Current Sinsod Rates

[the fast]

One would have thought by now someone would have developed a program where you fill in some variable fields; education, previous marriage, location of birth, number of children, age, etc. and at the end a value in thai baht would be spit out, leaving no room for doubt.

Anybody care to take this one on in Excel ? it could become a pinned topic on TV, and every toursit who comes to Thailand and ends up shacked up with the girl of his dreams could do a quick calculation to see if his intended fits within his current finanical capabilities....

Could also add addtional workbook to determine for the newly married the costs of obtaining visa's for various countries as well as a workbook for the cost of building the outlaws a house in Isaan

surely there is a retired accountant out there who could do the honours, you would be doing farangs everywhere a great service

Good Quote.

We always read this forum for whatever,for people that post about women they are whoever,I have a next door neighbour.old guy.who say's too me he met her in the library.there is not a library in pattaya.if the poster wants too contact me I will save him a few bucks .all in the thai way

[the fast]

One would have thought by now someone would have developed a program where you fill in some variable fields; education, previous marriage, location of birth, number of children, age, etc. and at the end a value in thai baht would be spit out, leaving no room for doubt.

Anybody care to take this one on in Excel ? it could become a pinned topic on TV, and every toursit who comes to Thailand and ends up shacked up with the girl of his dreams could do a quick calculation to see if his intended fits within his current finanical capabilities....

Could also add addtional workbook to determine for the newly married the costs of obtaining visa's for various countries as well as a workbook for the cost of building the outlaws a house in Isaan

surely there is a retired accountant out there who could do the honours, you would be doing farangs everywhere a great service

Good Quote.

We always read this forum for whatever,for people that post about women they are whoever,I have a next door neighbour.old guy.who told me he met his lady in the library!.there is not a library in pattaya.if the poster wants too contact me I will save him a few bucks .all in the thai way,I gave my wifes mama 40.000 10 year ago,at the time I would have probably drank that mpney in a few nights.don

t listen too all these arsewholes with money on this website

[TheJoker12]

What does it matter, it has to be returned to you at the end of the day right?

[Birdman]

................ But where is a farang in the Thai social structure? Usually, because of income and education, by default he gets about the same status as a fairly well-off urban middle-class Thai. ...................

I would say that this has changed already in the more farang populated areas and it is going to change now and in the near future in the other areas.

[TheJoker12]

Thanks, I wouldn't blink at that and if anything reasonable under 200k was mentioned I'd not be discussing it here.

I'm not sure if I care if I offend them anymore, but I wouldn't want to do so to my GF, but I suppose that is inexorably linked.

Yes the point is that just the receptions and honeymoon etc will run well past the 1m I guess, so I am also guessing I can see they are very greedy and care not about much else than the money. So common here.

A general comment here. The whole sin sod thing has a lot to do with status in the community. But where is a farang in the Thai social structure? Usually, because of income and education, by default he gets about the same status as a fairly well-off urban middle-class Thai. But in Thailand urban middle-class Thai guys don't marry a rice farmer's daughter! So the rules and norms go out the window. You can't ask a rice farmer's son what he'd pay because you aren't at his level. You can't ask a middle-class urbanite what he'd pay, because he wouldn't get into that situation.

I guess that makes you the mark.

[Latindancer]

A general comment here. The whole sin sod thing has a lot to do with status in the community. But where is a farang in the Thai social structure? Usually, because of income and education, by default he gets about the same status as a fairly well-off urban middle-class Thai. But in Thailand urban middle-class Thai guys don't marry a rice farmer's daughter! So the rules and norms go out the window. You can't ask a rice farmer's son what he'd pay because you aren't at his level. You can't ask a middle-class urbanite what he'd pay, because he wouldn't get into that situation.

