Do You Let Thai Men Hold Your 7 Mth Old Baby Daugter

[dmax]

... most Thais that I know do not take care of their kids to a standard which is acceptable...

... the Thais do not value care highly enough and I don't see why the OP should stoop to their levels when it is his child.

Acceptable to who? The Western safety nannies who are doing great damage to children by removing all risk from their lives? Bringing up a generation unable to assess danger, used to getting their own way and knowing they won't be punished for any wrong doing. I'd say many of the older members of the forum were brought up in a manner far closer to the Thai way than the current Western one. My early years were spent in rural NZ in the '60's, and I soon learned that fire is hot, barbed wire should be treated with respect (still got the scar from that lesson), dogs and cats will bite and scratch if ill treated, taking my tricycle to the top of the hill and trying to career down it is not a good idea, cow dung doesn't taste good, and neither do Karaka berries (Kiwi's will know what I'm talking about), bee stings hurt, I must face the consequences of my own decisions, and a bunch of other valuable lessons for life. The current generation is probably horrified to hear I was brought up in this way, and no doubt would have sent social services around to drag me off to a home. Are you really surprised to hear that the human race successfully managed to breed in the West prior to the '70's, and does so in Thailand today, without any interference from the bleeding hearted child botherers? How do you think your parents were brought up?

I genuinely feel sorry for the daughter of the OP. he is projecting his prejudices onto her in her formative years, which, if unchecked, will lead to her growing up with a distrust of her maternal relations and a shame for her Thai culture.

ok so my daugter is handed around the whole villiage every minute of the day,i turn my back for five minutes and some drunken clown has taken her walkies, so this is acceptable to you ? also if my child has been used to being handed to everyone to take away what will happen when someone with bad intentions takes her by the hand and leads her away ,being taken away all the time from childhood she will think this is acceptable will she not ?

i dont mind anyone holding her in my company but i wont have her passed around and taken away by anyone i do not know.

[bina]

u can teach your kids not to go with just anyone;

i think, dmax, that u are slightly oversensitive due to the trauma your sister has been thru, and that is understandable however, as other posters pointed out, overprotectiveness doesnt teach your children how to handle situations, it doesnt help them learn to assess risks, having never been exposed, and it makes them too sensitive to the thousands of small dangers lurking around every corner, from disease to open fires. all of our kids from age 3 have been taught about 'private areas of the body', if it isnt in the childrens' pre schools, then its from books written with this in mind...

children that were raised in a more communal setting with more exposure to various age groups are better able to deal with poeple in general; children exposed to normal ammounts of dirt, animals, scrapes and bruises have a higher level of tolerance to 'when things dont go their way', without collapsing in tears at every scratch.

bina

[bina]

u can teach your kids not to go with just anyone;

i think, dmax, that u are slightly oversensitive due to the trauma your sister has been thru, and that is understandable however, as other posters pointed out, overprotectiveness doesnt teach your children how to handle situations, it doesnt help them learn to assess risks, having never been exposed, and it makes them too sensitive to the thousands of small dangers lurking around every corner, from disease to open fires. all of our kids from age 3 have been taught about 'private areas of the body', if it isnt in the childrens' pre schools, then its from books written with this in mind...

children that were raised in a more communal setting with more exposure to various age groups are better able to deal with poeple in general; children exposed to normal ammounts of dirt, animals, scrapes and bruises have a higher level of tolerance to 'when things dont go their way', without collapsing in tears at every scratch.

bina

[phetaroi]

Acceptable to who? The Western safety nannies who are doing great damage to children by removing all risk from their lives? Bringing up a generation unable to assess danger, used to getting their own way and knowing they won't be punished for any wrong doing. I'd say many of the older members of the forum were brought up in a manner far closer to the Thai way than the current Western one. My early years were spent in rural NZ in the '60's, and I soon learned that fire is hot, barbed wire should be treated with respect (still got the scar from that lesson), dogs and cats will bite and scratch if ill treated, taking my tricycle to the top of the hill and trying to career down it is not a good idea, cow dung doesn't taste good, and neither do Karaka berries (Kiwi's will know what I'm talking about), bee stings hurt, I must face the consequences of my own decisions, and a bunch of other valuable lessons for life. The current generation is probably horrified to hear I was brought up in this way, and no doubt would have sent social services around to drag me off to a home. Are you really surprised to hear that the human race successfully managed to breed in the West prior to the '70's, and does so in Thailand today, without any interference from the bleeding hearted child botherers? How do you think your parents were brought up?

I genuinely feel sorry for the daughter of the OP. he is projecting his prejudices onto her in her formative years, which, if unchecked, will lead to her growing up with a distrust of her maternal relations and a shame for her Thai culture.

All things in moderation, but great post!

You ate cow dung? Not sure I would have shared that!

