The "come To The Party" Scam.

[SeanMoran]

This was a very heavy straw to lodge upon an happy camel's back, and I never saw it coming until a few hours before we arrived at the so called 'party'.

I've known her since early December, met her at a pub and tried to do the right thing by her self esteem (after the first round of tom yung goong because I don't feel comfortable eating alone in front of anyone at my table, especially a beautiful woman).

So I asked her if she'd like to teach me pasa Thai in return for a little English and 300 baht per hour and meet me at the Se-Ed bookshop the next day so I could spend a heap of money on cheap B-grade language books and notepads and pretty coloured pens and pencils, and she agreed and met me there.

Okay! Bargirl becomes teacher.

We've spent a few hours or more at some market stall or else KFC trading English for Thai lessons (only Thai lessons get paid for because this is Thailand and she is a pretty girl - I understand the way the world works in peacetime) and mlore than a few afternoons I stop off at the pub just to buy her a drink to keep the nightly quota ticking over, and last night she informed me that the boss had not paid her her salary for the month, so knowing that I am hard pushed just to make it through to my next payday, I snuck her 500 baht as a 'loan' (Thai style ie. don't count on ever getting it back) and had to take it very easy on the budget after that, until next pension comes in...

So I dropped by late this afternoon to see if she was doing okay, expecting to buy one beer for me and one drink for her, (to help her keep the quota tickinbg over) and she invited me to a party tonight...

... at nueng toom (19:00) ...

... it was ten past six and so I finished my beer, said goodbye, made it through the restaurant for dinner, rode home and had a shower, changed clothes and got back to the bar at 19:11 after an SMS to tell her I was running late slightly.

When I got there she changed the time to song toom (20:00), We then sat at a table (she and two friends and I) until 21:30 while they all drank whiskey until the check-bin came to 600 baht and I finally got to follow she and her obnoxious friend on a motosai taxi to this long awaited 'party'.

Turned out to be another bar with live music, and I was happy for a while, until another three 'friends', showed up and the plates of food started arriving. and I realised that there was going to be quite a large seven person check-bin at the end of the music, and you can probably guess who I was thinking would have been expected to pay for it ...

After about the 11th blatant insult from her first friend (who thought that I would not understand her poor genre of anti-farang satire if she spoke in the native language of Thailand) I paid 60 baht for the half a bottle of Singha I'd been dealt, explained that I was tired and not feeling well, and said goodbye for the night with a greng jai smile, since it was not MY 'party' that she'd invited me to, and after that extra 600 baht waiting for the taxi, well.

By the time I got to the carpark and had the bike started, she was there after me, and after all that, the reason that she wanted me to stay around was that she only had 500 baht on her - the 500 baht that I lent her (as a friend) yesterday to help her out because her boss had apparently not paid her salary on time, ten days into January ...

Please be aware that some of the parties that low calibre Thai strangers invite you to are not much fun and probably due to the fact that they expect to leave before you do so you get to pay the bill for theirs and their friends' party.

All in all, a total waste of time to even try to befriend anyone who shows a little intellect beyond the bar scene, because the sad part is that after you do what little you can to help someone to recognise that they have more talent than a common whore might, they will see that talent as a weapon and turn it upon you to impress their friends.

This is the most stupid piece of advice I've ever heard, but Ima give it anyway:

Don't party with bargirls, even if they come from Samut Prakan.

[GrahamF]

Did you end up paying the bill or giving her any extra money before you left?

[SeanMoran]

Did you end up paying the bill or giving her any extra money before you left?

Nope. I'd left the money for the glass of Singha that I was given and when she started to complain to me that she only had 500 baht (which I'd lent her after she told me that her boss hadn't paid her salary) to pay for the so-called 'party' at an expensive live music venue with seven of her friends, I was more than glad that the old Honda started with the first kick, and I made a lot of noise up the soi as I left.

Beyond the superfical intention of this thread, regarding the invitation to a party scam, it's just very sad when you give your best to another and respect them as a good human being with a kind of blindness to some facets of their life and then after a month of building on that fragile friendship, they turn around and try to scam you.

I give myself a few points for not being as gullible as I was last year, and just thought it was worth a mention that sometimes here in Thailand, someone you consider a friend might invite you to some 'party' because they want to save the money you already lent them for more important things, and they just want to treqat their friends to a night out on what little you have left of your tourist money.

Whatever you do, take your own transport, so you can escape before push comes to shove. If I'd eaten even one single cashew nut on the tray she ordered, it might not have been so easy to get out to the carpark and back on the Honda and fly.

[Jingthing]

Your side of the story is very understandable but it would be very amusing to hear what she is calling you now. Moral -- if you want the coveted jai dee farang moniker, open up the wallet and KEEP it open. Many of us have stories like yours, but I enjoyed the way you told it.

Edited January 11, 2010 by Jingthing

[TheJoker12]

why does every other thread on here have to do with bar girls? (this is a rhetorical question)

it was a funny story.

