Do You Let Thai Men Hold Your 7 Mth Old Baby Daugter

[dmax]

im currently living in isaan with my thai wife and 7 mth old baby girl. i have told my wife not to let thai men hold my daughter, i have told her to watch who takes her,sometimes i come home from saomewhere and i ask her " wheres my baby" but my wife replies " oh the young girl has taken her to see her family" i go with my wife to see where my baby is and some bloodydrunken thai man is holding my baby in his arms,ok his wife and everyone is there but i dont like it,ive told my wife never ever to leave my baby with anyone she doesnt know and to take care herself in future,i will not tolerate this kind of lax behavior,i will also not have any thai people touching her on her face or trying to kiss her,i mean no disresect but these people up here do not wash thier hands that often and there is all kinds of diseases about,am i wrong ? i dont care,it only takes one time or one minute for someone to abuse my daughter then the damage is done,i wont risk it.

[harrry]

YOU TOLD

Try that wih a farang wife and see what happens

[engrin]

What doesn't kill, makes her stronger

Relax man.

[gburns57au]

Maybe you should trust your wife.....after all it is her village

[Scott]

Your being seriously overprotective.

New parents are often overprotective, but try and relax. You and your wife need to keep an eye on whose playing with and handling the baby, but relax a little. My first one, I was worried about a lot of things, by the third one, anyone wanted to take care of him was fine with me.

[Mosha]

I've seen my Thai family get angry when their kids are handled by drunken family members. As it seems plain that is what bothers the OP I think I'd be the same way if we had kids. If it is sober people then you need to relax. I see it regularly around here. I've picked kids up myself when they have been distressed, until mum appears.

[dave111223]

Why specifically "Thai Men"... like they have some kind of propensity to molest 7 month old babies?

Surely you need to change tone to "I don't like people that I don't know touching my baby"... then you sound normal.

[geriatrickid]

I agree with OP. Last thing he needs is someone with herpes kissing his baby. Do you think villagers understand what herpes is and how it is transmitted? Kids are susceptible to meningitis. Adults can be carriers etc. etc. etc. To those that think the OP is over protective, his duty is to the security and well being of the infant and no one else.

Edited December 18, 2009 by geriatrickid

[mijan24]

You are setting your wife an impossible task nothing to do with being "Thai" come out and join the human race.

Should be a great crowd at the first birthday party don't over cater.

To be honest you are being paranoid I am sure someone will chip in with life in a black country.

Edited December 18, 2009 by mijan24

[whichschool]

Only law ive got is never take her on a motorbike ever, and no hitting her, apart from that anything goes!

[slapout]

With this kind of paranoia maybe you should devote your time to taking care of the baby and not leave the house to go somewhere. Farang/Thai babies are not real common in some families so they want to look, hold, smell, etc. The neighbors will come into your house if the baby does not make an occasional trip to theirs, with wife/maid/grandma/aunt, etc so get used to it. Like mentioned the immune system will probably benefit unless the old drunk has small pox, polio, or worse.

[thaimate]

Although i agree that i wouldnt want some drunk man or woman holding my baby, you really need to get a life i just cant understand this mentality that everyone os out to "molest" a child ,something creepy about people who have this mentality.

[JUDAS]

I was also aware of a lot of interest from locals in my young daughter, now 5 years old which I must admit made me uneasy initially. The wife told me it was a fascination with our daughters white skin which was quite obvious once I actually listened to what people were saying, at no point though would our daughter leave our presence. I'm sure if it's a small village you are in that your daughter is the only half European child? The interest in you child can also help you become more friendly/accepted by the village locals.

Perhaps the locals in your area don't wash their hands much, but I've never in 10 years stood beside a Thai person and been overwhelmed by body odor which I can't say about my fellow countrymen.

Agreed, you daughter should not be going off with other non family members, she's too young but, nothing wrong IMO with your wife's friends etc picking her up etc in your presence.

[Orac]

I think you may be overreacting a bit here. I am in a similar position to you be the sound of things having a 9 month old daughter however, I am very greatful for the support we get from the people that live around us, including the men. If our girl crys for more than a couple of minutes one of the neighbours will appear to see if there is a problem. Also, since she still is not sleeping through the night and waking up at 6am, it is great to be able to step outside our front door first thing in the morning and within a couple of minutes someone will come and take her off me for an hour or so which gives us an ideal break first thing in the morning.