This leaves open the door for "opportunistic" (to put it politely) parents to ask for ridiculous sums, particularly if they've heard that other farang have paid millions for a bar girl. Normally, you or an appointed intermediary would negotiate over this, but the single farang is at a disadvantage here. From what I know, the middle-class in Bangkok might put up a lot of money for show, but all or most is given back. Perhaps you could point out that you are from the urban middle-class and that's how they do it in Bangkok. You could also point out that a Thai guy could perhaps depend on his family to stump up some money for the happy occasion but that you are here alone and don't have that kind of support.

This is quite a perceptive reply.

My future father_in_law rejected a regular future payment from us in favour of a one-off sin sod payment. I think it was a status thing, as well as the money.

[wintermute]

A general comment here. The whole sin sod thing has a lot to do with status in the community. But where is a farang in the Thai social structure? Usually, because of income and education, by default he gets about the same status as a fairly well-off urban middle-class Thai.

A farang is not considered anywhere close to being equal to a well off urban middle class Thai.. not in social respect and certainly not in class. Farang fit conveniently into the "other" category just like all other foreigners in Thailand. This means Thais know certain more complex cultural and social rules don't apply to you but you are expected to respect the basic etiquette. Try

[BlackArtemis]

If it's any consolation this is not only a farang+thai scenario.

A previous Thai male work colleague was given a sum of 3 million baht to marry his GF.

He walked.

Sometimes this is the intent. I had friends (both Thai) and the girls parent's hated her BF, so they put a huge price on the sin sod to discourage him.

I think you may be giving them too much credit - but either way it worked (and probably much better in the end for him).

Nah, for her. He turned out to be a cheating schmuck and the parents never liked him, even stated to her why they asked so much.

[BlackArtemis]

We went to a local wedding about 18 months ago. They were about 40. The story my wife told me was that the ladies parents wanted more than he could afford over 20 years ago. So they stopped them marrying, all other suitable matches her parents found were rejected by their daughter. Then about 3 years ago her dad died, she was still dating the original guy. He didn't want anyone else either. Eventually the mother relented, and just asked him to pay for the proceedings. I think she realised the daughter had waited all this time and was ready to wait her mother out too.

This stuff is the height of stupidity. Led around by the nose by her parents demands for 20 years. Unbelievable!!! I hope the couple did enjoy each others company during the long wait.

Yeah, from your perspective. Unfortunately we are in a country with completely different views. I think all of us experience situations on a weekly, if not daily, basis that makes just want to scream "Why don't you just do it this way?!". Oh well, it's their culture and their society and we are mostly onlookers, but sometimes it feels more like we are circus goers.

[TheLaughingMan]

We went to a local wedding about 18 months ago. They were about 40. The story my wife told me was that the ladies parents wanted more than he could afford over 20 years ago. So they stopped them marrying, all other suitable matches her parents found were rejected by their daughter. Then about 3 years ago her dad died, she was still dating the original guy. He didn't want anyone else either. Eventually the mother relented, and just asked him to pay for the proceedings. I think she realised the daughter had waited all this time and was ready to wait her mother out too.

This stuff is the height of stupidity. Led around by the nose by her parents demands for 20 years. Unbelievable!!! I hope the couple did enjoy each others company during the long wait.

Ya this is culture gone horribly wrong, after a few years the girl should have had the gumption to say enough is enough and just get married without approval, she is an adult human being no? so ridiculous.

[Nio]

One thing for all westerners to understand?

You will never be more important than the family no matter what you think.

While you have been dating their daughter for 1, 2, 3 years, those parents took care of their child and educated her since birth

The mindset is the daughters will never ever put you first when they feel they owe their parents so much

For the OP, sorry, but your attitude is unbelievable

For many of you guys here, (Send all the flames you want because the truth hurts), what exactly is it that you are bringing to the table yourself as a man?

You own a multi-million baht house? A few rai of land? Have a couple nice cars? Have money in the bank? Have an income in excess of 1,000,000+ baht a year here in Thailand?

Or are you a school teacher?

I bet this girls qualification out do the OP's 10 to 1

People bitch and complain about Sin Sod do it for ONE REASON ONLY!