Edited January 11, 2010 by TheJoker12

[t.s]

**deleted by moderator**

Edited January 12, 2010 by cdnvic
flame deleted - watch your language

[GrahamF]

Good on you that you didn't pay.

Last year I went to a nightclub with a friend and her sister and I was intending to pay as it was my idea to go. Much to my surprise and delight, the ladies insisted on paying for the food and also bought a couple of rounds of drinks. There are some "good uns" out there.

[SeanMoran]

seriously, who gives a shit? real or imagined, it is just another night out.

Thank you for your opinion.

Your side of the story is very understandable but it would be very amusing to hear what she is calling you now. Moral -- if you want the coveted jai dee farang moniker, open up the wallet and KEEP it open. Many of us have stories like yours, but I enjoyed the way you told it.

I've done my best JT, or as best as I can. I guess I've been lucky in the past that whenever I've been invited to a party in Thailand before, the main responsibilities have been to dress nicely (which is why I went home to shower and change) and bring some kanom (a gift or token gift if you don't know the guest of honour). I planned to stop off at the 711 for something after I'd found out whether her non-existant 'sister' was more addicted to whiskey or chocolate, but after waiting half the night before we even took off, and having to follow the motosai taxi all the way, there was no chance for that, thank God. (how embarrassing that would have been, if not enough already).

Lastly, whoever made that pathetic comment about 'bargirls', grow up and get over your problems. (Ed: actually, that was me who first mentioned it. I accept what I wrote about myself and deserve it all.) If you are upset about what happened at the bar before the time came to venture to the 'party' bar, then address your complaint to the management of the Camel Pub in Ban Chang, because they run an honest business and probably have more trouble finding decent bargirls to keep scumbags like us entertained than they do with telling us to phruck off.

It's not the point of this thread at all. Just make sure you have a believable excuse ready if anyone you don't know too well invites you to a party. It might be like back in the olden days when the shipwrecked survivor washed up on the shore of some Batavian island and was brought back to health and fed by the natives until he was nice and fat, not to sing karaoke at the feast, but to be the main course.

Don't be.

Edited January 11, 2010 by SeanMoran

[CarlBkk]

The ones that deserve to have the free meal are the ones who offer their fair share genuinely, especially if they happen to be hard-up on cash.

It's a cringeworthy scene when one foreigner's sitting at a table with several Thais who all look down when the bill comes, then look happy again once it's cleared. Once is enough in company like that.

[Jingthing]

Didn't you hear the one about how they are giving you face by letting you pay the big bill?

[SeanMoran]

Didn't you hear the one about how they are giving you face by letting you pay the big bill?

Firstly sorry for being drunk after a rather elaborately fueled evening and forgetting all self-righteous about my trust in the friend who seems to have let me down tonight. Joker, I must say sorry for being such a drunk this late tonight that I forgot that I was the one who was having a go at bargirls. Please accept my apology for what should have been an argument with myself and thank you for helping my awareness tonight.

JT, once is enough! I believed her yesterday about the late salary and slid that 500 under the table no questions asked. I guess I just figured that the so-called 'party' that she (a friend and no more) invitged me to tonight would have been happily organised if I'd been unable to attend.

That is what makes it a scam. Being invited to a sister's party and then finding out that it would not have happened if I wasn't left there to foot the bill. Bugger that. I hope all her sons grow up to be kathoeys and die in ferris wheel rollovers leaving her to beg for rice at Chatchuchack on weekends in her old age when she's not so pretty!

[coronadian]

I hope all her sons grow up to be kathoeys and die in ferris wheel rollovers leaving her to beg for rice at Chatchuchack on weekends in her old age when she's not so pretty!

What a horrible horrible thing to say. Wishing death upon someones unborn children....I hope you wake up tomorrow and discover what an idiotic thing you said!

[jubby]

Brilliant ! . You didn't pay the Bill, thats the main thing. One less Buffalo in Thailand. Keep going to the partys and keep not paying the Bills.

[spongeman]

Great post OP.

A story told well.

[a2396]

Par for the course here. Farang is generally expected to pay. This is not only a tactic of bargirls. I have seen this pulled on many occasions by so-called regular people. Not all like this, but I would say maybe 60-70%.

[TheJoker12]

Sounds like the perfect girl for you coronadian.

Edited January 11, 2010 by TheJoker12

[upinthesky]

Nice lesson! Better not to date a girl with below average income otherwise you would have to responsible for her life (financially). Sadly, most farang isn't attracted to high-so Thai women.

[GuestHouse]

BG becomes Teacher...... LOL

[upinthesky]

Par for the course here. Farang is generally expected to pay. This is not only a tactic of bargirls. I have seen this pulled on many occasions by so-called regular people. Not all like this, but I would say maybe 60-70%.

I have seem Thai men hanging out with his girlfriend and several other female friends but not expected to pay for the whole bill. Thai did American share among themselves, if there is a farang guy involved he would be expected for the bill.

