your hands together children, "who, wha, who, wha, piss off, piss off, piss off - you can't play in our playground".

Grow up, girls.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

i've said what i think, the more you type just confirms my thoughts

[The_Moog]

Put your hands together children, "who, wha, who, wha, piss off, piss off, piss off - you can't play in our playground".

I prescribe a Vacation old boy !

Edited April 20, 2005 by The_Moog

[ThaiPauly]

Why oh Why is this tread starting out to be a flame war already, for Christ's sake, can't you all act like adults and get back to discussing the original thread

Or don't and clear off to aother one, better still GO TO BED!!

[bkkmadness]

If there is any testament to the Scamps stories, it's that I dont want this thread closed for flaming before I hear part 2 of the tale.

and just as I post that the man himself turns up, we getting part 2 tonight Scamp?

No huge long paragraphs this time dude, they make everybody tune out.

Edited April 20, 2005 by bkkmadness