As far as abuse is concerned, as a previous poster stated above, everyone in the village knows everybody else (apart from me that is!) and, yes, there are some characters I wouldn't trust near her but the ones that I do trust know them far better than I do!

I must say that I almost agree with you on the levels of hygene in the village what are a far cry from western standards, however, it doesn't seem to be doing the locals much harm and, by being exposed to a slightly harsher environment at a young age is not neccessarliy a bad thing and will hopefully make her more resilient as she grows older.

The one thing I am very sure of is that we made the right decision to spend the first couple of years after she was born in the village with the natural support structures that it offers rather than elsewhere in Thailand or the UK. Unfortunately the one major thing lacking here is the access to a good education.

[Jim's_a_Thai_Fox]

I agree that the OP comes across as a tad too overprotective.... the way the post was worded with "my baby" as opposed to "our baby" gives strong indications of his mindset - if he chooses to be away from his family, he must live with the fact that the villagers will be interested in his child.

If a drunken person, whether male, female, Thai or whatever nationality are holding anyone's child then there is a problem that should be handled firmly without delay.

I fear that simply 'laying down the law to the wife' about what she must do when he is not there isn't the most effective way to do manage this situation.

[Boo]

I'm disturbed by the ops's choice of words. Is there a specific reason why you only specified "thai men". Would you be ok for a "western man" of the same level of acquaintance hold her then?

Presumably this is in your wifes home village & presumably she is connected into the local network & presumably would know to a high degree who is safe to hold her or not.

Now a pissed person I agree, I wouldn't want someone drunk holding my son & would make that very clear & if you are really that concerned about hygiene then insist on people washing hands before holding her. But a 7mnth old is usually picking stuff up & putting it in their mouths by this stage so it's a bit late to be concerned too much about germs as she is probably shoving them in her mouth by herself.

And I agree about not letting kids go off with her too, I went ballistic once when after being upstairs for a few minutes, came down to discover the 8 year old niece had taken my son out in his stroller. Hubby, his mum, the sister in law all got an earful at that as they were supposed to be watching him & I had left him happily & safely being coddled by mil & sil . Scabby dangerous dogs, loony drivers just two of the dangers that I wasn't prepared to expect an 8 year old to know how to handle when out with my baby son.

[kurnell]

I don't let anyone vaguely drunk, irresponsible (farang or Thai) hold/touch my 8 month old. I don't give a rats arse if anyone thinks I am overprotective. In fact a older Thai chap came up to my daughter at Central Chidlom and pinched her cheek last month. Several minutes later he came back and apologised, of his own accord or maybe his wife told him touching baby's faces is a no no, I don't know, but at least he realised his error. I was also annoyed that a Thai lady used to kiss my other daughter on the mouth in our local park when she was around 1 year of age.

Indian men love to touch the face of babys, so when I see them coming I make sure I am moving in the opposite direction.

I see a lot of comments above coming from people that clearly have never had kids so will never be able to understand how protective you become when they are your own.

[gvallee2]

Your being seriously overprotective.

New parents are often overprotective, but try and relax. You and your wife need to keep an eye on whose playing with and handling the baby, but relax a little. My first one, I was worried about a lot of things, by the third one, anyone wanted to take care of him was fine with me.

you have kids?

I was busy for the 2 days and my gf brought my kid when he was 5months i think to the market with her mom working there.

Thereafter he was sick for a week then i had to bring him to the hospital and they had to put him tubes in his lunges and administer some heavy medicine that made him scream for his life for hours.(when if you drop him on his head he doesn't even cry for more than 2secs)

funny thing is, he never got sick again, not even a cold(i had swine flu and he was fine living with me in a condo all day long).

Children under 1 year should not be touched by anyone but the immediate family, if they are touched by a stranger they should be completely washed right away especialy in a third world country.

[gvallee2]

I'm disturbed by the ops's choice of words. Is there a specific reason why you only specified "thai men". Would you be ok for a "western man" of the same level of acquaintance hold her then?