Because they do not have any money or a pot to piss in or because they have been masquerading around as some rich dude that they obviously are not

It is just your good fortune to be in a country that has more girls than men and they are really desparate to get married to anyone

A person has to be a total loser to come on a forum full of strangers and start whining about Sin Sod. It says allot about your character.

Do you think your GF or future family gives a crap what anyone on TV tells you? No they don't.

For the honest and hard working guys out there, (there are many and I respect that), Sin Sod is a private matter between the man, woman and family.

If you have made it all the way in a relationship where you decided to get married and start belly aching about sin-sod, that tells me you are not really into the relationship the way you should be or you have been misrepresenting yourself along the way.

What kind of relationship goes all the way down to planning a wedding then get in a fight over sin-sod?

The most foolish thing I have ever heard and more because I am a westerner, I am better than any Thai girl mental crap

If you had a real relationship, you would have discussing this long before now

If you were a real man, and this goes for all of you, you have two choices in Thailand.

Respect that a marriage is 2 people with 2 cultures, not just your culture.

You are adding a partner, not a subservant slave

How can you love a person when you cannot even respect her or her culture or family?

That is a good sign right there this will never last.

Sin Sod is for you, your future wife and family to work out. Be a man about it.

If you cannot afford it, quit lying that you are bigshot rich farang and tell the truth for once

Ask your wife what will happen to the money?

If the money needs to go to the family, look at your own finances and see what you can do?

This Sin Sod problem is conceived because to many western cockswingers over here pretending to be rich or something they are not.

When it comes time to do the right thing, panic sets in that they will be discovered for who they really are.

This is no way to start a new marriage and recipe for a short ending and that is a fact.

Starting life off arguing about money.

For me it went like this.

Long, long before the marriage we discussed the Sin Sod issue.

Since I live in Thailand and was there at the family house 1,000,000 times I did not have to guess how rich or poor they were

My future wife and I talked about the Sin Sod and per parents wanted allot, allot more than any of you are talking about here by a high multiple.

There were no secrets between my finances and my wife anywhere leading up to the big event

We had a joint bank account for 3 years prior.

With a Masters Degree in Economics, fluid in English, my future wife was making US $50,000 a year in Dubai with Emirates, where she still works today.

However, the money was for the parents face in their community.

Most of you will never understand how important this is to the daugher, but short of her having a child, I would say this is the most important thing a man will ever do for her.

Her parents get to live out their lives in their community knowing that now everyone in the community believes THEIR daughter is worth something

The parents did not want to keep the money, this was all discussed in a face to face sit down meeting and it was returned as promised.

When I look back, this was one the best decisions I have ever made and I think my wife will love me forever for the sole fact of giving her parents this piece of me.

I gained a first class woman, wonderful wife that is ever surprising me with things from around the world.

My in-laws are great and being they are the only family I have, I am thankful I have them.

Don't make a mistake and lose it all.

[elektrified]

Don't pay a dam_n thing. You are a fool if you do. But hey....it's your money...

[Nio]

Don't pay a dam_n thing. You are a fool if you do. But hey....it's your money...

If you can read Thai, read about all the multimillions in sin-sod paid

How much did Tata Young get? 30,000,000?

Must have been a fool that married her right?

The point is not about the MONEY that you make it out to be.

The point is, it is a joint decision for the good of ALL. Not just the broke dick that lied his way into a relationship being something he wasn't

That includes what you can afford, what is good for the parents face, what will make your future wife happy

Start life out on the wrong foot and she will get even someday, wait and see

Look in the mirror first and ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot how much a future wife would pay for you if she could?

Probably zero.

[bkkjames]

Don't pay a dam_n thing. You are a fool if you do. But hey....it's your money...

If you can read Thai, read about all the multimillions in sin-sod paid

How much did Tata Young get? 30,000,000?

Must have been a fool that married her right?

The point is not about the MONEY that you make it out to be.

