jomtienbob Posted February 14, 2010 Author Share Posted February 14, 2010 It is a Thai custom, not a act to get money out of a farang, Thai's mostly the poor ones in the village sacrificed all to get their child a good education, that is their future old age pension as it is their duty to care for a child in the beginning. It is the child's duty to care for the parents as they age.The average poor Thai rice farmer pay 100,000 baht, as sin sot for his wife to be. I agree with that, what I do not agree with is the need for sin sot on a 2nd marriage, In my way of thinking the parents have already been compensated for losing their daughter, at the time of the 1st marriage. I did not pay any sin sot and none has ever been asked for, that was a decision made at an early part of our courtship. I would take over care of my two daughters and my wife, her family was glad she had someone that could take care of her in style, get her a house that is hers and willed to my daughters. We were married without fanfare, at the Amphur office, held a party and informed all we were already man and wife. I am on the best of relations with my in laws and my life is great. It is a foregone conclusion that me being older than my in laws, that they will eventually come to reside in our home as it is my wife's duty to care for them in their old age. I have no problem with that! Cheers: I have found out that it is an outdated custom just like so very many of ours in the west. some adhere to the old ways, most do not, and some are just licentious greedy people who are found in every country and culture regardless of wealth and standing. In this investigation I have heard so many stories of it just being presented as a token part of the ceremony and others where the brides family give valuable land in return, but few where the exhorbitant demands of 1m baht + were insisted upon from poor rice farming families regardless of job status or anything. I have also (yesterday) discovered that my GF's sister has a 250k demand on her Thai BF and he and his family thinks this is outrageous and no plans of marraige soon are in the wings but they are still together in a part time manner. She is a nurse in a big international hospital in Pattaya. Sadly on valentines day I'll be terminating my relationship with a genuinely lovely intelligent and normally generous and sweet girl who has a terribly skewed family behind her. I know I will never overcome that. Thanks so much for your feedback. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlackArtemis Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 Expect a phone call shortly afterwards with a lower price... Sorry for your trouble, I am sure this was not an easy decision. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ivowatson Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 Thai's mostly the poor ones in the village sacrificed all to get their child a good education, That's what they want you to believe for sure. I have found out that it is an outdated custom just like so very many of ours in the west. some adhere to the old ways, most do not, and some are just licentious greedy people who are found in every country and culture regardless of wealth and standing. In this investigation I have heard so many stories of it just being presented as a token part of the ceremony and others where the brides family give valuable land in return, but few where the exhorbitant demands of 1m baht + were insisted upon from poor rice farming families regardless of job status or anything. I have also (yesterday) discovered that my GF's sister has a 250k demand on her Thai BF and he and his family thinks this is outrageous and no plans of marraige soon are in the wings but they are still together in a part time manner. She is a nurse in a big international hospital in Pattaya. Sadly on valentines day I'll be terminating my relationship with a genuinely lovely intelligent and normally generous and sweet girl who has a terribly skewed family behind her. I know I will never overcome that. Thanks so much for your feedback. I you really, really love her and you believe she loves you (IMO she should stand up against the parents to prove that) just continue the relationship without marrying or get her pregnant. No more sinsod, but be somewhat generous with the outlaws and put some land in the GF's name but not the house. It would be such a waste and shame to end a wonderful relationship because of this. I'm sure your GF will change her loyalty to you but give her some time. Goodluck. BTW, sinsod in the South between 'normal' rubber growing Thai families is about 200K to 250K but the parents of the boy pay for that most of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Livinginexile Posted February 14, 2010 Share Posted February 14, 2010 I have a friend who's expenses are.......Sin Sod - B400,000 (Wife from Bangkok, a Masters Graduate, Father connected (dept. Prime-Minister and various Politicians attended wedding). Wedding Costs - B1,400,000 (everything including rings etc) Envelope money - +/-B1,000,000 (money received from guest's) He's not sure if he's getting sin-sod back or not (they're still on honeymoon and It's not polite to discuss the return of sin-sod before hand). The couple have been given 1 Rai of land in Bangkok (est. Value at +/-B15 million). I think that puts a B1,000,000 request for Sin-sod well into its perspective.... (oh... and the guy is a Westerner). Bull dust Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poldebol Posted February 17, 2010 Share Posted February 17, 2010 There are no rules nor rates. If you believe there are, they have won the first round. It depends on the combination of the groom (does he want to give, how long in Thailand, is he a good negatiator, etc), the qualities of the bride (age, beauty, education, kids etc) and the in laws (are they greedy, poor, good etc). I have given my in-laws more than they asked me (350.000 / 100.000) The next day they paid me back the full amount. Do not underestimate the importance of the pressure of the family and the village. But usually, the show is enough. In several Thai Thai weddings I know about, the sinsod was paid back in the form of a second hand car (selected by the Thai groom a few days for the wedding), in cash or reprievement of a loan. The giving part of the money is public, the giving back part is secret. As things happen in a Thai village, it always comes out, or everybody suspects something. Thai people do not like clear lines and a Thai village has 10.000 eyes and 10.000 ears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jomtienbob Posted February 18, 2010 Author Share Posted February 18, 2010 Expect a phone call shortly afterwards with a lower price...Sorry for your trouble, I am sure this was not an easy decision. Thanks for the feedback everyone. Yes that was the right thing to do, offer termination. I explained my position and feelings and the fact that I thought this was greed driven and outrageous and I will not continue the relationship let alone discuss marriage. It didn't take long and no phone calls were made to the relatives, but my GF said "OK don't worry about the SS, I'll take care of it" which I guess means that she will negotiate it and pay it herself, which I think she can afford, but I am betting will be a fraction of what they wanted from me. No big fight or argument, just a pragmatic discussion. Now it is like it never happened nor discussed. Interesting.. Anyhow 2 points were made clear to me and that is surely that my GF wants to be with me regardless of the money and demands from her family, and that her family don't care, they just want the money. I guess I'll leave it up to her to negotiate any future demands which no doubt will be plentiful and creative... Signing off "for now" JB ;-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