[MikeyIdea]

Great post Ballpoint

Here's an interesting thread on parenting.com where some Americans claim to move their young girls to new day care centers every time a male day-care workers join. Pathetic attitide, thank God not all are like that http://myparenting.org/

If you come to Thailand, please leave your paranoia at home, accept cultural differences and maintain your natural parental vigil

Edit: Added thank God not all are like that, didn't mean it to sound like an attack on Americans

[richieudon]

Why specifically "Thai Men"... like they have some kind of propensity to molest 7 month old babies?

Surely you need to change tone to "I don't like people that I don't know touching my baby"... then you sound normal.

Agreed, many farang don't wash and are drunks....

[dmax]

I suggest you buy a safe. Thoroughly disinfect it and lock the child safely away whenever you aren't around. Of course, you should drill at least one airhole, but make sure some sort of filtration system is installed to stop those nasty germs from getting in. You will have a problem when the child outgrows the safe, as she won't have built up any natural resistance to disease, so start now by digging a cellar beneath your house in order to lock her away when she gets older. As she is female, and you obviously don't want to run the risk of her latching up with a dirty Thai boy once she reaches puberty, she should be kept in the cellar for her entire life. I guarantee she won't have any physical problems, and who cares about her mental health? After all, given the current situation, she'll be thoroughly indoctrinated against the majority of those she sees on a daily basis, which will be with her for the rest of her life.

take it you havent got any kids then ?? or a wife ? or any friends ? or ..............................

[dmax]

seething palpable racism dmax. good job.

bull mate !! i only say thai men because we have no falang men in our villiage, dont be so quick to jump to conclusions, maybe i was a bit rash in my wording but im def no racist,im married to a thai so go figure oxford will.

[phetaroi]

take it you havent got any kids then ?? or a wife ? or any friends ? or ..............................

The more people disagree with you, the more insulting you get. You asked for reactions to your own beliefs and you got them.

[ballpoint]

I suggest you buy a safe. Thoroughly disinfect it and lock the child safely away whenever you aren't around. Of course, you should drill at least one airhole, but make sure some sort of filtration system is installed to stop those nasty germs from getting in. You will have a problem when the child outgrows the safe, as she won't have built up any natural resistance to disease, so start now by digging a cellar beneath your house in order to lock her away when she gets older. As she is female, and you obviously don't want to run the risk of her latching up with a dirty Thai boy once she reaches puberty, she should be kept in the cellar for her entire life. I guarantee she won't have any physical problems, and who cares about her mental health? After all, given the current situation, she'll be thoroughly indoctrinated against the majority of those she sees on a daily basis, which will be with her for the rest of her life.

take it you havent got any kids then ?? or a wife ? or any friends ? or ..............................

I was just taking your post to one conclusion. Far fetched maybe, but not something that's never happened before.

I'm sure you do have the best interests of your daughter at heart, but don't you agree you could have worded the OP a little better? It, along with a number of other posts from other members, is more or less saying that you believe Thai mothers to care far less about their children than Farang fathers. Give your wife a little credit, I'm sure she cares about your daughter just as much, and probably more, than you do. If you really doubt that then maybe you really should follow my advice above. At the moment, whether you intended to or not, your message seems to be "I have full control of my wife and daughter". As someone noted, you asked for our opinions, you can either follow them, or ignore them, no skin off our noses. But, you made it our business to comment when you asked what we thought.

By the way, unlike you, I did not ask for advice, or speculation, on my family, so now you're just being rude. But, since you're interested: I've been married over 20 years, live in a small village in Buri Ram, raised a daughter the local way, she's now at university in Bangkok. Strangers stick out a mile in the village, and if looks were lasers, would be sliced apart by the locals checking out what they're up to. Not one kid that I know of has died in their early years, not one kid has been kidnapped. I'd much rather raise a child here than in the nanny states of the West, or the polluted and traffic infested cities of Bangkok, Pattaya or Chiang Mai. I often have the neighbours kids come around to spend time when I'm pottering about in the garden, and I occasionally kick a football around with them. I usually enjoy their company, and no, I'm not a paedophile. Similarly, because I'm known to everyone in the village, I can, and do, hold babies occasionally. I find it sad that many Westerners have been conditioned to think there's something wrong, or sinister, with that. But, that's their problem.

[MSingh]

seething palpable racism dmax. good job.

bull mate !! i only say thai men because we have no falang men in our villiage, dont be so quick to jump to conclusions, maybe i was a bit rash in my wording but im def no racist,im married to a thai so go figure oxford will.

You wasn't rash in your wording, you made a factual statement that just so happened to classify a race of people because they are the only race that are there in the specific scenario & this situation..

Don't let these people even start to make you believe you're a racist because you most certainly are NOT in this instance..

I can't believe how some people on thsi thread are trying to turn this round & imply racism with the wording of the OP, it's outrageous & absolute BS...

[TAWP]

Thereafter he was sick for a week then i had to bring him to the hospital and they had to put him tubes in his lunges and administer some heavy medicine that made him scream for his life for hours.(when if you drop him on his head he doesn't even cry for more than 2secs)

W T F?