The point is, it is a joint decision for the good of ALL. Not just the broke dick that lied his way into a relationship being something he wasn't

That includes what you can afford, what is good for the parents face, what will make your future wife happy

Start life out on the wrong foot and she will get even someday, wait and see

Look in the mirror first and ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot how much a future wife would pay for you if she could?

Probably zero.

Tata Young got 30 million - who said no talent doesn't pay. Sexy naughty bitch.

[Huey]

Nio, I'm not going to quote the entire post of yours but I will say this. If every case of Sin Sot was like yours, that is were you got all the money back, then only the "no pot to piss in" types you mentioned, would bitch about it.

But the truth is, such is not the case. Many of the parents keep it and furthermore feel entitled to the sale of their daughter.

And that's the problem that most expats that are involved with sin sot have.

Don't knock everyone just because you had it good and didn't have to pay a dime to sin sot. Nor were you burdened with the painful conundrum of doing something incredibly meaningful for your wife while compromising some of your principles or doing things your way while devastating your wife and forming a rift between her and her family.

Edited February 11, 2010 by Huey

[camerata]

A general comment here. The whole sin sod thing has a lot to do with status in the community. But where is a farang in the Thai social structure? Usually, because of income and education, by default he gets about the same status as a fairly well-off urban middle-class Thai.

A farang is not considered anywhere close to being equal to a well off urban middle class Thai.. not in social respect and certainly not in class. Farang fit conveniently into the "other" category just like all other foreigners in Thailand. This means Thais know certain more complex cultural and social rules don't apply to you but you are expected to respect the basic etiquette. Try

I did say "about" the same status, and that's the initial default. Later on it may change. That's been my personal experience over the last couple of decades, but perhaps yours was different. For purposes of sin sod you'll be considered closer to a professional urbanite than a rice farmer.

[Nio]

Nio, I'm not going to quote the entire post of yours but I will say this. If every case of Sin Sot was like yours, that is were you got all the money back, then only the "no pot to piss in" types you mentioned, would bitch about it.

But the truth is, such is not the case. Many of the parents keep it and furthermore feel entitled to the sale of their daughter.

And that's the problem that most expats that are involved with sin sot have.

Don't knock everyone just because you had it good and didn't have to pay a dime to sin sot. Nor were you burdened with the painful conundrum of doing something incredibly meaningful for your wife while compromising some of your principles or doing things your way while devastating your wife and forming a rift between her and her family.

The point I made was long before deciding to get married, you and your future wife should have already had these discussions.

How is it some of these people make it right down to getting married and this topic comes as a sudden shock?

Sure it is a dam_n shock if you have not been honest the whole time.

How is it you are already to walk down the aisle and your future wife has no idea what you can afford or not?

Seems kind of weird to me?

If the guy hoards all his money and his secrets, I can see this Sin Sod as a big surprise to him

Country Thai girls, see a farang, go out to dinner, go to movies, go to the beach, maybe get a new IPHONE from the guy and think WOW this is it.

The reality of the situation is there is a big cliff between that and having enough money to get married, buy a house and support a family in Thailand.

I mean come on?

If you have been honest and your future wife loves you, she would understand what you have and what you can do and cannot do?

I believe all these Sin-Sod arguments start because there is some misrepresentation going on.

Like I said before big step between the IPHONE and house buying.

For me more than getting the money itself back, was the fact my future wife was standing up for me

She was the perfect representative and represented all the facts to me quite remarkably

I think we all have a responsibility that is often overlooked in Thailand because we are farangs and as such, every Thai knows we must all be rich.

If you are playing that game right up until marriage, shame on you man.

There are plenty of happy, happy marriages here where the guy and the girl saved a few bahts together for a marriage party and simple offering

If you are ready to walk down the aisle and just now start to think your girl or her family are gold diggers, take a minute and ask yourself where in the world did they ever get that idea from?

From you of course because you never represented your own real worth for fear of never getting the girl in the first place

Truth goes a long way in life and the life that follows

And Amen to all of you happily married guys that make it work

[BlackArtemis]

With the sin sod decisions I don't believe anyone has trouble here with agreements of Sin Sod for show, when the money is given back after the ceremony.