richard_smith237 Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 I have a friend who's expenses are.......Sin Sod - B400,000 (Wife from Bangkok, a Masters Graduate, Father connected (dept. Prime-Minister and various Politicians attended wedding). Wedding Costs - B1,400,000 (everything including rings etc) Envelope money - +/-B1,000,000 (money received from guest's) He's not sure if he's getting sin-sod back or not (they're still on honeymoon and It's not polite to discuss the return of sin-sod before hand). The couple have been given 1 Rai of land in Bangkok (est. Value at +/-B15 million). I think that puts a B1,000,000 request for Sin-sod well into its perspective.... (oh... and the guy is a Westerner). Bull dust Then get hold of a copy of 'Thai Rath' news paper for 7th Feb. 4th page. That should be proof enough of the mixed marriage, dept prime minister etc... Everthing mentioned was fact.... Absolutely no need to stretch the truth to make a point. Do not limit your thinking to within your own box..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Abrak Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 It really bugs me that many farangs claim the moral high ground in not paying the Sin Sod when the reality is that they are simply too stingy. If you are against the principle then give your wife to be the money and tell her to spend it on her family as she deems fit but there will be no more coming. If you simply refuse to pay when it is expected (fairly rarely these days) it is your girl that is going to look bad in the front of her family (they wont think much of you either). And please as you cause her this trouble and the loss of respect with her family dont claim that you wont pay because of some principle that you have. Try starting a marriage by having a principle to make your wife happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loz Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Happy is a two way street. But frankly, you seem to be saying don't get married if you can't afford it. Marriage in my book has nothing to do with what you can afford. Its about how you feel and what level of commitment you are willing to make. Using money as a yard stick for commitment at the very least is grossly lacking in imagination. At worst it is just plain vulgar. In the west, a family heir loom might be the ultimate engagement ring because having been in the family for generations it has sentimental value. How can you compare that to the value of a plate for bank notes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) Is it only me who finds the whole subject entirely sick?? Let's face it - anyone GENUINELY marrying a hi-so woman doesn/t care about the substantial sin-sod that will be returned after the wedding. If she's not from a hi-so background (and let's face it - nobody posting on TV will be in that category!), then she will either be desperate enough (30 plus) to not care about the family, or think she's attractive enough to attract some other farang (in which case you need to pay lots of money). Those in the middle need some negotiation..... IF you're desperate enough to believe your gf who has kids/ex husband deserves sin-sod, then you're accepting that your relationship is based on money. Good luck to you - you'll get all you deserve. Edited February 18, 2010 by F1fanatic Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmax Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 sin sod = 100,000 thb if your going to marry a girl then at least <deleted> respect her and her family and pay up, if your moaning about giving her parents 100,000 then take a hike back west and marry a fat tart in your own country. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmax Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Is it only me who finds the whole subject entirely sick??Let's face it - anyone GENUINELY marrying a hi-so woman doesn/t care about the substantial sin-sod that will be returned after the wedding. If she's not from a hi-so background (and let's face it - nobody posting on TV will be in that category!), then she will either be desperate enough (30 plus) to not care about the family, or think she's attractive enough to attract some other farang (in which case you need to pay lots of money). Those in the middle need some negotiation..... its the thai way !! if those of you dont want to pay then p**s off back home, simple Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F1fanatic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Is it only me who finds the whole subject entirely sick??Let's face it - anyone GENUINELY marrying a hi-so woman doesn/t care about the substantial sin-sod that will be returned after the wedding. If she's not from a hi-so background (and let's face it - nobody posting on TV will be in that category!), then she will either be desperate enough (30 plus) to not care about the family, or think she's attractive enough to attract some other farang (in which case you need to pay lots of money). Those in the middle need some negotiation..... its the thai way !! if those of you dont want to pay then p**s off back home, simple Its so wonderful to see all these people who are entirely missing the point! Its not the 'Thai way' when the woman has been married before or has kids! I've no doubt you'd love those of us who are rude enough to point this out to "p**s off back home, simple", but unfortunately for you, some of us are going to stay and point out the reality..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WinnieTheKhwai Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Sin sod "Current rates".. Just check at www.sinsod.go.th for the daily updated listings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheLaughingMan Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 (edited) nevermind Edited February 18, 2010 by TheLaughingMan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
britmaveric Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 Pay? Surely you mean show sinsot.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eurasianthai Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 sin sod = 100,000 thb if your going to marry a girl then at least <deleted> respect her and her family and pay up, if your moaning about giving her parents 100,000 then take a hike back west and marry a fat tart in your own country. That's interesting, how did you come up with this figure? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cdnvic Posted February 18, 2010 Share Posted February 18, 2010 With two topics running on essentially the same subject, I'm closing the less busy one as the same arguments are getting repeated across both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.png.3b3332cc2256ad0edbc2fe9404feeef0.png)
Recommended Posts