Edited January 11, 2010 by upinthesky

[coronadian]

Sounds like the perfect girl for you coronadian.

Seriously, what is that supposed to mean?

[andrewchevin]

but this is the same old excuse and we as old fat lonely rich handsome ugly expats that love thai women will continue to play their game...i have been in this exate same predicament several time and i was humiliated it would never happen if you went out with a group of new friends in London or some other city where we caint get laid...at the end of the day its all about the sex and

[Ijustwannateach]

Um.... there's a certain element of 'how'd that happen' in this thread.

After all, if a person doesn't have money- how would they expect to contribute to a party? I think that was the point at which OP should have saved his time and cut his losses.

Or before that, when he was allowing himself to be exploited for the language lessons....

I think if one has the self-esteem to expect reciprocality from people who are actually real friends, it needs to start at the beginning- in other words, keep the wallet closed if you intend for it to remain that way, and you will find out who are the real friends.

Otherwise, you should have known what you were getting into, so deal with it on a realistic basis and set proper boundaries- and don't whine about the surprising 'bad behaviour' of people you have encouraged to take advantage of you.

[MarkyM3]

In an all-Thai gathering where there is a known hierarchy I thought I'd read in "culture shock Thailand" or something similar that the high earner would be expected to foot the bill. Or is going dutch the norm, as happens in the West?

Cheers.

[a2396]

Nice lesson! Better not to date a girl with below average income otherwise you would have to responsible for her life (financially). Sadly, most farang isn't attracted to high-so Thai women.

You mean High-so Thai women are not attracted to Farang men.

[moe666]

Another sad story of a farang scammed by a bar girl, lordy.

[kurnell]

Oh how I remember the days when I was poor. A big night out was a bottle of Sang Thip shared with my other poor mate, with a few Thai dishes with rice. Buses to work, Thai food every day. Mister Donut was a special treat. Having to watch out for lonely girls trying to scam me for a meal for their friends. Now my biggest decision is whether to put my meals/drinks on the company or dig into my tea money account. Ah memories!

[alien139]

Would an old man from the western world who went to a lapdancing bar, go off with 3 young lapdancers expect them to contribute towards the cost of the night out ?

They are there to earn money, that's all.

If these girls had never expected you to pay, they would have been with a Thai man their own age.

You have to be realistic, can you make friends with beautiful young women in your own country if you are poor and old ?

Rich and old yes, but poor and old ? Sorry, try one of their mothers, though she still maybe young for you too.

I only say this as the first poster said he was waiting on his pension money and was really bothered over 600 Baht, 11 pounds, or 2 packets of Cigarettes in UK.

[Loz]

great OP.

I remember my first month here being "taken" for a night at a disco with girl, sister and brother in law. 700bht. back when I was still converting to "real" money didn't seem like much but the principle was worth kicking her in to touch for. Thailand's lessons are rich and plentiful, like the farang!

[NADTATIDA1]

The 500 baht under the table was your first mistake,allthough i understand your sentiment and goodwill she did not see it that way and took it that you was offering her more and thought of her friends more than she thought of you.

On a night out recently i went to the local shop with 100 baht in my pocket around 8pm with the intention of having 2 bottles of leo and going home,i ended up in the local kareoke bar with a university lecturer a policeman and a lady friend of theirs.After drinking a bottle of whiskey and a few more beers! the lecturer invited us all to a meal in a restaurant and obviously a few more drinks was had and we was also accompanied by 3 ladys from the kareoke bar.At about 4am he drove me home and we said our goodbyes,and i thanked him for what turned out to be a really good evening in good company and said to him that i would return the gesture when i next saw him.

At the start of the evening i informed him i had only come out for a couple of beers and had no money on me to join his company, but he just brushed this aside and said no problem!

That said next time i see him i will return the compliment and treat him to a nice evening,the point is the best evenings are the unexpected ones and that if you genuinly have no money about you the thais seem to find it about themselves to continue the evening and treat you how they would feel you would treat them.

Just dont give a bar girl money and expect her to go dutch! you took the bait when you give her the 500 baht all she did was reel you in for the rest of the evening with her friends at the "party"

saying all that, this has happened to us all before,it is just getting used to controlling are lustful desires in the face of beauty

I enjoyed your tale over my coffee this morning though! thanks.

[namoo]

What is it with TV posters that so many feel the need to throw in the odd Thai word that they have managed to pick up in amongst a english sentence or paragraph. Annoy's the sh1t out of me not because I do not understand it just simply if you want to write your post in english do so or if you want to write the post in Thai do so.

Why mix the both?

F'n annoying to read and makes you look like an idiot. - My guess is that they are trying to show that "They are different" and not just a sex tourist because they know 20 words in Thai.....

"I know 20 words in Thai and I need to show that on Thai Visa so I have a higher social standing because you only know 18 words...."

get a life...

Edited January 12, 2010 by namoo