What many have an issue with is when parents of a girl ask for millions of Baht when their daughter has a high school or vocational school degree, has been previously married, has children, or is an ex bargirl.

When you plan marriage and you have 1 million baht ready to put down on a house and then the parents ask for that, yeah I see quite a few people getting upset about that.

Issues of money bring out new sides of people you thought you knew.

[kikoman]

The rate of Sin Sod for a Thai rice Farmer, as a matter of fact most Thais is a 100,000 baht. and gold Jewlery mostly for the future wife.

Cheers:

[cdnvic]

A general comment here. The whole sin sod thing has a lot to do with status in the community. But where is a farang in the Thai social structure? Usually, because of income and education, by default he gets about the same status as a fairly well-off urban middle-class Thai.

A farang is not considered anywhere close to being equal to a well off urban middle class Thai.. not in social respect and certainly not in class.

There's no hard and fast position for farang to occupy. The one in a suit with a multinational job and a new Vigo is going to be looked upon far differently than the one in the Chang shirt riding an old Honda and living off a small pension. Doesn't mean one is better or worse than the other but image means a lot to Thais.

[torrenova]

Nio, I'm not going to quote the entire post of yours but I will say this. If every case of Sin Sot was like yours, that is were you got all the money back, then only the "no pot to piss in" types you mentioned, would bitch about it.

But the truth is, such is not the case. Many of the parents keep it and furthermore feel entitled to the sale of their daughter.

And that's the problem that most expats that are involved with sin sot have.

Don't knock everyone just because you had it good and didn't have to pay a dime to sin sot. Nor were you burdened with the painful conundrum of doing something incredibly meaningful for your wife while compromising some of your principles or doing things your way while devastating your wife and forming a rift between her and her family.

Very good post and I totally agree with you. Were we all asked to put up something for show, then we would never object. Where we do object is the outlaws keeping whatever they choose and then just smiling back when you really want to go punch their face in and get your money back. So knowing that we refuse or some make up excuses.

People talk about saving face and in the next breath admit that they are thought of as no higher than the fleas on a rabid dog. Why should these face saving Thais offer the westerner no face ? No, it is not agreeable.

Then you have the amounts. Vast sums asked, nay, demanded by poor Isaan folk, solely because the prospective son in law is a westerner.

Rich folk giving massive sinsot amounts is meaningless. Rich people the world over lavish gifts of equal amounts to the bride and groom as they start their life together. The guy is not buying the girl but at the bottom end, the parents are trying to sell her and that is what hurts.

Maybe those who deride every sinsot thread are those bitter at the fact that they paid up or paid too much. Each situation is uniquely different but the fundamentals remain, he is not Thai. End of story.

[jomtienbob]

My Father and Mother in Law expected no sinsod from me. However I/we were expected to pay for the wedding. So the wedding was paid for and everything is great. Haha despite my wife working here in the U.S. her dad still asks her if she wants him to send money to her, daddy's girl to the end.

That's lovely. You are so lucky

[Latindancer]

Here is an interesting reply by "Ilso", in another current sin sod thread ( Between A Rock And A Hard Place Sin Sod ) , who seems to speak with more authority and have more credibility than some other people who state their opinions as absolutes :

" Ahh, The age age old Farang Sin Sod question. Without boring many TV members , I have lived in Thailand for more than 7 years , speak Thai fluently. Married to a wonderful hard working lower Issan lady and am now repatriated to the U.S. I have spent a lot of time in the Issan village and am very respected mainly for my hard ass "Jai Dahm" attitude. I have sat in on vilage Sin Sod negotiations . Mostly sitting outside with the menfolk plying with me with Lao Khao while my wife and the woman bargained the Sin Sod. In my experience a typical Sin Sod in an Issan villge for marriage between Thai's with a "virtuos" girl - virgin is about a baht or so of Gold and about 30-40,000 Thai Baht. Obviouslly, for a Farang it is more. The amount of the Sin Sod depends on the girl's virtue, Married before or not, and age,education, job ,etc,and family.