Presumably this is in your wifes home village & presumably she is connected into the local network & presumably would know to a high degree who is safe to hold her or not.

Now a pissed person I agree, I wouldn't want someone drunk holding my son & would make that very clear & if you are really that concerned about hygiene then insist on people washing hands before holding her. But a 7mnth old is usually picking stuff up & putting it in their mouths by this stage so it's a bit late to be concerned too much about germs as she is probably shoving them in her mouth my herself.

And I agree about not letting kids go off with her too, I went ballistic once when after being upstairs for a few minutes, came down to discover the 8 year old niece had taken my son out in his stroller. Hubby, his mum, the sister in law all got an earful at that as they were supposed to be watching him & I had left him happily & safely being coddled by mil & sil . Scabby dangerous dogs, loony drivers just two of the dangers that I wasn't prepared to expect an 8 year old to know how to handle when out with my baby son.

Nit picking much?

My kid sees western men a ton, they NEVER hold him, they never pinch him. They do play with him when hes running around (mostly the old people)

Thai men and women just jump on him and even if he starts crying they try to pickup him up kicking and screaming.

Even in the west, i NEVER had that problem. I mean how retarded do you have to be to pickup a child thats screaming in terror from you trying to pick him up? (happens almost daily)

[seaeagle]

Sorry, dmax, I'm in agreement with most of the replies here. I think you need to relax over quite a few issues. My daughter is now 4, and I was a bit unnerved the way in-laws and extended family behaved around her at that age. However, I kept an eye on things, tolerated more than I was used to doing, and everything was fine.

With regard to the hygeine, yes, I was a bit worried. That was until my own mother reminded me that I'd been brought up on a farm in East Anglia, England, and she'd stopped me eating worms and other creatures many-a-time! Moving forward, many health issues in UK are down to living in a too clean environment, without germs, to get imunity.

I recall the only real point where I laid the law down, was when the Thais started picking up her food and feeding it direct into her mouth. It's something they do, and due to the hygeine issue, that was a bit much. All I said, though, was "use a spoon, please". No need to be nasty, and they were okay about it.

Drunkeness is a different issue - doesn't matter what race you are from to be alienated when you're drunk.

As she gets older, you'll be concerned about the regularity of snacks and other sweet things that she gets given. Again, with your wife's support, get her into a routine for food (healthy food, too) as soon as possible.

By the way, is your house finished now?

[eek]

Nit picking much?

Your title is offensive. No nit picking at all.

If i read your OP without the bigotry and racist overtones, then it reads as a normal father who has normal concerns. But hard to stomach reading it as it stands to be perfectly honest.

[mizzi39]

Op's quote:

i mean no disresect but these people up here do not wash thier hands that often and there is all kinds of diseases about,am i wrong ?

My son just turned 16 months old. yes, we found and still find people that want to interact with him, more i am sure than if we were living in the west. Maybe it is the luk krung thing. No drunk should ever hold your child, but this is just common sense and hopefully your wife has it. I know my wife would not dare allow any drunk family or not to touch our kid, as i would throw a conniption fit, but again common sense goes a long way.

What concerns me is your comment about "these people up here etc..." We live up here and what an insult to someone like my mother and father in law. My mother in law retired as a school teacher after 30 years and my father in law retires as a lieutenant colonel after 28 years in the Thai military. They both have great hygiene and common sense. I trust them with my sons safety whole heartily 110%.

When you make generalizations about "those people" you are not wrong in a sense, nor being overly protective. What you are doing is just showing utter arrogance that's all!

[Boo]

Nit picking much?

how can it be nitpicking when the op specifically singled out thai men. Is there something wrong with Thai men that couldn't also be wrong with western men?

My kid sees western men a ton, they NEVER hold him, they never pinch him. They do play with him when hes running around (mostly the old people)

Thai men and women just jump on him and even if he starts crying they try to pickup him up kicking and screaming.

So couldn't this just mean that in the west we are taught to be more reserved around other peoples kids & that in Thailand they aren't? Again not specific to thai men but thai people as you yourself wrote.

[gvallee2]

A random male holding your dautgher is much more worrying then a random woman.