[bina]

people, mellow out... the thread is fast disintegrating...

maybe this should have been moved to family and children forum .....

however,

i have three kids. all have grown up eating worms, dirt, pulling teats of goats, trying to bite rabbits , playing with safe snakes (we teach very early that the only snake u can play with is one that a teacher/zoo worker allows u to hold); jumping off bales of hay and sliding down cotton seeds in the gin (daughter actually broke her arm doing that, it was the favorite off limits play area of many kibbutz kids until the dairy got moved- the cows were fed cotton seed as part of their diet); getting licked by calves, and yes accidents did happen. i know of a child that drowned in the pooling shit area for dairy cow waste on one kibbutz when he left the gates of the children's house. now, gates are childproofed since most of our villages have more and more cars. our kids are NOT city wise, nor street smart. but they can mostly all pitch a tent, make a camp fire on their own , they all get first aid courses very early on, and once in the army, live in miserably filthy and stressful conditions. and most of them (apart from getting killed in army accindents or enemy fire) make it through, alive, well, strong, and ready to meet the world head on.

had they been coddled (and those that are coddled) have a much more difficult time making adjustments, both in the army, and in the 'real' world. with my first daughter i was more of an hysterical american mother. by my third, she got to try out every thing much earlier, from food to play.

i guess the main rule of thumb is KNOW YOUR VILLAGE/COMMUNITY. certain rules can be made that are easy to keep. a sis in law or friend of the grannie takes the child, just let someone know. someone tries to feed your child with something u arent comfortable with, then give them something they can give the child in place of it. it is issaan way of loving a child to shove food in childrens' mouths, it is also very israeli.

i found myslef replacing many a piece of chocolate, popcorn, lollipop or gum with bananans or baby biscuits. ill never forget sitting in kibbutz dining room, my six mont old started crying, so the guy sitting across from me picked her up frm my lap, and stuck one of his greasy (from chicken) fingers in her mouth in place of the lost pacifier. gross?! but it worked since a crying baby in the dining room is frowned upon.

she hasnt let him ever forget that either!!

here children love to pick up babies, so the rule is, u can play with baby, but only on the floor. instead of laying down iron rules, u can pre-empt people.

the majority of diseases a child will get come from school areas; school yards, school bathrooms, and kids being kids. AIDS doesnt pass to others from hugs, neither does malaria or dengue fever (the last two from mossies)... tuberculosis would be my one main fear, but i have that here in israel also, enough that u travelled on a bus with someone with active tb and u could conceivably get that too. other dangers to the up country baby are: spraying against mossies (what is?! that stuff they really spray), the burning of plastic and other garbages, asthma/allergies from the annual field burning, possible contact with a rabid dog (fairly common in up country thailand).

the subject of child rearing is one that always gets people all emotional; thats the instinct in us to protect our young at all costs. the problem is that each culture has its own actions that are considered acceptable , dangerous, wrong or even taboo. i dont believe u can 'lay down the law like a man' when u are in a community situation. u have to learn to navigate and minimilize things in a less confrontational way; provide situations that u ahve control over to allow others to deal/see/play with your child; provide food the child can eat in place of the stuff u dont want her to eat; provide a safer area that still allows her to get a bit 'in to trouble' so that she can learn the dangers around her as an up country girl (yes children learn very very early on that fire is hot and hurts and wont go near it, where as a child that is not allowed to play with fire in a controlled situation will often get harmed. i speak from experience here as that is what we do with all of our kids (and we have many more hcildren then adults here as our birth rate is higher then in the west). and no matter what , accidents do happen even if u tried to prevent every thing possible.

bina

israel

[Millard]

seething palpable racism dmax. good job.

bull mate !! i only say thai men because we have no falang men in our villiage, dont be so quick to jump to conclusions, maybe i was a bit rash in my wording but im def no racist,im married to a thai so go figure oxford will.

Reminds me of when people make racist remarks toward black people, but say they're not racist because they have a friend who's black. I've met more than my share of western men who are involved with Asian women, but are highly bigoted toward their partner's culture and people. I'm not saying you're one of those men. I'm only stating that being involved with a Thai woman doesn't mean you can't be racist toward Thais. Heck, I know Thais who don't like Thais!

[kimamey]

Why specifically "Thai Men"... like they have some kind of propensity to molest 7 month old babies?

Surely you need to change tone to "I don't like people that I don't know touching my baby"... then you sound normal.

It might be an idea to change "my baby" to "our baby" otherwise it sounds like your wife isn't the mother, which I assume she is.

[dmax]

seething palpable racism dmax. good job.

bull mate !! i only say thai men because we have no falang men in our villiage, dont be so quick to jump to conclusions, maybe i was a bit rash in my wording but im def no racist,im married to a thai so go figure oxford will.

You wasn't rash in your wording, you made a factual statement that just so happened to classify a race of people because they are the only race that are there in the specific scenario & this situation..

Don't let these people even start to make you believe you're a racist because you most certainly are NOT in this instance..

I can't believe how some people on thsi thread are trying to turn this round & imply racism with the wording of the OP, it's outrageous & absolute BS...

thankyou very much msingh

[dmax]

ok i think ive heard enough, time to wrap this up people.