LL "

I myself have negotiated my sin sod down to around 30.000 for my 32 yr old Issan fiance who was married for 5 years. She has a degree but still owes the government 100,000 baht for the loan. I may have to also pay for the small ceremony in Bangkok though.

Edited February 12, 2010 by Latindancer

[jomtienbob]

One thing for all westerners to understand?

You will never be more important than the family no matter what you think.

While you have been dating their daughter for 1, 2, 3 years, those parents took care of their child and educated her since birth

The mindset is the daughters will never ever put you first when they feel they owe their parents so much

For the OP, sorry, but your attitude is unbelievable

For many of you guys here, (Send all the flames you want because the truth hurts), what exactly is it that you are bringing to the table yourself as a man?

You own a multi-million baht house? A few rai of land? Have a couple nice cars? Have money in the bank? Have an income in excess of 1,000,000+ baht a year here in Thailand?

Or are you a school teacher?

I bet this girls qualification out do the OP's 10 to 1

People bitch and complain about Sin Sod do it for ONE REASON ONLY!

Because they do not have any money or a pot to piss in or because they have been masquerading around as some rich dude that they obviously are not

It is just your good fortune to be in a country that has more girls than men and they are really desparate to get married to anyone

A person has to be a total loser to come on a forum full of strangers and start whining about Sin Sod. It says allot about your character.

Do you think your GF or future family gives a crap what anyone on TV tells you? No they don't.

For the honest and hard working guys out there, (there are many and I respect that), Sin Sod is a private matter between the man, woman and family.

If you have made it all the way in a relationship where you decided to get married and start belly aching about sin-sod, that tells me you are not really into the relationship the way you should be or you have been misrepresenting yourself along the way.

What kind of relationship goes all the way down to planning a wedding then get in a fight over sin-sod?

The most foolish thing I have ever heard and more because I am a westerner, I am better than any Thai girl mental crap

If you had a real relationship, you would have discussing this long before now

If you were a real man, and this goes for all of you, you have two choices in Thailand.

Respect that a marriage is 2 people with 2 cultures, not just your culture.

You are adding a partner, not a subservant slave

How can you love a person when you cannot even respect her or her culture or family?

That is a good sign right there this will never last.

Sin Sod is for you, your future wife and family to work out. Be a man about it.

If you cannot afford it, quit lying that you are bigshot rich farang and tell the truth for once

Ask your wife what will happen to the money?

If the money needs to go to the family, look at your own finances and see what you can do?

This Sin Sod problem is conceived because to many western cockswingers over here pretending to be rich or something they are not.

When it comes time to do the right thing, panic sets in that they will be discovered for who they really are.

This is no way to start a new marriage and recipe for a short ending and that is a fact.

Starting life off arguing about money.

For me it went like this.

Long, long before the marriage we discussed the Sin Sod issue.

Since I live in Thailand and was there at the family house 1,000,000 times I did not have to guess how rich or poor they were

My future wife and I talked about the Sin Sod and per parents wanted allot, allot more than any of you are talking about here by a high multiple.

There were no secrets between my finances and my wife anywhere leading up to the big event

We had a joint bank account for 3 years prior.

With a Masters Degree in Economics, fluid in English, my future wife was making US $50,000 a year in Dubai with Emirates, where she still works today.

However, the money was for the parents face in their community.

Most of you will never understand how important this is to the daugher, but short of her having a child, I would say this is the most important thing a man will ever do for her.

Her parents get to live out their lives in their community knowing that now everyone in the community believes THEIR daughter is worth something

The parents did not want to keep the money, this was all discussed in a face to face sit down meeting and it was returned as promised.

When I look back, this was one the best decisions I have ever made and I think my wife will love me forever for the sole fact of giving her parents this piece of me.

I gained a first class woman, wonderful wife that is ever surprising me with things from around the world.