Why would i say that?

In this world we have to gender, male and female.

Females love having a clean home, bearing children and being protected

Males are protector and love to procreate

This is what our deepest animals instincts are. So seeing a random male pickup your kid is REALLY strange unless hes had high dose of estrogen.(which many asians have, but coming from the west you are not used to that) or that hes one of the rare guys that have the maternal instinct of a woman even if he does not have children.

Most random males will observe a child and smile.. a random male picking it up and touching your child is STRANGE. Especially when you child is really young, can easily get sick or hurt.

also women for the most part are less dirty than us.

[BangkokJazz]

You can't ask Thai people to stop being Thai. They are a very contact oriented people, and that is not going to change. Many in the west have developed a phobia about physical contact, which is a shame, because its one of the wonderful ways we can connect with others. There was a study done regarding physical contact during a meal, done in the US and Italy. Italians over the course of an hour long meal, touched each other over 60 times, while in the US it was like 2.

What's the point? The culture you choose to live in, regards this behavior as the norm. If the behavior is that traumatic for you, you better move, because you are not going to change it. Personally, I think that showing our affection for others in this way is great. To many repressed, touch deprived people walking around in US, UK, etc, which is probably why you moved to Thailand in the first place. Khao jai mai krup?

[TexasRanger]

A child was snatched recently in a Northeastern province and apparently (only hearesay from the locals) this happens as it is easy to whisk them over the order into Laos and then they can be sold. True or not, I know I wouldn't take the chance. It's your kid, don't let it out of your or your families sight, I dont think it is acceptable for it to be with strangers or other kids at that age.

As for the "Thai Men" comment, I agree about drunks but some of the women are just as bad as the men.

Protect your kid at all costs, if you step on a few toes so be it. Better to be looking at her than looking for her.

[BangkokJazz]

A child was snatched recently in a Northeastern province and apparently (only hearesay from the locals) this happens as it is easy to whisk them over the order into Laos and then they can be sold. True or not, I know I wouldn't take the chance. It's your kid, don't let it out of your or your families sight, I dont think it is acceptable for it to be with strangers or other kids at that age.

As for the "Thai Men" comment, I agree about drunks but some of the women are just as bad as the men.

Protect your kid at all costs, if you step on a few toes so be it. Better to be looking at her than looking for her.

Protection from harm - certainly - knowing where to draw the line between protection and sheltering - should take cultural factors into account.

[NanLaew]

A random male holding your dautgher is much more worrying then a random woman.

Why would i say that?

In this world we have to gender, male and female.

Females love having a clean home, bearing children and being protected

Males are protector and love to procreate

This is what our deepest animals instincts are. So seeing a random male pickup your kid is REALLY strange unless hes had high dose of estrogen.(which many asians have, but coming from the west you are not used to that) or that hes one of the rare guys that have the maternal instinct of a woman even if he does not have children.

Most random males will observe a child and smile.. a random male picking it up and touching your child is STRANGE. Especially when you child is really young, can easily get sick or hurt.

also women for the most part are less dirty than us.

That's a pretty... ummm... unique (trying to keep it polite here) philosophy you have there.

In this world, we have men and women.

In Thailand, we also have katoeys... and lots of chickens!

As the French would say, "Étrange. Plus étrange."

[Neeranam]

Children are snatched regularly in the NE - you must be very protective. Your wife will realize this too and you have to trust her or find a new one.

Thai men holding my daughters? Only very close family/friends.

[ballpoint]

I suggest you buy a safe. Thoroughly disinfect it and lock the child safely away whenever you aren't around. Of course, you should drill at least one airhole, but make sure some sort of filtration system is installed to stop those nasty germs from getting in. You will have a problem when the child outgrows the safe, as she won't have built up any natural resistance to disease, so start now by digging a cellar beneath your house in order to lock her away when she gets older. As she is female, and you obviously don't want to run the risk of her latching up with a dirty Thai boy once she reaches puberty, she should be kept in the cellar for her entire life. I guarantee she won't have any physical problems, and who cares about her mental health? After all, given the current situation, she'll be thoroughly indoctrinated against the majority of those she sees on a daily basis, which will be with her for the rest of her life.