My in-laws are great and being they are the only family I have, I am thankful I have them.

Don't make a mistake and lose it all.

Some of your points (towards the end are valid) however you simply forgot or overlooked the original question and that was a guage to find out whether the demand asked of me was reasonable or exorbitant. It would seem the latter which tends me towards negotiation rather than your attitude of blind acceptance. As for your accusation that I am "lying that you are bigshot rich farang and tell the truth for once" well, I am a partner and owner of a corporation here that is dealing with some of the biggest corporations in Thailand and S.E. Asia but we didn't get here by being stupid with people or money. Anyhow it's more sad to see such narcissistic attitudes from someone who probably resembles your own accusation.

[jomtienbob]

Don't pay a dam_n thing. You are a fool if you do. But hey....it's your money...

If you can read Thai, read about all the multimillions in sin-sod paid

How much did Tata Young get? 30,000,000?

Must have been a fool that married her right?

The point is not about the MONEY that you make it out to be.

The point is, it is a joint decision for the good of ALL. Not just the broke dick that lied his way into a relationship being something he wasn't

That includes what you can afford, what is good for the parents face, what will make your future wife happy

Start life out on the wrong foot and she will get even someday, wait and see

Look in the mirror first and ask yourself if the shoe was on the other foot how much a future wife would pay for you if she could?

Probably zero.

Tata Young got 30 million - who said no talent doesn't pay. Sexy naughty bitch.

I heard it was 100 mil but her dad told my friend that it was just for show.

[jomtienbob]

Nio, I'm not going to quote the entire post of yours but I will say this. If every case of Sin Sot was like yours, that is were you got all the money back, then only the "no pot to piss in" types you mentioned, would bitch about it.

But the truth is, such is not the case. Many of the parents keep it and furthermore feel entitled to the sale of their daughter.

And that's the problem that most expats that are involved with sin sot have.

Don't knock everyone just because you had it good and didn't have to pay a dime to sin sot. Nor were you burdened with the painful conundrum of doing something incredibly meaningful for your wife while compromising some of your principles or doing things your way while devastating your wife and forming a rift between her and her family.

Touche that pretty well sums up the conundrum I feel I am in. well said

[yabaaaa]

Her parents get to live out their lives in their community knowing that now everyone in the community believes THEIR daughter is worth something

How shallow is that!! Glad they arent my outlaws!

[rodentwarrior]

Frankly, if it is really the culture here for families to 'sell' their daughters into marriage - then why get married?

I really don't understand the conundrum. Marriage is so old fashioned anyway, these days - particularly in the West - it's simply a device for some women to engineer a future expensive divorce.

Get real guys - if you are getting what you want already, why pay more than it's already costing you?

[ivowatson]

Her parents get to live out their lives in their community knowing that now everyone in the community believes THEIR daughter is worth something

How shallow is that!! Glad they arent my outlaws!

If all is for show and saving face but everyone knows that (because they do it also), what is the point?

Bunch of hypocrites.

[kikoman]

It is a Thai custom, not a act to get money out of a farang, Thai's mostly the poor ones in the village sacrificed all to get their child a good education, that is their future old age pension as it is their duty to care for a child in the beginning. It is the child's duty to care for the parents as they age.

The average poor Thai rice farmer pay 100,000 baht, as sin sot for his wife to be.

I agree with that, what I do not agree with is the need for sin sot on a 2nd marriage, In my way of thinking the parents have already been compensated for losing their daughter, at the time of the 1st marriage. I did not pay any sin sot and none has ever been asked for, that was a decision made at an early part of our courtship. I would take over care of my two daughters and my wife, her family was glad she had someone that could take care of her in style, get her a house that is hers and willed to my daughters.

We were married without fanfare, at the Amphur office, held a party and informed all we were already man and wife. I am on the best of relations with my in laws and my life is great. It is a foregone conclusion that me being older than my in laws, that they will eventually come to reside in our home as it is my wife's duty to care for them in their old age. I have no problem with that!

Cheers: